[SPN] faith is a series of complications (4/16; third act)
III: third act-face to face with the sky.
“Run that by me again?”
Cas stifled a sigh as he glanced at Gabriel again, the archangel now strangely quiet after he had heard the first round of explanations. It was pretty late into the night in South Dakota-Cas had brought them back to Bobby’s place once the whole hoo-haa with Raphael was done. Balthazar had unsurprisingly left them after asking Cas to ‘update him about Gabriel later’, vanishing in a rustle of wings and a displaced whoosh of air.
Sam looked between Cas and Gabriel, that constantly worried look on his face now as he turned to Dean. “Dean-”
The angel cut in from there, repeating the explanation he had just given the rest of them moments earlier. “The body he resides in now is not of this world; it’s from the world that you two came back from. This world doesn’t recognize it, so it’s blocking it out.”
“Like a firewall,” he heard his brother mutter, and Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how much of a computer geek Sam was. Kid brother really needed a life at times beyond that laptop of his (not that the laptop was to blame, since he kind of needed it for his supplements of bustyasianbeauties.com).
Cas nodded at Sam’s words (now that Sam had explained to him what a firewall was), turning back to Dean and continued on. “The world is blocking Gabriel’s body out as a separate entity, so it’s preventing him from connecting to the Host because of this separation. Usually this can be resolved easily-Grace can change the body to suit the world and connect back to the Host-but Gabriel used up the last of his Grace to bring you here. Until he re-establishes his connection to the Host, he won’t be able to recover it.”
“So,” Dean started, trying to make sense of all this mumbo-jumbo in his head. “Basically, Gabriel’s dry, but he lost his plug so he can’t just… stick it in and charge himself back up? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Very eloquent, Dean,” Sam replied with a roll of his eyes. “But yeah, that’s about the gist of the issue.”
“Alright, so we need to get his plug back,” Dean returned as he tried to ignore how odd those words sounded in his head. “How are we going to do that?”
Castiel glanced beside him to look at the still-silent and still-stoic archangel. He frowned, keeping his gaze on the smaller man as he replied. “I will need to give part of my Grace to him, enough for Gabriel to re-establish his connection to the Host.”
“Great,” Dean went, feeling the weight coming off his shoulders now. “You just do that, Gabriel gets his mojo back and we’ll all just hold hands and run towards the sunset.”
“It is not that easy,” Cas returned and Dean couldn’t help but let out an annoyed groan-of course it wasn’t going to be easy. When was anything ever ‘easy’ in his life these days? “The Grace that Gabriel needs is a rather substantial amount, one that I can’t give in one go as it will be dangerous to the body. I will need to give it to him in batches once every six hours for the next few days.”
Sam let out a loud breath through his nose. “And you’re certain about this, Cas?”
The angel nodded. “I am certain, Sam.”
“Alright,” Sam went, nodding to himself. “If Gabriel’s up for it, then we should start as soon as possible.”
“Of course I’m up for it,” the archangel finally spoke up, his voice coming out in a snap that only served to make Dean send a glare at the smaller man. “The sooner this trainwreck is over with, the better.”
An uncomfortable look crossed Sam’s face. “Look, Gabriel, we didn’t mean for you to-”
“I know you guys didn’t mean to drag me back here,” Gabriel quickly cut in, turning his head around to look at both brothers with an expression that practically screamed ‘I don’t like this at all’. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still here though, so let’s just fix this as soon as possible, okay?”
“You don’t have to be so goddamned snappy about it,” Dean retorted, scowling. “We’re trying to help you now, alright?”
Gabriel said nothing to that, but Dean could see the look on the archangel’s face darkening in a way that couldn’t mean anything good. The elder Winchester rolled his eyes, deciding to keep his mouth shut, since Gabriel seemed to be so intent on being such a dick. So much for trying to be helpful.
Oblivious to the tension that was settling in the room, Castiel simply looked to Gabriel and spoke once the archangel was done snapping back at Dean. “If you wish so, brother, we can begin now.”
“Great.” Gabriel leapt out from his seat, hands tucked into the pocket of his pants. “Let’s get this over with.”
Cas nodded and turned back to the two humans, regarding them both. “I will attend to Gabriel now. We can talk later, if you wish.”
Dean knew what Cas was implying-the two of them had a good number of questions regarding what Cas had done, having them act as decoys like this without even so much as telling them-and it was hard to ignore the way his gut was churning as he looked at the angel and nodded. “Okay, Cas. Take as long as you need.”
Once Dean had given his consent, Castiel had transported them to one of the bedrooms upstairs. Gabriel didn’t need to be told at all as the archangel swiftly went to settle himself on the bed nearby; he rubbed his hands and let out a loud hiss of breath. “Okay, so how exactly are we going to do this?” The angel had only told them the gist of the whole thing-Gabriel knew for a fact that the real deal wasn’t as simple as Cas had put it to them. After all, he was a non-entity in this world now, as far as the balance was concerned. Something like that wasn’t going to be so easy to fix and change.
“First, I’ll need to examine whatever it is that is inside you-whatever makes up the soul that allowed you to live in that world.” Castiel’s voice was curt and businesslike even as the angel was busy with removing his trench coat, followed by his suit jacket and he went on speaking while he rolled up his sleeves, getting ready. “Once I know exactly what is inside, I can be certain of how I should pass my Grace towards you, and how much you should be able to handle in one go.”
“So you’re basically going to stick your hand into me and find out what makes me tick,” the archangel returned, his voice flat because nothing about this sounded good to him now. There was a pause before he continued on. “Am I missing something here? Is this supposed to be revenge for TV land?”
Castiel (who was now on his knees and had a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder) only tilted his head, looking at the archangel in something that almost seemed like sympathy as he replied in a soft murmur. “I only wish to help, brother.”
“Sticking your hand into me isn’t really what I’d like to call help,” Gabriel couldn’t help but return curtly.
“I will try to make it as painless as possible.” And that was all that Cas said before the hand that was on Gabriel’s shoulder tightened, gripping him hard enough so that the archangel would stay in place as he started to sink his other hand through cloth and flesh and bone.
The smaller man instantly jerked at the sensation, biting the inside of his cheek forcibly, so that nothing escaped from his throat. His hands fisted into the bedsheets, trying anything to keep himself from crying out as Castiel pushed his hand deeper, going beyond the physical and dipping into the higher planes of reality. The younger angel grunted as his arm went almost impossibly deep through Gabriel’s stomach, his Grace reaching out to have a feel of what it was that exactly held the archangel together in a state like this. Gabriel himself trembled with the effort of staying silent, even as his face twisted into an expression of pain and sweat rolled down his face. One of his hands had unconsciously reached up to hold Castiel’s other wrist in an iron grip, fingers digging into skin.
Gabriel didn’t know how much time had passed since this started. It could have been a few seconds or minutes or hours-heck, it could even have been an eternity; all he could focus on was the outright invasion into his soul/spirit/whatever that Castiel was performing, the other angel’s Grace burning like fire. It hurt like hell, almost in the same way when Lucifer plunged his own sword into him and shattered his Grace. The memory of that moment always haunted his dreams, the pain echoing in a way that left him useless and empty, just like now.
