reikah
in
inmyvortex
Fic: Pockets full of stones [1/2]- PG-13/R
In which I continue my theme of a) pointless crossovers, b) DRAGONS, c) twincest, d) DRAGONS and e) abusing Florence + the Machine titles completely out of context for my fics. \o/
Title: Pockets full of stones [1/2]
Pairing: Fai/Yuui
Rating: PG-13/R
Notes: AU, dragonriders of pern booyah
Word Count: 14,857
For: eijentu. THIS IS NOT MY SECRET SANTA. THIS IS JUST A RANDOM GIFTFIC. MERRY CHRISTMAS JO.
Time it took us
To where the water was
That's what the water gave me
And time goes quicker
Between the two of us
Oh, my love, don't forsake me
Take what the water gave me
The warm late summer air hit Kurogane in the face like a wave as soon as they emerged from Between, and he shivered instinctively as his body adjusted from the piercing cold of the void to mid-afternoon sun shining down above Telgar Hold. No matter how many years he did this he never thought he'd get over the eeriness of that place.
The Hold itself was as he remembered it; he'd appeared on its western side, the sparse fortifications shining and vegetation free. For all his faults, Telgar's Lord Holder wasn't stupid enough to risk his home and people to the voraciousness of a single Thread. Its windows were tightly barred and its courtyards swept clean; he could see the great stone shelters under which the livestock was kept, and beneath him Ginryuu rumbled his approval. Kurogane snorted.
Not yet, he said. Holders were finicky enough about dragonriders, having dragons help themselves to their animals definitely wouldn't help there.
Hungry, though, Ginryuu replied plaintively, and Kurogane sighed and directed the bronze dragon down to the courtyard, near the watch-wher's den. The beast itself was in hiding, lurking in the depths of its kennel with only the clank of its leash to notify them of its presence. Ginryuu ignored it with dignity, holding out his leg as Kurogane unfastened his riding straps and slid neatly from his back to the ground. The Lord Holder himself was already emerging from the large double doors of the keep, dressed in riding leathers and carrying a whip in one hand.
"Dragonrider," he said, giving the appropriately respectful bow; exactly three inches, no more and no less. Kurogane returned it, his lip curling in a sneer despite himself. Ginryuu pushed at his shoulder with his nose and made a small noise.
"Lord Charis," Kurogane said, coolly. "Some food for Ginryuu; we've come a long way today."
"Of course," Charis said, although from the look on his face it didn't sit easy with him being ordered around by a dragonrider, even if his beast was a bronze and Kurogane himself bore the markings of a Wingleader. Ginryuu's tail lashed curiously as Charis beckoned at one of stewards, a tall, pale fellow with shining blond hair who etched the Lord a quick bow before hurrying across the courtyard toward the stone barns. "May I inquire as to the reasons for your visit? I was not running a message flag."
Kurogane narrowed his eyes. Was the man playing with him? Did he truly not know of the clutch of dragon eggs hardening on the sands of Telgar Weyr's hatching ground? "I'm on Search," he said, shortly, stripping off his gloves, and watched the man's eyes widen slightly. "You heard about the death of the Weyrwoman?"
"Yes. A terrible tragedy," Charis replied, looking as though he didn't care one way or another. Well, it was no secret Telgar Hold hadn't had the best relationship with either Clow or Yuuko.
Meat! Ginryuu enthused, and Kurogane glanced around to see the steward returning beside two gangly teenage boys, dragging a rangy herdbeast on a rope. The animal was reluctant, and was being encouraged toward its demise by means of hard cracks of a whip across its flanks by the teenagers. Ginryuu's eyes were shining green with pleasure, some of that echoing across the bond and it made the corner of Kurogane's mouth quirk up. He wiped it off his face before turning his attention back to Charis, though.
"We've already visited four Holds today," he said. "There's a queen egg in this clutch. You should have been informed of this Search already."
"I have only two daughters," said Charis, quickly. "Both much too young to be bound to a queen dragon, Lord Kurogane."
Kurogane gave him a wolf-smile. "Not all Queen riders are the daughters of Lord Holders," he said, and the man narrowed his eyes. Behind them the drovers managed to force the herdbeast toward Ginryuu, and yelped in fright when he lashed out with one foreleg, breaking the animal's spine in one solid blow. Kurogane didn't look around, although he heard the scuffle of boots on stone as the steward and the teenagers fled.
"You should come in," Charis said, in a tone of voice that indicated he wished anything but, and Kurogane grunted acknowledgement as the Lord turned and began to head inside.
Telgar was one of the oldest Holds on Pern, and its innards were somewhat cramped and claustrophobic. The long corridor was walled with tapestries and woven rugs to break up the chill of the cold stone, and baskets of glowworms hung at regular intervals on the smooth walls to provide light in the absence of windows; Charis picked one up from near the door and gloomily beckoned Kurogane after him. Kurogane did so, brushing his mind against Ginryuu's.
Good?
Stringy, Ginryuu said cheerfully, But I like it. Food!
Kurogane fought to keep his face blank. Ginryuu's interests were seldom hidden. Do you sense anyone here suitable? he asked as they began to ascend a long staircase, and when he felt his dragon's confusion, carefully rephrased the question. Do you sense anyone here who could partner a dragonet?
Yes, Ginryuu said. He didn't elaborate, and Kurogane nodded to himself. He'd keep an eye out.
Shiny doors at the top of the stairs led to Telgar's great hall, filled with long wooden trestle tables atop a fresh straw covering. A couple of drudges were wiping down one of the tables, and Charis snapped his fingers at them imperviously. "Fetch my wife and the children," he said.
"M'lord," the drudge replied, bowing deeply. Kurogane took the opportunity to assess her; you could learn a lot about a Hold from the condition of its drudges. This one's clothes were plain and cheap, but clean, as was she. Her hair was kept back from her face with a loose undyed scarf. "All the children, m'lord?"
"As many as I can tolerate," Charis said, and she bowed again and hurried off. "Refreshment, Dragonrider?"
Kurogane hesitated, and then accepted a cup of Klah. It had been a long day. Charis dispatched the other drudge to the kitchens to bring him the drink, and then took a seat at the trestle table closest to the hearth, his fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm against the wood. Kurogane used the opportunity to wander the hall, inspecting the tapestries hanging on the walls.
Charis had quite a brood; Kurogane remembered hearing of his second marriage a few years ago, maybe five before he'd Impressed Ginryuu. He'd married one of the Fort Hold Lord's younger daughters, if he remembered correctly, after his first wife perished. He'd obviously gotten busy in that time, for the wife herself - dressed in tailored silks and emblazoned with flashing jewelry - ushered what seemed like a small army into the hall with her. Some of the children had been scrubbed up, others not so much.
Kurogane greeted the Lady of the Hold with as much politeness as he could force himself to, thinking of what Tomoyo would say about his manners if she were there, and she returned it with stiff formality. The children were obviously intimidated by him, shrinking away when he approached, and awkwardly he kept his distance from them as he paced across the rushes, examining the kids.
The girls were blatantly unsuitable; they were six and eight turns old, respectively. Kurogane had never heard of a Queen hatchling Impressing on a candidate younger than fourteen, and most preferred their riders to be sixteen or eighteen. Tomoyo's gold was an exception, rather than the rule; Tomoyo had been fourteen and a half and weyrborn, and nobody expected her to succeed in that hatchling right up until the dragonet was butting at her hand and the girl had looked up at the stands, her whole face alight with joy, and breathed, "She says her name is Tsukuyomi!"
The oldest boy was about nine. The lesser colours tended to Impress younger, so Kurogane examined their faces, searching for that spark, that hint of extraordinary that indicated they had what it took to form a bond with a fresh-hatched dragon. Ginryuu was silent and unhelpful in his mind, but then again, he would be. The bronze lug was deadly fighting thread, but not much use here.
Most of the children wouldn't meet his eyes, but he didn't feel anything from any of them. They all took after their mother - stocky, brown-haired and eyed, a tendency toward plumpness - rather than their tall blond father; he couldn't picture any of them atop a dragon, not even one of the lazy blues. Perhaps when they were older...
The door clicked open and the pale steward from the courtyard stepped in and to one side, bowing deeply. "My Lord," he said, his eyes downcast.
"Did I call for you?" Charis asked, sharply. The steward glanced at him - a flash of blue eyes, surprisingly blue - and Ginryuu mentally stirred; Kurogane angled his head, looking back from the Lord Holder to the steward. Did he see...? He thought he did.
"Amica said you requested my presence."
Charis snorted. "Of course she did," he said, bitterly. "Dragonrider, my son by my first wife."
"Yuui," the steward said, quietly, when it became apparent Charis wasn't going to offer any more information than that. Kurogane's boots whispered across the straw as he stalked across the hall; Yuui was older than the Lord's sons by his second wife, and though he carried his father's colouring his face was tempered by foreign blood that rendered him much leaner and more delicate of feature than his half-siblings. He was about seventeen; on the old side, for a male rider, but...
