feeling introspective
I spent so much time talking to relatives and family friends this weekend because of my brothers' double-graduation party. too many times I was asked where I wanted to be in five or ten years and hated my answer: I dunno, publishing...maybe interior design - something with colors? - or more school, if I can afford it, and a masters and doctorate, so I can become a professor? how much strength I've lost in the realm of my own dreams!
look, I know I'm only going on twenty, I have two years before college kicks me out and I don't even need to know where I'm going then, I can let life take me to some extent. but you know, I'm not that sort of person - for better or for worse, I need to have a dream. I need my dreams to remind me why I'm bothering, and since coming to college I've become disillusioned in so many of them and let them drop. I found new ones to fill in where I needed them - love is one - and they showed me new places and new depths of emotion, but I don't know what to do with all that. I suppose I've never known what to do with all the wonder of those elusive dreams and ideals. I'm as easily confused as enchanted.
I feel trapped lately. it's all gotten hollow. I struggle to break out of this malaise, but I think I'll only be kicking in quicksand until I have an idea of where I'm struggling to reach. I feel burned out. I've just disentangled myself from the last great dream to which I was holding - is that how it's going to be?
look, I know I'm only going on twenty, I have two years before college kicks me out and I don't even need to know where I'm going then, I can let life take me to some extent. but you know, I'm not that sort of person - for better or for worse, I need to have a dream. I need my dreams to remind me why I'm bothering, and since coming to college I've become disillusioned in so many of them and let them drop. I found new ones to fill in where I needed them - love is one - and they showed me new places and new depths of emotion, but I don't know what to do with all that. I suppose I've never known what to do with all the wonder of those elusive dreams and ideals. I'm as easily confused as enchanted.
I feel trapped lately. it's all gotten hollow. I struggle to break out of this malaise, but I think I'll only be kicking in quicksand until I have an idea of where I'm struggling to reach. I feel burned out. I've just disentangled myself from the last great dream to which I was holding - is that how it's going to be?