A pained whimper escaped him before Gabriel could hold it back, choking out from his throat almost forcefully and in the next instant the hand that had been on his shoulder was suddenly at the small of his back, pressing against him gently as he heard Castiel’s rumbling voice next to his ear. “Just a bit more, brother, I’m almost there.”
The archangel could only manage a small noise in acknowledgement, biting his tongue now to stop himself from making any more noises as Cas drew him closer, resting the other’s forehead against his shoulder and ignoring how that part of his dress shirt was swiftly being soaked through by sweat. Gabriel himself was clutching carelessly at the sides of Castiel’s shirt, almost tearing the fabric before his fingers finally slackened their grip when the angel withdrew. He pulled out his arm and Gabriel couldn’t help but let out a soft cry of relief when he felt the pain swiftly fading.
There was a moment of silence before Castiel moved, both hands holding the archangel’s shoulders to help him straighten up again, so that Gabriel could look at the angel’s eyes and vice versa. “Gabriel,” he started, voice almost hesitant.
Gabriel took a few seconds before he could respond, having needed to catch his breath first. “Just give me a moment.”
“Of course.” There was a quiet nod before Castiel let go, standing up after that and moving to claim back his layers of clothing. Gabriel closed his eyes, forcing himself to take in deep breaths and get himself steady again. When he opened his eyes, Cas was already back in his usual attire and looking as if he hadn’t just stuck a hand into an archangel’s body and caused him a world of pain. Or the fact that he had comforted said archangel as well in a way that was… not in a way most angels would do.
He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.
“Okay,” Gabriel began, now that he was relatively calm and didn’t feel like curling up into a ball of agony and pain. “Lay it on me, bro.”
Castiel nodded in acknowledgement before he started to speak. “Whoever brought you back changed you on the inside as well-you weren’t brought back whole, so something else was used to patch up the missing parts.”
Gabriel didn’t need to think too hard to figure out what the angel was saying. “The other me.”
“That is the most likely possibility,” the younger angel agreed with another nod. “The one who brought you back only took you in your true form, fused you with the soul of the… other you from the world you were in so as to fill in the gaps and placed you into that body to recover from the rest of the damage.” Castiel paused for a bit, a frown crossing his face then but went on speaking. “I had felt traces of some sort of power when I reached into you, but it dissipated as soon as I was close enough to attempt and make out its origin.” His tone was worried now, concerned. “I’m not sure why it was there, but I think it was keeping you together until I interfered.”
The archangel frowned too upon hearing those words, now starting to wonder himself. Someone with enough power to pull him back from non-existence and doing all of this to keep him alive… just who could it be? There really weren’t many on the list, and Gabriel doubted that any of them had reason to save him. Why would they, anyway? It wasn’t as if he had done anything that merited something like this.
“It is no longer of import, however,” Castiel spoke again, breaking Gabriel out from his train of thoughts. “You are stable enough now, and I should be able to start passing my Grace to you. It will take about three to four days-five if there are delays. Once you have enough you can reopen a connection to the Host and recover the rest of your energy with little time.”
“Good to know,” Gabriel returned, rubbing his hands once more. “Do we start now, or…?”
Unsurprisingly, Castiel shook his head. “You are in no state to receive my Grace after what I’ve just done. You need to rest.” He stepped back, turning towards the door. “We can begin once you’ve woken up.”
Gabriel made a face at that, but knew that what Castiel said had made sense, so he reluctantly nodded. “First thing, then.”
“Of course. Good night, Gabriel.” And without another word, Castiel was out of the room.
“Dean.”
Now alone in the kitchen, Dean looked up from the beer bottle he had been nursing. It had been about an hour since Cas had left with the archangel, and Sam was drained by the events of what had happened, so he had decided to retire for the night. Dean couldn’t blame his brother, not really; he was pretty damned tired too, but he couldn’t rest yet. At least not until he managed to get a few words with Cas. Gabriel being around now might have changed things a little, but the crux of the matter had not. Cas had just willingly made use of them without either of their consent, and Dean wasn’t happy about that. Not at all.
He wasn’t going to press him on that though, not yet. Dean placed the bottle on the table, clasping his hands as he sent a look towards the angel. “How’s Gabriel?”
Castiel inclined his head. “He is fine, all things considered. He is resting now.”
“Great.” Well, good to know that one of them was at least sort of alright-or at least, a measure of it. Even though considering the situation, Gabriel’s current position was probably the most fucked up. Not that it made anything easier for any of them. “Look, Cas-”
“The plan was Balthazar’s,” Cas cut in, answering even before Dean could get out the rest of his question; then again, it shouldn’t be that surprising. “I would have done the same thing.”
Dean clenched his jaw. “That’s not comforting, Cas.”
“Then just what should I say?” the angel instantly retorted, impatience laced in his tone as he glared at Dean, jaw set obstinately. “I have to win against Raphael, Dean. There’s no other choice. Once he wins, we will all lose everything. I’m trying to prevent that from happening.”
The words rang true in his head, they really did-and in a way, Dean could understand where Cas was coming from. But- “Yeah, we know. I know, Cas. Thing is, that’s about the only friggin’ thing you told us. How are we-how the hell am I supposed to understand when you only tell us the basics and leave everything else in the dark?”
“I-” Castiel started, pausing with equal abruptness as he clenched his jaw, bringing his gaze down to stare at the floor. “I apologize.”
“Apologies isn’t what I want, Cas,” Dean returned, although his expression softened. “Just… just tell us or something when shit like this happens. Don’t keep leaving us in the dark. It ain’t right.”
Castiel looked back up, face set back into the usual expression of neutrality that Dean was starting to find himself hating more and more these days. “There’s not much that I can say, Dean. You wouldn’t be able to understand a war like this.” His voice was tired and drained and maybe just on the edge of irritated, but that all only served to make the human scowl.
“It’s not a matter of if I understand what’s going on or not,” he replied, attempting to keep his voice even. “You’re fighting against Raphael, and you’ll need all the support you can get. You ain’t alone, Cas. We’re around to help; you just gotta ask.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Cas replied, and that answer would have worked if it wasn’t for the fact that Dean knew the angel well enough by now to know that he was just bullshitting. Castiel had no intention of asking them, and don’t anybody say that Dean didn’t try.
Dean bit back an irritated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “So, what’s going to happen to Gabriel?” Since Cas probably didn’t want to continue on that topic anymore, he might as well steer it to something that was easier for both of them. He’d just try again next time when he had the chance to.
The angel gave a small shrug. “He will need to rest and recover. I will be back in the morning to start injecting part of my Grace into him.”
“You mean you haven’t?” Why was Cas stuck for an hour then?
Castiel shook his head. “I had to examine his soul first. It proved to be a big strain on him.”
Dean made a face at the response, memories of Balthazar and the Staff of Moses coming to him. “Well, sticking your hand into somebody usually does that.”
