[Final Fantasy X] Sunrise

[not_cynical]

Title: Sunrise
Rating: G
Word Count: 100 exactly (HA I WIN!)
Characters: Kinoc, Auron, Jecht
Notes: For ff_100's "Old wounds" challenge, inspired to some extent by fanfic100's "Sunrise" challenge.

Comments

[justira]

I admit it, this made me smile. It was funny, it captured the characters so well, and you have my personal Drabble Win Award for actually doing an exact 100-word one.

I love how characteristically grumpy Auron is, I love the tiny bit of interaction with Jecht that manages to capture them both so well. It's a cute little idea, executed so well.

If you don't mind, though, a couple tiny criticisms?

a glare that had in the past frozen fiends to the spot

I'm pretty sure the usual expression is "on the spot", though "in their tracks" might also work here. It's an idiom, though, so not really my call!

the fading-but-still-beautiful bruises swelling around his eye; yellow, purple-red, and even a hint of blue

Teeny punctuation suggestion: change the semicolon to a colon. The last bit of the sentence feels like a description of or elaboration on the bit immediately preceding it. This seems like the ideal situation for a colon, and it would help change the pace late in a sentence that's a touch on the long side.

These are a couple just really minor things that are even pretty subjective. Overall I enjoyed this very much! Thanks for entering the challenge =D

[not_cynical]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it! =D I'll put money on my never being able to hit 100 words again though, so I'll enjoy the Drabble Win Award while I have it. XD

Criticism is fine! I appreciate it actually - I don't usually have many people telling me where I went wrong or how to fix it. ^_^

I'll agree with you on the colon thing - my grasp of grammar is shaky at best, and from your explanation (which is absolutely right), it seems I got the wrong punctuation. Thanks for pointing it out! I have to disagree with you on "to the spot" though - where I live, it's a pretty common thing, so I thought everyone would know what I meant. ^^; (What I was thinking of was Auron's Threaten move. I swear this game is just eating my brain.)

Um... I apologise for the fact that my reply's longer than the drabble itself?

[justira]

I'm glad that giving criticism was okay -- not everyone responds to it well, so I'm glad I didn't step on all your toes at once there ^^;

As far as "to the spot" goes, it's an expression and thus very prone to dialect variation, so if that sounds right for where you live, go for it. Like I said, it's not really my call =)

Thanks again for this wonderful little drabble, and good luck with hitting the hundred again! I hope you participate at ff_100 in the future, as I look forward to hearing from you again.

And yes, I remember Threaten. Possibly because I had Auron out all the time >.>

Also, pish posh on comments being longer than drabbles =P