short hate list
As inspired by girlyunderwear
1. Adult Acne
Sometimes when I look in the mirror I have to ask myself some serious questions like: Am I sixteen or twenty-six? Did I fall asleep with my head on a pillow, or face down in a pizza box? You think at this point in your life, you’d be done with the rites that are mostly reserved for puberty, but no. With the money I’ve wasted on copious amounts of face washes, creams, masks and tubes of zap-zit in the last few years, I probably could have put a down payment on a house by now.
2. Turn The Page, Wash Your Hands
People who lick their fingers every time they turn a page of a book; I never really understood this particular phenomenon and why it occurs. To me it just seems unsanitary, unnecessary, and like a great way to improve your risk of paper cuts. Is turning a page that hard? It’s a piece of paper for Christ sake; do you really need the extra help of a slightly salivated and sticky finger to assist in this menial process?
3. Facebook Status Updates
I am talking about the kind of status updates regarding people’s achievements in Farmville, Family Feud, the Oregon Trail, or any other game. Believe it or not, I don’t give a shit about the fact you found a lonely brown cow, or if you need assistance coming up with “things you might find in a night stand” (Survey says lube). Likewise I also don’t give a what if Johnny has dysentery, or that you finally reached Chimney Rock.
Note: I am guilty of playing these games too; I just choose not to clog my friends newsfeeds with this information. You can opt out of doing this...you know - unless you’re into sadistic torture.
4. Trending Topics
Trending Topics make me lose faith in humanity, and kind of make me want to remove my eyeballs with a spoon. According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source of all times) trending topics are words, phrases or topics that are popular either through a concerted effort by users or because of an event that prompts people to talk about one specific topic. Basically it’s what is important to the general population at a given time. Let’s examine some of the trending topics today - we’ve got: Kim Kardashian. John Edwards, Silverchair, and “#reasonswhyimsingle” (to name a few). I’ll tell you why you’re single: you listen to Silverchair. Never mind actual matters of importance, I heard Kim K got engaged to her basketball beau today!
5. Big Words
I don’t need to use big words to prove that I’m smart. I graduated Magna Cum Laude without attending class on an even semi-regular basis, so I’d go ahead and say I have some degree of natural intelligence. I’m more apt to tell my friends that my day “sucked a dick” when asked than exclaim: “Well my distinguished comrades, my day was one conundrum after another! I’m feeling quite capricious and despondent.” If I need to carry a pocket thesaurus in order to carry a conversation with you, I’m less than interested.
1. Adult Acne
Sometimes when I look in the mirror I have to ask myself some serious questions like: Am I sixteen or twenty-six? Did I fall asleep with my head on a pillow, or face down in a pizza box? You think at this point in your life, you’d be done with the rites that are mostly reserved for puberty, but no. With the money I’ve wasted on copious amounts of face washes, creams, masks and tubes of zap-zit in the last few years, I probably could have put a down payment on a house by now.
2. Turn The Page, Wash Your Hands
People who lick their fingers every time they turn a page of a book; I never really understood this particular phenomenon and why it occurs. To me it just seems unsanitary, unnecessary, and like a great way to improve your risk of paper cuts. Is turning a page that hard? It’s a piece of paper for Christ sake; do you really need the extra help of a slightly salivated and sticky finger to assist in this menial process?
3. Facebook Status Updates
I am talking about the kind of status updates regarding people’s achievements in Farmville, Family Feud, the Oregon Trail, or any other game. Believe it or not, I don’t give a shit about the fact you found a lonely brown cow, or if you need assistance coming up with “things you might find in a night stand” (Survey says lube). Likewise I also don’t give a what if Johnny has dysentery, or that you finally reached Chimney Rock.
Note: I am guilty of playing these games too; I just choose not to clog my friends newsfeeds with this information. You can opt out of doing this...you know - unless you’re into sadistic torture.
4. Trending Topics
Trending Topics make me lose faith in humanity, and kind of make me want to remove my eyeballs with a spoon. According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source of all times) trending topics are words, phrases or topics that are popular either through a concerted effort by users or because of an event that prompts people to talk about one specific topic. Basically it’s what is important to the general population at a given time. Let’s examine some of the trending topics today - we’ve got: Kim Kardashian. John Edwards, Silverchair, and “#reasonswhyimsingle” (to name a few). I’ll tell you why you’re single: you listen to Silverchair. Never mind actual matters of importance, I heard Kim K got engaged to her basketball beau today!
5. Big Words
I don’t need to use big words to prove that I’m smart. I graduated Magna Cum Laude without attending class on an even semi-regular basis, so I’d go ahead and say I have some degree of natural intelligence. I’m more apt to tell my friends that my day “sucked a dick” when asked than exclaim: “Well my distinguished comrades, my day was one conundrum after another! I’m feeling quite capricious and despondent.” If I need to carry a pocket thesaurus in order to carry a conversation with you, I’m less than interested.