“It was my whole arm,” Castiel corrected neutrally.
“Your whole arm,” Dean deadpanned, staring at the angel now. “Jesus, Cas.”
Cas shrugged once more. “It was necessary.”
“No wonder he needs to rest,” the human went, more to himself then to the angel. “Jesus Christ,” he repeated, because Gabriel had just taken an arm into wherever the soul was and the kid had taken it badly enough when Cas did it. He didn’t want to think how Gabriel must have been when he was getting the short end of that stick.
“The Son has nothing to do with this.”
Dean tried to ignore the urge of pounding his head against the wall that was better known as Castiel. “So, what are you going to do now?”
“I have the weapons,” Cas went in his matter-of-fact way, unblinking. “It will greatly increase the power of my side, and I should be able to start fighting back now.” There was a brief pause, and then Castiel dipped his head and added uncertainly. “Hopefully.”
Dean made a small gulp, steeling himself. “I told you earlier, Cas-just find us if you need help, okay? We’re here for you.”
Castiel didn’t say anything in return, only vanishing in a whisper of wings at Dean’s next blink and the man could only swear under his breath.
He dreamed of flying, of darting in-between clouds and chasing after birds as laughter bubbled from within him for the first time in what seemed to be forever. The sky was bright, the sun warm; Heaven was in harmony and the Earth teemed with the strangest things that perked his interest. It had been paradise, comforting, home. His laugh echoed through the vast skies, rich and happy while the chorus of Heaven sang along with him, all of them connected through their minds and their Grace.
Then the skies darkened, thunder rumbling ominously as lightning flashed, casting his vision into a sharply contrasting world of light and shadow. Below him the earth started to burn, brimming with flames that he would later come to learn as hellfire. The ground moaned as it split apart, the stench of sulphur burning in his nose as thunder and lightning gave way to the crash and flash of swords as angel turned against angel, fighting each other as the First War raged around him.
Stop it, he wanted to say, but found his voice betraying him as nothing came out and he was forced to watch his beloved brothers turn against each other, striking at one another with nothing but the intent to kill. Stop it!
Neither of them would stop however, both of them pushing on without pause as they fought for countless days and endless nights. It was the Champion of Heaven versus the dazzling light of the Morningstar, and where once their spars brought him and countless other angels in gathering to watch the beauty of their fight, now there was nothing beautiful in this at all. This was carnage and betrayal and heartbreak all rolled into one, as brother fought against brother under the command of their Father. Michael remained stoic as Lucifer snarled, and he didn’t even need to be nearby to hear the words that the Morningstar said. You don’t have to do this, brother.
A brother who disobeys his Father is no brother of mine. I am a good son. And with those words Michael struck Lucifer into the pit along with the other angels who had followed him, changing the whole world in that instant. Hell was formed and the Host wept for the loss of so many of their brothers and sisters, but none so much as he who had lost his entire family in that instant.
As the Host both celebrated and mourned he stood by the edge of the world that separated land from sea, watching the waves silently and letting his mind drift. The tranquility soothed him in the way Heaven-home-once did, but not anymore.
Gabriel, a voice murmured behind him, and the Messenger turned to stare in surprise at the devil who had come to him.
Brother-he started, stopping when Lucifer raised a hand, flickering now-crimson eyes to look at him.
You always promised to be by my side, Gabriel, the devil said, voice quiet even though the words stung Gabriel like nothing else.
Gabriel took a step back, hesitating. Not like this, brother.
Lucifer stepped closer, eyes flaring with the power of Hell as his voice slipped lower. You promised, Gabriel.
Not like this-he repeated himself, freezing when the fallen archangel reached out to grab him by one of his wings, holding him in place not too gently as the devil leaned closer and hissed in betrayal.
You lied to me, Gabriel, he spoke, and Gabriel trembled at the quiet fury that was behind that deceptively calm voice. And I do not suffer liars gladly.
Without warning there was a sharp pain right into his stomach, and Gabriel looked down to see his blade lodged into him. The world changed, red clouding his vision as he saw blood dripping from his body and Grace shattering under the thrust of his sword. He brought his head back up to look at Lucifer through the eyes of the half-burnt vessel he wore now, the Morningstar’s light shining within those eyes as Lucifer pulled out the sword from him, and Gabriel felt his Grace starting to burn and shrivel up. He let go just as Lucifer released him, falling down towards the ground as his vision started to fade, even as light shone everywhere with the power of his burning Grace, the world vanishing before his eyes before he could even hit the ground-
-Gabriel gasped as he opened his eyes, his world refocusing to the half-peeled ceiling above him. The archangel felt his breaths slowly easing now that he wasn’t dreaming and Gabriel clenched his fingers, fisting the sheets that were in his grip as he swore under his breath.
“Damnit.”
After Cas left him last night, Dean spent a good hour drinking before he finally managed to sleep, which was the reason why he was the last one to enter the kitchen in the morning. Gabriel was already there, eating some scrambled eggs and leftover bacon a currently disgruntled-looking Bobby had managed to dig out from somewhere. Sam was focused on his laptop as usual, seemingly unblinking as he stared at the screen and mindlessly ate his rabbit food of a sandwich.
“You idjits need to stop with this habit of losing whatever help we get,” the older man groused when he saw Dean entering the kitchen, placing his breakfast on the table.
Dean made a face. “He ain’t helping, Bobby.” Where did he even get the idea in the first place?
Bobby sent back a skeptical look in response. “Then explain to me why we’ve got a dead archangel in my house.”
“Former dead archangel,” Gabriel corrected, looking up from his plate. “Emphasis on ‘former’, ‘dead’, and ‘archangel’.”
“It’s a long story, Bobby,” Sam spoke up, still not looking away from his laptop.
The man rolled his eyes. “Gabriel here already told me the gist of it before you two woke up,” he said as he shuffled off to put the pans and utensils into the sink. “Sounded like quite the adventure.”
Dean only bothered to answer the words with a snort before digging into his breakfast. ‘Quite the adventure’ was one hell of an understatement, really.
“I’ve returned.”
Dean just barely stopped himself from choking on his ham at the sudden rumble of voice coming from behind him, turning around to glare at the one almost responsible for his death via ham choking. “Jesus, Cas, how many times have I told you not to do that?”
Castiel only shrugged in response, turning to Gabriel after that. “We can continue now, Gabriel.”
“Five minutes, bro.” Gabriel was still busy with the task of clearing up his plate.
“I do not have much time.” Castiel’s voice was very curt, Dean noted.
“Geez, rush me, why don’t you.” Despite the answer the archangel did set his fork and knife down, getting up from his seat. “Is the panic room available, Bobster?”
“Call me that again and you’re going to have to start making your own food.”
Gabriel’s only response was a grin. “Alright Cas, downstairs we go then.”
The two angels vanished in a rustle of near-silent wings.
“So, I hear you’ve been busy.”
Castiel looked up to Gabriel as he discarded his trench coat, placing it on the table (Gabriel’s jacket had already claimed the chair) before he started to work on his suit jacket. “What do you mean?”
