(no subject)
Title: I Do
Fandom: Final Fantasy III (I... sense a trend?)
Pairings: Desch/Refia, background Luneth/Arc and Ingus/Sara
Genre: Oh my god, unrepentent sap. *flails*
Word Count: 3,706
Notes: Becky, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Becky! Actually beckerbell's birthday was yesterday, but I'm still pretty impressed that I wrote this in one evening when my writing mojo has been so dead for so long. And diverted towards boyband!X for the rest of that time. XD
Summary: Ingus and Sara's engagement has got Desch thinking.
Desch had never really contemplated marriage before, too focussed on regaining his lost memories, but with his duty completed and Salina's expectations weighing heavily on his mind, it wasn't all that surprising that the news of Ingus and Sara's engagement had brought the issue to the forefront of his mind.
Thinking about it, however, had only led him to the inescapable conclusion that he had no idea whether it was what he wanted or not. He thought he probably loved Salina, but he wasn't entirely sure, and marriage was a terribly big commitment to make when you weren't certain.
The problem, he felt, was that he had no idea what love actually was, so how was he meant to know if he was in it? He couldn't ask Salina, because if nothing else he was certain he wasn't ready to broach the topic of marriage with her directly yet, but it had become increasingly obvious that he was going to have to ask someone, and anyone living in Canaan was immediately ruled out because he didn't want it getting back to Salina or her mother on the grapevine.
As luck would have, though, there was to be a banquet at Sasune Castle in honour of the betrothal of the happy couple, and Desch, as one of the five "hearts of light" that had been there at the end of the crystal incident, had been invited. There would definitely be someone there he could ask, and with that in mind, he'd sent mail via the mognet asking Luneth when he and Arc were leaving and whether they'd mind if he came to Ur to meet them first, since he'd never been to Sasune Castle before and would feel a little awkward if he arrived by himself.
Luneth had replied that they were leaving in a week, just before the banquet, and that sure, it'd be great to see him again, see him in a week's time.
Once he'd received Luneth's reply, Desch had made his preparations to leave for Ur- and he'd asked Cid if he wanted to accompany him, but Cid had said he still had work he needed to do and would be a little late, so Desch had shrugged and let him be. Salina couldn't come because her mother was ill in bed- and Desch felt terrible to feel relieved about that, but he was glad to have the space to consider the issue for himself and not worry about Salina overhearing when he broached the topic with anyone.
So, that all settled, Desch had set off on his own once again, relishing the reminiscent freedom of travel.
~
"Hey, long time no see," Luneth said casually, pushing away from the wall. "Arc's just making sure we've got everything packed, since he's the organised one. I always forget things if it's left to me. He should be back soon, though."
Desch laughed, clapping Luneth on the shoulder. "Good to see you again," he said, grinning widely. "It's been a while, hasn't it? I've missed adventuring with you all, it was fun."
"Yeah, Arc's always saying everyone needs to write more often, but not everyone's a bookworm like him," Luneth said lightly, fond expression taking any sting out of the words. "Refia will be really pleased to see you, though. It's good to have an excuse to catch up like this."
There was an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach at Refia's name, and Desch wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Now wasn't really the time to examine it, though, so he groped around for an appropriate response.
"I... yeah," he managed, still a little muddled by his own unexpected reaction. "I don't think I've spoken to her since you all left Canaan. It'll be good to see her again."
"Yeah, I haven't seen her that recently either, come to think of it," Luneth said thoughtfully. "Anyway, how are things in Canaan? You and, uh..."
"Salina."
"Um, yeah," Luneth said sheepishly. "You guys settling in okay?"
"It's fairly routine," Desch answered, because there really wasn't that much to say about life in a small town and he didn't really want to admit how much he missed travelling around on an adventure or how ominous the words settling in sounded. "Peaceful. I think Cid's working on a new airship. How about you? What are things like in Ur?"
"Oh man," Luneth said, rolling his eyes. "Where to begin? Okay, well, basically everyone's acting really crazy since we came back after the crystal thing..."
He then launched into a story with lots of big gestures and exaggerated faces about how all the kids who used to bully Arc had now formed some kind of hero worship and followed him everywhere and it was kind of hilarious but also kind of annoying.
Luneth was a gifted storyteller, and it was impossible not to find his evident disgust at Arc's new hangers-on funny. Desch laughed so hard that at one point he was almost crying.
