Fic: Not Quite Paradise [14/?]

[reikah]

Title: Not Quite Paradise [14/?; ongoing]
Fandom: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Pairing: Fai/Kurogane/Yuui
Author: Co-write between mikkeneko & reikah
Rating: R
Word count: 8,905 this chapter (106,410 total)
Notes: "In a future where science and psionics rule the skies, and both are controlled by the iron fist of the Earth government, two young men make a desperate leap into the unknown in order to evade capture and slavery. AU, Kurogane/Yuui/Fai."

Part One - Earth: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]

Part Two - Mars: [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

Part Three - Europa: [13] [14]

← back to chapter thirteen

Part three: Europa
in my head i'm a chemical dreamer

so hard to concentrate, you can't

he's saying he'll see him again, sleep now, but fai can't

focus, it's

(you) he's falling apart, too much in his head, in his head

(concentrate concentrate concentrate concentrate concentrate what does the word concentrate even mean)

colors swirling like roads leading him away but he/you can't follow them because when you try you know pain and

"You'll wake up to see me, or - or you won't wake up at all," he says and you know he means it because he is you and you are him and he only lies to other people, and

and he won't let them take you back, lips on yours, a parting kiss and then it

just

stops.

blackness sweet and gentle, colors fading away as the sedation kicks in, rainbow edges around everything but fai closes his eyes and he's alone in his head and nothing can reach him here

And then he woke up.

Cold and noise, and when he opened his eyes, dark.

Sleep unit. He knows this, doesn't he?

(You are much older than most of those we find, Mister Flowright.

Yuui, I want Yuui -

No.)

His breath catches in his throat and for a moment he couldn't draw another one, terror closing in on him with the echoes of voices in his ears, because Yuui said he would wake up to him and there is nothing but black, except the colors are leeching in again at the edges and he couldn't even describe them because they were not colors the human eye should ever recognize, and -

air on his face, the sky moving, where was he? and he didn't...

concentrate concentrate concentrate concentrate

Yuui's face pops over the edge of the box, forehead creased with worry, and yes, he kept his promise; fai lolls his head back and sucks in steady gulps of air. Feels different here. Empty. Moved?

(concentrate concentrate concentrate concentrate)

"Fai," Yuui says, his whole face softening, "Fai, it's me."

He can't remember talking, movement of lips and tongue. Vibration of the vocal cords. Voice box. Shapement of air and and and and and

Yuui's face vanishes from his view and he makes a noise (so that's how it works) until it reappears; he reaches up clumsily (everything so slow) and tries to touch Yuui's cheek but he can't reach and he's just too tired to calculate trajectories and reach and adjust position accordingly and Yuui reaches down (so fast, he's moving so fast) and picks up his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Worry in his eyes. That's not right, it's

tired, thirsty, cold, hurting, strange taste in his mouth like metal, too many things happening and he's somewhere new and he doesn't know, he can't, he's going to jump he can feel it but they hurt you if you jump so he pushes it down and his breath comes hoarse and sharp and Yuui squeezes his hand tighter, and you clutch it back desperately, trying to make some sense -

"Fai, calm down," he says, "You're hyperventilating - Fai, calm down, stop it, look at me -"

"They're coming for me, they're coming for me, they're going to catch me," Fai whispers and his voice is a stranger's, he can see them clearly laying plans miles and miles away, he's too valuable to be lost for long and

and farseer and dreamseer and kinetic and jumper all here, what's

"Where is this place?"

"You're on a spaceship," Yuui says, stroking his thumbs over Fai's cheekbones, palms cradling his face. "It's alright, they found us but we fought them off. You're safe here."

That's a lie, he can see them making plans, but Yuui always tries so hard and you're so tired and so hungry. You fist his hands in Yuui's clothes and use him to sit up, your breath whistling from between gritted teeth (so long doing nothing except being hurt) and he supports him.

"Sssssh," Yuui whispered, his palms sweeping gently over the arc of fai's collarbones. "Ssssh, you're okay. I know you're tired, Fai, but you're going to be fine. I'll give you some stuff in a bit, that should help settle you, okay?"

you stare intently into his eyes, warm and blue. no blue eyes there except your own, mirrored in the glass. he talks to the reflection and pretends it was yuui somedays, but this is the real thing although he looks. different. smells changed.

"Where is this place?" you ask and his face falls

and you don't know

why.

The six hours dragged by, but Yuui knew they would. Mokona played him a few films, and he browsed through a couple of books, but his attention was wholly devoted to the steadily ticking clock, the hiss and occasional wisp of escaping ice vapor curling through the cabin air as the cryo-unit gently woke its occupant. When it began to register an increase in vital signs, he abandoned all attempts at distraction and climbed to his feet, hovering over the box and staring anxiously through the glass port as the fog cleared and the countdown ticked out the last few minutes.

Fai looked dreadful, his skin grey with the anti-freeze gel and his hair, long and mattered, bunched up around him with ice crystals shining in it. There were large dark circles about his eyes, and his bones pushed against his skin, and Yuui was very grateful he had bought food.

Broth first, he decided. He hadn't fed Fai since he'd rescued him, and God only knew when they had fed him before that. After that he'd help his twin wash the gunk off himself, and then the drugs, if Fai needed them.

The unit sounded zero with a small alarm, but he was already scrabbling with the storage unit's lid, his blunt fingernails scraping at the latch. His mouth felt dry and his hands were shaking minutely as he popped the catch and hefted the lid off; a great cloud of fog whistled into the air, temporarily blinding him, and then it faded and there was just... Fai, resting amidst the protective backing, his bruised eyelids sealed and his lips turning pink as his circulation resumed.

