"You want to meet the real me now?"
Patience is the ultimate test, and perhaps passing that test is how you win the game, but how do you know when you’re finished? One cannot say, “I’ve already been patient!” without demonstrating impatience. It’s much like ending a brag session with the phrase, “And I’m modest, too!”
What does this have to do with anything? Well, let me ask you this: did you ever feel like a ghost?
Oftentimes, I swear that if people didn’t look at me and talk to me and touch me and acknowledge me on a daily basis, I’d believe myself to be a disembodied soul, seeing my own body when I look down only because I’m so used to seeing it that it’s been ingrained upon my perceptions. I interact with the physical world now only because I’m not yet conventionally dead, and therefore have no choice. However, I’m less and less attracted to the recreations and temptations of the physical realm, and if the dimensional barriers were a bit thinner, I would not live here at all anymore.
Let’s go over the vices of the physical world that keep most people alive and in the illusion of happiness:
Sex - I’ve had it in all its forms already, and there’s nothing new anyone can teach me in that department, except for things I’m certain I don’t want to know. In fact, I’ve been turning it down lately on the occasion when it gets offered. I’m not nearly insecure enough anymore to fuck people I’m not in love with for “recreation.” The closest I’ve come in years was a tryst at a club three or four months back, that left my soul feeling particularly empty. Neither have I completely fallen in love with anyone in a while (close, but not completely) based on what I’ve learned about how strong the temptation of sex is on those too insecure to resist it. I wish there was a way to tell before getting involved with someone who’s capable of passing that test and who isn’t.
Drugs - Done them all… some of them multiple times… but they’re nothing more than illusions meant to make the physical seem more existential. Like loveless sex, they’re just vices for the insecure, and I’m less and less attracted to vices these days. They expanded my mind during the time that I was doing them, but frankly if I expand my mind any further, there won’t be any more room for it in this universe. I’m barely considered sane as it is.
Money - If you live your life for this, you are the saddest person that the ether ever spawned. Unfortunately, most people are this way. I, however, despise its very existence! Money too is a vice for the insecure… but unlike all others, it’s the only vice that society not only encourages us to indulge in, but forces us to need lest we expire. That’s why over the years I’ve made myself capable of surviving off the land. I can hunt (though I’m not a fan), I can fish, I can garden, I can build, I can make clothing, I can navigate by the stars, and I know (in theory anyway) how to find water in some of the most remote climates in the world. If money, or even technology as a whole, were to disappear tomorrow, I would be well prepared to survive.
Religion - Here’s where I’m sure to piss people off. I don’t buy organized religion. I am spiritual, but I am not religious. This means that I believe there are higher, or more experienced, powers in the universe, but I do not worship them per say. In fact, I believe we can become them once we learn enough to shed all need of our physical form. That’s only a portion of my spirituality. I believe in many things greater than myself! However, I do not subscribe to the ludicrous belief that I must either push my beliefs on others or have my soul harshly reprimanded for all eternity. Hate, war and death are the favorite products of close-minded belief systems. One possibly needs spirituality to live a happy and successful life; one does not need religion.
I’m sure there are more, but those main four are all I have the time and space to name… and it is my boredom with these vices or my refusal to accept them as necessities that has thrust me into my predicament, because I have never met another person like me in the world. That’s not to say they aren’t out there; that’s just to say I haven’t personally met them yet. It hasn’t hindered my social life too much, because I know how to get along with almost everyone. But getting along with people and feeling a strong spiritual connection with them are two different things.
For example, many days I believe that the only place for me to find true love, or a compatible spiritual mate, is in the next plane of existence, which I imagine is one of the reasons why I’m so anxious to get there. I place my women up on pedestals already, but they always wind up falling off. I guess I just set the platform too high for mortals. Perhaps a true goddess is what I need, or the only being that might be - I hesitate to say, “good enough” for me, because that makes me sound more vain than I really am (which is to say I am vain to a degree), but the only being with whom I might ever form a lasting soul bond.
Let me get off the ever-touchy subject of love and say that I do not completely shun or abhor the physical realm. There are many things within it to enjoy, but I find myself enjoying them more like a person who’s watching reruns of shows he’s already seen, even the things I know I haven’t experienced before in this life. I can’t think of anything that I absolutely have to do before I discorporate, and so I find myself thinking morning after morning, “Maybe my body will die today. That would be something new!” This makes me sound suicidal, I realize, and nothing could presently be further from the case. Hell, I love life! I have plenty of friends, a multitude of talent in many different skill categories, and fantastic health. In fact, every new morning finds me in the best shape of my life! But, as good care as I take of this body, I still eagerly await the day when it no longer restricts me. I feel so ready to graduate to that next level, but something keeps holding me here.
Even my two attempts a while back to accelerate my ascension were in vain.
I don’t mean to alarm anyone with this information. I’m just feeling particularly truthful today and needed to get my thoughts typed out and perhaps analyzed. (I psychoanalyze myself on a daily basis, but it never hurts to have others double-check your work.) I just feel like someone who’s been here too long, despite my relatively young age of 30. In universal, metaphysical, or existential terms, I know myself to be much older than that. I’m on my last life, I guarantee it. After this, I shall go wherever souls get to go when they’ve learned all they need to know from the physical realm. The one lesson I guess I haven’t mastered is patience, but I’m definitely working on it.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, let me ask you this: did you ever feel like a ghost?
