Tired
I wonder why the world fell apart this year. Why it had to happen now, and why it won't stop. I feel like I can't catch my breath. As soon as I think I will have time to rest and restore my body, another wave of exhausting events rushes over me. I long for just one day, of having absolutely nothing to do. A day to sleep in, to spend with friends. I haven't seen Morgan in over a week, and the way things are looking, I won't have time to relax with her for a while. I don't know why things have to come so quickly and why my workload just became so heavy. I guess it's becasue there is only one more month of school left. I think I can hold on for one more month. I've already made it through 3 months of sheer craziness, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. Honestly, people ask me why I'm not sad over Mathew, or why I haven't been myself lately. I think it's because I just don't have time. I don't have time to cry, I don't have time to eat like I usually do, I don't have time to relax. I feel as if the waters keep rising and I'm just treading water as fast as I can, and I'm tired. I am tired of always having a to do list, of neglecting my friendships and of being out of breath at the end of the day. I'm tired of this overwhelming feeling that causes me to nap consistently and therefore fall further and further behind in my schoolwork. I'm tired of classes, and projects and work. I'm tired of feeling guilty when I'm not doing work. I'm tired of my car breaking down, of spending my hard earned money to repeatedly fix it, and of having to wait 2 more years for new car. I'm tired of stressing out over whether or not I will be good at my summer job, and of not having enough time to visit Joanna and Keith more. I'm tired of not having time to feel, to play or to truly enjoy life. I feel as if everything I do is on a strickt schedule, and that I am always running late. I feel like I am going crazy. I just want to rewind to December and leave life the way it was. When I was happy, when people were alive, and when I had time to live. But, with the way I'm feeling now, I guess it can't do much of anything except get better...