The archangel rolled his eyes, gesturing with his hands as he replied. “Civil war in heaven? The whole hoo-haa? Raph wanting Mike and Lucy to go at each other’s throats for some stupid reason I cannot fathom?” Seriously, Father, why did Raphael want that to happen? Did he really take so much sick joy in seeing their own brothers try to kill each other? Gabriel was already sick of it himself.
“Ah.” And now Cas was rolling up his sleeves again, almost a repeat of what he did last night. “Raphael intends to start the Apocalypse again, yes.”
Gabriel stared back at the lesser angel. “Uh, yeah, Cas. I just said that.”
“I am aware.” Castiel turned around, glancing at Gabriel. “Please sit down, Gabriel.”
Gabriel sent a very flat look back in response, but did settle himself onto the cot anyway and watched as Castiel put his two neatly-folded coats onto the desk. He tilted his head upwards when the angel moved towards him (why was everybody so big anyway, Father), squaring himself as Castiel laid a hand on his shoulder again, pausing for a moment and then spoke. “You should probably lie down.”
“Make up your mind, geez,” he returned with a roll of his eyes, even as he allowed Cas to push him down onto the bed and Gabriel straightened himself, making sure that he was lying properly on the bed. The archangel found his gaze flickering up to the iron-wrought devil’s trap that made the ceiling, staring as the fan groaned above him.
“Try to relax as much as possible,” Castiel’s voice went from beside him as the younger angel’s face blocked his vision, and Gabriel felt hands pressing against his temples. “We will begin now.”
Gabriel only allowed himself a small sound of acknowledgement, sucking in a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on nothing but the warmth of the hands pressed against him. Slowly but surely the world melted away in the darkness behind his eyelids until there was nothing else but a soft hum and the near-silent breathing coming from Castiel himself.
Can you hear me, Gabriel?
For a moment the archangel felt his heart being squeezed with so many emotions (nostalgia, regret, fear, pain, familiarity) when he heard Castiel speak in his mind, in the way that almost made him remember the Host and the connection he had with it. Father, how long had it been since the last time he talked to anybody like this?
Yeah, he eventually got himself to respond, Yeah, I can hear you.
He felt a surge of comfort coming from Castiel. That is a good thing. This means that what’s inside you recognizes me.
Because you stuck your arm in me? Hey, he couldn’t just not say that, alright?
I also left a spark of my Grace inside you, the younger angel added, it will make the transition of Grace easier between us.
Gabriel knew he should probably say something about what Cas had done-one didn’t just put Grace into other people (or other angels), but at this moment he really couldn’t bring himself to care. Besides, he could understand the intentions behind what the angel had done. Okay, Cas. You going to start now?
Yes. A brief pause. The beginning might not be pleasant.
If he could, the archangel would have been rolling his eyes now. (Yeah, he didn’t need to be a genius to figure that out.) Let’s just get this over with.
As you wish. The hum started to grow louder, almost like an incessant buzzing in his ears as Castiel started to summon out his Grace. Gabriel could feel it starting to gather in the physical space between the other angel’s hands and his head-it was a quiet sort of warmth, the kind of warmth that the archangel associated with curling up in bed on a drowsy summer’s day, or the warmth from being in just the right temperature and letting himself soak up the rays of the sun. It was a good kind of warmth, nice and contented, and for a moment Gabriel almost wondered just how this would be hard.
Then without warning, the heat spiked up, surging as it went from warm to scorching hot in a moment and Gabriel let out a surprised yelp before he could help himself. Castiel pressed harder against his head, the heels of his palms squeezing at his temples as fingers gripped not-too-kindly around his chin. The archangel gritted his teeth, attempting to hold in the pain and steel himself even as his toes curled up from the intense sensation, legs propping up so that his feet were on the mattress, knees pointing upwards. His hands dug into the sides of the cot, knuckles and wrists straining from the effort to keep himself in place and not arch away from the cot. The heat overlapped his senses, Grace burning through him like fire and ice threading in his veins simultaneously. Gabriel let out a pained noise through gritted teeth and bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw out blood, wondering just how much longer he was going to have to endure this. Castiel-
He felt something cool brushing against his forehead, so light and easy he could have almost swore that he imagined it all, if it wasn’t for the fact that he heard the quiet rumble of Cas’ murmured words against his skin, the whispers brushing against him like a butterfly’s wings. “We’re almost done, brother.”
“Cas,” he choked back in a voice that was almost broken, because the heat was getting hotter and hotter and was still rising and Gabriel had no idea just how much more he’d be able to take-
-Gabriel gasped and opened his eyes, his breath coming out in a shaky exhale as the archangel felt everything suddenly stop and the heat replaced by an icy coldness. He shuddered, bones shaking and muscles trembling at the abrupt shift in temperature. He barely even registered the fact that Castiel had already taken his hands away from him and had moved, only noticing when he felt the other’s palms snaking below him and pressing against the small of his back, urging him to sit up. He did so, and gratefully accepted the glass of warm water that Cas held out for him seconds later.
“It will take about three hours before you’ll adjust to the infusion of Grace, and another three before it’s properly absorbed,” the angel said, watching Gabriel carefully as the archangel downed the glass in one go. “This should decrease with time, once you have more Grace and your vessel is more used to it.”
Gabriel made a soft hum of acknowledgement as he passed back the now-empty glass to Cas, feeling reasonably better now that he wasn’t shivering all over (although he was still cold). “Great. More volatile reactions. Just what I need.”
“It cannot be helped. Your vessel is preventing you from connecting to the Host, and your… soul is unused to pure Grace as you’ve been using what you had to keep yourself sustained back in the world you were in.” Castiel, as always, seemed to have no concept of sarcasm, and Gabriel wasn’t in the mood to start educating his brother in the ways of humanity. The archangel opened his mouth to say that, but thought better of it and closed it again.
Castiel gave an odd look at Gabriel’s reaction, although he didn’t say anything and stood up; his coats magically were back on him and the angel looked as unruffled as always. “I will return in six hours.” He bowed his head. “Please rest until then.”
“I know-” Gabriel started, stopping when he heard the tell-tale flutter of wings and Castiel was already gone. The archangel stared at the spot where the lesser angel had been for several moments before he looked up to the ceiling and snapped. “You suck at giving proper goodbyes, you know that?”
There was no response-not that Gabriel expected any, of course. He dropped his head back down and sighed, closing his eyes and ignoring how the light was playing through his eyelids. If this was what his life for the next week or so was going to be like, then his life seriously sucked right about now. It would be nice to get back to where he was, and just live the worry-free life he had been living. It had been safe, at least, unlike now. But at the same time, there was nobody he could relate to there, nobody to help him in the way Castiel was doing now and nobody that gave him the strange sort of comfort that the younger angel had done.
Gabriel made himself stop at that thought and instantly banished it, turning around to burrow his head under the pillow as he tried to sleep off the exhaustion now settling in his bones.
He was way too old for this bullshit.