Yuui could feel his blood pulsing in his ears, and nervously he wedged the useless lid besides the cryo unit, between it and the bed. When he glanced back, Fai had opened his eyes; his pupils were dilated and he looked muzzy and barely there, but he was awake and that was something. Yuui expelled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and folded his arms on the edge of the box, and Fai's gaze tracked slowly toward him. Focusing, that was a good sign, right?

"Fai," he said, working hard to keep his voice from quivering too much. "Fai, it's me."

If his twin heard him, he didn't respond, not immediately. His eyes stayed glued on Yuui's though, and his lips moved slowly; he might have been sounding out Yuui's name but he wasn't sure. Unable to gaze for too long at the cloudiness in those familiar blue eyes Yuui turned away quickly, flipping the switches on the cans of washing water and broth to reheat their contents, but Fai made a small noise and Yuui was back again before it had even fully registered.

Fai was moving - sluggishly, but it was there; when he saw Yuui had returned he reached out toward Yuui's face with a shaking, skinny hand, but fell short and collapsed backward onto the padding. Yuui swallowed heavily and leaned down, picking up that hand, and covered it with both of his.

"It's okay," he said gently. "It's okay, Fai. I'm here. You're safe."

But Fai couldn't hear him, his breathing speeding up as he worked himself into a panic, and Yuui hated the Earth government then more than he had ever hated anything else. He was babbling himself, he knew, wordless reassurances and pleas for Fai to stop this; his twin's eyes were rolling back in his head and his thin chest was rising and falling and Yuui didn't know what to do. He clutched at Fai's hand, trying to ground him, and then bent forward and raised it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss against his knuckles.

This seemed to work when words hadn't, and he could have shouted his joy when Fai's breathing began to slow, his gaze focusing once more on Yuui's. Yuui gave him the biggest, brightest smile he could, and Fai's lips parted slightly as he mouthed something - looked like they're coming for me. Well, at least Yuui could reassure him on that front. He leaned over the lip of the capsule, stroking Fai's hair away from his face and cupping his twin's head, thumbs following the line of his jaw.

"Where is this place?" Fai asked, his voice soft and dazed, and Yuui squeezed his hand again and told him.

"They found us, but we fought them off," Yuui added, and Fai frowned minutely. He realized he was stroking his twin's face, the anti-freeze gel scratchy against the balls of his thumbs, and didn't stop as he reached for something to add to that; all he could come up with was the somewhat hollow-sounding, "You're safe here."

He helped Fai sit up, his twin so frail and thin compared to him. It reminded him uncomfortably of the distant past, the two of them scrounging food any way they could because there was none in the cupboard, and the thinness of Fai's long wrists wasn't helping with that comparison. At least there was food here, free for the taking. Once Fai had had something to eat he could decide what to work on next, the drugs or the bath; the anti-freeze gel on his skin was obviously itchy because Fai kept scratching at it with his free hand, and Yuui was unable to resist the urge to stroke his fingers along the sharp v of Fai's collarbones. He didn't understand why Earth would go to all this trouble for Fai if they couldn't even feed him right.

"I know you're tired, Fai, but you're going to be fine," he said, and his twin blinked at him sluggishly. Fai was having no trouble with eye contact, at least, which was a good sign. "I'll give you some stuff in a bit. That should help settle you, okay?"

Fai just looked at him for several long seconds, breathing softly, and then asked again quietly, "Where is this place?"

He felt like he'd been slugged in the stomach, a good body blow that shocked the breath out of him, but he closed his eyes and swallowed and tried to push it away. "You're on a space ship," he said, again. "We're in space, Fai. You always wanted to go to space, remember?"

Fai glanced away, his free hand scratching harder at his ribs, and Yuui reached down and caught it, pulling it away. His twin's stomach gurgled loudly then, and Fai seemed faintly surprised by the noise.

It wasn't fair, Yuui thought, angrily. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He didn't say anything about that though, just let Fai's hands go, stroked his matted, coarse hair, and said, his voice cracking halfway through, "Would you like some food now, Fai?"

Fai nodded after only a ten-second delay this time, which Yuui supposed was something. He turned his back on Fai to pour the chicken broth into a mug - one of Kurogane's, he was sure; it bore the logo of a Martian spaceship component dealer, complete with their website and email address - and took a sip himself, testing to see whether or not it was too hot. It felt okay. "Here," he said, turning back to Fai, and very nearly dropped it on his foot.

His twin had a hold of a hunk of his hair and was pulling, his face grim and determined as he tore it free. He'd already taken out another handful and it was a miracle Yuui managed to set the mug down before his hands snaked out, closing firmly around Fai's and forcing him to let go; Fai lost a few more strands in the process and made a small, surprised noise as they came out. The locks he'd already torn out sat grey and greasy in his palm, and his scalp showed pinkly through the rest; Yuui hissed out a breath in horror as he saw beads of blood welling to the surface.

"Concentrate," Fai told him crossly as he pushed the remaining hair aside to better look at the scalp. "Got to concentrate concentrate concentrate made from concentrate oranges and -"

"Why did you do that?" Yuui breathed, combing Fai's hair away from his face swiftly with his fingers and pulling out his own hair tie to knot it in a loose ponytail. Fai growled.

"Eating, focus. Have. Concentrate!"

Yuui reached down and pulled the loose strands of hair out of Fai's palm, and his twin made an indignant noise and reached for them. He was going to have to cut it, Yuui realized, if Fai was going to do this again. "Don't do that," he said breathlessly. "Don't do that again, Fai."

