A Proclamation
I, Shawn Andrew Gaston, do hereby state that I will not make out with any women, slutty or otherwise, while guttermuffin is out of town next week. Additionally, I will not engage in any sexual relations involving the contact of genitals with hands, mouths, genitals or any other body region. I do also hereby declare that I will neither make out with nor engage in sexual acts with any women before guttermuffin leaves town, or at any point after her return, so long as we are living in the same house.
-Signed, me.
-Signed, me.