← second act | fourth act →
“Run that by me again?”
Cas stifled a sigh as he glanced at Gabriel again, the archangel now strangely quiet after he had heard the first round of explanations. It was pretty late into the night in South Dakota-Cas had brought them back to Bobby’s place once the whole hoo-haa with Raphael was done. Balthazar had unsurprisingly left them after asking Cas to ‘update him about Gabriel later’, vanishing in a rustle of wings and a displaced whoosh of air.
Sam looked between Cas and Gabriel, that constantly worried look on his face now as he turned to Dean. “Dean-”
The angel cut in from there, repeating the explanation he had just given the rest of them moments earlier. “The body he resides in now is not of this world; it’s from the world that you two came back from. This world doesn’t recognize it, so it’s blocking it out.”
“Like a firewall,” he heard his brother mutter, and Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how much of a computer geek Sam was. Kid brother really needed a life at times beyond that laptop of his (not that the laptop was to blame, since he kind of needed it for his supplements of bustyasianbeauties.com).
Cas nodded at Sam’s words (now that Sam had explained to him what a firewall was), turning back to Dean and continued on. “The world is blocking Gabriel’s body out as a separate entity, so it’s preventing him from connecting to the Host because of this separation. Usually this can be resolved easily-Grace can change the body to suit the world and connect back to the Host-but Gabriel used up the last of his Grace to bring you here. Until he re-establishes his connection to the Host, he won’t be able to recover it.”
“So,” Dean started, trying to make sense of all this mumbo-jumbo in his head. “Basically, Gabriel’s dry, but he lost his plug so he can’t just… stick it in and charge himself back up? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Very eloquent, Dean,” Sam replied with a roll of his eyes. “But yeah, that’s about the gist of the issue.”
“Alright, so we need to get his plug back,” Dean returned as he tried to ignore how odd those words sounded in his head. “How are we going to do that?”
Castiel glanced beside him to look at the still-silent and still-stoic archangel. He frowned, keeping his gaze on the smaller man as he replied. “I will need to give part of my Grace to him, enough for Gabriel to re-establish his connection to the Host.”
“Great,” Dean went, feeling the weight coming off his shoulders now. “You just do that, Gabriel gets his mojo back and we’ll all just hold hands and run towards the sunset.”
“It is not that easy,” Cas returned and Dean couldn’t help but let out an annoyed groan-of course it wasn’t going to be easy. When was anything ever ‘easy’ in his life these days? “The Grace that Gabriel needs is a rather substantial amount, one that I can’t give in one go as it will be dangerous to the body. I will need to give it to him in batches once every six hours for the next few days.”
Sam let out a loud breath through his nose. “And you’re certain about this, Cas?”
The angel nodded. “I am certain, Sam.”
“Alright,” Sam went, nodding to himself. “If Gabriel’s up for it, then we should start as soon as possible.”
“Of course I’m up for it,” the archangel finally spoke up, his voice coming out in a snap that only served to make Dean send a glare at the smaller man. “The sooner this trainwreck is over with, the better.”
An uncomfortable look crossed Sam’s face. “Look, Gabriel, we didn’t mean for you to-”
“I know you guys didn’t mean to drag me back here,” Gabriel quickly cut in, turning his head around to look at both brothers with an expression that practically screamed ‘I don’t like this at all’. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still here though, so let’s just fix this as soon as possible, okay?”
“You don’t have to be so goddamned snappy about it,” Dean retorted, scowling. “We’re trying to help you now, alright?”
Gabriel said nothing to that, but Dean could see the look on the archangel’s face darkening in a way that couldn’t mean anything good. The elder Winchester rolled his eyes, deciding to keep his mouth shut, since Gabriel seemed to be so intent on being such a dick. So much for trying to be helpful.
Oblivious to the tension that was settling in the room, Castiel simply looked to Gabriel and spoke once the archangel was done snapping back at Dean. “If you wish so, brother, we can begin now.”
“Great.” Gabriel leapt out from his seat, hands tucked into the pocket of his pants. “Let’s get this over with.”
Cas nodded and turned back to the two humans, regarding them both. “I will attend to Gabriel now. We can talk later, if you wish.”
Dean knew what Cas was implying-the two of them had a good number of questions regarding what Cas had done, having them act as decoys like this without even so much as telling them-and it was hard to ignore the way his gut was churning as he looked at the angel and nodded. “Okay, Cas. Take as long as you need.”
Once Dean had given his consent, Castiel had transported them to one of the bedrooms upstairs. Gabriel didn’t need to be told at all as the archangel swiftly went to settle himself on the bed nearby; he rubbed his hands and let out a loud hiss of breath. “Okay, so how exactly are we going to do this?” The angel had only told them the gist of the whole thing-Gabriel knew for a fact that the real deal wasn’t as simple as Cas had put it to them. After all, he was a non-entity in this world now, as far as the balance was concerned. Something like that wasn’t going to be so easy to fix and change.
“First, I’ll need to examine whatever it is that is inside you-whatever makes up the soul that allowed you to live in that world.” Castiel’s voice was curt and businesslike even as the angel was busy with removing his trench coat, followed by his suit jacket and he went on speaking while he rolled up his sleeves, getting ready. “Once I know exactly what is inside, I can be certain of how I should pass my Grace towards you, and how much you should be able to handle in one go.”
“So you’re basically going to stick your hand into me and find out what makes me tick,” the archangel returned, his voice flat because nothing about this sounded good to him now. There was a pause before he continued on. “Am I missing something here? Is this supposed to be revenge for TV land?”
Castiel (who was now on his knees and had a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder) only tilted his head, looking at the archangel in something that almost seemed like sympathy as he replied in a soft murmur. “I only wish to help, brother.”
“Sticking your hand into me isn’t really what I’d like to call help,” Gabriel couldn’t help but return curtly.
“I will try to make it as painless as possible.” And that was all that Cas said before the hand that was on Gabriel’s shoulder tightened, gripping him hard enough so that the archangel would stay in place as he started to sink his other hand through cloth and flesh and bone.
The smaller man instantly jerked at the sensation, biting the inside of his cheek forcibly, so that nothing escaped from his throat. His hands fisted into the bedsheets, trying anything to keep himself from crying out as Castiel pushed his hand deeper, going beyond the physical and dipping into the higher planes of reality. The younger angel grunted as his arm went almost impossibly deep through Gabriel’s stomach, his Grace reaching out to have a feel of what it was that exactly held the archangel together in a state like this. Gabriel himself trembled with the effort of staying silent, even as his face twisted into an expression of pain and sweat rolled down his face. One of his hands had unconsciously reached up to hold Castiel’s other wrist in an iron grip, fingers digging into skin.
Gabriel didn’t know how much time had passed since this started. It could have been a few seconds or minutes or hours-heck, it could even have been an eternity; all he could focus on was the outright invasion into his soul/spirit/whatever that Castiel was performing, the other angel’s Grace burning like fire. It hurt like hell, almost in the same way when Lucifer plunged his own sword into him and shattered his Grace. The memory of that moment always haunted his dreams, the pain echoing in a way that left him useless and empty, just like now.