In a voice that rose in volume with every word, Fai snapped, "Pay attention! Do this, do that, I can't even see I promise I won't, just stop, I'll -"

"Ssssh!" Yuui said, frantically. His twin was almost shouting, and the kids and the captain were still asleep practically next door... "Sssh, Fai, ssh - calm down, it's okay, I'm not mad -"

"Mad?" Fai turned to stare at him, and seemed to relax. "Yes. Mad. Refuge in seeing things that were never meant to be seen, you take... Where is this place?"

It hurt less, this time. Yuui kissed Fai's forehead, wiping the gel off his mouth with the back of his hand, and gave his twin a shaky smile. "It's a spaceship, Fai," he said, and didn't bother elaborating this time; Fai's stomach rumbled audibly again and Yuui reached for the mug of broth.

Fai didn't seem to understand how to hold it by the handle, and his hands shook so badly Yuui ended up holding it for him as he drank. He misjudged the angle and spilled too much of the broth into Fai's mouth and his twin choked, excess liquid running down his chin and dripping miserably onto his lap, but Yuui didn't stop to clean it up until the mug was drained.

He made Fai drink another mugful, but Fai took no more than a mouthful of a third before he spat it back out and began gagging, tears leaking involuntarily from the corners of his eyes. Yuui guessed two mugs of broth was more than Fai had had to eat in a very long time, and wiped the tears away carefully with his thumbs. A kind of numbness had settled into his heart, fogging his vision, and distantly he was aware of his own eyes stinging, but he knew now wasn't the time to lose focus and so he pushed it down.

When he put the mug of broth down Fai threw his arms around his neck and clung to him tightly, his muscles quivering under Yuui's hands, and Yuui slid his own arms around Fai and hugged him back quietly, running his palm gently down the sharp knobs of his twin's spine and babbling nonsense into Fai's ear in a soothing tone of voice. It seemed to be working.

Whatever they did to you, he thought, You're still my brother. They would survive this because they had to. It had to be fixable, because... because...

He squeezed his twin tighter, pressing his cheek against the side of Fai's ear. The dried gel was crusted and itchy against his skin, and after a moment he drew back and rubbed at the bridge of Fai's nose with his thumb. "Let's get this off you, okay?" he said, displaying the grime across the pad of his thumb to Fai, and his brother's eyes darted to various points around the cabin before he nodded.

"Where are we?" he asked, as Yuui helped him take off the ratty hospital gown from the R & D unit back on Earth so long ago. There were more marks across his skin underneath it, but Yuui knew he wouldn't be able to get a good look at them until the gel had been cleaned off him.

Keeping his twin firmly in his gaze lest he repeat the hair-yanking incident, Yuui dragged the washbucket over in front of him, flipping the cap on the canister of bath water and filling it. The cabin was soon filled with the faint scent of the chemicals used to cleanse the non-drinking water, and the water vapor from the steam wafting gently from the bucket. Fai shrank away from it, shivering violently, and Yuui frowned and reached out, gently taking his twin's hand in his. His thumb fit snugly over the pulse-point in Yuui's wrist, and he could feel how rapid Fai's heartbeat was compared to his.

"We're in a spaceship," he said, his voice raspy and hoarse. "It's going to be okay, Fai. Are you cold?"

Fai didn't respond, but he told Mokona to raise the temperature in their cabin by five degrees Celsius, and the shipboard display lit up. "Affirmative," she said in her squeaky flat voice.

His twin lifted his head, startled. "Mokona?" he repeated.

"Awaiting orders," she said.

Fai narrowed his eyes, looking almost focused. "I see," he said. "Ichihara Industries prototype AI, project named Soel. Neutered personality core, microprocessing capabilities -"

Yuui gripped Fai's face between his, his thumbs following the sharp lines of his twin's cheekbones, and yanked his twin to face him. "Look at me," he ordered, despair riding behind his words, and felt a shivery wave of relief floating behind his breastbone when Fai did. "What did they do to you?"

For a long time he thought Fai wasn't going to reply, that the question was too much for him or had confused him, and then his brother's expression cracked and he said, in a whispery, little-boy voice, "They made me see."

There wasn't anything Yuui could say to that. He bumped his forehead silently against Fai's, their noses resting against against each other, and tried to push away the spike of pain in his chest. He had to be strong. He had to be strong. He couldn't break down here. He swallowed down his grief, and said, quietly, "Let's get you bathed and dressed, okay?"

Fai didn't reply, but he didn't argue either, and he meekly went along with Yuui when Yuui pushed him to his feet with his 'kinesis and sat him on the edge of the bed. The anti-freeze gel was specifically designed to dissolve in contact with water to make clean-up easier, and he was grateful for that as he rolled up his sleeve and plunged his hand into the bucket, seizing the sponge.

His twin sat meekly as he ran the sponge across his face, closing his eyes when Yuui tapped at his eyebrows with an index finger, like nothing so much as a giant doll. Every stroke of the sponge left pale pinkness in its path, shockingly bright against the grey-green, and here and there he uncovered bruises he hadn't registered back on Earth. Fai's inner elbows were both one large bruise from all the blood samples he'd obviously had drawn, and he flinched when Yuui touched them; Yuui whispered his apologies into the quietness of the cabin and Fai didn't look at him, and if water was leaking down Yuui's own face, trickling down his cheeks and leaving faintly salty trails, well, then he'd obviously splashed himself by accident.