This one, Ginryuu said. Yuui twitched, almost imperceptibly; Kurogane wondered if he sensed their mental link as they communicated. That was a good sign, if he was that sensitive. "Hmph," he said. "How old are you, kid?"
"Eighteen turns, sir. And a half."
Younger than he looked. He glanced back from Yuui to Charis, who was studying his son with narrowed eyes and a displeased turn to his mouth. Yuui's clothes were decently made, if not of the quality of his half-brothers'; he stood straight and tall, his hands folded before him and his chin raised. Raised in privilege, perhaps, but what on earth was he doing working as a mere steward...?
Kuro, this one, Ginryuu said, insistently. Kurogane rolled his eyes, casting his gaze away from Yuui's face as he mentally snapped at his dragon for mangling his name; Ginryuu didn't feel an iota of remorse.
"This one," he said out loud, turning back to Charis, whose mouth tightened. Yuui breathed in sharply behind him.
"Dragonrider?" he said. "I don't understand, what do you mean 'this one'?"
"I'm on Search, kid," Kurogane said, and watched Yuui's (blue, so very blue) eyes widen as his meaning sank in. "We're going to try to pair-bond you with a dragonet. I think you have what it takes."
He watched the surprise and alarm warring on Yuui's face for a heartbeat, and then turned back to Telgar's Lord Holder, who was glaring at the young man. Charis traced his fingertips across the wood of the tabletop and cut his gaze to meet Kurogane's eyes. "I see," he said, neutrally. "Are - are you quite sure, Lord Kurogane?"
Kurogane frowned, his eyebrows drawing together. "Yes," he said shortly, looking away from the Lord Holder to Yuui again. Yuui still looked poleaxed, like this was all a big surprise to him. "He's acceptable."
The Lord Holder folded his hands together, watching Kurogane thoughtfully over his clasped fists. "Yuui is... my son," he said carefully, "But he is... different."
"Different?" Kurogane asked, raising an eyebrow. Yuui lowered his eyes, his blond hair slipping out of his queue to fall raggedly about his face. He didn't look different, but Holders lived different lives to those born in the great Weyrs like Kurogane had been. Kid was handsome, though; no matter what colour dragon he Impressed Kurogane was quite sure he'd prove popular in the Weyr.
"He's not like us," said the Lord Holder. "He has no respect for our ways." He flicked a disdainful glare at Yuui, whose face was flushed with mortification and something else. "Or the ways of nature."
Ah, Kurogane thought, disgusted. Of course it came down to that.
To what? Ginryuu asked curiously, and Kurogane mentally growled at his dragon and tried to shove him away; Ginryuu was too intrigued to budge.
Humans who don't live in Weyrs don't like humans who... who partner green dragons.
Ginryuu's surprise washed over him. Why? Green dragons are pretty.
Yes, Kurogane replied grimly, his eyes roving over Yuui's face; his soft, silky hair, his defensive posture, the shame in the angle of his head. No wonder, growing up as he had. And their riders are all men who take other men as their weyrmates.
Holder fear and hatred toward those who preferred the company of their own gender was marked, and Yuui wouldn't be the first man who had been treated this way because of his tastes in their society. Privately Kurogane was glad they'd come; even if he didn't manage to Impress, being at the Weyr would do the kid good. "I'll keep that in mind," he said to Charis, keeping his tone level, and turned to Yuui. He put his back to Charis, stepping between father and son deliberately; Yuui looked up in surprise. "You need to go pack? Or you want servants to do that for you?"
"I - we're leaving today?" Yuui said, his mouth falling open, and Kurogane grunted.
"Hatching won't wait for you to feel up to it," he said, and Yuui paled. Kurogane quirked an eyebrow and subtly rolled his eyes toward Charis, trying to indicate you want to stay here with him?
Still, Yuui quavered. His voice wobbled as he said, "I don't... I have... I - there are, that is, there's someone - I. I have to, to, to -"
"Look," Kurogane said shortly, "I'm hungry and you're babbling. You can make your excuses while I go to the kitchen to grab something." He shoved the doors open and paused. "And you can show me the way to the kitchen while you're at it," he conceded, and watched something like a smile flash briefly across Yuui's white, surprised face before the young lordling-who-wasn't followed him. The door closed behind them, blocking away Charis, and Yuui breathed out slowly, visibly calming down. His shoulders straightened unconsciously as he relaxed, and before he could second-guess himself Kurogane reached out and grabbed his shoulder. "You okay?"
"No," Yuui said.
Kurogane sighed. "I get that you've probably heard all kinds of rumors about us dragonriders," he said, "But we're really not that bad."
He paused. Yuui was carefully not looking at him.
"Look, we don't care who you bed with," he said, and Yuui flushed pink down to the tips of his ears. Gotcha, Kurogane thought. Well, Yuui would hardly be the first Hold-born boy to leave scorn at home in return for the safety and understanding of a dragon Weyr.
Yuui swallowed; his Adam’s apple bobbed as he did so. He really was astonishingly pale, when he wasn't blushing. The sweep of his collarbones were visible beneath the fabric of his tunic, and he had his hands knotted together.
I like him, Ginryuu said helpfully, and Yuui jerked again.
Ignoring his dragon, Kurogane carefully let Yuui go and tilted his head. "You feel that, don't you?" he said. "That tingle just then, like a buzzing in your ears?"
"I - yes," Yuui said slowly. "Yes, I do... how did you know that?"
"That was Ginryuu talking to me," Kurogane said, with the hint of pride that was always in his voice when he thought of his bronze, try as he might to keep it away. "You hearing it just shows he was right about you being suitable."
"Your dragon said I was suitable?" Yuui forgot to avoid eye-contact in his surprise and looked right at Kurogane; his eyes were even bluer out here in the corridor with the glowworm light. Bloody hell, Kurogane thought ruefully.
"Yeah. Didn't think I made the decision by myself, did you?"
Yuui cast a wild glance in the direction of the courtyard, although it was blocked from his sight by the stone Hold walls. His hair glimmered in the light, paler than Tsukuyomi's golden scales. "... He can talk?"
The fuck? Kurogane thought. What the hell had Telgar Weyr's resident Harper been teaching Charis' sons? Yuui had obviously memorized the required list of Weyr Riders and their dragon's names, to remember Ginryuu's name as Kurogane's dragon, but to not know that dragons could speak was a peculiar oversight. He narrowed his eyes, and Yuui must have caught some of the gesture out of the corner of his eye because he turned pink and went back to staring fixedly at the tips of his boots.
Kurogane sighed and raised a hand, rubbing his face wearily. "Look, show me the way to the kitchen," he said. "I'll tell you more there."
Without a word Yuui reached up and took one of the dimmer baskets of glowworms from the wall; the light they shed was pale and weak but would be sufficient. Back to avoiding Kurogane's eyes again, he gestured for Kurogane to follow him, and quietly set off down the narrow stone corridor.
He's sad, Ginryuu thought.
Yeah. Kurogane took a few steps after the kid and paused. You okay?
I ate, Ginryuu replied contentedly. And I have sun.
Lazy, Kurogane snorted under his breath, his boot heels clicking on the stone floor as he followed the quiet little lordling down the corridor. Send a message to Tsukuyomi back at the Weyr. Tell her to tell Tomoyo that we found a candidate, but he needs reassuring. We won't be back yet.
A pause. Done, Ginryuu said, and then curiously, Tsukuyomi says to tell you Tomoyo asked if he was cute? What's cute?
Kurogane's abrupt growl of anger earned him a startled glance from several passing drudges, but Yuui merely flinched and didn't turn around, and if Kurogane felt a sudden wash of concern that tamped down his irritation, it was just because he needed to convince Yuui to agree to come with him yet.
He was holder-born. It was far too early to be thinking about anything else.
The kitchen shutters were open when Yuui pushed the door open, and the rays of sunshine pouring through the windows made bright shapes on the bare stone floor. The ovens were on, and a drudge was watching over the kitchen dogs on the spit; the air was rich with the fatty scent of roasting meat. Yuui deposited the glowworm basket on the small servant's table near the door and held it open for Kurogane, who was so tall he had to duck minutely to pass underneath it.
Curiously he cast a glance around for the person he sought, to no avail. It was shearing season in the barn, no doubt he was out there, working. Charis would hear of it if Yuui went to him and interrupted him from his chores, but Yuui felt his throat close and his heartbeat pick up at the thought of just leaving without seeing him again.
"M'lord," said a clear voice, and he looked over to see the Hold cook, her face pinched in disapproval as she headed over to him. She didn't bow or greet him with deference she should as the Lord's son; his status had fallen that low within the Hold. Even the servants knew of his disgrace. "What're you doing here?" she asked. "It ain't supper time yet."