A pained whimper escaped him before Gabriel could hold it back, choking out from his throat almost forcefully and in the next instant the hand that had been on his shoulder was suddenly at the small of his back, pressing against him gently as he heard Castiel’s rumbling voice next to his ear. “Just a bit more, brother, I’m almost there.”
The archangel could only manage a small noise in acknowledgement, biting his tongue now to stop himself from making any more noises as Cas drew him closer, resting the other’s forehead against his shoulder and ignoring how that part of his dress shirt was swiftly being soaked through by sweat. Gabriel himself was clutching carelessly at the sides of Castiel’s shirt, almost tearing the fabric before his fingers finally slackened their grip when the angel withdrew. He pulled out his arm and Gabriel couldn’t help but let out a soft cry of relief when he felt the pain swiftly fading.
There was a moment of silence before Castiel moved, both hands holding the archangel’s shoulders to help him straighten up again, so that Gabriel could look at the angel’s eyes and vice versa. “Gabriel,” he started, voice almost hesitant.
Gabriel took a few seconds before he could respond, having needed to catch his breath first. “Just give me a moment.”
“Of course.” There was a quiet nod before Castiel let go, standing up after that and moving to claim back his layers of clothing. Gabriel closed his eyes, forcing himself to take in deep breaths and get himself steady again. When he opened his eyes, Cas was already back in his usual attire and looking as if he hadn’t just stuck a hand into an archangel’s body and caused him a world of pain. Or the fact that he had comforted said archangel as well in a way that was… not in a way most angels would do.
He wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.
“Okay,” Gabriel began, now that he was relatively calm and didn’t feel like curling up into a ball of agony and pain. “Lay it on me, bro.”
Castiel nodded in acknowledgement before he started to speak. “Whoever brought you back changed you on the inside as well-you weren’t brought back whole, so something else was used to patch up the missing parts.”
Gabriel didn’t need to think too hard to figure out what the angel was saying. “The other me.”
“That is the most likely possibility,” the younger angel agreed with another nod. “The one who brought you back only took you in your true form, fused you with the soul of the… other you from the world you were in so as to fill in the gaps and placed you into that body to recover from the rest of the damage.” Castiel paused for a bit, a frown crossing his face then but went on speaking. “I had felt traces of some sort of power when I reached into you, but it dissipated as soon as I was close enough to attempt and make out its origin.” His tone was worried now, concerned. “I’m not sure why it was there, but I think it was keeping you together until I interfered.”
The archangel frowned too upon hearing those words, now starting to wonder himself. Someone with enough power to pull him back from non-existence and doing all of this to keep him alive… just who could it be? There really weren’t many on the list, and Gabriel doubted that any of them had reason to save him. Why would they, anyway? It wasn’t as if he had done anything that merited something like this.
“It is no longer of import, however,” Castiel spoke again, breaking Gabriel out from his train of thoughts. “You are stable enough now, and I should be able to start passing my Grace to you. It will take about three to four days-five if there are delays. Once you have enough you can reopen a connection to the Host and recover the rest of your energy with little time.”
“Good to know,” Gabriel returned, rubbing his hands once more. “Do we start now, or…?”
Unsurprisingly, Castiel shook his head. “You are in no state to receive my Grace after what I’ve just done. You need to rest.” He stepped back, turning towards the door. “We can begin once you’ve woken up.”
Gabriel made a face at that, but knew that what Castiel said had made sense, so he reluctantly nodded. “First thing, then.”
“Of course. Good night, Gabriel.” And without another word, Castiel was out of the room.
“Dean.”
Now alone in the kitchen, Dean looked up from the beer bottle he had been nursing. It had been about an hour since Cas had left with the archangel, and Sam was drained by the events of what had happened, so he had decided to retire for the night. Dean couldn’t blame his brother, not really; he was pretty damned tired too, but he couldn’t rest yet. At least not until he managed to get a few words with Cas. Gabriel being around now might have changed things a little, but the crux of the matter had not. Cas had just willingly made use of them without either of their consent, and Dean wasn’t happy about that. Not at all.
He wasn’t going to press him on that though, not yet. Dean placed the bottle on the table, clasping his hands as he sent a look towards the angel. “How’s Gabriel?”
Castiel inclined his head. “He is fine, all things considered. He is resting now.”
“Great.” Well, good to know that one of them was at least sort of alright-or at least, a measure of it. Even though considering the situation, Gabriel’s current position was probably the most fucked up. Not that it made anything easier for any of them. “Look, Cas-”
“The plan was Balthazar’s,” Cas cut in, answering even before Dean could get out the rest of his question; then again, it shouldn’t be that surprising. “I would have done the same thing.”
Dean clenched his jaw. “That’s not comforting, Cas.”
“Then just what should I say?” the angel instantly retorted, impatience laced in his tone as he glared at Dean, jaw set obstinately. “I have to win against Raphael, Dean. There’s no other choice. Once he wins, we will all lose everything. I’m trying to prevent that from happening.”
The words rang true in his head, they really did-and in a way, Dean could understand where Cas was coming from. But- “Yeah, we know. I know, Cas. Thing is, that’s about the only friggin’ thing you told us. How are we-how the hell am I supposed to understand when you only tell us the basics and leave everything else in the dark?”
“I-” Castiel started, pausing with equal abruptness as he clenched his jaw, bringing his gaze down to stare at the floor. “I apologize.”
“Apologies isn’t what I want, Cas,” Dean returned, although his expression softened. “Just… just tell us or something when shit like this happens. Don’t keep leaving us in the dark. It ain’t right.”
Castiel looked back up, face set back into the usual expression of neutrality that Dean was starting to find himself hating more and more these days. “There’s not much that I can say, Dean. You wouldn’t be able to understand a war like this.” His voice was tired and drained and maybe just on the edge of irritated, but that all only served to make the human scowl.
“It’s not a matter of if I understand what’s going on or not,” he replied, attempting to keep his voice even. “You’re fighting against Raphael, and you’ll need all the support you can get. You ain’t alone, Cas. We’re around to help; you just gotta ask.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Cas replied, and that answer would have worked if it wasn’t for the fact that Dean knew the angel well enough by now to know that he was just bullshitting. Castiel had no intention of asking them, and don’t anybody say that Dean didn’t try.
Dean bit back an irritated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “So, what’s going to happen to Gabriel?” Since Cas probably didn’t want to continue on that topic anymore, he might as well steer it to something that was easier for both of them. He’d just try again next time when he had the chance to.
The angel gave a small shrug. “He will need to rest and recover. I will be back in the morning to start injecting part of my Grace into him.”
“You mean you haven’t?” Why was Cas stuck for an hour then?
Castiel shook his head. “I had to examine his soul first. It proved to be a big strain on him.”
Dean made a face at the response, memories of Balthazar and the Staff of Moses coming to him. “Well, sticking your hand into somebody usually does that.”
