The first time my parents came to visit me at Torpor Heights boarding school, my dorm adviser told my parents that I had the sort of personality that adjusted well to change.  "Everything that happen.  It is like nothing to him.  Is just.  Day."  And, broken English aside, she wasn't wrong ( Read more... )

The walls of my old apartment were not at all like a beautiful woman. And neither was the woman who owned it. Knowing full well I was in Texas for a couple of weeks, she called and left me the following message: "(Safey), it (Insane Landlady Bitch). You no at house when I stop by. You unstable. You artist. I no renew lease for you. You call me."

So ( Read more... )

I hate my roommate. Owes money. Stinks up the house. Steals my porn. Won't leave.

My boyfriend[?] hates his roommate as well. I'm not sure as to why. But last year I lived with my boyfriend[?] for four months, and I suspect that the person responsible for their antagonistic relationship is him. But I love him, so I don't tell him this.

One of his ( Read more... )

I hate my roommate. Forgetting the $1200 she owes me, the smell of the wretched food she cooks at three in the morning, and the way she blasts 'NSync and the Backstreet Boys when she thinks I'm not home (seriously, what year is this? 1998?), the real reason I don't like her is because...I don't like her. Not the way she looks, not the way she ( Read more... )

After typing the last entry, I stepped outside and watched the The last likely bus of the night (the schedule claims there is another one, but it never ever comes) pass by me. I think the driver flipped me off. So I hopped in a cab, where the driver was having some sort of icky phone sex with someone who might have been his mother. I'm unclear ( Read more... )

Divine: "What kind of gay man names his cat after a sports term?"

Me: "What kind of woman stands up to pee?"

Divine: "One with a penis."

Me: "See. Two different questions. Same answer."

I have semi-adopted a kitten named Rebound. It's a very small version of Ben's Asscat, except it is super sweet and nauseatingly cuddly. She and another kitten were living in our basement a few months ago. I thought they were owned by someone in the building, but the other kitten has completely vanished, and this one is often found mewing outside ( Read more... )

The walls of my apartment are not like a beautiful woman. My crazy landlady told me this months ago. On the same trip, she questioned why Celeste (whom she referred to as "The Art Student" had done "that terrible thing to the ceiling". Turns out, she'd never seen stucco before, and assumed Celeste had glued bumps to the ceiling. After some ( Read more... )