Yuui cleared his throat and tried to put some authority in his voice, although he didn't think he succeeded. "This is Wingleader Kurogane of Telgar Weyr," he said, stepping aside to let her more clearly see Kurogane. Not that the man was hidden by him or anything, what with being so ridiculously tall. "Do we have any cold cuts we can serve him as refreshment?"
Her eyes tracked up and down Kurogane thoughtfully, as her mouth moved ceaselessly like she was trying to remove a stuck piece of food from between her teeth. She'd had that habit as long as he'd known her. "Might be we got some wherry in the cold storage," she said, and snapped her fingers imperviously. A drudge came hurrying up to her side, seemingly from nowhere; she rattled off a string of commands and the servant vanished as quickly as he'd arrived.
"Sit down, please," Yuui said, turning toward Kurogane and focusing his gaze on the man's chest. That was one of the most important lessons he'd learned about humility; to avoid eye contact where possible.
Another drudge fetched Kurogane a cup of Klah as soon as he sat down, although she didn't bring anything for Yuui. Not wanting to stand around awkwardly, Yuui slid into the seat opposite the man reluctantly; Kurogane's long fingers wrapped easily around the tall clay cup and his red eyes narrowed appreciatively as he held the mug under his face, inhaling the bitter steam wafting from the beverage.
"So," Kurogane said, turning the drink around in his (huge) hands; "How come you don't know about dragons and talking? Who's your Harper?"
Yuui stared down at the worn wood of the table, scratched and battered from generations of use. He could feel a headache forming. "Master Sorata," he said quietly, and then, in a rush, "But don't blame him, Lord Kurogane, he's - it's not his fault I don't know! He didn't have time, I..."
He swallowed. No. Mustn't blurt everything out to this man.
"I stopped taking Master Sorata's lessons early," he said, instead. He was proud of how neutral and calm his tone was. "The Lord Holder and I felt it would be better to assume a role that rewarded some practical experience instead."
There. Nothing suspicious about that, certainly not for an older son. Even if he didn't inherit, he'd be a Holder on his father's lands anyway in time. Land and Hold management were key to someone of his birth.
"You're really bad at this lying thing," Kurogane said, conversationally.
Yuui froze, his heart fluttering against his ribs, and carefully slid back in his seat, drawing away from Kurogane. He tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and risked a glance at the dragonrider's face; Kurogane was watching him with a hooded expression. His red eyes were cool. Nervously Yuui looked away. "I'm not sure what you're implying," he said.
Kurogane snorted wearily. "Right," he said. "Whatever. Tch. So you never learned about life in a Weyr?"
Yuui shook his head. A drudge appeared quietly at Kurogane's side, drawing his attention; she had one of the good silver platters, bearing a hunk of warm bread, several slices of thick wherry, and a pitcher of steaming gravy. It was hard to tell with Kurogane's permanent scowl, but the dragonrider looked almost surprised by the meal offered; he leaned back from the table to let the drudge put it in front of him and accepted her offer of a clean cloth, pulling his belt knife from his hip and wiping the blade off with quick, sure strokes of his large hands.
"Hungry?" he said, setting the knife down and pouring the pitcher of gravy over the meat; the scent was appetizing, Yuui hadn't had breakfast - but then again, he had forgone breakfast because the sheep-shearers wouldn't be having any today, and to eat when he couldn't felt... strange. He shook his head and glanced out of the window. At this time of day the Red Star hung in the horizon like an unyielding eye, and Yuui shuddered discretely. Strange, to think of something so small and so far away as the harbinger of the dreaded Thread.
It took him a second to realize the drudge who had fetched Kurogane's meal hadn't gone away and was instead hovering by his side with an uncertain expression on her face; he angled his head at her curiously and she bit her lip before blurting, "M'lord, we're expectin' the shepherds up at twenty minutes to dinner bell. For their suppers, like."
"I see," Yuui said, his ears ringing faintly, and glanced away. He knew why she had told him. He wasn't supposed to be here when that happened.
Kurogane had stopped chewing, his eyes darting from the drudge to Yuui thoughtfully; when she bobbed a curtsey and headed back to the vegetable sideboard Kurogane dipped the bread casually into the gravy and said, "You know, we can send someone back here with a message when you're at the Weyr. If there's anyone here you're not supposed to be speaking to."
Yuui stared at him, too shocked to remember to avoid eye contact. Kurogane didn't avert his gaze even as he raised a hand and tore a chunk out of the sopping bread, and his eyes were cool and sharp.
"You're not the first I've seen," he continued, in a bored tone of voice. He could have been discussing the weather, or informing Yuui of scheduled Threadfall. "Holder life isn't for everyone. What do you know about the Weyrs?"
"In general, or one in particular?" Yuui inquired, still stunned by the dragonrider's tacit approval of whatever he thought it was Yuui did.
Kurogane shrugged. "Let's say general, but focusing on Telgar Weyr, since it's the one you'll be joining."
Joining? "Dragonriders exist to fight Thread," he said. "The Weyrs house them and their dragons. Um." He tugged at a lock of his hair, abruptly nervous explaining this to a genuine wingleader. "They come in five colours. Dragons, that is, not riders."
"Go on," Kurogane said, spearing a slice of the wherry meat with his knife and tearing into it aggressively.
"Um... Weyrs are ruled by the Weyrwoman, who rides the senior queen dragon, and the Weyrleader, who rides whichever bronze dragon caught the senior queen in her most recent mating flight." He paused, and then said, softly, "Telgar Weyr recently lost both its Weyrwoman and its Weyrleader."
A shadow passed across Kurogane's face. "Yes," he said, somberly. It was a tragedy when any dragonrider died, for everyone knew dragons suicided on the deaths of their bound riders. To lose both Clow - to Thread, of all things - and Yuuko had been a terrible tragedy, one even Yuui had become aware of.
"Who's running the Weyr now?" Yuui asked shyly, and Kurogane made a face.
"Us," he said. "The council of wingleaders. We can't do anything until one of the junior queens rises to mate, making its rider the Weyrwoman. We have two of them at Telgar, so it's a matter of waiting to see which one happens first, and whichever dragon catches her." He paused. "Probably we should have given the title to Kendappa, she's the oldest of the two, but the council..." and here he pulled a bitter face - "they think she's too volatile to be Weyrwoman. They're holding out and hoping Tsukuyomi rises before Amaterasu does."
Yuui didn't say anything, not knowing who either of these people were. Kurogane sighed heavily and took another bite of wherry, the meat juices running out of the corner of his mouth. Yuui absently ran his fingers over the battered kitchen table, spelling out his name in his fluid scribe's writing. "I'd heard that dragonriders..." He hesitated, trying to work out what he wanted to say. He could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "I'd heard that in a Weyr, it's... common. For men. To, to be. Together."
Kurogane snorted, his red eyes flashing, and Yuui shrank away from him instinctively; but there was no disgust on the man's face, nor censure. "There are five colours of dragons," he said, casually. "Queens only take woman riders. The other four colours don't care. You do the math on the male to female ratio of riders."
Yuui gaped at him.
"On top of that," Kurogane said, something like a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth, "Riders whose dragons rise to mate tend to... lose control of themselves. Queens only rise once a turn, if that; but greens...?"
Now Yuui could feel his flush intensifying. There was a saying he'd heard, once he'd been banished from the privilege of the upper-hold life as the Lord Holder's heir; 'desperate as a green in heat'. Kurogane huffed out a warm breath and used the last of his bread to mop up the juices from the meat and gravy, and Yuui stared at him, trying to imagine what it was like to come from a world in which it was considered common or even inevitable for men to lie with each other.
No wonder the conservative Lord Holders tended to disapprove of dragonriders.
"I..." His fingertip was moving again, agitated invisible writing. "I don't... what happens to those who don't Impress a hatchling?"
Kurogane shrugged. "You can come home, if you want," he said. "Or stay in the Weyr. Plenty of people living there who aren't riders."
Yuui was about to say more when that strange buzzing sounded in his ears, and Kurogane's eyes slid to the side, his head cocked at a slight angle and his eyebrows drawing together. He'd said the buzzing meant he was listening to his dragon. Yuui watched him, using the moment of distraction to properly take in Kurogane's appearance; his messy, unkempt dark hair, his skin, tanned almost as bronze as his dragon from being dragonback, even the sleek muscles of his shoulders and arms. If this were anyone else, he'd be in trouble by now.
"That was Tomoyo," Kurogane said abruptly, and Yuui jumped guiltily as the man's gaze slid back to him. Kurogane squinted at him suspiciously, but picked up the cloth and wiped off his belt knife before sliding it back into its sheath. "She says the eggs are closer to hatching than we thought - maybe tomorrow or the day after. You want to go grab your stuff and make your goodbyes?"
Yuui glanced away, breaking eye contact. "I... I only have one person I want to say goodbye to," he said, and hesitated. "And I don't have anything here worth keeping."
