(no subject)
I feel like this is a newspaper column and i'm writing an editors comment.. even though no one who has said anything about it has bothreed to comment on it. Firs if you have such a problem with it than write something saying "wow i hate you".
No amanda i do not hate you. I never have hated you and i never will. I just wish sometimes that you were me for a number of good reasons. Number one, because if you were me, you'd understand everything i posted. some of it, when mentioning death or anything, was in reference to my life being like a novel. I was in no way saying that really was going to die or thinking about dying, i was simply saying that if my life were a novel.. and i was some wicked dramatic character who the author used as a vehicle for symbolism.. that my CHARACTER would die. Thanks neil. So again.. i do not hate you. Second reason why it would be grand if you were me. You'd understand where i was coming from and what i was trying to say instead of just getting really pissed off at something that i wrote in MY Journal because its something that i actually care about. So in a sense you should feel proud that you've gotten to me. I was never trying to say EVER and i've never EVER FElt like Neil and amanda shouldn't be friends. Never did i ever say that. But it is very frustrating, from a mildly jealous girlfriend's point of view, to see your boyfriend running off with his ex... wouldn't that be frustrating to you? Wouldn't you (no matter how much you trusted the both of them and understood they didn't like eachother) just feel bothered by it? Well if not that.. that's why i'd want you to be me. Infact i meantioned that in my last post. I STARTED by saying that i felt like "bad" because i was torn from feeling rediculous and feeling justified. If anyone didn't read that part.. well ..poo on you. Maybe from now on.. i should just not post any public posts. It seems as though, when i try to express my feelings in type, no one at all understands what i am trying to say. It's the way my flow of thought works. It goes from serious things to trying to make them less serious by relating them to novels.. it was a joke to myself. And if no one understood that then you are all a bunch of monkeys. Euphemism for other bad things. I'll make this whole LJ completely private. All i ask is that, in refernce to my last post, you understand what i was trying to say instead of what i said, how you took it, or how it was worded. I also understand that mature people stay friends after relationships. I guess it just never really happened to me via other guys besides you, so maybe i just don't fully understand the situation. Which is why i almost wish i was both of you at the same time. Goodbye all.. this is my last public post. Amanda.. i really wish i wasn't going out with neil only to not feel like this with you.. i just can't help it. I was born this way and i honestly, genuinely feel like crap everytime i feel like this. Meg
P.S. Somehow it pleasures me to know that i was right in thinking that No one, not even the love of my life, understands at all how i feel and the reasons why i've done a lot of things conerning this point. Thank you all for caring regardless of whether you dislike me now or not.