It was well into midmorning, shipboard time, but the whole ship was as subdued as a night-cycle. They all knew that Yuui had started the defrosting process to bring his twin out of stasis; and although Syaoran and Sakura hadn't heard any of the ugly details Yuui had confided to Kurogane, they'd both picked up on the atmosphere of tension. Everyone knew, without it needing to be said, that the awakening of Yuui's brother was not likely to be a happy event.

Kurogane paced around the galley, too distracted to even settle into an exercise routine. Sakura and Syaoran were talking to each other in subdued voices out in the corridor. They'd been collaborating with Mokona to set up a projected holographic digital display of the date and time on the wall of every room, and although the clutter annoyed Kurogane's sense of aesthetics he had to admit it made sense.

He glanced at the clock nearest to him, scowling at the brightly blinking digits that informed him it was now 09:14, 19/11/02, and decided abruptly that enough was enough. If things had gone to schedule, Yuui should have uncorked their guest almost two hours ago. Kurogane had the right - not only that, the obligation - to check on his new passenger's welfare.

Kurogane tried first to call up the guest cabin's number from the in-ship com system, but although the signal chimed several times there was no answer. Either Yuui hadn't noticed the hail for some reason, or couldn't answer it right now. Kurogane pushed down a twinge of worry, and thought to hell with it - he'd go down and check on them in person.

He paused momentarily when he reached the guest cabin - he could hear Yuui's voice through the door, raised in some kind of stress, but couldn't make out what he was saying. He knocked on the door swiftly and loudly several times, and paused to wait for a response.

The door slid open a crack. "Who's there?" Yuui's voice called through the door; he sounded weary.

"It's me," Kurogane said. "I'm coming in."

Without waiting for assent he punched his captain's override into the door panel, sliding it open against Yuui's rising protests. "Wait, no, we're not -"

Kurogane climbed about halfway up the ladder into the guest cabin and stopped, folding his arms on the floor. There wasn't much further he could get into the room - the crate had taken up most of the floor space even when it was sealed, and now that its cover was open and its support mechanisms pulled halfway out and scattered everywhere the cabin was completely impassible. To get to the hatch the cabin's occupants would either have to climb over the gutted crate, or crawl around in the wall niche that the bed occupied.

Occupying the wall niche itself was Yuui, looking tired and upset and haggard, and a naked pale copy of him, looking twenty times worse. Two sets of startling blue eyes focused on him; one curious and uncomprehending, the other glaring.

"We're not dressed," Yuui said in aggravation. Kurogane snorted, dismissing that detail impatiently as he appraised his new guest's condition. He'd been cleaned of the medical goo that the triage chamber required, but that only revealed a new wealth of old bruises and disturbing marks on his skin.

"Who's that?" the brother - Fai, Kurogane reminded himself - asked curiously. He made a move as though trying to move off the bed towards the door, but listed to the side and was barely saved from cracking his head against the lid of the triage chamber by a quick grab from Yuui.

"It's the captain, Fai," Yuui told him in a weary voice. "Captain Kurogane."

It was the first time Kurogane had ever heard Yuui use his full name and title, and he didn't enjoy it as much as he'd thought he would. Yuui was sitting behind his brother with a pair of blunt scissors in his hand, and long strands of gel-matted hair were strewn across the mattress beneath them. "How is he?" Kurogane asked.

"He's fine. We're both fine. Go away," Yuui said, which was such obvious bullshit that Kurogane rolled his eyes and unfolded from the doorway, climbing the rest of the way into the cabin.

As Kurogane straightened to his full height and took a step forward, Fai's reaction was immediate and dramatic. His eyes widened as they tracked up Kurogane's full height, and his whole body flinched away. A small noise leaked from his lips as he tried to press himself further into the niche, away from the door. "Who is that?" he asked, his voice sharp-edged with fear.

Kurogane paused, stock still at the force of Fai's reaction. "It's Captain Kurogane, Fai." Yuui told his brother in a hopeless voice. He scrambled around in the bed until he was facing his brother, taking hold of both his shoulders. "Calm down, he won't hurt you. He owns this spaceship, he's our friend."

Fai swallowed visibly, the ribs starkly visible on his chest as his breathing quickened. His blue eyes darted from one point in the air to another without seeming to focus on anything. "Where is this place?" he demanded.

"I told you, we're on a -" Yuui broke off and took a deep breath, his frustration obvious. "I'm sorry, captain. I can't seem to make him remember. I've told him half a dozen times already and he just doesn't seem to be listening."

Kurogane grunted understanding, taking a careful step back so he wouldn't loom so badly. Fai's blue eyes locked onto him again at the movement, and the man's body was tense, faintly trembling. Kurogane tried to steel himself against pity, against a reckless compassion that might overwhelm caution and good judgment, but it was hard. "How is he aside from that?"

"Aside from that?" Yuui said incredulously. He had both hands on his brother's shoulders, trying to ground him and reassure him, but he twisted his head to give Kurogane a disbelieving glance. "He doesn't know where we are or what happened! That's a pretty big thing, don't you think?"

"Give it time," Kurogane said quietly. "Waking up out of cryo isn't like taking a nap in the middle of a day. You've got to expect some disorientation."

He knew that better than most, he thought grimly, remembering his own confused awakening. He could have wished to see a face as friendly and familiar as Yuui's when he'd woken up in that cold and sterile chamber, but he vividly remembered the confusion, the gut-wrenching nausea, the horrible sensation of being disconnected from everything and falling through the world.

"I don't think it's just that," Yuui said, with a ragged catch in his voice. "He - he - I don't know."

"He recognizes you at least, doesn't he?" Kurogane reasoned. "Last thing he knew, you were both on Earth. For you, you've had weeks to adjust to your life being turned upside down. For him, it was just a few hours ago. Just be patient."