Charis had burned it all, after he'd caught them together. All their carefully copied musical notes, all his hand-carved instruments, everything. That which he couldn't burn - like the clay dragon statues - he'd smashed.
The strange buzzing noise sounded again, and this time Yuui thought he could sense a voice amidst; it was like hearing someone on the other side of a wall, speaking just low enough that their words were incomprehensible. Kurogane scowled intently at the wall, and the buzzing continued.
"Ginryuu thinks I should go with you," he said, sourly. "He's concerned."
Yuui blinked at him. "Oh," he said, not sure how else to respond. "Um, tell him I said 'thank you'...?"
He led Kurogane through the backdoor that led down to the stone livestock shelters. During Threadfall it was foolish to keep animals out in the fields; the dragonriders caught most of the Thread that fell, burning it away to nothing from the backs of their mighty beasts, but a single missed Thread could devour a whole herd of sheep, bones and all, in seconds. Many Holders kept their animals here under the Lord Holder's care for safety's sake.
The shepherds were already beginning to troop uphill toward the kitchens for their meals when the two of them left; Yuui kept his rule of avoiding eye contact but there was no mistaking the expression of disgust and contempt on their faces. He knew Kurogane saw, and his skin crawled with how much he didn't want the dragonrider commenting on it.
Yuui rarely ventured into the animal pens unless he had to, and not because of a dislike of the sheep; he had not been the one to bear most of Charis' blame for what he'd caught his sons doing. That had fallen on Fai, who was smart and quick and already fairly obvious about his disinterest in women.
When Charis caught his sons tangled together that lazy spring morning, he'd blamed Fai for 'ruining' Yuui; while Yuui had been set to stewardship, Fai had been forced to the level lower than that of a drudge. All the ugly hard tasks fell to him, and Charis had made it quite clear that they were never to be alone together. Yuui hadn't seen his twin for months, and he was afraid, even with Kurogane at his side; afraid of what the shepherds might say, afraid of what they might tell Charis, afraid of what might happen to Fai once he was gone.
But he couldn't even consider leaving until he told his twin. They used to dream of being dragonriders as children, obsessed as most children were with the perceived glory of owning a magnificent fire breathing monster, soaring through the skies. They'd bickered for a while over what their dragon would be called - and it would be one dragon, for they shared everything - until finally they compromised and agreed it would be named Mokona like their childhood doll.
Charis had burned that doll too, Yuui remembered faintly.
The inside of the barn was smoky and dimly lit, thick with the scent of sheep and wool and grease. There were several pens of shorn sheep near the doors, bisected by a roped-off walkway running through the centre of the barn. Swallowing his reluctance, Yuui headed up to the first shepherd he saw and asked for the whereabouts of his twin, Kurogane a lurking, unobtrusive presence at his back, but the shepherd's eyes still went to Kurogane before he pointed along the walkway to the far end of the barn.
He found the empty pen where the fleeces were stacked up on several pallets, several dirty, tired-looking men examining them carefully to check the quality. Fai was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, his long hair pulled into a matted tail and his skin shiny with the grease from the sheepskins. His clothes were filthy and of poorer make than Yuui's, although that didn't worry him as much as the huge purple bruise ringing Fai's eye. His twin jerked when Yuui touched a hand to his elbow, staring at him in surprise.
"Yuui?" he said, his mouth falling open briefly before he remembered himself. "Yuui, what... what are you doing, you shouldn't be here -"
"I know, I know, Fai. I know. What happened?" Yuui said, in a rush. His belly knotting with sick horror, he raised one hand, brushing his fingertips against the large bruise. Fai's eye only opened halfway.
"It's nothing," Fai said, too quickly. "It's nothing at all. You should've seen the other guy. Yuui, you should leave..."
The strange buzzing rang in Yuui's ear, a whispery voice he didn't know that was somehow too quiet to be heard and louder than everything else. He let his hand fall from Fai's face, abruptly ashamed of himself. It was Fai who would be getting in trouble for this, and Yuui had caused his twin too much suffering already. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Who's the newcomer?" Fai asked, in a lower voice, and Yuui turned to follow his twin's gaze; Kurogane was standing by the heap of fleeces, his arms folded over his chest and his eyes contemplative. Yuui felt a smile bubbling to his face unbidden and hastily turned away from the dragonrider to keep it from him.
"That's Kurogane, one of the wingleaders of Telgar Weyr," he said, and saw the way Fai's eye widened. "Yes. He's on Search, Fai."
Fai gave this a second of thought before smiling wistfully. "Too bad," he said. "Charis' girls are too young to Impress a hatchling."
Yuui's throat worked. "Yes," he agreed softly. "They are. But..."
"But?"
Very quietly, Yuui said, "But I'm not," and watched the way Fai's whole expression froze before shutting down. It took barely a second, before he was standing there wearing a blank, neutral face that was so screamingly unnatural it made Yuui uncomfortable.
"I see," he said, and Yuui thought his heart would break; he wanted so badly to take Fai into his arms. The strange buzzing noise came again, and this time he thought he heard a word: Kuro -
"I won't go if you don't want me to," Yuui said, fiercely, and Fai glanced at him and then scowled.
"No," he said, forcefully. Yuui stared. "No. Yuui, you were Searched! You have to go! You shouldn't be here."
"Neither should you," Yuui said, his eyes tracking the bruise. It wasn't an isolated incident, he suspected; the angle Fai was standing indicated some other sore spots, hidden from view by the heavy cloth he wore... and why was he wearing a tunic that fastened to the throat in summer? Yuui felt bile rise in the back of his throat as the implications sparked queries in the back of his mind.
... Kuro... do'n... poss.... says bri - ... sad.
Fai looked away. "It's okay," he said, in a gentle tone of voice. "It's okay, Yuui. I'll be fine. Hard work never killed anybody before."
But it's not just the work, Yuui thought, upset. He wanted to touch Fai, to soothe him and reassure him physically; but that was what had gotten them into this mess.
He's... cept... him, pick.... Kuro!
"Oi," Kurogane said, abruptly, and stepped closer. Fai's eyes flickered to the dragonrider and he smiled his horrible brittle smile; Kurogane glared at him. "Stop that. What's your name?"
"Fai. And you, Mister Dragonrider?"
Kurogane huffed out a breath and didn't answer; instead his hand darted out and caught Fai's chin so quickly Yuui barely caught the movement. Fai flinched away so fast his head hit the wall with a hollow thonk, and he stared at Kurogane through startled blue eyes; Yuui was torn between doing the same or staring at Fai, who looked... who looked frightened. That couldn't be right. Fai was...
"I... ahaha, please warn me next time you do that!" Fai said, trying a smooth, glossy smile on for size. "Wingleader Black can't just grab people, it's rude!"
"Fai..." Yuui said quietly.
For a long moment they stood there, not moving, the three of them in a stock still tableau; then Kurogane sighed heavily and let his hand drop. "You'll do," he said to Fai, who blinked at him, his smile replaced with a mystified expression. "Ginryuu says you're as good as the other one."
"What?" Fai was looking at the dragonrider with confusion on his face, but Yuui felt like a weight had been removed from his shoulders as he realized what Kurogane was saying. "I don't understand, Lord Surly -"
Kurogane twitched. "It's Kurogane, damnit!"
"We're both being Searched, Fai," Yuui whispered, and watched with glee as his twin's face changed.
"It's cold in Between," Kurogane said gruffly, turning away from the two of them to the heap of fleeces and the few shepherds who had stopped in their work to watch the displays. Yuui felt himself flush at their regard, old conditioned fear. "You got any winter clothes?"
They both nodded agreement slowly, and Kurogane snorted. "Go fetch them," he said. "And meet me in the courtyard by Ginryuu. I got to tell the Lord Holder about this."
Yuui swallowed. Please, he thought, his mind spinning; please don't let Charis talk to him about us, please. He glanced sideward at Fai; his twin's face was still alight with incredulity at the change in his fortunes, but caution was creeping in around the edges. Please.
It'll be fine, whispered the buzzing voice in the back of his mind, strange and foreign, and Yuui bit his lower lip in surprise.
Ginryuu? he thought, but there was no response.
Kurogane left before them, leaving them standing too close together in front of the other shepherds. Fai ducked his head, lowering his eyes, and murmured something about going to fetch his coat, and Yuui let him even though part of him desperately wanted to weave their fingers together and hold on. He stood, watching Fai's back as his twin headed out the barn, his chest tight and his palms itching.
The remaining shepherds were glaring at him distrustfully, and it was this more than anything that got him moving. His pace picked up as he made his way along the walkway through the barn, and by the time he reached the fresh air he was running, and then it was a flat sprint up the hill to the kitchens; as if the speed with which he fetched his coat could affect the time Kurogane would have to talk to Charis. As if by running he could somehow make sure his secret stayed just that, because while Weyrs might not care about men... twins was a whole other kettle of fish.
