whatever...this all happened friday but now it's saturday...so yea...
i don't know how else to say this...justin, got fired...
i got the rest of the paperwork today for the divorce too.
amazingly, reading the above statements, neither surprise me.
however, the both disappoint me.
i can't believe that one month before i move out, chaos reigns once again.
i did however manage to find a place to live today. i know the person looking for the roommate too, which is good. 275 plus 1/2 utilities and around the corner from where i am right now so i can still see the cats easily.
truly the only thing that got me through today was thinking about last weekend in chicago and how slap happy i was. how my head didn't even throb once, when i woke up and went to sleep truly happy it didn't go away the second i opened my eyes...i'll find that again and when i do i'll cherish it
like i am right now. *props to my pcl*
i went out with two friends tonight and although the crowd really sucked, i enjoyed being with two people who actually give two shits. neither give any good advice, but they both care. i took hugs from people today. if i knew them, they had to hug me. my heart was racing, i could barely breathe and i was shaking like a leaf, and i wasn't having an orgasm, so things weren't good.
i worked third, only slept four hours so i was exhausted when i got home. i went to sleep and woke up to find a message.
"hi miss, it's me umm don't look for me downstairs cause i got fired this morning for the doing the same thing that i got fired for last time. and i know you hate me and i'm sorry uh just i don't know when i'll be home today but just don't think about me don't worry about me don't - i'll bring the car back and i'll just go somewhere and i don't know where umm i'm really sorry and i love you and *sigh* don't hate me."
i panic. and of course i go looking for him, after 8 years, of course i still worry.
put some clothes on and run downstairs and talk to his boss. he tells me that "it's been going on since April and he's been looking up porn. porn that could hurt my busniess." i know what that meant since i heard it a year and half ago...bawling and shaking i apologize to brian out of sheer respect for the fact that he even let me in there to talk to him. he tells me it's not my fault and i leave. other things too, but i don't care to be specific right now.
i go down the street to the sandwich shop and ask sonia if she's seen him and she hadn't. she hugged me, i cried..yada yada..i went back upstairs and called todd. there he was. THANK GAWD i introduced him to my friends because i have no idea where he'd be.
that's how it all started today. i really wished it was dream, but they way that it hurt, i knew it wasn't.
i asked dave what i did to deserve this.
he said "Nothing."
after almost eight years, i think he's right.
my head is killing me. i can't wait until the only time i cry is when i fall down, i'm watching a sad movie, someone dies, my car dies, i have a high electric bill or tears of joy.
and as i type he sleeps on the couch behind me. i however, even after drinking aren't tired. my neck and feet hurt though.
once it's all final, i'm renewing my gym membership and getting a massage since i asked for one for my birthday 5 months ago.
i got the rest of the paperwork today for the divorce too.
amazingly, reading the above statements, neither surprise me.
however, the both disappoint me.
i can't believe that one month before i move out, chaos reigns once again.
i did however manage to find a place to live today. i know the person looking for the roommate too, which is good. 275 plus 1/2 utilities and around the corner from where i am right now so i can still see the cats easily.
truly the only thing that got me through today was thinking about last weekend in chicago and how slap happy i was. how my head didn't even throb once, when i woke up and went to sleep truly happy it didn't go away the second i opened my eyes...i'll find that again and when i do i'll cherish it
like i am right now. *props to my pcl*
i went out with two friends tonight and although the crowd really sucked, i enjoyed being with two people who actually give two shits. neither give any good advice, but they both care. i took hugs from people today. if i knew them, they had to hug me. my heart was racing, i could barely breathe and i was shaking like a leaf, and i wasn't having an orgasm, so things weren't good.
i worked third, only slept four hours so i was exhausted when i got home. i went to sleep and woke up to find a message.
"hi miss, it's me umm don't look for me downstairs cause i got fired this morning for the doing the same thing that i got fired for last time. and i know you hate me and i'm sorry uh just i don't know when i'll be home today but just don't think about me don't worry about me don't - i'll bring the car back and i'll just go somewhere and i don't know where umm i'm really sorry and i love you and *sigh* don't hate me."
i panic. and of course i go looking for him, after 8 years, of course i still worry.
put some clothes on and run downstairs and talk to his boss. he tells me that "it's been going on since April and he's been looking up porn. porn that could hurt my busniess." i know what that meant since i heard it a year and half ago...bawling and shaking i apologize to brian out of sheer respect for the fact that he even let me in there to talk to him. he tells me it's not my fault and i leave. other things too, but i don't care to be specific right now.
i go down the street to the sandwich shop and ask sonia if she's seen him and she hadn't. she hugged me, i cried..yada yada..i went back upstairs and called todd. there he was. THANK GAWD i introduced him to my friends because i have no idea where he'd be.
that's how it all started today. i really wished it was dream, but they way that it hurt, i knew it wasn't.
i asked dave what i did to deserve this.
he said "Nothing."
after almost eight years, i think he's right.
my head is killing me. i can't wait until the only time i cry is when i fall down, i'm watching a sad movie, someone dies, my car dies, i have a high electric bill or tears of joy.
and as i type he sleeps on the couch behind me. i however, even after drinking aren't tired. my neck and feet hurt though.
once it's all final, i'm renewing my gym membership and getting a massage since i asked for one for my birthday 5 months ago.