LUNCH! Getcher Spam Here!
I feel good. I've got some gourmet tomato soup and I just won another iTunes song. Go me!
But you aren't here for me. You're here for Our Boys.
The Fortune of War
You know how we love Jack and Stephen for being doofy and silly? Stephen is having none of that at the moment. Once the French have stopped actively searching for him, he and Diana try to figure a way out of this mess. Stephen can't leave the hotel because it's swarming with poofy French officers who will capture him immediately. Fortunately, Jerk Johnson isn't home; he's out in the country with Mrs. Wogan... um... spying... from a king-size bed... Right.
So Diana locks Stephen into Johnson's apartment and goes to the counsel for him. While she's gone, Stephen is in AN AMERICAN SPY'S APARTMENT, so he does what any self-respecting spy would do. He steals *everything* with writing on it. But while he's in the process of doing this, he hears the door open and hides. It's a French Spy! The one who recognized him! Stephen knocks him out with a paperweight, but not before French Spy had opened a secret compartment in Johnson's desk with even *more* exciting writing. Including a letter from Diana that had never reached Stephen, outlining her plan to marry him and become a British citizen. Gasp! Their plans are known! Then French Spy gurgles and Stephen...
Well, he...
Slits the guy's throat. Drags him into the bathroom and throws him in the tub to drain out. In all fairness, this is one of the guys who captured Stephen to be tortured, but still. It kind of wigged me.
Then French Spy's friend comes in and Stephen shoots him, throws him in the tub, too. Again, one of the torture guys, but, man. This is getting a bit Tarantino.
I'm not going too far into the details of the escape, but Jack manages (With Daddy Herapath's help) to get Stephen and Diana out to one of Daddy Herapath's ships and they all hide in one of the press-lockers, where American captains would hide their best men to keep them from being pressed into the British Navy. But Jack doesn't trust Daddy Herapath to keep their location secret(Finally! Showing some Spy Sense!) so he enlists Wee Herapath (Tiny Spoon Stowaway) to help them commandeer one of the little fishing boats also belonging to DH.
Jack: *BOUND!into boat* Okay, Stephen! Jump down!
Stephen: That's a good eight feet! And it's moving!
Jack: It's just a boat, for Christ's sake. Get down here!
Stephen: Let me help Diana down first.
Diana: Whatever. *jumps into boat easily*
Jack: Great! Now you.
Stephen: *shimmies clumsily into boat*
Jack: Um, great. Now! Lower the jargon! Jargon the ropes! Jargon jargon sail on to jargon!
Stephen: What?
Jack: Sail the boat! You know! Jargon the jargon, dammit!
Stephen: Look. I don't make you perform surgeries while I prompt you in Latin. Don't tell me how to sail with all your muck-funkies and buggie-baps.
Jack: You have been on countless ships with me! How many times do I have to tell you the difference betwe-
Stephen: Between hoodle-doodles and horse-cream? I don't know! I don't care! Just tell me which rope to pull! Diana? Are you okay?
Diana: *vomits*
Jack: Pull. The. Jargon. Jargon. Over. Jargon.
Stephen: This one?
Jack: NO! Oh fine, I'll do everything. *Does*
Diana: gurgle. oog. *does impression of seasick rat*
Anyway, they finally get out of the harbor and are picked up by the Shannon, the British ship maintaining the blockade. They're fed and watered and Diana is given a room where she can hurl in peace. Jack and the Captain are cousins! They have a lovely conversation, then Stephen walks up.
Captain: Hey.
Stephen: Hey.
Captain: How's that sick lady?
Stephen: Better.
Jack: She has a tremendous constitution.
Stephen: Captain?
Captain: Yes?
Stephen: Would you marry us?
Now, I read that, and I *really*REALLY* wanted the Captain to assume that, well, they are off the coast of Massachusetts and all, so why *wouldn't* Stephen ask to be married to Jack... but no. Sadly the Captain assumes correctly and immediately that Stephen wants to marry Diana. But he doesn't want to perform the ceremony. Neither does Jack, but it's not his ship, so he doesn't have to. Diana's still busy being sick, and there's a warship coming out of the harbor towards them. Probably because the Americans found the two dead French guys in Jerk Johnson's bathtub. Whoops. So the wedding is on hold. Poor Stephen. No one will marry him! Sad! At least the battle will be exciting.
Also, there was a lot of talk about Halifax privateers, so I've got that damn song stuck in my head again. Remind me, when I see him again, that I need to kick Adrian in the kneecaps.