“It was my whole arm,” Castiel corrected neutrally.
“Your whole arm,” Dean deadpanned, staring at the angel now. “Jesus, Cas.”
Cas shrugged once more. “It was necessary.”
“No wonder he needs to rest,” the human went, more to himself then to the angel. “Jesus Christ,” he repeated, because Gabriel had just taken an arm into wherever the soul was and the kid had taken it badly enough when Cas did it. He didn’t want to think how Gabriel must have been when he was getting the short end of that stick.
“The Son has nothing to do with this.”
Dean tried to ignore the urge of pounding his head against the wall that was better known as Castiel. “So, what are you going to do now?”
“I have the weapons,” Cas went in his matter-of-fact way, unblinking. “It will greatly increase the power of my side, and I should be able to start fighting back now.” There was a brief pause, and then Castiel dipped his head and added uncertainly. “Hopefully.”
Dean made a small gulp, steeling himself. “I told you earlier, Cas-just find us if you need help, okay? We’re here for you.”
Castiel didn’t say anything in return, only vanishing in a whisper of wings at Dean’s next blink and the man could only swear under his breath.
He dreamed of flying, of darting in-between clouds and chasing after birds as laughter bubbled from within him for the first time in what seemed to be forever. The sky was bright, the sun warm; Heaven was in harmony and the Earth teemed with the strangest things that perked his interest. It had been paradise, comforting, home. His laugh echoed through the vast skies, rich and happy while the chorus of Heaven sang along with him, all of them connected through their minds and their Grace.
Then the skies darkened, thunder rumbling ominously as lightning flashed, casting his vision into a sharply contrasting world of light and shadow. Below him the earth started to burn, brimming with flames that he would later come to learn as hellfire. The ground moaned as it split apart, the stench of sulphur burning in his nose as thunder and lightning gave way to the crash and flash of swords as angel turned against angel, fighting each other as the First War raged around him.
Stop it, he wanted to say, but found his voice betraying him as nothing came out and he was forced to watch his beloved brothers turn against each other, striking at one another with nothing but the intent to kill. Stop it!
Neither of them would stop however, both of them pushing on without pause as they fought for countless days and endless nights. It was the Champion of Heaven versus the dazzling light of the Morningstar, and where once their spars brought him and countless other angels in gathering to watch the beauty of their fight, now there was nothing beautiful in this at all. This was carnage and betrayal and heartbreak all rolled into one, as brother fought against brother under the command of their Father. Michael remained stoic as Lucifer snarled, and he didn’t even need to be nearby to hear the words that the Morningstar said. You don’t have to do this, brother.
A brother who disobeys his Father is no brother of mine. I am a good son. And with those words Michael struck Lucifer into the pit along with the other angels who had followed him, changing the whole world in that instant. Hell was formed and the Host wept for the loss of so many of their brothers and sisters, but none so much as he who had lost his entire family in that instant.
As the Host both celebrated and mourned he stood by the edge of the world that separated land from sea, watching the waves silently and letting his mind drift. The tranquility soothed him in the way Heaven-home-once did, but not anymore.
Gabriel, a voice murmured behind him, and the Messenger turned to stare in surprise at the devil who had come to him.
Brother-he started, stopping when Lucifer raised a hand, flickering now-crimson eyes to look at him.
You always promised to be by my side, Gabriel, the devil said, voice quiet even though the words stung Gabriel like nothing else.
Gabriel took a step back, hesitating. Not like this, brother.
Lucifer stepped closer, eyes flaring with the power of Hell as his voice slipped lower. You promised, Gabriel.
Not like this-he repeated himself, freezing when the fallen archangel reached out to grab him by one of his wings, holding him in place not too gently as the devil leaned closer and hissed in betrayal.
You lied to me, Gabriel, he spoke, and Gabriel trembled at the quiet fury that was behind that deceptively calm voice. And I do not suffer liars gladly.
Without warning there was a sharp pain right into his stomach, and Gabriel looked down to see his blade lodged into him. The world changed, red clouding his vision as he saw blood dripping from his body and Grace shattering under the thrust of his sword. He brought his head back up to look at Lucifer through the eyes of the half-burnt vessel he wore now, the Morningstar’s light shining within those eyes as Lucifer pulled out the sword from him, and Gabriel felt his Grace starting to burn and shrivel up. He let go just as Lucifer released him, falling down towards the ground as his vision started to fade, even as light shone everywhere with the power of his burning Grace, the world vanishing before his eyes before he could even hit the ground-
-Gabriel gasped as he opened his eyes, his world refocusing to the half-peeled ceiling above him. The archangel felt his breaths slowly easing now that he wasn’t dreaming and Gabriel clenched his fingers, fisting the sheets that were in his grip as he swore under his breath.
“Damnit.”
After Cas left him last night, Dean spent a good hour drinking before he finally managed to sleep, which was the reason why he was the last one to enter the kitchen in the morning. Gabriel was already there, eating some scrambled eggs and leftover bacon a currently disgruntled-looking Bobby had managed to dig out from somewhere. Sam was focused on his laptop as usual, seemingly unblinking as he stared at the screen and mindlessly ate his rabbit food of a sandwich.
“You idjits need to stop with this habit of losing whatever help we get,” the older man groused when he saw Dean entering the kitchen, placing his breakfast on the table.
Dean made a face. “He ain’t helping, Bobby.” Where did he even get the idea in the first place?
Bobby sent back a skeptical look in response. “Then explain to me why we’ve got a dead archangel in my house.”
“Former dead archangel,” Gabriel corrected, looking up from his plate. “Emphasis on ‘former’, ‘dead’, and ‘archangel’.”
“It’s a long story, Bobby,” Sam spoke up, still not looking away from his laptop.
The man rolled his eyes. “Gabriel here already told me the gist of it before you two woke up,” he said as he shuffled off to put the pans and utensils into the sink. “Sounded like quite the adventure.”
Dean only bothered to answer the words with a snort before digging into his breakfast. ‘Quite the adventure’ was one hell of an understatement, really.
“I’ve returned.”
Dean just barely stopped himself from choking on his ham at the sudden rumble of voice coming from behind him, turning around to glare at the one almost responsible for his death via ham choking. “Jesus, Cas, how many times have I told you not to do that?”
Castiel only shrugged in response, turning to Gabriel after that. “We can continue now, Gabriel.”
“Five minutes, bro.” Gabriel was still busy with the task of clearing up his plate.
“I do not have much time.” Castiel’s voice was very curt, Dean noted.
“Geez, rush me, why don’t you.” Despite the answer the archangel did set his fork and knife down, getting up from his seat. “Is the panic room available, Bobster?”
“Call me that again and you’re going to have to start making your own food.”
Gabriel’s only response was a grin. “Alright Cas, downstairs we go then.”
The two angels vanished in a rustle of near-silent wings.
“So, I hear you’ve been busy.”
Castiel looked up to Gabriel as he discarded his trench coat, placing it on the table (Gabriel’s jacket had already claimed the chair) before he started to work on his suit jacket. “What do you mean?”