"Seriously, though," Luneth finished, scowling a little. "If that one brat doesn't quit stalking Arc, he's going to have another thing coming."
Desch leaned against the wall, gathering his breath back as his laughter subsided and wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes.
"Oh, I'm sorry to change the topic," he said after a moment, suddenly reminded of his own dilemma, "but I just remembered that there was something important that I wanted to ask."
Luneth gave him a slightly wary look but nodded. "Sure, shoot," he said. "What's up?"
"It probably sounds like a kind of weird question out of the blue like this, but I just wanted to ask- how do you think you'd know if you loved someone?"
"Love, huh?" Luneth said, and crossed his arms, staring up at the sky in contemplation. "I guess... isn't it the person you always want to be there for?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well... just say there's only one person you could protect," Luneth explained. "If you had to choose. Who would it be?"
Desch blinked at him. "Huh? I don't-"
Luneth sighed, giving him an exasperated look. "Everyone has lots of people they care about. Family, friends, whatever," he said, in a slightly impatient ‘stating the obvious' voice. "But if you could only choose one person, is there anyone you'd run to save? That's how you know you really love someone. For me, anyway, that's what I think."
Desch opened his mouth to answer this when it occurred to him that while there was someone he'd risk everything to protect, it wasn't Salina who floated immediately to his mind. He cared about her and he didn't want to see her hurt or make her cry, but when the chips were down, it was Refia who was first in his thoughts. When Doga had come to ask him for his aid, Desch had said yes without hesitation or a single thought for Salina or the danger he was once more throwing himself in the path of.
This was, perhaps, a lot more complicated than he was prepared to deal with.
"So is there someone like that for you?" Desch asked, to deflect the conversation away from himself and give him some room to think, and Luneth looked away, scratching at the back of his neck.
"Yeah, well," he said a little awkwardly, brushing the question off. "I dunno, maybe. Come on, we promised we'd be at Sasune Castle for Sara and Ingus's engagement party, Arc's probably done by now and waiting for us."
But when they went to meet up at the edge of Ur, Desch saw Luneth's eyes soften when Arc waved, saw the teasing grin Luneth gave when he ruffled Arc's hair, and he thought, Oh.
Someone so precious to you that you'd do anything to keep them safe, Desch mused, and thought about Refia and Salina and all the uncertainty in his heart as he watched Luneth guard his best friend as naturally as breathing.
~
"We're not stopping in Kazus?" Desch asked, when he realised their trajectory had them headed straight for Sasune, and Arc shook his head.
"Refia is actually in Canaan at the moment helping Cid with upgrades to the airship," he said. "You probably just missed her when you left. Anyway, they'll come a little later."
"Ah," Desch said, and couldn't quite identify the strange swooping feeling his stomach made. Somewhere between relief and disappointment, perhaps.
The conversation fell into a short lull, and Desch walked quietly for a moment watching Luneth's confident footsteps a little way in front of he and Arc.
"Hey," he said idly after a moment, "how do you think you know whether you love someone, Arc?"
Even if he hadn't genuinely wanted to know the answer, it was worth asking the question for the way Arc stumbled over his feet and started to stutter.
"L-love?" he echoed, eyes wide and cheeks tinged faintly with pink as he carefully looked anywhere other than ahead of them. "How do you... know?"
"Yeah," Desch confirmed, nodding and casually looking away from Arc, who was already flustered enough without being scrutinised. "I just wanted to hear your opinion."
Arc walked quietly alongside him for a few minutes, but a sidelong glance confirmed that this was because he was deeply in thought.
"I guess," he said eventually, a contemplative expression on his face, "that you love someone when you always want to be by their side. Whenever they're there, it makes you feel happy inside, and when they're gone you think about them and look forward to seeing them again."
Arc had forgotten to keep being embarrassed, and by the time he'd finished talking his eyes had been drawn back to Luneth and a small smile was hovering on his lips. Desch remembered what Luneth had said earlier, thought about the way Arc would light up whenever Luneth was near and the way he never walked more than a few steps behind and couldn't help grinning himself.
Then he thought about the way he had left Salina without a word when he'd left the first time, the way he knows he'd do it again to travel with Refia, and the grin disappears from his face with a sigh.
Somehow, life had managed to turn out a lot more complicated than he'd ever expected.
~
Preparations were in full swing at the castle when the three of them arrived, castle staff bustling all over the place with food and decorations for the evening's banquet. Arc and Luneth had been whisked away by Sara's attendants almost the moment they'd arrived- as guests of honour, they too apparently had to handed over to the fashionable mercies of the maids.