But you aren't here for me. You're here for Our Boys.
The Fortune of War
You know how we love Jack and Stephen for being doofy and silly? Stephen is having none of that at the moment. Once the French have stopped actively searching for him, he and Diana try to figure a way out of this mess. Stephen can't leave the hotel because it's swarming with poofy French officers who will capture him immediately. Fortunately, Jerk Johnson isn't home; he's out in the country with Mrs. Wogan... um... spying... from a king-size bed... Right.
So Diana locks Stephen into Johnson's apartment and goes to the counsel for him. While she's gone, Stephen is in AN AMERICAN SPY'S APARTMENT, so he does what any self-respecting spy would do. He steals *everything* with writing on it. But while he's in the process of doing this, he hears the door open and hides. It's a French Spy! The one who recognized him! Stephen knocks him out with a paperweight, but not before French Spy had opened a secret compartment in Johnson's desk with even *more* exciting writing. Including a letter from Diana that had never reached Stephen, outlining her plan to marry him and become a British citizen. Gasp! Their plans are known! Then French Spy gurgles and Stephen...
Well, he...
Slits the guy's throat. Drags him into the bathroom and throws him in the tub to drain out. In all fairness, this is one of the guys who captured Stephen to be tortured, but still. It kind of wigged me.
Then French Spy's friend comes in and Stephen shoots him, throws him in the tub, too. Again, one of the torture guys, but, man. This is getting a bit Tarantino.
I'm not going too far into the details of the escape, but Jack manages (With Daddy Herapath's help) to get Stephen and Diana out to one of Daddy Herapath's ships and they all hide in one of the press-lockers, where American captains would hide their best men to keep them from being pressed into the British Navy. But Jack doesn't trust Daddy Herapath to keep their location secret(Finally! Showing some Spy Sense!) so he enlists Wee Herapath (Tiny Spoon Stowaway) to help them commandeer one of the little fishing boats also belonging to DH.
Jack: *BOUND!into boat* Okay, Stephen! Jump down!
Stephen: That's a good eight feet! And it's moving!
Jack: It's just a boat, for Christ's sake. Get down here!
Stephen: Let me help Diana down first.
Diana: Whatever. *jumps into boat easily*
Jack: Great! Now you.
Stephen: *shimmies clumsily into boat*
Jack: Um, great. Now! Lower the jargon! Jargon the ropes! Jargon jargon sail on to jargon!
Stephen: What?
Jack: Sail the boat! You know! Jargon the jargon, dammit!
Stephen: Look. I don't make you perform surgeries while I prompt you in Latin. Don't tell me how to sail with all your muck-funkies and buggie-baps.
Jack: You have been on countless ships with me! How many times do I have to tell you the difference betwe-
Stephen: Between hoodle-doodles and horse-cream? I don't know! I don't care! Just tell me which rope to pull! Diana? Are you okay?
Diana: *vomits*
Jack: Pull. The. Jargon. Jargon. Over. Jargon.
Stephen: This one?
Jack: NO! Oh fine, I'll do everything. *Does*
Diana: gurgle. oog. *does impression of seasick rat*
Anyway, they finally get out of the harbor and are picked up by the Shannon, the British ship maintaining the blockade. They're fed and watered and Diana is given a room where she can hurl in peace. Jack and the Captain are cousins! They have a lovely conversation, then Stephen walks up.
Captain: Hey.
Stephen: Hey.
Captain: How's that sick lady?
Stephen: Better.
Jack: She has a tremendous constitution.
Stephen: Captain?
Captain: Yes?
Stephen: Would you marry us?
Now, I read that, and I *really*REALLY* wanted the Captain to assume that, well, they are off the coast of Massachusetts and all, so why *wouldn't* Stephen ask to be married to Jack... but no. Sadly the Captain assumes correctly and immediately that Stephen wants to marry Diana. But he doesn't want to perform the ceremony. Neither does Jack, but it's not his ship, so he doesn't have to. Diana's still busy being sick, and there's a warship coming out of the harbor towards them. Probably because the Americans found the two dead French guys in Jerk Johnson's bathtub. Whoops. So the wedding is on hold. Poor Stephen. No one will marry him! Sad! At least the battle will be exciting.
Also, there was a lot of talk about Halifax privateers, so I've got that damn song stuck in my head again. Remind me, when I see him again, that I need to kick Adrian in the kneecaps.