Finally!
So, i promised an 'actual' post soon, and alas! here it is.
Gosh, i feel like i've been so busy lately, i've barely had time to do...well really anything. Do you ever feel like ther's not enough hours in the day? Schools intense right now. Or was, at least. I only have one test left, gah.
I don't know...it's been a weird year. I was hoping this last year would be the best year of school...it still has time to get better, but so far, it hasn't been amazing. Actually, it's been pretty hard...& scary.
One good thing really did come out of it. This boy. I met him in the summer...while i was working, he threw a cracker at me, and almost hit me in the face. After that we kinda just clicked. Unfortunatly, it hasn't been all good from there...alot of...drama and confusion came with him walking into my life, and i'm not one to be involved in drama, ever. Only it was our own faults. He was looks for something so much more then I could give him right now. A releltionship. I'm trying to figure out soo much in my life right how, goodness, i just felt like...a reletionship was the last thing I could have. We're pretty different too. But we work. I mean...we did date for a couple months...which i guess made it hard, because eventually I started to pull away. Trying not to hurt him. Because wow...that kid means everything to me. But we're in such different places in our lives right now, he's working on his career, and I have so many questions that I need to find answers to by myself. I know he's more then willing to help me figure this stuff out...but it's some of those things only you'll be able to find the answers to. After alot of tears, explaining, and more tears, I think we've found a, medium, where it'll be hard for a while, but at least i'll still see him? Friends. He was debating for a while about it though. He didn't think we could be 'just friends' but i guess, after long consideration, i guess neither of us could see our lives without having the other one in it. Because really, he's my best friend.
He's the only person in my life, that I've ever met, other then my family who's actually taken the time to get to know me. He's the only person who's ever seen me cry. He's the only person who's ever seen me and my best, AND my worst. He's the only person who's stuck around and showed me he actually CARES.
I've never had that before.
Yeah, i have a best friend. But when i moved here, well, we have our own lives. And she's...ehh...another story.
Sometimes I just feel really lonely here. I don't know...i need to get out, where people are actually, i don't know, fun. Haha. People who don't need to drink to have a good time, because frankly, i feel sorry for those people. If you can't sit down one weekend and just chill with your closest friends, a buncha chick flicks, and ice cream, that sucks. Because it's amazing. Well, i assume it is. I know tons of people here, but what does that mean? I have a bunch of phone numbers. But what's the use if i never use them? I mean, it's lovely that i can say hi and talk to them in the hallways at school...or at a party, but after that, what happens? No one truly knows ME. Not even my 'closest friends'. Why? Because they've never even asked. I need new friends.
But now 'hes' around. And things are just...different. He'll sit there, watching a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie, because he knows that makes me happy. He'd be the perfect boyfriend. He was, when he was my bf. He called when he was supposed to. He said all the right things. He always told me how 'beautiful' i am...he still does. He thinks I look equally as beautiful with my pjama's on, my hair a mess, and my makeup gone. I think he's do anything for me...and i would, for him. Gosh, i get all teary eyes when I talk about him, because by gosh, he really DOES care. I hope he sticks around.
<3 later dolls.
Gosh, i feel like i've been so busy lately, i've barely had time to do...well really anything. Do you ever feel like ther's not enough hours in the day? Schools intense right now. Or was, at least. I only have one test left, gah.
I don't know...it's been a weird year. I was hoping this last year would be the best year of school...it still has time to get better, but so far, it hasn't been amazing. Actually, it's been pretty hard...& scary.
One good thing really did come out of it. This boy. I met him in the summer...while i was working, he threw a cracker at me, and almost hit me in the face. After that we kinda just clicked. Unfortunatly, it hasn't been all good from there...alot of...drama and confusion came with him walking into my life, and i'm not one to be involved in drama, ever. Only it was our own faults. He was looks for something so much more then I could give him right now. A releltionship. I'm trying to figure out soo much in my life right how, goodness, i just felt like...a reletionship was the last thing I could have. We're pretty different too. But we work. I mean...we did date for a couple months...which i guess made it hard, because eventually I started to pull away. Trying not to hurt him. Because wow...that kid means everything to me. But we're in such different places in our lives right now, he's working on his career, and I have so many questions that I need to find answers to by myself. I know he's more then willing to help me figure this stuff out...but it's some of those things only you'll be able to find the answers to. After alot of tears, explaining, and more tears, I think we've found a, medium, where it'll be hard for a while, but at least i'll still see him? Friends. He was debating for a while about it though. He didn't think we could be 'just friends' but i guess, after long consideration, i guess neither of us could see our lives without having the other one in it. Because really, he's my best friend.
He's the only person in my life, that I've ever met, other then my family who's actually taken the time to get to know me. He's the only person who's ever seen me cry. He's the only person who's ever seen me and my best, AND my worst. He's the only person who's stuck around and showed me he actually CARES.
I've never had that before.
Yeah, i have a best friend. But when i moved here, well, we have our own lives. And she's...ehh...another story.
Sometimes I just feel really lonely here. I don't know...i need to get out, where people are actually, i don't know, fun. Haha. People who don't need to drink to have a good time, because frankly, i feel sorry for those people. If you can't sit down one weekend and just chill with your closest friends, a buncha chick flicks, and ice cream, that sucks. Because it's amazing. Well, i assume it is. I know tons of people here, but what does that mean? I have a bunch of phone numbers. But what's the use if i never use them? I mean, it's lovely that i can say hi and talk to them in the hallways at school...or at a party, but after that, what happens? No one truly knows ME. Not even my 'closest friends'. Why? Because they've never even asked. I need new friends.
But now 'hes' around. And things are just...different. He'll sit there, watching a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie, because he knows that makes me happy. He'd be the perfect boyfriend. He was, when he was my bf. He called when he was supposed to. He said all the right things. He always told me how 'beautiful' i am...he still does. He thinks I look equally as beautiful with my pjama's on, my hair a mess, and my makeup gone. I think he's do anything for me...and i would, for him. Gosh, i get all teary eyes when I talk about him, because by gosh, he really DOES care. I hope he sticks around.
<3 later dolls.