Please, he thought, his wherhide boats scraping over the stone floors of the Hold, Please.
Please.
part 2 →
Title: Pockets full of stones [1/2]
Pairing: Fai/Yuui
Rating: PG-13/R
Notes: AU, dragonriders of pern booyah
Word Count: 14,857
For: eijentu. THIS IS NOT MY SECRET SANTA. THIS IS JUST A RANDOM GIFTFIC. MERRY CHRISTMAS JO.
Time it took us
To where the water was
That's what the water gave me
And time goes quicker
Between the two of us
Oh, my love, don't forsake me
Take what the water gave me
The warm late summer air hit Kurogane in the face like a wave as soon as they emerged from Between, and he shivered instinctively as his body adjusted from the piercing cold of the void to mid-afternoon sun shining down above Telgar Hold. No matter how many years he did this he never thought he'd get over the eeriness of that place.
The Hold itself was as he remembered it; he'd appeared on its western side, the sparse fortifications shining and vegetation free. For all his faults, Telgar's Lord Holder wasn't stupid enough to risk his home and people to the voraciousness of a single Thread. Its windows were tightly barred and its courtyards swept clean; he could see the great stone shelters under which the livestock was kept, and beneath him Ginryuu rumbled his approval. Kurogane snorted.
Not yet, he said. Holders were finicky enough about dragonriders, having dragons help themselves to their animals definitely wouldn't help there.
Hungry, though, Ginryuu replied plaintively, and Kurogane sighed and directed the bronze dragon down to the courtyard, near the watch-wher's den. The beast itself was in hiding, lurking in the depths of its kennel with only the clank of its leash to notify them of its presence. Ginryuu ignored it with dignity, holding out his leg as Kurogane unfastened his riding straps and slid neatly from his back to the ground. The Lord Holder himself was already emerging from the large double doors of the keep, dressed in riding leathers and carrying a whip in one hand.
"Dragonrider," he said, giving the appropriately respectful bow; exactly three inches, no more and no less. Kurogane returned it, his lip curling in a sneer despite himself. Ginryuu pushed at his shoulder with his nose and made a small noise.
"Lord Charis," Kurogane said, coolly. "Some food for Ginryuu; we've come a long way today."
"Of course," Charis said, although from the look on his face it didn't sit easy with him being ordered around by a dragonrider, even if his beast was a bronze and Kurogane himself bore the markings of a Wingleader. Ginryuu's tail lashed curiously as Charis beckoned at one of stewards, a tall, pale fellow with shining blond hair who etched the Lord a quick bow before hurrying across the courtyard toward the stone barns. "May I inquire as to the reasons for your visit? I was not running a message flag."
Kurogane narrowed his eyes. Was the man playing with him? Did he truly not know of the clutch of dragon eggs hardening on the sands of Telgar Weyr's hatching ground? "I'm on Search," he said, shortly, stripping off his gloves, and watched the man's eyes widen slightly. "You heard about the death of the Weyrwoman?"
"Yes. A terrible tragedy," Charis replied, looking as though he didn't care one way or another. Well, it was no secret Telgar Hold hadn't had the best relationship with either Clow or Yuuko.
Meat! Ginryuu enthused, and Kurogane glanced around to see the steward returning beside two gangly teenage boys, dragging a rangy herdbeast on a rope. The animal was reluctant, and was being encouraged toward its demise by means of hard cracks of a whip across its flanks by the teenagers. Ginryuu's eyes were shining green with pleasure, some of that echoing across the bond and it made the corner of Kurogane's mouth quirk up. He wiped it off his face before turning his attention back to Charis, though.
"We've already visited four Holds today," he said. "There's a queen egg in this clutch. You should have been informed of this Search already."
"I have only two daughters," said Charis, quickly. "Both much too young to be bound to a queen dragon, Lord Kurogane."
Kurogane gave him a wolf-smile. "Not all Queen riders are the daughters of Lord Holders," he said, and the man narrowed his eyes. Behind them the drovers managed to force the herdbeast toward Ginryuu, and yelped in fright when he lashed out with one foreleg, breaking the animal's spine in one solid blow. Kurogane didn't look around, although he heard the scuffle of boots on stone as the steward and the teenagers fled.
"You should come in," Charis said, in a tone of voice that indicated he wished anything but, and Kurogane grunted acknowledgement as the Lord turned and began to head inside.
Telgar was one of the oldest Holds on Pern, and its innards were somewhat cramped and claustrophobic. The long corridor was walled with tapestries and woven rugs to break up the chill of the cold stone, and baskets of glowworms hung at regular intervals on the smooth walls to provide light in the absence of windows; Charis picked one up from near the door and gloomily beckoned Kurogane after him. Kurogane did so, brushing his mind against Ginryuu's.
Good?
Stringy, Ginryuu said cheerfully, But I like it. Food!
Kurogane fought to keep his face blank. Ginryuu's interests were seldom hidden. Do you sense anyone here suitable? he asked as they began to ascend a long staircase, and when he felt his dragon's confusion, carefully rephrased the question. Do you sense anyone here who could partner a dragonet?
Yes, Ginryuu said. He didn't elaborate, and Kurogane nodded to himself. He'd keep an eye out.
Shiny doors at the top of the stairs led to Telgar's great hall, filled with long wooden trestle tables atop a fresh straw covering. A couple of drudges were wiping down one of the tables, and Charis snapped his fingers at them imperviously. "Fetch my wife and the children," he said.
"M'lord," the drudge replied, bowing deeply. Kurogane took the opportunity to assess her; you could learn a lot about a Hold from the condition of its drudges. This one's clothes were plain and cheap, but clean, as was she. Her hair was kept back from her face with a loose undyed scarf. "All the children, m'lord?"
"As many as I can tolerate," Charis said, and she bowed again and hurried off. "Refreshment, Dragonrider?"
Kurogane hesitated, and then accepted a cup of Klah. It had been a long day. Charis dispatched the other drudge to the kitchens to bring him the drink, and then took a seat at the trestle table closest to the hearth, his fingers tapping out a nervous rhythm against the wood. Kurogane used the opportunity to wander the hall, inspecting the tapestries hanging on the walls.
Charis had quite a brood; Kurogane remembered hearing of his second marriage a few years ago, maybe five before he'd Impressed Ginryuu. He'd married one of the Fort Hold Lord's younger daughters, if he remembered correctly, after his first wife perished. He'd obviously gotten busy in that time, for the wife herself - dressed in tailored silks and emblazoned with flashing jewelry - ushered what seemed like a small army into the hall with her. Some of the children had been scrubbed up, others not so much.
Kurogane greeted the Lady of the Hold with as much politeness as he could force himself to, thinking of what Tomoyo would say about his manners if she were there, and she returned it with stiff formality. The children were obviously intimidated by him, shrinking away when he approached, and awkwardly he kept his distance from them as he paced across the rushes, examining the kids.
The girls were blatantly unsuitable; they were six and eight turns old, respectively. Kurogane had never heard of a Queen hatchling Impressing on a candidate younger than fourteen, and most preferred their riders to be sixteen or eighteen. Tomoyo's gold was an exception, rather than the rule; Tomoyo had been fourteen and a half and weyrborn, and nobody expected her to succeed in that hatchling right up until the dragonet was butting at her hand and the girl had looked up at the stands, her whole face alight with joy, and breathed, "She says her name is Tsukuyomi!"
The oldest boy was about nine. The lesser colours tended to Impress younger, so Kurogane examined their faces, searching for that spark, that hint of extraordinary that indicated they had what it took to form a bond with a fresh-hatched dragon. Ginryuu was silent and unhelpful in his mind, but then again, he would be. The bronze lug was deadly fighting thread, but not much use here.
Most of the children wouldn't meet his eyes, but he didn't feel anything from any of them. They all took after their mother - stocky, brown-haired and eyed, a tendency toward plumpness - rather than their tall blond father; he couldn't picture any of them atop a dragon, not even one of the lazy blues. Perhaps when they were older...
The door clicked open and the pale steward from the courtyard stepped in and to one side, bowing deeply. "My Lord," he said, his eyes downcast.
"Did I call for you?" Charis asked, sharply. The steward glanced at him - a flash of blue eyes, surprisingly blue - and Ginryuu mentally stirred; Kurogane angled his head, looking back from the Lord Holder to the steward. Did he see...? He thought he did.
"Amica said you requested my presence."
Charis snorted. "Of course she did," he said, bitterly. "Dragonrider, my son by my first wife."
"Yuui," the steward said, quietly, when it became apparent Charis wasn't going to offer any more information than that. Kurogane's boots whispered across the straw as he stalked across the hall; Yuui was older than the Lord's sons by his second wife, and though he carried his father's colouring his face was tempered by foreign blood that rendered him much leaner and more delicate of feature than his half-siblings. He was about seventeen; on the old side, for a male rider, but...