"Yuui," Fai interrupted, and Kurogane realized with a slight jolt that the voice he'd heard through the door earlier - the one he'd mistaken for Yuui's, stressed with anger or fear - had been his. "Yuui, I'm thirsty."

Yuui's attention snapped back to his twin immediately. "Of course, Fai," he said tenderly, and Kurogane suddenly felt like an intruder, a voyeur. Yuui twisted himself awkwardly, reaching over the edge of the bed to fumble for the strap on one of the thermoses strewn across the room.

Kurogane watched, but made no move to help; his size and bulk obviously frightened Fai, and Kurogane hated to think about what that implied. "You don't need this thing any more," he commented, prodding the empty canister with his toe. "I'll get Syaoran to come up with a hand tractor and move it out, so you'll have more room to spread out." Small as he was, the kid was much less likely to register as a threat on Fai's scattered consciousness.

Yuui gave him a wan smile. "Thanks," he said, and Kurogane knew he didn't just mean for the space. It was a concession on his part, and he knew Yuui caught it; that Kurogane didn't think Fai was going to be a danger to the kids. Well, he wasn't. He was in such a bad state, weak and incoherent, that he wasn't likely to be a danger to anyone except himself.

Fai's shivering was increasing, until the shakes were visible even from across the room. The temperature in here was considerably hotter than the rest of the ship; Kurogane didn't think it was just cold. "Yuui," Fai croaked. One unsteady hand clawed outwards, catching in the fabric of his twin's shirt. "It hurts - Yuui, I don't understand - where are…?"

"Shh, Fai, it's all right," Yuui said, rocking his twin slightly as he closed his eyes in despair. "I know what's wrong. I'll give you something to fix it in just a moment, okay?"

Even hidden in the symptoms of Fai's general confusion and poor physical condition, Kurogane recognized the symptoms of Sleeper withdrawal - he'd seen them plenty of times on Europa and Ganymede. He felt suddenly uncomfortable, embarrassed on Fai's behalf in a way he hadn't been to see the man naked, and knew it was time to depart. "Listen," he said in a subdued voice, "I'll give you half an hour. Then I'll send the kid up to get rid of this box."

He paused a moment, searching for something else to say. "Let him know whatever else you need, and we'll get it to you. And learn to answer your cabin's com, will you?"

Yuui's face lit up in a tired smile, and he nodded to the speaker panel on the far side of the room - completely blocked off by the heavy canister. Kurogane rolled his eyes. "All right," he said. "Anything else?"

Yuui shook his head. "No, but - wait -" he said, and Kurogane turned back from where he'd started for the door. He met Yuui's eyes, reddened with fatigue, and was surprised by the warmth he saw there. "Thank you, Captain," Yuui said quietly. "For everything."

Sakura was in the galley, nervously standing over a covered skillet while she watched the seconds tick by on the new wall-clock. She was trying to reproduce one of the recipes Yuui-san had taught her, but while he had made it look easy and the recipe book made it sound so simple, it was turning out to be more complicated than she'd anticipated. Yuui-san had done half a dozen tasks at once and still always seemed to know when things needed to be done, but Sakura had to go through one step at a time lest her meal revert to a Syaoran-style lump of charcoal briquettes.

She cast her eye over the green glow of the large digits on the walls, and couldn't help but smile. She'd had another vision this morning - of standing in this very same galley cooking something, actually - and the clock had been there. As instructed, she'd dutifully recorded the date and time and location in her log book, and then wondered what she was supposed to do next.

But Yuui-san hadn't appeared at all on the ship today; he hadn't come out for breakfast, and it was getting to late lunchtime with still no sign of him. If this rice and lemon chicken dish turned out all right, she might could bring him and his brother a bowl - but the captain had strictly forbidden them from going near the guest cabin until they knew for sure whether their new passenger was going to be okay.

Of course, it also wasn't helping her concentration on the meal that Syaoran was in the galley too, seizing the Captain's absence to get his turn on the exercise machine. He was dressed in a thin tank top, now plastered sweatily against his skin. Sakura kept sneaking surreptitious glances in his direction, thinking how nice it was to see him out of the bulky, obscuring lines of his vacuum suit for a change…

Sharply-defined muscles stood out against the lines of his arms and shoulders as he lifted and lowered the bars, and Sakura felt a heat creeping up her chest and throat and face that had nothing to do with the stove. He wore sweatpants rather than shorts, probably out of a misplaced sense of modesty for her, but all Sakura could think was that it made him look older and more mature than ever.

A hiss from the cookpot boiling over brought Sakura's attention sharply back to the stove, and she hurriedly lifted the lid and stirred the chicken down. A waft of scented steam rolled past her, and behind her she heard Syaoran sniff appreciatively. "That smells great, Princess," he said.

"Thanks," Sakura said, a touch of a blush rising in her cheeks at the compliment. "I hope you like it, because it's the only dish Yuui-san has managed to teach me so far. We're probably going to be eating a lot of it."

"Ah." The weights banged down against the bar, and Syaoran sat up, breathing heavily. Glancing at the timer, Sakura decided she could spare a few seconds to pick up a sealed water bottle and bring it over to him. He smiled gratefully at her as he slung his hand towel around his neck and took the water from her. "Maybe you can try to teach me that recipe? It doesn't seem fair that you should have to do all the cooking."

"I don't know that it was fair to make Yuui-san do it all, either," Sakura said, frowning slightly at the thought. She was not at all sure enough of her teaching ability to prevent the disasters that always seemed to accompany Syaoran into the kitchen. "But it's not just about fairness. Whoever can do it, will have to do it, and Yuui-san is…"

She trailed off, and a slightly glum silence fell between them as their thoughts turned towards their missing friend.