Oftentimes, I swear that if people didn’t look at me and talk to me and touch me and acknowledge me on a daily basis, I’d believe myself to be a disembodied soul, seeing my own body when I look down only because I’m so used to seeing it that it’s been ingrained upon my perceptions. I interact with the physical world now only because I’m not yet conventionally dead, and therefore have no choice. However, I’m less and less attracted to the recreations and temptations of the physical realm, and if the dimensional barriers were a bit thinner, I would not live here at all anymore.
Let’s go over the vices of the physical world that keep most people alive and in the illusion of happiness:
Sex - I’ve had it in all its forms already, and there’s nothing new anyone can teach me in that department, except for things I’m certain I don’t want to know. In fact, I’ve been turning it down lately on the occasion when it gets offered. I’m not nearly insecure enough anymore to fuck people I’m not in love with for “recreation.” The closest I’ve come in years was a tryst at a club three or four months back, that left my soul feeling particularly empty. Neither have I completely fallen in love with anyone in a while (close, but not completely) based on what I’ve learned about how strong the temptation of sex is on those too insecure to resist it. I wish there was a way to tell before getting involved with someone who’s capable of passing that test and who isn’t.
Drugs - Done them all… some of them multiple times… but they’re nothing more than illusions meant to make the physical seem more existential. Like loveless sex, they’re just vices for the insecure, and I’m less and less attracted to vices these days. They expanded my mind during the time that I was doing them, but frankly if I expand my mind any further, there won’t be any more room for it in this universe. I’m barely considered sane as it is.
Money - If you live your life for this, you are the saddest person that the ether ever spawned. Unfortunately, most people are this way. I, however, despise its very existence! Money too is a vice for the insecure… but unlike all others, it’s the only vice that society not only encourages us to indulge in, but forces us to need lest we expire. That’s why over the years I’ve made myself capable of surviving off the land. I can hunt (though I’m not a fan), I can fish, I can garden, I can build, I can make clothing, I can navigate by the stars, and I know (in theory anyway) how to find water in some of the most remote climates in the world. If money, or even technology as a whole, were to disappear tomorrow, I would be well prepared to survive.
Religion - Here’s where I’m sure to piss people off. I don’t buy organized religion. I am spiritual, but I am not religious. This means that I believe there are higher, or more experienced, powers in the universe, but I do not worship them per say. In fact, I believe we can become them once we learn enough to shed all need of our physical form. That’s only a portion of my spirituality. I believe in many things greater than myself! However, I do not subscribe to the ludicrous belief that I must either push my beliefs on others or have my soul harshly reprimanded for all eternity. Hate, war and death are the favorite products of close-minded belief systems. One possibly needs spirituality to live a happy and successful life; one does not need religion.
I’m sure there are more, but those main four are all I have the time and space to name… and it is my boredom with these vices or my refusal to accept them as necessities that has thrust me into my predicament, because I have never met another person like me in the world. That’s not to say they aren’t out there; that’s just to say I haven’t personally met them yet. It hasn’t hindered my social life too much, because I know how to get along with almost everyone. But getting along with people and feeling a strong spiritual connection with them are two different things.
For example, many days I believe that the only place for me to find true love, or a compatible spiritual mate, is in the next plane of existence, which I imagine is one of the reasons why I’m so anxious to get there. I place my women up on pedestals already, but they always wind up falling off. I guess I just set the platform too high for mortals. Perhaps a true goddess is what I need, or the only being that might be - I hesitate to say, “good enough” for me, because that makes me sound more vain than I really am (which is to say I am vain to a degree), but the only being with whom I might ever form a lasting soul bond.
Let me get off the ever-touchy subject of love and say that I do not completely shun or abhor the physical realm. There are many things within it to enjoy, but I find myself enjoying them more like a person who’s watching reruns of shows he’s already seen, even the things I know I haven’t experienced before in this life. I can’t think of anything that I absolutely have to do before I discorporate, and so I find myself thinking morning after morning, “Maybe my body will die today. That would be something new!” This makes me sound suicidal, I realize, and nothing could presently be further from the case. Hell, I love life! I have plenty of friends, a multitude of talent in many different skill categories, and fantastic health. In fact, every new morning finds me in the best shape of my life! But, as good care as I take of this body, I still eagerly await the day when it no longer restricts me. I feel so ready to graduate to that next level, but something keeps holding me here.
Even my two attempts a while back to accelerate my ascension were in vain.
I don’t mean to alarm anyone with this information. I’m just feeling particularly truthful today and needed to get my thoughts typed out and perhaps analyzed. (I psychoanalyze myself on a daily basis, but it never hurts to have others double-check your work.) I just feel like someone who’s been here too long, despite my relatively young age of 30. In universal, metaphysical, or existential terms, I know myself to be much older than that. I’m on my last life, I guarantee it. After this, I shall go wherever souls get to go when they’ve learned all they need to know from the physical realm. The one lesson I guess I haven’t mastered is patience, but I’m definitely working on it.