The archangel rolled his eyes, gesturing with his hands as he replied. “Civil war in heaven? The whole hoo-haa? Raph wanting Mike and Lucy to go at each other’s throats for some stupid reason I cannot fathom?” Seriously, Father, why did Raphael want that to happen? Did he really take so much sick joy in seeing their own brothers try to kill each other? Gabriel was already sick of it himself.
“Ah.” And now Cas was rolling up his sleeves again, almost a repeat of what he did last night. “Raphael intends to start the Apocalypse again, yes.”
Gabriel stared back at the lesser angel. “Uh, yeah, Cas. I just said that.”
“I am aware.” Castiel turned around, glancing at Gabriel. “Please sit down, Gabriel.”
Gabriel sent a very flat look back in response, but did settle himself onto the cot anyway and watched as Castiel put his two neatly-folded coats onto the desk. He tilted his head upwards when the angel moved towards him (why was everybody so big anyway, Father), squaring himself as Castiel laid a hand on his shoulder again, pausing for a moment and then spoke. “You should probably lie down.”
“Make up your mind, geez,” he returned with a roll of his eyes, even as he allowed Cas to push him down onto the bed and Gabriel straightened himself, making sure that he was lying properly on the bed. The archangel found his gaze flickering up to the iron-wrought devil’s trap that made the ceiling, staring as the fan groaned above him.
“Try to relax as much as possible,” Castiel’s voice went from beside him as the younger angel’s face blocked his vision, and Gabriel felt hands pressing against his temples. “We will begin now.”
Gabriel only allowed himself a small sound of acknowledgement, sucking in a deep breath and closed his eyes, focusing on nothing but the warmth of the hands pressed against him. Slowly but surely the world melted away in the darkness behind his eyelids until there was nothing else but a soft hum and the near-silent breathing coming from Castiel himself.
Can you hear me, Gabriel?
For a moment the archangel felt his heart being squeezed with so many emotions (nostalgia, regret, fear, pain, familiarity) when he heard Castiel speak in his mind, in the way that almost made him remember the Host and the connection he had with it. Father, how long had it been since the last time he talked to anybody like this?
Yeah, he eventually got himself to respond, Yeah, I can hear you.
He felt a surge of comfort coming from Castiel. That is a good thing. This means that what’s inside you recognizes me.
Because you stuck your arm in me? Hey, he couldn’t just not say that, alright?
I also left a spark of my Grace inside you, the younger angel added, it will make the transition of Grace easier between us.
Gabriel knew he should probably say something about what Cas had done-one didn’t just put Grace into other people (or other angels), but at this moment he really couldn’t bring himself to care. Besides, he could understand the intentions behind what the angel had done. Okay, Cas. You going to start now?
Yes. A brief pause. The beginning might not be pleasant.
If he could, the archangel would have been rolling his eyes now. (Yeah, he didn’t need to be a genius to figure that out.) Let’s just get this over with.
As you wish. The hum started to grow louder, almost like an incessant buzzing in his ears as Castiel started to summon out his Grace. Gabriel could feel it starting to gather in the physical space between the other angel’s hands and his head-it was a quiet sort of warmth, the kind of warmth that the archangel associated with curling up in bed on a drowsy summer’s day, or the warmth from being in just the right temperature and letting himself soak up the rays of the sun. It was a good kind of warmth, nice and contented, and for a moment Gabriel almost wondered just how this would be hard.
Then without warning, the heat spiked up, surging as it went from warm to scorching hot in a moment and Gabriel let out a surprised yelp before he could help himself. Castiel pressed harder against his head, the heels of his palms squeezing at his temples as fingers gripped not-too-kindly around his chin. The archangel gritted his teeth, attempting to hold in the pain and steel himself even as his toes curled up from the intense sensation, legs propping up so that his feet were on the mattress, knees pointing upwards. His hands dug into the sides of the cot, knuckles and wrists straining from the effort to keep himself in place and not arch away from the cot. The heat overlapped his senses, Grace burning through him like fire and ice threading in his veins simultaneously. Gabriel let out a pained noise through gritted teeth and bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw out blood, wondering just how much longer he was going to have to endure this. Castiel-
He felt something cool brushing against his forehead, so light and easy he could have almost swore that he imagined it all, if it wasn’t for the fact that he heard the quiet rumble of Cas’ murmured words against his skin, the whispers brushing against him like a butterfly’s wings. “We’re almost done, brother.”
“Cas,” he choked back in a voice that was almost broken, because the heat was getting hotter and hotter and was still rising and Gabriel had no idea just how much more he’d be able to take-
-Gabriel gasped and opened his eyes, his breath coming out in a shaky exhale as the archangel felt everything suddenly stop and the heat replaced by an icy coldness. He shuddered, bones shaking and muscles trembling at the abrupt shift in temperature. He barely even registered the fact that Castiel had already taken his hands away from him and had moved, only noticing when he felt the other’s palms snaking below him and pressing against the small of his back, urging him to sit up. He did so, and gratefully accepted the glass of warm water that Cas held out for him seconds later.
“It will take about three hours before you’ll adjust to the infusion of Grace, and another three before it’s properly absorbed,” the angel said, watching Gabriel carefully as the archangel downed the glass in one go. “This should decrease with time, once you have more Grace and your vessel is more used to it.”
Gabriel made a soft hum of acknowledgement as he passed back the now-empty glass to Cas, feeling reasonably better now that he wasn’t shivering all over (although he was still cold). “Great. More volatile reactions. Just what I need.”
“It cannot be helped. Your vessel is preventing you from connecting to the Host, and your… soul is unused to pure Grace as you’ve been using what you had to keep yourself sustained back in the world you were in.” Castiel, as always, seemed to have no concept of sarcasm, and Gabriel wasn’t in the mood to start educating his brother in the ways of humanity. The archangel opened his mouth to say that, but thought better of it and closed it again.
Castiel gave an odd look at Gabriel’s reaction, although he didn’t say anything and stood up; his coats magically were back on him and the angel looked as unruffled as always. “I will return in six hours.” He bowed his head. “Please rest until then.”
“I know-” Gabriel started, stopping when he heard the tell-tale flutter of wings and Castiel was already gone. The archangel stared at the spot where the lesser angel had been for several moments before he looked up to the ceiling and snapped. “You suck at giving proper goodbyes, you know that?”
There was no response-not that Gabriel expected any, of course. He dropped his head back down and sighed, closing his eyes and ignoring how the light was playing through his eyelids. If this was what his life for the next week or so was going to be like, then his life seriously sucked right about now. It would be nice to get back to where he was, and just live the worry-free life he had been living. It had been safe, at least, unlike now. But at the same time, there was nobody he could relate to there, nobody to help him in the way Castiel was doing now and nobody that gave him the strange sort of comfort that the younger angel had done.
Gabriel made himself stop at that thought and instantly banished it, turning around to burrow his head under the pillow as he tried to sleep off the exhaustion now settling in his bones.
He was way too old for this bullshit.
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