Heavy footsteps sounded on the deck plating outside, and they both looked up as Kurogane entered the rec room, frowning heavily. Both their attentions turned to him, the question of dinner immediately forgotten.

"Is something wrong, Captain?" Syaoran asked him.

"How are Yuui-san and his brother?" Sakura couldn't help adding.

"Nothing that we didn't expect," Kurogane grunted somewhat disconsolately. "The blond idiot's doing fine. His brother… is awake, at least."

If "awake" was the best adjective that could be applied to him, Sakura didn't really like the sound of that. She frowned worriedly.

Kurogane turned his focus on Syaoran. "When you get a chance, I want you to run up to their cabin," he directed the younger man. "Bring a tool set and a tractor unit so you can clear that cryo cabinet out of the way. We don't need it there any more, and they don't have much room with it knocking around in there."

"Oh, of course!" Syaoran said, nodding firmly as he accepted the mission.

"I can go, too," Sakura seized on. "You know my tool set is a lot more complete than Syaoran's…"

"There might not be enough room for both of us, though," Syaoran warned her.

"But I can at least help!" Sakura said. "Besides, I haven't had a chance to meet Fai-san yet. With the amount that Yuui-san cares about him, he must be very special…"

Kurogane's frown deepened, and he rubbed a hand over his face. Then he sighed and looked directly at Sakura. "Look, you can go up there and introduce yourself if you like," he said. "He's not dangerous, so there's no real reason for that room to be off-limits to you. But keep it short. That guy just got out of cryo-sleep, he's confused and disoriented and probably could use peace and quiet more than anything else. Go on up and say hi, but don't make a fuss if he doesn't respond to you."

"Oh," Sakura said quietly. The mental picture that Kurogane painted was daunting; her hope that Yuui had overestimated the amount of help and care that his brother would need quickly faded. "Should we go now, or...?"

"No," the captain said firmly. "The pair of them need some time alone, and I'm not going to explain why, so don't ask. Give them about half an hour. I'm sure you can find something to do until then."

Sakura flushed. "I was cooking lunch," she admitted, and he actually looked momentarily surprised by this. "Don't look at me like that," she said hotly. "Yuui-san taught me how to make this! It'll be fine!" A thought struck her. "Actually... do you think I should put some aside for him and Fai-san, Captain?"

Kurogane grunted. "The first blond, yeah. The other one, no. Cryo tends to shrink your appetite."

Poor thing, Sakura thought, and then pushed it away. Fai-san wasn't a thing. Before she could ask any questions about the unfreezing process, something hissed sharply behind her, and she gasped as she spun around; the rice was boiling over.

Lunch was perfectly edible, to Sakura's relief. She sat down opposite Syaoran, the Captain in his usual seat at the head of the table. All three of them wolfed the meal down with gusto; although she couldn't help but wonder how long before they were all going to get sick of eating the same thing over and over. Longer than they had eating Syaoran's inedible cooking every day, at least.

After they were finished, Kurogane excused himself to head back up to the bridge, and Syaoran pushed to his feet. "Well, I'd better get up there to take apart that crate," he said. "Princess, did you want to come at the same time, or…?"

"Go ahead," Sakura told him. "I'll just clean up the dishes, and put some of the leftovers in a tray for them." She had made far too much food on purpose, and there was plenty to be stored for dinner tonight. She hesitated for a few minutes over how much food to put in, since the captain had said Fai-san probably wouldn't be hungry, but… better to have too much than not enough, she decided. They could always eat it later.

As she sealed the top on the zero-g food tray she always used for her own lunches in the engine room, the sound of shouting echoed faintly down from the corridor below.

Sakura broke into a run, the lunch box shoved in the carry-sack under her arm as she scrambled down the ladder into the hallway and galloped along the corridor towards the guest room. She was in time to see Syaoran back hurriedly down the ladder, losing his footing and falling the last few feet with a resounding thump. From the open hatch over his head, a voice that sounded like Yuui's was shouting hysterically.

"Don't you dare!" the angry voice was yelling. Behind it, Sakura could just make out Yuui-san's voice saying something soothing, but the words were lost in the din. "Don't you dare! Don't you touch him, don't you dare!"

"Syaoran-kun! What happened?" Sakura wanted to know, giving him a hand up to his feet.

"I, I don't know!" Syaoran sounded completely flabbergasted. "I just went up and introduced myself, and Fai - he - he just took one look at me and started screaming!"

"But he didn't for Kurogane, or else the captain would have said something…" Sakura said hesitantly. "Maybe you just surprised him?"

"I don't know, I…" Syaoran looked shaken, his brown eyes wide. Sakura hesitated, then started pulling herself up the ladder.

She could immediately see why Kurogane had tasked them with getting rid of the triage chamber; with it blocking off most of the space in the room, the two brothers were pretty much forced into the bed niche in the wall.

The two men seemed to be struggling, and it took Sakura a confused moment to sort out the scene. It was especially hard because Fai was wearing the shirt Sakura had gotten used to seeing on Yuui, together with a plain pair of ship-knit shorts. But Fai was thinner and frailer than his healthy brother, and yet despite this, he seemed to be trying to shove Yuui behind him, place himself between his twin and the hatch. Yuui, in the meantime, seemed to be trying to accomplish the same thing.

"I won't let him touch you," Yuui's twin was raving, his voice fierce and menacing despite looking like a high wind could snap him in two. "I know what he wants, I won't let him have it. He's not going to get your eyes, I won't let him! Don't you dare! Don't you dare!"