This one, Ginryuu said. Yuui twitched, almost imperceptibly; Kurogane wondered if he sensed their mental link as they communicated. That was a good sign, if he was that sensitive. "Hmph," he said. "How old are you, kid?"
"Eighteen turns, sir. And a half."
Younger than he looked. He glanced back from Yuui to Charis, who was studying his son with narrowed eyes and a displeased turn to his mouth. Yuui's clothes were decently made, if not of the quality of his half-brothers'; he stood straight and tall, his hands folded before him and his chin raised. Raised in privilege, perhaps, but what on earth was he doing working as a mere steward...?
Kuro, this one, Ginryuu said, insistently. Kurogane rolled his eyes, casting his gaze away from Yuui's face as he mentally snapped at his dragon for mangling his name; Ginryuu didn't feel an iota of remorse.
"This one," he said out loud, turning back to Charis, whose mouth tightened. Yuui breathed in sharply behind him.
"Dragonrider?" he said. "I don't understand, what do you mean 'this one'?"
"I'm on Search, kid," Kurogane said, and watched Yuui's (blue, so very blue) eyes widen as his meaning sank in. "We're going to try to pair-bond you with a dragonet. I think you have what it takes."
He watched the surprise and alarm warring on Yuui's face for a heartbeat, and then turned back to Telgar's Lord Holder, who was glaring at the young man. Charis traced his fingertips across the wood of the tabletop and cut his gaze to meet Kurogane's eyes. "I see," he said, neutrally. "Are - are you quite sure, Lord Kurogane?"
Kurogane frowned, his eyebrows drawing together. "Yes," he said shortly, looking away from the Lord Holder to Yuui again. Yuui still looked poleaxed, like this was all a big surprise to him. "He's acceptable."
The Lord Holder folded his hands together, watching Kurogane thoughtfully over his clasped fists. "Yuui is... my son," he said carefully, "But he is... different."
"Different?" Kurogane asked, raising an eyebrow. Yuui lowered his eyes, his blond hair slipping out of his queue to fall raggedly about his face. He didn't look different, but Holders lived different lives to those born in the great Weyrs like Kurogane had been. Kid was handsome, though; no matter what colour dragon he Impressed Kurogane was quite sure he'd prove popular in the Weyr.
"He's not like us," said the Lord Holder. "He has no respect for our ways." He flicked a disdainful glare at Yuui, whose face was flushed with mortification and something else. "Or the ways of nature."
Ah, Kurogane thought, disgusted. Of course it came down to that.
To what? Ginryuu asked curiously, and Kurogane mentally growled at his dragon and tried to shove him away; Ginryuu was too intrigued to budge.
Humans who don't live in Weyrs don't like humans who... who partner green dragons.
Ginryuu's surprise washed over him. Why? Green dragons are pretty.
Yes, Kurogane replied grimly, his eyes roving over Yuui's face; his soft, silky hair, his defensive posture, the shame in the angle of his head. No wonder, growing up as he had. And their riders are all men who take other men as their weyrmates.
Holder fear and hatred toward those who preferred the company of their own gender was marked, and Yuui wouldn't be the first man who had been treated this way because of his tastes in their society. Privately Kurogane was glad they'd come; even if he didn't manage to Impress, being at the Weyr would do the kid good. "I'll keep that in mind," he said to Charis, keeping his tone level, and turned to Yuui. He put his back to Charis, stepping between father and son deliberately; Yuui looked up in surprise. "You need to go pack? Or you want servants to do that for you?"
"I - we're leaving today?" Yuui said, his mouth falling open, and Kurogane grunted.
"Hatching won't wait for you to feel up to it," he said, and Yuui paled. Kurogane quirked an eyebrow and subtly rolled his eyes toward Charis, trying to indicate you want to stay here with him?
Still, Yuui quavered. His voice wobbled as he said, "I don't... I have... I - there are, that is, there's someone - I. I have to, to, to -"
"Look," Kurogane said shortly, "I'm hungry and you're babbling. You can make your excuses while I go to the kitchen to grab something." He shoved the doors open and paused. "And you can show me the way to the kitchen while you're at it," he conceded, and watched something like a smile flash briefly across Yuui's white, surprised face before the young lordling-who-wasn't followed him. The door closed behind them, blocking away Charis, and Yuui breathed out slowly, visibly calming down. His shoulders straightened unconsciously as he relaxed, and before he could second-guess himself Kurogane reached out and grabbed his shoulder. "You okay?"
"No," Yuui said.
Kurogane sighed. "I get that you've probably heard all kinds of rumors about us dragonriders," he said, "But we're really not that bad."
He paused. Yuui was carefully not looking at him.
"Look, we don't care who you bed with," he said, and Yuui flushed pink down to the tips of his ears. Gotcha, Kurogane thought. Well, Yuui would hardly be the first Hold-born boy to leave scorn at home in return for the safety and understanding of a dragon Weyr.
Yuui swallowed; his Adam’s apple bobbed as he did so. He really was astonishingly pale, when he wasn't blushing. The sweep of his collarbones were visible beneath the fabric of his tunic, and he had his hands knotted together.
I like him, Ginryuu said helpfully, and Yuui jerked again.
Ignoring his dragon, Kurogane carefully let Yuui go and tilted his head. "You feel that, don't you?" he said. "That tingle just then, like a buzzing in your ears?"
"I - yes," Yuui said slowly. "Yes, I do... how did you know that?"
"That was Ginryuu talking to me," Kurogane said, with the hint of pride that was always in his voice when he thought of his bronze, try as he might to keep it away. "You hearing it just shows he was right about you being suitable."
"Your dragon said I was suitable?" Yuui forgot to avoid eye-contact in his surprise and looked right at Kurogane; his eyes were even bluer out here in the corridor with the glowworm light. Bloody hell, Kurogane thought ruefully.
"Yeah. Didn't think I made the decision by myself, did you?"
Yuui cast a wild glance in the direction of the courtyard, although it was blocked from his sight by the stone Hold walls. His hair glimmered in the light, paler than Tsukuyomi's golden scales. "... He can talk?"
The fuck? Kurogane thought. What the hell had Telgar Weyr's resident Harper been teaching Charis' sons? Yuui had obviously memorized the required list of Weyr Riders and their dragon's names, to remember Ginryuu's name as Kurogane's dragon, but to not know that dragons could speak was a peculiar oversight. He narrowed his eyes, and Yuui must have caught some of the gesture out of the corner of his eye because he turned pink and went back to staring fixedly at the tips of his boots.
Kurogane sighed and raised a hand, rubbing his face wearily. "Look, show me the way to the kitchen," he said. "I'll tell you more there."
Without a word Yuui reached up and took one of the dimmer baskets of glowworms from the wall; the light they shed was pale and weak but would be sufficient. Back to avoiding Kurogane's eyes again, he gestured for Kurogane to follow him, and quietly set off down the narrow stone corridor.
He's sad, Ginryuu thought.
Yeah. Kurogane took a few steps after the kid and paused. You okay?
I ate, Ginryuu replied contentedly. And I have sun.
Lazy, Kurogane snorted under his breath, his boot heels clicking on the stone floor as he followed the quiet little lordling down the corridor. Send a message to Tsukuyomi back at the Weyr. Tell her to tell Tomoyo that we found a candidate, but he needs reassuring. We won't be back yet.
A pause. Done, Ginryuu said, and then curiously, Tsukuyomi says to tell you Tomoyo asked if he was cute? What's cute?
Kurogane's abrupt growl of anger earned him a startled glance from several passing drudges, but Yuui merely flinched and didn't turn around, and if Kurogane felt a sudden wash of concern that tamped down his irritation, it was just because he needed to convince Yuui to agree to come with him yet.
He was holder-born. It was far too early to be thinking about anything else.
The kitchen shutters were open when Yuui pushed the door open, and the rays of sunshine pouring through the windows made bright shapes on the bare stone floor. The ovens were on, and a drudge was watching over the kitchen dogs on the spit; the air was rich with the fatty scent of roasting meat. Yuui deposited the glowworm basket on the small servant's table near the door and held it open for Kurogane, who was so tall he had to duck minutely to pass underneath it.
Curiously he cast a glance around for the person he sought, to no avail. It was shearing season in the barn, no doubt he was out there, working. Charis would hear of it if Yuui went to him and interrupted him from his chores, but Yuui felt his throat close and his heartbeat pick up at the thought of just leaving without seeing him again.
"M'lord," said a clear voice, and he looked over to see the Hold cook, her face pinched in disapproval as she headed over to him. She didn't bow or greet him with deference she should as the Lord's son; his status had fallen that low within the Hold. Even the servants knew of his disgrace. "What're you doing here?" she asked. "It ain't supper time yet."
