my valentine
i can't believe i have a daughter. i can't believe i had a baby. last year on valentine's day, i cried because ian got me a diamond necklace, and not the engagement ring i'd been hoping & wishing for. i cried because we'd been together almost 6 years and i thought he didn't want to marry me. i cried because he told me he'd do it when the time was right, which made me think he wasn't ready and there must be something wrong with me. i was so rotten and ridiculous then. this year, i spent all day with my beautiful darling baby. this year, i'm a wife. although ian worked all day and then spent most of the evening on the computer on some stupid cb radio message board (where he spends most of his time lately, which is really starting to fucking piss me off, which i told him and he smiled because apparently i'm cute when i pout. not cool.), he did get me a gorgeous necklace and he got me a card which he actually WROTE in. i'm the happiest i've ever been on valentine's day, or any day for that matter because i am so FUCKING IN LOVE with my daughter. she's two weeks old today. and although i completely love being able to hold her and kiss her and just have her here, i thought i'd never ever say this but i miss being pregnant a little bit. physically, i feel kinda empty. i miss her kicks, her hiccups, rubbing that big giant belly when she moved. it's a bizarre feeling, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. the gorgeous shayna... my favorite valentine.
