Clarification.
First off: thank you so, so much. Truly, it's amazing how wonderful my friends are, both IRL and online. I'm overwhelmed by the sweet words, support, and concern. I'm very appreciative, and I want you guys to know you mean a lot to me, and that all the comments on my last journal and other various parts of the internet or phone calls/texts...were just, really what I needed.
To clarify, Darwin did give me a reason -- however, it seemed sort of fishy. Naturally after I regained my wits and started to think, I began trying to figure out why he broke up with me. He claims that it's because I'm inexperienced in relationships (true, mostly) and that he no longer was attracted to me in the same way he had been initially. While that may sound like a real answer to some, I'd like to think I know him better then that. Darwin is an amazing guy and treated me pretty spectacularly...most of the time. However we're both artists and yes, we fit the moody sort of stereotype to a tee.
Last night I had been texting him and we agreed that I should go over to his place to see him, so long as I didn't mind the fact that he was very, very stoned (something he hasn't done in quite some time, and not something I see as an issue, especially since I was a bit tipsy myself). I went over and his roommates were up and we were hanging out for about five minutes. I made a comment about the hot sauce on the table and Kyle went to put it away, and I started teasing the boys about what was in their fridge -- eggs, hot sauce, tortillas and a lot of other super bachelor items. Darwin then took my hand and lef me outside and immediately I knew something was wrong, so I asked him if I had overstepped some boundaries with my joking -- he said yes and asked me to leave. I went in a huff pretty much, as can be expected.
I think that instances like that, where he's been so rude to me got to him. I know he hates himself for being like that and I think his guilty conscience was too much of a burden. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's good to be hopeful, rather than believe that he grew bored with me...I'd like to think he was protecting me from himself. He even brought that up when we were talking, so I don't think I'm just clinging to a softer excuse.
I still want him in my life. I called him to make sure we can still at least be friends, and now I have a new plan of action. If I can't get him back, then I can damn sure make him regret giving me up so easily. I'm going to San Francisco this weekend to clear my mind and mend my heart, as well as see an old friend (Ren). I'm going to be okay -- I'm glad that we had what we did, even if it didn't work out.
To clarify, Darwin did give me a reason -- however, it seemed sort of fishy. Naturally after I regained my wits and started to think, I began trying to figure out why he broke up with me. He claims that it's because I'm inexperienced in relationships (true, mostly) and that he no longer was attracted to me in the same way he had been initially. While that may sound like a real answer to some, I'd like to think I know him better then that. Darwin is an amazing guy and treated me pretty spectacularly...most of the time. However we're both artists and yes, we fit the moody sort of stereotype to a tee.
Last night I had been texting him and we agreed that I should go over to his place to see him, so long as I didn't mind the fact that he was very, very stoned (something he hasn't done in quite some time, and not something I see as an issue, especially since I was a bit tipsy myself). I went over and his roommates were up and we were hanging out for about five minutes. I made a comment about the hot sauce on the table and Kyle went to put it away, and I started teasing the boys about what was in their fridge -- eggs, hot sauce, tortillas and a lot of other super bachelor items. Darwin then took my hand and lef me outside and immediately I knew something was wrong, so I asked him if I had overstepped some boundaries with my joking -- he said yes and asked me to leave. I went in a huff pretty much, as can be expected.
I think that instances like that, where he's been so rude to me got to him. I know he hates himself for being like that and I think his guilty conscience was too much of a burden. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's good to be hopeful, rather than believe that he grew bored with me...I'd like to think he was protecting me from himself. He even brought that up when we were talking, so I don't think I'm just clinging to a softer excuse.
I still want him in my life. I called him to make sure we can still at least be friends, and now I have a new plan of action. If I can't get him back, then I can damn sure make him regret giving me up so easily. I'm going to San Francisco this weekend to clear my mind and mend my heart, as well as see an old friend (Ren). I'm going to be okay -- I'm glad that we had what we did, even if it didn't work out.