Which left Desch alone with Ingus, who was standing in the middle of all the fuss looking awkward and bewildered, like maybe he felt like he should be helping but no one would let him do anything. Desch kind of sympathised.
"Hey," he said, coming to a stop next to Ingus. "Feeling nervous?"
Ingus glanced at him, offering a weak smile. "I'd obviously be lying if I said no," he admitted sheepishly, and Desch laughed lightly.
"Anyone would be at a time like this," he agreed, and Ingus nodded, smile growing more genuine as he curled his fingers around the pendant he always wore around his neck.
"It's the right decision, though," he said firmly. “I don’t regret it for a second.”
Desch glanced at him curiously, envious of his conviction. "How do you know?" he asked finally, because if there was anyone who he should be asking, it was the person getting married. "How can you be so sure Sara is the one you love?"
Ingus shuffled his feet a little uncomfortably. "Um," he mumbled, and cleared his throat. "When she smiles... it makes me want to smile too. It makes my heart fill full, like it's overflowing. To me, her smile the most precious treasure there is... I don't care about being king or owning lots of money. If I have her smile, that's enough."
Desch considered this. "So... to you, love is when their smile is the most valuable thing in your world?"
Ingus turned a little pink. "I suppose so, yes," he said, and he looked like maybe he was going to say something else when one of the castle guards came running up.
"Ingus-sama! His highness was calling for you!" the guard announced, and Ingus looked a little awkward at being referred to like that, but he nodded and cast a rueful look at Desch.
"I'm sorry, I have to go," he apologised, bowing his head in acknowledgement to the guard. "But Princess Sara is in her room until the start of the banquet and she said she was looking forward to meeting you again, so if you'd like to talk to her..."
"I think I'll do that, thanks," Desch said decisively. "And thanks for answering my question! Give my regards to his majesty!"
Ingus nodded, and Desch watched him go, waving until he was out of sight. When Ingus was gone, he stopped to think about what the other man had said; someone whose smile was the most precious treasure you owned?
Salina's smile was cute, there was no denying it, but mostly it just made him want to tug her braids or ruffle her hair. He liked it when she smiled, but it wasn't... it wasn't special, not the way Ingus had described it. All he felt for Salina's smile was fondness.
Refia's smile, on the other hand... there was something infectious about it, something that bubbled up in his chest like laughter, that felt almost like being filled with sunshine. It was hard to describe, but he was not as surprised as perhaps he should be to realise that there were a lot of things he'd do if it'd mean that smile was his reward.
Talking to Ingus had not cleared up his confusion, Desch realised. If anything, it had made it worse.
Maybe he should try asking Sara, then.
~
Sara was sitting at her dressing table brushing her hair when Desch entered the room, but as soon as she caught sight of him in the mirror she set the brush down on the table and turned to face him with a smile. Instead of her usual clothes she was wearing a white ball gown and a tiara, and she looked beautiful. Desch wondered if her betrothed had seen her yet, and grinned a little when he thought of what Ingus's reaction would look like if he hadn't.
"Desch! I'm so glad you could make it," Sara said happily, motioning for him to sit down in one of the chairs. "I enjoyed meeting you during the crystal incident, and everyone speaks so highly of you, I wanted to talk to you more. Thank you for coming."
Desch took a seat as bidden and waved dismissively. "No need to thank me, I'm happy to be here," he said frankly, settling himself down. "Actually, if you wouldn't mind, there was something I wanted to ask you."
Sara looked at him curiously, apparently sensing the sudden serious shift in his demeanour. "Of course, what is it?"
"I hope this doesn't seem to forward," Desch said carefully, "but I wanted to ask... how did you know you loved Ingus?"
Sara's smile grew, and her eyes dipped briefly to her hands clasped in her lap and the ring on her finger, unusually small and modest for a princess but beautiful in its simplicity. Desch thought she probably loved its resemblance to the man who gave it to her.
"I can feel it," she said, soft and tender. "There's no one else like him. He's special, the most unique and wonderful person I've ever known. And I want to be his most special person, too. I want him to look at me and feel the way I feel. That's how I know."
"I... see," Desch said slowly, although he wasn't entirely sure he did. Was Salina special to him? Certainly, there was no one else exactly like her, but to be pedantic about it there weren't really any two people in the world who were exactly alike.
