Sharp Breath
The essays are finished. I sent the last one -- Gustaf Sobin -- off this morning. As said in the earlier post, I plan to try and make this winter rife with immediate, short-term pleasure. Sign up for no huge projects, especially the long-term ones. Just do what I want when it comes to mind. Write and read for myself.
First hurdle: The holidays.
I have not been back to my folks' since last Xmas. We have a kind of understanding that cyclically irks me. They're fundamentalist and, though, as they say, will continue to love me (but not what I do) as a queer, they never what to meet my partner, Joe, much less have him come home with me for holidays. To welcome him would be to endorse the relationship, to their minds. They would also prefer that I not talk about that side of my life while I am there.
I told them I could understand that, but that they couldn't really expect me to come home much, since I am forced by their conditions to forget one of the most integral parts of my life and leave it here in Memphis when I come home. The visit home, to me, is false and routine -- and pretty numbing because of that.
I used to come back here after my trips and proceed to get drunk as possible at the first gay bar I ran across.
The holidays, though, for them are sacrosanct. And I have never NOT been hom for Xmas. For Thanksgiving, I am staying here and going to Beth's for lunch; everyone there will not be going to their blood families for the holiday. That decision feels good.
Now for Xmas (I love taking the "christ" out of "Christmas" by the way), I am trying to decide whether I will
1) Skip going home altogether and have another confrontational discussion about my reasons with them;
2) Swallow real hard, decide whether to buy gifts for the clan or not, and go home as close to the "sacred" day as possible; or
3) Make a brief weekend visit in mid-January -- just to touch base -- and avoid the fever pitch of the holiday while still keeping touch.
The added complication is that, if I don't go, I won't see my 4 young nephews and nieces or my elderly grandparents whose health has been failing for some time.
I want to make a decision soon, so I'll be firm in it.
Head-scratchin' ... .
First hurdle: The holidays.
I have not been back to my folks' since last Xmas. We have a kind of understanding that cyclically irks me. They're fundamentalist and, though, as they say, will continue to love me (but not what I do) as a queer, they never what to meet my partner, Joe, much less have him come home with me for holidays. To welcome him would be to endorse the relationship, to their minds. They would also prefer that I not talk about that side of my life while I am there.
I told them I could understand that, but that they couldn't really expect me to come home much, since I am forced by their conditions to forget one of the most integral parts of my life and leave it here in Memphis when I come home. The visit home, to me, is false and routine -- and pretty numbing because of that.
I used to come back here after my trips and proceed to get drunk as possible at the first gay bar I ran across.
The holidays, though, for them are sacrosanct. And I have never NOT been hom for Xmas. For Thanksgiving, I am staying here and going to Beth's for lunch; everyone there will not be going to their blood families for the holiday. That decision feels good.
Now for Xmas (I love taking the "christ" out of "Christmas" by the way), I am trying to decide whether I will
1) Skip going home altogether and have another confrontational discussion about my reasons with them;
2) Swallow real hard, decide whether to buy gifts for the clan or not, and go home as close to the "sacred" day as possible; or
3) Make a brief weekend visit in mid-January -- just to touch base -- and avoid the fever pitch of the holiday while still keeping touch.
The added complication is that, if I don't go, I won't see my 4 young nephews and nieces or my elderly grandparents whose health has been failing for some time.
I want to make a decision soon, so I'll be firm in it.
Head-scratchin' ... .