Ten annoying things that able-bodied people (ABs) do
Ten annoying things that able-bodied people (ABs) do, in no particular order:
- Denying my existence. This can take many forms:
- Going to a restaurant/store and having the waiter/clerk ask my companion what I'd like.
- ABs butting in front of me in lineups or at concerts and pretending they don't even know it's wrong to do so.
- ABs claiming to represent an inclusive organization/community/movement, but not including disabled people (e.g. wheelchair-inaccessible women's shelters, distribution/publishing of pro-inclusion materials that mention race, gender and sexual orientation but "forget" to include the disabled)
- Denying that disability is a human rights issue and that disabled people are oppressed. We acknowledge (some reluctantly) the oppression of women at the hands of men; of blacks at the hands of whites. But we largely deny the role that ABs play in the oppression of disabled people. As a disabled person, I have to ask permission or beg for so many things that ABs take for granted, such as going to the washroom, shopping where I want, getting on a bus, or having my privacy respected. If that is not oppression, then what is? ABs expect me to tolerate so much that they would never tolerate themselves, yet when these issues are brought to light, it suddenly becomes a non-issue (see my post on web accessibility for an example of how this unfolds).
- Assuming it is my responsibility to correct all barriers that I encounter. It's my disability; therefore it's up to me which battles I choose to fight, not you. It is not my obligation to make sure there are door openers on every door, elevators in every building, grab bars in every bathroom, etc. I have a life, and I'd like to spend some time living it. If it bothers you so much, how about using some of that able-bodied privilege and tackling the problem yourself?
- Telling me that it is up to me to explicitly state what are my "special needs" are, but making no effort whatsoever to remember what I have painstaking and thoroughly communicated about those needs. I understand that not everyone knows what I need and that I have a responsibility to make those needs known. What irks me is when ABs expect me to repeatedly and repeatedly communicate those needs, and if I happen to forget just one time (because *shock* I am human and make mistakes), then it is automatically my "fault" that those needs weren't met. I don't mind giving reminders now and then, but having to do it for months and even years over the exact same situation with the exact same people is the ultimate sign of disrespect (At that point, I'd really rather you just come out and say you don't care about me or my disability and save us both the frustration).
- Denying that I actually need the accommodations I have requested in the first place. For example, on my wheelchair I have a backpack which has both a drawstring and buckles. My hands are too weak to fasten/unfasten the buckles, so I only use the drawstring to close it. Usually when someone offers to put something in my backpack, I say no, not because I am being "stubborn" or whatever, but because I am tired of telling people to not fasten the buckles AND THEY DO IT ANYWAY.
- Denying that disabled people are not only subjected to abuse, but are in fact the one demographic that is the most subject to abuse, often at the hands of relatives and so-called "caregivers". In Canada, concerted efforts across governments have been launched to tackle elder abuse, which is a good thing. But the problem with framing it in that way is that it obscures the big picture: the collective abuse aimed at disabled people. Abuse is aimed at disabled people of all ages, disabled women especially; it is not unique to the elderly. Even in an "enlightened" socially-aware country like Canada, disabled abuse is largely ignored, and rarely reprimanded.
- Asking highly personal questions under the guise of "education". Curiosity is not sufficient justification to ask me questions about my medical condition, my wheelchair, my sex life, and so on. It's not that I don't mind answering these questions, but how about getting to know me first? Why is it more important for you to know the name of my disease than my own name? How about showing me how you are going to use the information to improve the lives of disabled people? You have to earn the right to ask these questions; it is not automatic and it doesn't make me a b*tch for not answering when I know you are going to do absolutely nothing of value with the information anyway.
- Disrepecting my wheelchair or my ability to use it. My wheelchair is a very fragile and expensive piece of equipment, please respect it! You are not allowed to lean on it or grab it without my explicit permission (or unless you are friend already aware of the correct way to do so). Also, don't tell me how to drive - unless I cannot see where I am going, I know better than you how to drive my chair - your "guidance" is more of a distraction than anything else. If I am driving slowly, it is because I am being careful, not because I am uncertain how to manouever my own chair.
- Telling disabled people to be more patient or gracious, whether explicitly or implied. So tired of hearing, "You're lucky to have what little you do get because back in the day, blah, blah, blah...." or "You can't expect things to change overnight..." (Fuck you Clint Eastwood!)
- Using anti-disability language, or attacking me when I am simply stating the facts. Anti-disability language includes such favourites as: "Wheelchair-bound"/"Confined to a wheelchair" [really popular with the media], or "I'd rather be dead than [deaf/blind/in a wheelchair/etc...]", or "Wow, you're so inspirational/brave" or simply framing the message around the assumption that the state of disability is inherently negative and couldn't possibly be an empowering or positive experience. Alternatively, I see a lot of defensiveness from ABs. e.g. When I mention that I cannot participate in a social function because it is not accessible, I will sometimes hear "Well, don't be upset, it's not my fault, [insert excuse here]." Another common one is when I refuse assistance, and I'm told in a huff, "Well I'm just trying to help!" That's fine, but the onus isn't up to me to make you feel less guilty that something has gone wrong. I'm just stating the facts, how you interpret them is 100% up to you. If you find that having your able-bodied privilege rear its ugly head before you is discomforting, maybe take pause over why that is, instead of blaming me for your discomfort.