"Easy, Fai," Yuui was trying to soothe his twin, placate him. "It's just Syaoran. He's my friend. He's not going to hurt you, or me either. Just relax, okay? Just take it easy…"

"Um," Sakura said, feeling extremely daunted and unsure of her welcome. "Yuui-san, is everything all right…?"

Two sets of blue eyes turned towards her, and Fai's struggles abruptly ceased as he took her in. "Oh," he said in a small voice, and his expression was surprised and wondering. Free of the distorting fury, his resemblance to his twin was even more striking - but he was thinner, almost wasted, deeper hollows under his cheekbones serving to make his blue eyes even more vivid. "It's you. I remember you…"

"You do?" Sakura said in some confusion. At least he wasn't yelling or fighting again, but… this was very strange, far beyond the confusion and disorientation that the captain had warned them about. She climbed up the rest of the way into the cabin, and edged her way around the triage chamber towards the bed. "Um, hello… I'm Sakura."

After a quick glance at Yuui to make sure it was okay, she held out her hand towards Fai to shake Western-style. He took her hand, but instead of shaking it, held it in both his own as he intently scrutinized her fingernails. "It's not Tuesday," he said. "Why are you here?"

"I… I came up to say hello," Sakura said, even more unsure of herself. "And to bring you lunch," she added, remembering the lunchbox she'd stuck in her carry-sack before this whole thing started. Fai still had hold of her hand, so she fumbled it free left-handed and held it out, wavering between Fai and Yuui.

Yuui also took it one-handed - his other arm still wrapped around his brother's chest - and gave her a wan smile. "Thank you," he said. "I'm so sorry about earlier. I don't know what happened. I know for a fact my brother's never met Syaoran-kun before, I'm really sorry for upsetting him like this…"

"I'm sure it's fine," Sakura assured him. By craning her neck she saw just a sliver of Syaoran's head and hair, waiting just out of line-of-sight in the hatchway. "I'll explain to him - I'll try, anyway… it's just that - we originally came up to take the cryo box out of the way for you…"

"Oh, yes," Yuui said, looking faintly harassed. "The captain said he was going to send Syaoran-kun up - but I'm honestly not sure what's setting him off here. Maybe -" he broke off, looking back and forth from his brother to the capsule with growing frustration.

"Well, how did you get it up here in the first place?" Sakura said. She'd been wondering that since she'd first met him, actually.

That actually got a smile and a hint of a chuckle from Yuui. "I cheated," he said. "It was the only way. I suppose I could use my kinesis to get the box down the hatchway again, and Syaoran-kun could take it from there. But…" he hesitated.

"What's wrong?" Sakura wanted to know.

Yuui's expression took on a hunted look, as he glanced back at his twin. "I don't know - I'm afraid to let him go for too long," he said under his breath. "I'm worried he'll fall, or - hurt himself in some other way…"

Frankly Sakura had no idea what he was worried about, since it was only a few decimeters to the floor and they weren't in full earth-G anyway. But he obviously was worried, and looking at Fai's pitiful condition she could see why. "I could sit with him," she offered. "I'd just be in the way if you're trying to get that box down the hatchway anyway."

"All right…" Yuui said. With some reluctance, he detached himself from his twin and scrambled awkwardly out of the bed, reaching tenuously across the triage chamber to bang shut the hatches and panels. Fai listed after him at first, making a plaintive noise of inquiry; Sakura slid hastily onto the bed niche and tugged him back towards the wall with the hold he still had on her hand. He returned his attention to her, his blue eyes wide and guileless, and Sakura gave him a tentative smile.

"Are you sure you won't get in trouble?" Fai asked her, his concern sounding sincere.

"I don't think so," Sakura said in confusion. Fai puzzled her; when he spoke, it was in normal-sounding tones as if he were having an ordinary conversation - except the things he said made no sense.

"I just don't want them to catch you out," Fai said sadly. "You shouldn't be in a cage. It's wrong."

"I'm not," Sakura said. She glanced over at Yuui, at a loss for what else to say, but he was fully engaged with tilting the triage chamber enough on its side to fit through the narrow hatch, without hanging up on the ladder.

Fai blinked at her, leaning forward and reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of her face, fallen loose from where she'd fastened it back before lunch. "You changed your hair," he said. He blinked, his eyes coming to focus on her face from an uncomfortably close distance. "You're not Suu," he said, sounding surprised.

"No, I'm not," Sakura said, finally catching on that he'd mistaken her for someone else. "I'm Sakura."

"Sakura," Fai repeated. A faint line appeared between his eyebrows, and his free hand crept up to tug on one of the long locks of hair that hung down past his shoulder. From this angle, Sakura could see that he was about halfway through a fairly major haircut; she could see strands of hair and the discarded scissors on the mattress beyond. "Sakura. Sakura bloom late march to april, depending on the - when the sakura is red that means a body - a body has been buried under the roots, but there is no -" His fingers twisted in the lock and pulled, hard.

"Please don't do that, Fai-san," Sakura said anxiously, reaching up to cover his hand with her own. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

He blinked, his hand relaxing as he focused on her again. "Five hundred and twenty three million sixteen thousand four hundred twenty three point one four one five nine and zero point zero five four angles from the plane of ecliptic - where is this place?" he asked abruptly, cutting off his recitation of numbers.

"Um," Sakura glanced over at Yuui again. "We're on the Mokona, Fai-san. About a quarter of the way from Mars to Jupiter. We've been in space for about three weeks now."

"Oh," Fai said. He sounded quite surprised, as though this were complete news to him.

