a brief biography of madison, wisconsin

[insanexflame]

today I was invited to apply for a job with a company called Epic. this is great fun because the company name, by default, makes for wonderful job descriptions. my favorite fragment thus far is this: "Position Summary: Be an Epic Writer." how did they know?! I've always wanted to be an epic writer! "You'll be challenged. You'll achieve. You'll learn. You'll grow. You'll make lasting friendships. You'll do something Epic." holy fucking crap, dreams at my fingertips, here I come!!!1

okay, so I never really saw myself in Madison, Wisconsin, home of these most epic technical writing positions. but Wikipedia has some nice things to say about it. two opposing facts about Madison:

1. "in 1996 Money magazine identified Madison as the best place to live in the United States."
2. "Madison has a thriving population of insects and, in a study completed in 2008, was discovered to have the highest density of arachnids in the entire US."

there have got to be a metric shit ton of people who believe those statements rule each other out.

just so you know, I'm applying for this job. it's part of my new life plan:

1. step one: become an epic writer
2. step two: become an epic warrior (I can be unreasonable; it's my blog)
3. step three: haven't totally plotted this out yet, but it should probably involve an army of arachnids and world (or at least Madison) domination

and on another subject entirely, relief is finding out that the semi-automatic gunfire you're hearing quite loudly from outside your window is not, in fact, a product of the ghetto you live in, but rather the sound of your next-door neighbor's giant freaking backyard projector. I mean, among other things.