[03.] amorphous
[03.] amorphous
kevin learns what it's like getting looked through || kevin/kibum || g
"I was one of those guys who get looked through. It’s like being a ghost. If no one can see you you’re dead. What’s the point of trying to live if you are already dead?"
- Jeanette Winterson
Kevin’s never really known what it was like to be one of the people who got looked through.
He’s always been someone, existing, acknowledged, if not for his voice then for his earnestness, the slight lisp that came with every ‘s’ sound he made, the hesitant, barely accented Korean he carried over from San Francisco. That was how he’d charmed the executives and gotten into Xing, on a whimsical holiday audition, and from then it was a contract, the position of the main vocal, and a solo song -- even though he knew his voice was nowhere close to fully developed.
Kibum, though, had always been on the backburner. Actually, he hadn’t even been introduced to Kevin as Kim Kibum, but instead as “the little brother of the guy in SS501, it's good to have him on board because it’ll gain media interest”. Kevin could see Kibum for who he was, a boy like him desperately trying to make a name for himself in the world, but unlike Kevin, to the public his identity was indistinct from his brother’s.
“What’s the point,” Kibum had said to Kevin one day. “No one cares about me for me.”
“That's not true, I do,” he had replied, and taken Kibum’s hand in his -- but now that he thinks about it, the smile on Kibum’s lips had never reached his eyes.
It’s when Kibum leaves, and Xing falls apart, that Kevin learns what getting looked through feels like.
kevin learns what it's like getting looked through || kevin/kibum || g
"I was one of those guys who get looked through. It’s like being a ghost. If no one can see you you’re dead. What’s the point of trying to live if you are already dead?"
- Jeanette Winterson
Kevin’s never really known what it was like to be one of the people who got looked through.
He’s always been someone, existing, acknowledged, if not for his voice then for his earnestness, the slight lisp that came with every ‘s’ sound he made, the hesitant, barely accented Korean he carried over from San Francisco. That was how he’d charmed the executives and gotten into Xing, on a whimsical holiday audition, and from then it was a contract, the position of the main vocal, and a solo song -- even though he knew his voice was nowhere close to fully developed.
Kibum, though, had always been on the backburner. Actually, he hadn’t even been introduced to Kevin as Kim Kibum, but instead as “the little brother of the guy in SS501, it's good to have him on board because it’ll gain media interest”. Kevin could see Kibum for who he was, a boy like him desperately trying to make a name for himself in the world, but unlike Kevin, to the public his identity was indistinct from his brother’s.
“What’s the point,” Kibum had said to Kevin one day. “No one cares about me for me.”
“That's not true, I do,” he had replied, and taken Kibum’s hand in his -- but now that he thinks about it, the smile on Kibum’s lips had never reached his eyes.
It’s when Kibum leaves, and Xing falls apart, that Kevin learns what getting looked through feels like.