A resounding thump interrupted this decidedly disjointed conversation, and in the next moment Yuui reappeared, red-faced and out of breath from exertion.

"We're in space, Yuui," Fai said, sounding delighted.

Yuui stopped for a moment with his mouth hanging open, looking between Fai and Sakura. After a moment he closed it and managed, "Yes, we are. That's what I've been telling you for the last hour, Fai."

Now that there was a bit more room in the cabin, Yuui was able to sit on the edge of the bed niche with his legs stretched out on the floor, and pulled Fai back towards him. Fai went obligingly, but made a puzzled sound when his hand tugged Sakura's, which he still hadn't let go of.

"Ah - sorry," Yuui gave her a pained look, and tried to tug his twin's hand free from hers. "Let go of Sakura, Fai. She needs to go with Syaoran."

"Sakura?" Fai asked blankly. Yuui closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"Um, I don't have to go," Sakura said hesitantly. "I mean, I don't really have anything else I need to do, apart from helping take apart that triage unit. I could stay a little longer…"

"Could you?" Yuui looked at her in forlorn hope. "He seems to be so much calmer when you're around. This is the most coherent he's been all morning."

"Sure," Sakura said. "Tell you what, you still haven't eaten your lunch. You were in the middle of cutting Fai-san's hair, weren't you? Why don't you eat, and I'll help out with that?"

It took a bit of awkward rearranging - eventually Yuui and Fai both moved down to the floor, leaning back against the bed niche for support, while Sakura sat on the mattress above Fai and combed out and carefully snipped his hair. As long as she was there, she took the opportunity to even up some of Yuui's more ragged chops, figuring that Fai could at least look nice even if he wasn't feeling well.

Fai seemed to be in a good mood now, however, despite the outburst earlier. He leaned his skinny, bony back against Sakura's knees and chattered away at his brother, a mostly nonsensical stream of phrases that seemed to involve a long list of the hydrocarbon chemicals making up artificial lemon flavoring in the sauce.

She didn't really understand what was going on here, Sakura reflected as she patiently trimmed Fai's blond hair up to his nape. But in that, at least, she didn't think she was the only one.

He'd had Mokona shut down as much of the machinery in their cabin as she could, and it was as close to silent as it was going to get. Fai had been fretful, but it had been a long day and his twin was exhausted. He'd fallen asleep quickly in the quiet and the dark, his fingers still wrapped bruisingly tight around Yuui's wrist, but Yuui found that oblivion harder to reach for.

The stars outside bleached the cabin silver and pale, and Fai's breathing was steady and regular. The circles under his eyes were bleak indeed in the grey light, and Yuui quietly smoothed his fingers through Fai's short hair, feeling its feathery softness against his palm. He'd been right, it had been much easier to get the gunk out with it cut, even if it felt.. strange. The last time they'd had short hair they'd been six and had picked up lice from somewhere. Their mother had shaved it all off, and they'd cried the entire time.

Fai had barely noticed it happening this time, but it distressed Yuui to see that they were no longer identical. Perhaps he should cut his hair, too, or ask Sakura to do it for him. But then both of them wouldn't be watching Fai, and Fai... Fai needed watching. He didn't seem to have a firm grip on his surroundings, and Yuui couldn't... he couldn't ignore the voice that whispered you made him worse.

Kurogane said this disorientation was a natural side-effect of cryo, but Yuui knew better than that. Fai had been pretty out of it before he'd gone under. Being in cryo for so long hadn't helped, and who was to blame for that? Who had left him in there even once the drugs had been obtained? He should have done this earlier. He should have gotten the drugs before he took Fai onboard, even, so that Fai was only out for a few days at most. He should have done something differently.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, bending down to touch his lips to Fai's temple. His twin's eyelids were flickering as his eyes underneath raced around in their sockets, and heaven only knew what his poor brother was dreaming of. It didn't look restive, and with a sigh Yuui settled down next to Fai, pressed tight against him on the narrow bed like they were children on the sofa again, Fai's soft breaths on his face. He had been asleep for too long, but it was not a peaceful slumber, and Yuui felt sick.

He'd kept Fai under for nothing more than convenience. He could have argued with Kurogane when the Captain ordered him to take bedrest, but he hadn't, because...

Because he had enjoyed the captain's company, and he had wanted just a little bit of time alone with him, and with the kids. Because he had been selfish. He had gotten too damn involved, and he had been too self-centered to remember what really mattered, which was what was here, right now, struggling to sleep. He had spent too long worrying and fretting about... about the captain, and for all that his heart fluttered when Kurogane kissed him, how could he have let that happen while Fai was still trapped, asleep and so broken?

He had always been aware that Fai was the selfless one, the one who gave up so much for his sake; and he had had the opportunity to repay him and he had let Fai sleep in favor of... of flirting and cooking and kissing. Because that's who he was, he thought, suddenly bitterly angry at so many things. At the staff of the psionic academy who had given Fai away like he was nothing; at the Eurasian government, who had done this to Fai; at himself, for not knowing more, moving faster, being better.

Never again, he thought furiously, and pressed another kiss against Fai's cheek. His twin twitched, his lips parting in his sleep, and Yuui loved him with a ferocity that caught him by surprise in its intensity, because it had been the two of them for so long and...

It would be that from now on, he decided, angrily. Fai needed him and Fai would get him. He had learned his lesson. He had been stupid and he had forgotten, but Fai's appalling condition had brought it back; they were each other's most important thing, and Yuui would... he wouldn't let go of that knowledge again.

Onto chapter fifteen →

-tbc