Sara tilted her head to the side, studying him. "If you're not sure," she said finally, "ask yourself how you'd feel if they kissed someone else. How much would it hurt, to know there's someone more important to them than you are?"
Desch stared at her for a moment, and then he blinked, realisation dawning and clearing the confusion away. He cared about Salina a lot, maybe even loved her, but he wasn't in love with her. He could never marry her. She wasn't the one he'd risk everything to protect or the one whose side he always wanted to be by. He was fond of her, but her smile didn't make his heart beat. He cared, but she wasn't the one special, irreplaceable person in his life. If she kissed someone else, he knew now, the only thing he'd feel would be a guilty sense of relief.
He didn't love Salina. Which only left one thing to sort out, then, and one more person he needed to ask.
He just had to wait until she arrived.
~
Refia and Cid had the airship, so it was only a fairly short trip for them from Canaan to Sasune, but true to form they'd got too caught up in their work and only arrived once the party was in full swing. The castle attendants were obviously disgruntled at Refia's tardiness, but she just as obviously couldn't care less about having missed out on the experience of being pushed and pulled this way and that into beautiful make up and clothes, and ran straight over to where Ingus and Sara were to congratulate them whole-heartedly before saying hello to Arc and Luneth, who were sitting at the same table.
There was a place set for Refia, too, as the last guest of honour to arrive, and as she slid into it, still giggling and gesturing with her hands, Desch could feel the determination forming at the back of his mind.
He had been waiting a little anxiously for her arrival, but the moment she'd entered the room he'd felt his heart lighten, lips quirking up in response to her vivacious laughter, and without stopping to reconsider his plan, Desch immediately got to his feet and crossed the floor towards her table.
"Refia," he called out to her, and she looked up, startled, before her face broke out in an even sunnier smile than before.
"Desch!" she exclaimed, as he came to a stop in front of her chair. "I haven't seen you in ages! How's Salina?"
"She's..." Desch started, and shook his head. "Well, actually, that was part of what I wanted to talk to you about. I asked everyone else, so now I'm going to ask you: how do you know when you're in love with someone?"
Refia blinked at him, wide eyes meeting his for a moment before her gaze fluttered down and to the side. "I suppose... when you want their happiness more than your own," she said after a moment. "Desch? Is this about Salina, are you two...?"
"Then, to you, love means sacrificing what you want for what the other person wants?" he asked, purposefully ignoring her trailed off question, and she bit her lower lip, fingers twisting together in her lap.
"Well," Refia said nervously, "I guess... to me, if you really love someone, all you want in the end is for them to be happy. Even if they can't be happy with you or it means giving up something you really want, if they're happy, that's the most important thing."
"I see," Desch said, giving her a thoughtful look. "So to summarise the things everyone has told me, the person you love is the one you'd rush to protect, whose side you always want to be by, whose smile is always the most beautiful thing in the world to you, who you want to be special to, and whose happiness is more important than your own?"
"I... yes?" she said uncertainly. "Desch...?"
"Then in that case," Desch said firmly, "I'm in love with you. Will you dance with me?"
Refia gaped at him for a moment, opening her mouth and then closing it again like she was lost for words. "But," she stammered, "but you, I..."
"I'd risk my life for you," he told her, ticking it off on his fingers. "I think about you all the time and look forward to seeing you when you're not there. Seeing you smile makes me feel warm inside, and I'd do anything to make you happy. I want you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. So if you're all right, and that's what love is, then it's irrefutable. I'm in love with you."
Refia's cheeks stained red, and she still wouldn't lift her chin to meet his eyes. "But... Salina-san... don't you two..."
"I care about her, but I don't love her," he said gently. "And you can never know for sure about another person's feelings... but although she certainly cares about me and thinks she loves me, I think maybe that's just because I was there. Salina has an ideal of me that isn't really who I am, and I think if I tell her clearly that I'm moving on rather than leaving ambiguously the way I did last time that she'll be able to do the same."
Refia swallowed. "So you... you're not..."
"I'm not going to marry Salina," he confirmed, and held his hand out to her. "I'm going to travel again, and I hope that you'll come with me. But for now, I'm going to ask you- do you want to dance with me?"
Refia finally looked up then, eyes young and unsure and a little bit scared when they met his own. He could see her hesitate, but then after a trembling second she smiled, small and tentative but genuine, and slipped her hand through his.
"Yes," she said. "I do."