Yuui cleared his throat and tried to put some authority in his voice, although he didn't think he succeeded. "This is Wingleader Kurogane of Telgar Weyr," he said, stepping aside to let her more clearly see Kurogane. Not that the man was hidden by him or anything, what with being so ridiculously tall. "Do we have any cold cuts we can serve him as refreshment?"
Her eyes tracked up and down Kurogane thoughtfully, as her mouth moved ceaselessly like she was trying to remove a stuck piece of food from between her teeth. She'd had that habit as long as he'd known her. "Might be we got some wherry in the cold storage," she said, and snapped her fingers imperviously. A drudge came hurrying up to her side, seemingly from nowhere; she rattled off a string of commands and the servant vanished as quickly as he'd arrived.
"Sit down, please," Yuui said, turning toward Kurogane and focusing his gaze on the man's chest. That was one of the most important lessons he'd learned about humility; to avoid eye contact where possible.
Another drudge fetched Kurogane a cup of Klah as soon as he sat down, although she didn't bring anything for Yuui. Not wanting to stand around awkwardly, Yuui slid into the seat opposite the man reluctantly; Kurogane's long fingers wrapped easily around the tall clay cup and his red eyes narrowed appreciatively as he held the mug under his face, inhaling the bitter steam wafting from the beverage.
"So," Kurogane said, turning the drink around in his (huge) hands; "How come you don't know about dragons and talking? Who's your Harper?"
Yuui stared down at the worn wood of the table, scratched and battered from generations of use. He could feel a headache forming. "Master Sorata," he said quietly, and then, in a rush, "But don't blame him, Lord Kurogane, he's - it's not his fault I don't know! He didn't have time, I..."
He swallowed. No. Mustn't blurt everything out to this man.
"I stopped taking Master Sorata's lessons early," he said, instead. He was proud of how neutral and calm his tone was. "The Lord Holder and I felt it would be better to assume a role that rewarded some practical experience instead."
There. Nothing suspicious about that, certainly not for an older son. Even if he didn't inherit, he'd be a Holder on his father's lands anyway in time. Land and Hold management were key to someone of his birth.
"You're really bad at this lying thing," Kurogane said, conversationally.
Yuui froze, his heart fluttering against his ribs, and carefully slid back in his seat, drawing away from Kurogane. He tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and risked a glance at the dragonrider's face; Kurogane was watching him with a hooded expression. His red eyes were cool. Nervously Yuui looked away. "I'm not sure what you're implying," he said.
Kurogane snorted wearily. "Right," he said. "Whatever. Tch. So you never learned about life in a Weyr?"
Yuui shook his head. A drudge appeared quietly at Kurogane's side, drawing his attention; she had one of the good silver platters, bearing a hunk of warm bread, several slices of thick wherry, and a pitcher of steaming gravy. It was hard to tell with Kurogane's permanent scowl, but the dragonrider looked almost surprised by the meal offered; he leaned back from the table to let the drudge put it in front of him and accepted her offer of a clean cloth, pulling his belt knife from his hip and wiping the blade off with quick, sure strokes of his large hands.
"Hungry?" he said, setting the knife down and pouring the pitcher of gravy over the meat; the scent was appetizing, Yuui hadn't had breakfast - but then again, he had forgone breakfast because the sheep-shearers wouldn't be having any today, and to eat when he couldn't felt... strange. He shook his head and glanced out of the window. At this time of day the Red Star hung in the horizon like an unyielding eye, and Yuui shuddered discretely. Strange, to think of something so small and so far away as the harbinger of the dreaded Thread.
It took him a second to realize the drudge who had fetched Kurogane's meal hadn't gone away and was instead hovering by his side with an uncertain expression on her face; he angled his head at her curiously and she bit her lip before blurting, "M'lord, we're expectin' the shepherds up at twenty minutes to dinner bell. For their suppers, like."
"I see," Yuui said, his ears ringing faintly, and glanced away. He knew why she had told him. He wasn't supposed to be here when that happened.
Kurogane had stopped chewing, his eyes darting from the drudge to Yuui thoughtfully; when she bobbed a curtsey and headed back to the vegetable sideboard Kurogane dipped the bread casually into the gravy and said, "You know, we can send someone back here with a message when you're at the Weyr. If there's anyone here you're not supposed to be speaking to."
Yuui stared at him, too shocked to remember to avoid eye contact. Kurogane didn't avert his gaze even as he raised a hand and tore a chunk out of the sopping bread, and his eyes were cool and sharp.
"You're not the first I've seen," he continued, in a bored tone of voice. He could have been discussing the weather, or informing Yuui of scheduled Threadfall. "Holder life isn't for everyone. What do you know about the Weyrs?"
"In general, or one in particular?" Yuui inquired, still stunned by the dragonrider's tacit approval of whatever he thought it was Yuui did.
Kurogane shrugged. "Let's say general, but focusing on Telgar Weyr, since it's the one you'll be joining."
Joining? "Dragonriders exist to fight Thread," he said. "The Weyrs house them and their dragons. Um." He tugged at a lock of his hair, abruptly nervous explaining this to a genuine wingleader. "They come in five colours. Dragons, that is, not riders."
"Go on," Kurogane said, spearing a slice of the wherry meat with his knife and tearing into it aggressively.
"Um... Weyrs are ruled by the Weyrwoman, who rides the senior queen dragon, and the Weyrleader, who rides whichever bronze dragon caught the senior queen in her most recent mating flight." He paused, and then said, softly, "Telgar Weyr recently lost both its Weyrwoman and its Weyrleader."
A shadow passed across Kurogane's face. "Yes," he said, somberly. It was a tragedy when any dragonrider died, for everyone knew dragons suicided on the deaths of their bound riders. To lose both Clow - to Thread, of all things - and Yuuko had been a terrible tragedy, one even Yuui had become aware of.
"Who's running the Weyr now?" Yuui asked shyly, and Kurogane made a face.
"Us," he said. "The council of wingleaders. We can't do anything until one of the junior queens rises to mate, making its rider the Weyrwoman. We have two of them at Telgar, so it's a matter of waiting to see which one happens first, and whichever dragon catches her." He paused. "Probably we should have given the title to Kendappa, she's the oldest of the two, but the council..." and here he pulled a bitter face - "they think she's too volatile to be Weyrwoman. They're holding out and hoping Tsukuyomi rises before Amaterasu does."
Yuui didn't say anything, not knowing who either of these people were. Kurogane sighed heavily and took another bite of wherry, the meat juices running out of the corner of his mouth. Yuui absently ran his fingers over the battered kitchen table, spelling out his name in his fluid scribe's writing. "I'd heard that dragonriders..." He hesitated, trying to work out what he wanted to say. He could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "I'd heard that in a Weyr, it's... common. For men. To, to be. Together."
Kurogane snorted, his red eyes flashing, and Yuui shrank away from him instinctively; but there was no disgust on the man's face, nor censure. "There are five colours of dragons," he said, casually. "Queens only take woman riders. The other four colours don't care. You do the math on the male to female ratio of riders."
Yuui gaped at him.
"On top of that," Kurogane said, something like a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth, "Riders whose dragons rise to mate tend to... lose control of themselves. Queens only rise once a turn, if that; but greens...?"
Now Yuui could feel his flush intensifying. There was a saying he'd heard, once he'd been banished from the privilege of the upper-hold life as the Lord Holder's heir; 'desperate as a green in heat'. Kurogane huffed out a warm breath and used the last of his bread to mop up the juices from the meat and gravy, and Yuui stared at him, trying to imagine what it was like to come from a world in which it was considered common or even inevitable for men to lie with each other.
No wonder the conservative Lord Holders tended to disapprove of dragonriders.
"I..." His fingertip was moving again, agitated invisible writing. "I don't... what happens to those who don't Impress a hatchling?"
Kurogane shrugged. "You can come home, if you want," he said. "Or stay in the Weyr. Plenty of people living there who aren't riders."
Yuui was about to say more when that strange buzzing sounded in his ears, and Kurogane's eyes slid to the side, his head cocked at a slight angle and his eyebrows drawing together. He'd said the buzzing meant he was listening to his dragon. Yuui watched him, using the moment of distraction to properly take in Kurogane's appearance; his messy, unkempt dark hair, his skin, tanned almost as bronze as his dragon from being dragonback, even the sleek muscles of his shoulders and arms. If this were anyone else, he'd be in trouble by now.
"That was Tomoyo," Kurogane said abruptly, and Yuui jumped guiltily as the man's gaze slid back to him. Kurogane squinted at him suspiciously, but picked up the cloth and wiped off his belt knife before sliding it back into its sheath. "She says the eggs are closer to hatching than we thought - maybe tomorrow or the day after. You want to go grab your stuff and make your goodbyes?"
Yuui glanced away, breaking eye contact. "I... I only have one person I want to say goodbye to," he said, and hesitated. "And I don't have anything here worth keeping."
Charis had burned it all, after he'd caught them together. All their carefully copied musical notes, all his hand-carved instruments, everything. That which he couldn't burn - like the clay dragon statues - he'd smashed.
