worst. graduate. student. ever.
I will not be one of those people who only talks about grad school. I will not be one of those people who only talks about grad school. I will not be one of those people who only talks about grad school.
When I got back from my residency I was so overwhelmed and exhausted that I proceeded to put off my actual "start date" an entire week. I'm not proud of it. To make matters even worse when I finally sat down and opened my first book the words all blurred together and failed to make any sense. However, after a rousing pep talk from Katie (where she said "I believe in you!" and it sounded like she actually said "I'm leaving you!" in a really peppy and energetic voice) I finally sat down and thanks to some delicious tea and the promise of an back massage once I got started, read some of my book.
It was a small step, and I know I am very lucky to have a partner who will kick my butt into gear and remind me how badly I want this in the midst of me feeling very melodramatic and overwhelmed. I think I'm expecting too much of myself...I haven't even thought about that great world of academia since I left it over three years ago. I should be having a hard time. I should be rusty. It should be like pulling teeth to change everything about the way I've been living my life in the last several years and to rearrange the "priorities" I had before. The thought of APA papers should make me want to throw up a little in my mouth (although that statement may be a little over the top). And working full-time? Yeah, loving that. That's absolutely the most frustrating part for me. I award a sparkly and fantastic gold medal to other graduate students that are taking the same endeavor under their belt and somewhat succeeding in that. Being that I'm pretty much 'tapped-out' by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is pour the small amount of energy I have left into school. But I will.
Katie laid next to me while I did my work and later told me that I was sexy when I read, and that she liked to watch my hands turn the pages. I am so blessed to have her. Despite wanting what I'm working towards so bad, I need her right now. I need her to remind me that after a horrible day at work, that I am doing something so important for myself and failure is not an option. I need her to remind me that I am a competent human being who is capable of doing this. I need her to remind me that I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! (If you pegged that as a old school SNL Stuart Smalley reference, you get five points in my book). I'm always awkward at ending anything I'm writing.
When I got back from my residency I was so overwhelmed and exhausted that I proceeded to put off my actual "start date" an entire week. I'm not proud of it. To make matters even worse when I finally sat down and opened my first book the words all blurred together and failed to make any sense. However, after a rousing pep talk from Katie (where she said "I believe in you!" and it sounded like she actually said "I'm leaving you!" in a really peppy and energetic voice) I finally sat down and thanks to some delicious tea and the promise of an back massage once I got started, read some of my book.
It was a small step, and I know I am very lucky to have a partner who will kick my butt into gear and remind me how badly I want this in the midst of me feeling very melodramatic and overwhelmed. I think I'm expecting too much of myself...I haven't even thought about that great world of academia since I left it over three years ago. I should be having a hard time. I should be rusty. It should be like pulling teeth to change everything about the way I've been living my life in the last several years and to rearrange the "priorities" I had before. The thought of APA papers should make me want to throw up a little in my mouth (although that statement may be a little over the top). And working full-time? Yeah, loving that. That's absolutely the most frustrating part for me. I award a sparkly and fantastic gold medal to other graduate students that are taking the same endeavor under their belt and somewhat succeeding in that. Being that I'm pretty much 'tapped-out' by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is pour the small amount of energy I have left into school. But I will.
Katie laid next to me while I did my work and later told me that I was sexy when I read, and that she liked to watch my hands turn the pages. I am so blessed to have her. Despite wanting what I'm working towards so bad, I need her right now. I need her to remind me that after a horrible day at work, that I am doing something so important for myself and failure is not an option. I need her to remind me that I am a competent human being who is capable of doing this. I need her to remind me that I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! (If you pegged that as a old school SNL Stuart Smalley reference, you get five points in my book). I'm always awkward at ending anything I'm writing.