The strange buzzing noise sounded again, and this time Yuui thought he could sense a voice amidst; it was like hearing someone on the other side of a wall, speaking just low enough that their words were incomprehensible. Kurogane scowled intently at the wall, and the buzzing continued.
"Ginryuu thinks I should go with you," he said, sourly. "He's concerned."
Yuui blinked at him. "Oh," he said, not sure how else to respond. "Um, tell him I said 'thank you'...?"
He led Kurogane through the backdoor that led down to the stone livestock shelters. During Threadfall it was foolish to keep animals out in the fields; the dragonriders caught most of the Thread that fell, burning it away to nothing from the backs of their mighty beasts, but a single missed Thread could devour a whole herd of sheep, bones and all, in seconds. Many Holders kept their animals here under the Lord Holder's care for safety's sake.
The shepherds were already beginning to troop uphill toward the kitchens for their meals when the two of them left; Yuui kept his rule of avoiding eye contact but there was no mistaking the expression of disgust and contempt on their faces. He knew Kurogane saw, and his skin crawled with how much he didn't want the dragonrider commenting on it.
Yuui rarely ventured into the animal pens unless he had to, and not because of a dislike of the sheep; he had not been the one to bear most of Charis' blame for what he'd caught his sons doing. That had fallen on Fai, who was smart and quick and already fairly obvious about his disinterest in women.
When Charis caught his sons tangled together that lazy spring morning, he'd blamed Fai for 'ruining' Yuui; while Yuui had been set to stewardship, Fai had been forced to the level lower than that of a drudge. All the ugly hard tasks fell to him, and Charis had made it quite clear that they were never to be alone together. Yuui hadn't seen his twin for months, and he was afraid, even with Kurogane at his side; afraid of what the shepherds might say, afraid of what they might tell Charis, afraid of what might happen to Fai once he was gone.
But he couldn't even consider leaving until he told his twin. They used to dream of being dragonriders as children, obsessed as most children were with the perceived glory of owning a magnificent fire breathing monster, soaring through the skies. They'd bickered for a while over what their dragon would be called - and it would be one dragon, for they shared everything - until finally they compromised and agreed it would be named Mokona like their childhood doll.
Charis had burned that doll too, Yuui remembered faintly.
The inside of the barn was smoky and dimly lit, thick with the scent of sheep and wool and grease. There were several pens of shorn sheep near the doors, bisected by a roped-off walkway running through the centre of the barn. Swallowing his reluctance, Yuui headed up to the first shepherd he saw and asked for the whereabouts of his twin, Kurogane a lurking, unobtrusive presence at his back, but the shepherd's eyes still went to Kurogane before he pointed along the walkway to the far end of the barn.
He found the empty pen where the fleeces were stacked up on several pallets, several dirty, tired-looking men examining them carefully to check the quality. Fai was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, his long hair pulled into a matted tail and his skin shiny with the grease from the sheepskins. His clothes were filthy and of poorer make than Yuui's, although that didn't worry him as much as the huge purple bruise ringing Fai's eye. His twin jerked when Yuui touched a hand to his elbow, staring at him in surprise.
"Yuui?" he said, his mouth falling open briefly before he remembered himself. "Yuui, what... what are you doing, you shouldn't be here -"
"I know, I know, Fai. I know. What happened?" Yuui said, in a rush. His belly knotting with sick horror, he raised one hand, brushing his fingertips against the large bruise. Fai's eye only opened halfway.
"It's nothing," Fai said, too quickly. "It's nothing at all. You should've seen the other guy. Yuui, you should leave..."
The strange buzzing rang in Yuui's ear, a whispery voice he didn't know that was somehow too quiet to be heard and louder than everything else. He let his hand fall from Fai's face, abruptly ashamed of himself. It was Fai who would be getting in trouble for this, and Yuui had caused his twin too much suffering already. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Who's the newcomer?" Fai asked, in a lower voice, and Yuui turned to follow his twin's gaze; Kurogane was standing by the heap of fleeces, his arms folded over his chest and his eyes contemplative. Yuui felt a smile bubbling to his face unbidden and hastily turned away from the dragonrider to keep it from him.
"That's Kurogane, one of the wingleaders of Telgar Weyr," he said, and saw the way Fai's eye widened. "Yes. He's on Search, Fai."
Fai gave this a second of thought before smiling wistfully. "Too bad," he said. "Charis' girls are too young to Impress a hatchling."
Yuui's throat worked. "Yes," he agreed softly. "They are. But..."
"But?"
Very quietly, Yuui said, "But I'm not," and watched the way Fai's whole expression froze before shutting down. It took barely a second, before he was standing there wearing a blank, neutral face that was so screamingly unnatural it made Yuui uncomfortable.
"I see," he said, and Yuui thought his heart would break; he wanted so badly to take Fai into his arms. The strange buzzing noise came again, and this time he thought he heard a word: Kuro -
"I won't go if you don't want me to," Yuui said, fiercely, and Fai glanced at him and then scowled.
"No," he said, forcefully. Yuui stared. "No. Yuui, you were Searched! You have to go! You shouldn't be here."
"Neither should you," Yuui said, his eyes tracking the bruise. It wasn't an isolated incident, he suspected; the angle Fai was standing indicated some other sore spots, hidden from view by the heavy cloth he wore... and why was he wearing a tunic that fastened to the throat in summer? Yuui felt bile rise in the back of his throat as the implications sparked queries in the back of his mind.
... Kuro... do'n... poss.... says bri - ... sad.
Fai looked away. "It's okay," he said, in a gentle tone of voice. "It's okay, Yuui. I'll be fine. Hard work never killed anybody before."
But it's not just the work, Yuui thought, upset. He wanted to touch Fai, to soothe him and reassure him physically; but that was what had gotten them into this mess.
He's... cept... him, pick.... Kuro!
"Oi," Kurogane said, abruptly, and stepped closer. Fai's eyes flickered to the dragonrider and he smiled his horrible brittle smile; Kurogane glared at him. "Stop that. What's your name?"
"Fai. And you, Mister Dragonrider?"
Kurogane huffed out a breath and didn't answer; instead his hand darted out and caught Fai's chin so quickly Yuui barely caught the movement. Fai flinched away so fast his head hit the wall with a hollow thonk, and he stared at Kurogane through startled blue eyes; Yuui was torn between doing the same or staring at Fai, who looked... who looked frightened. That couldn't be right. Fai was...
"I... ahaha, please warn me next time you do that!" Fai said, trying a smooth, glossy smile on for size. "Wingleader Black can't just grab people, it's rude!"
"Fai..." Yuui said quietly.
For a long moment they stood there, not moving, the three of them in a stock still tableau; then Kurogane sighed heavily and let his hand drop. "You'll do," he said to Fai, who blinked at him, his smile replaced with a mystified expression. "Ginryuu says you're as good as the other one."
"What?" Fai was looking at the dragonrider with confusion on his face, but Yuui felt like a weight had been removed from his shoulders as he realized what Kurogane was saying. "I don't understand, Lord Surly -"
Kurogane twitched. "It's Kurogane, damnit!"
"We're both being Searched, Fai," Yuui whispered, and watched with glee as his twin's face changed.
"It's cold in Between," Kurogane said gruffly, turning away from the two of them to the heap of fleeces and the few shepherds who had stopped in their work to watch the displays. Yuui felt himself flush at their regard, old conditioned fear. "You got any winter clothes?"
They both nodded agreement slowly, and Kurogane snorted. "Go fetch them," he said. "And meet me in the courtyard by Ginryuu. I got to tell the Lord Holder about this."
Yuui swallowed. Please, he thought, his mind spinning; please don't let Charis talk to him about us, please. He glanced sideward at Fai; his twin's face was still alight with incredulity at the change in his fortunes, but caution was creeping in around the edges. Please.
It'll be fine, whispered the buzzing voice in the back of his mind, strange and foreign, and Yuui bit his lower lip in surprise.
Ginryuu? he thought, but there was no response.
Kurogane left before them, leaving them standing too close together in front of the other shepherds. Fai ducked his head, lowering his eyes, and murmured something about going to fetch his coat, and Yuui let him even though part of him desperately wanted to weave their fingers together and hold on. He stood, watching Fai's back as his twin headed out the barn, his chest tight and his palms itching.
The remaining shepherds were glaring at him distrustfully, and it was this more than anything that got him moving. His pace picked up as he made his way along the walkway through the barn, and by the time he reached the fresh air he was running, and then it was a flat sprint up the hill to the kitchens; as if the speed with which he fetched his coat could affect the time Kurogane would have to talk to Charis. As if by running he could somehow make sure his secret stayed just that, because while Weyrs might not care about men... twins was a whole other kettle of fish.
Please, he thought, his wherhide boats scraping over the stone floors of the Hold, Please.
Please.
part 2 →