Within Without: Part 4 (Gil/Nick)
Title: Within Without: Part 4 (of 4)
Author: EL
Pairing: Nick/Gil
Rating: Mature
Summary: What if Nicky's hell lasted more than a day? How long would it take Gil to get him back?
Disclaimer: Not owned by me. Apologies to Jerry and Anthony. The boys are just so... cute!
A/N: Finally done, and I hope you all enjoy! It was much fun to write, and possibly the longest thing I’ve ever written (but somehow Nick and Gil lend themselves to epics, it seems.) This part is for janissa11, as per usual, and for apetslife, and schuyler, who still won’t read parts one and two, though she was gracious enough to beta this section. X-posted to oh_no_nicky, grisslash, and my writing LJ.
Part One Here
Part Two Here
Part Three Here
PART 4
The drive back to Vegas was uneventful and left Gil plenty of time to think. Nick was obviously not prepared to get the hell out of dodge quite yet, and Gil was more than a little grateful for that. It was premature and not a little rash. And besides, they had to wait at least three days before Gil’s bonds were available as cash. He allowed a small smile remembering his accountant’s voice on the other end of the line earlier that day. “Mr. Grissom, you really can’t expect me to work miracles overnight! It’s over fifty thousand dollars and… are you in some sort of trouble, sir?” Gil had glanced at the bathroom door, imagining Nick naked on the other side. His body reacted with an almost overpowering tug to go join him. Trouble? Yeah, Gil was in some serious trouble.
Gil glanced in the rearview mirror every few minutes to make sure the truck was still there. He tried hard not to wonder what Nick was thinking during his own quiet drive. The only thing that was clear to him was that Nick had forgiven him in that little room, and he’d meant it. He’d entrusted Gil with his body, and pushed past his year of horrifying conditioning to refuse him when things had gotten too intense. Nick hadn’t seen his face at the time or he would have been surprised at the smile there. There was only one thing Gil wanted more than to fuck Nick Stokes, and that was to hear Nicky being Nicky again. The refusal had been pure Nick-- more than a little apologetic and entirely firm-- and Gil’s heart warmed thinking about it. Nick was the important part of this whole equation. They really did have plenty of time for the rest.
They pulled into the parking lot of the PD a bit after sundown and Jim was waiting, arms crossed against his brown suit.
“Took you long enough,” he noted as Gil and Nick climbed out of their vehicles and walked over to meet him. Jim took a long, squinting look at Nick and Gil suppressed a grin as Nick tugged nervously at his shirtsleeves. Unfortunately, the tugging pulled the shirt away from his neck. Jim noticed the bite mark at the same time Nick realized what he was doing. Gil cleared his throat loudly and pushed Nick lightly back toward the truck. He dropped a set of keys in Jim’s hand and followed quickly, but not quickly enough to miss the chuckle and the muttered “Clearly had better things to do…” as Jim climbed into his car. Gil knew there was a reason Jim was one of his best friends.
The ride to Gil’s was comfortably silent, and he took that as a good sign. Nick spent most of the drive looking out the window with a small smile, reaching over to squeeze Gil’s hand for a quick second as they pulled into his drive. Gil turned off the truck.
“We’re home.”
Nick just blinked at him for a moment, and Gil grinned until Nick grinned back.
Nick stumbled in the foyer, cursing as he tripped over a pair of Gil’s hiking boots. Gil caught his arm to steady him and ended up with Nick wrapped snugly around his side. A moment later Nick’s head was tucked under his chin and Gil sighed as Nick’s tongue traced a hot path across his neck. He didn’t want to move, to break contact, but Gil’s knees were still recovering from their afternoon on the floor. “Bedroom,” he managed as Nick’s fingers slipped under the hem of his shirt. Nick’s reply was incoherent but affirmative, though he didn’t seem to want to break his contact with Gil’s skin anymore than Gil did.
They fumbled through Gil’s townhouse and Gil winced when he hit the doorframe with a thud. But Nick had pulled their shirts off somewhere near the living room and took that moment to scrape a fingernail roughly across Gil’s nipple and his gasp was suddenly a lot less about the throb in his back. Nick pulled away, smiling, and tugged off his boots before peeling off his jeans. Gil followed suit and allowed himself a private smile at Nick’s obvious enthusiasm. He’d been ashamed of his marred skin in that hotel room, ashamed of what those white lines-and the black ones-meant. Gil had been overcome with the need to erase every one of those lines, covering them with bites and bruises that signified love winning over violence. Looking at Nick now, stark naked with tiny purpling marks giving him a polka dot look in some places, Gil though maybe he had gotten a little carried away. But Nick didn’t seem to mind.
They were barely on the bed before Nick was surging up and into him, his cock pushed hot into Gil’s stomach. Their kisses were not the sweet, languid ones they’d shared in the hotel. They were fueled by some basic need in Nick, and fanned by Gil’s astonishment that this was Nick, in his bed, under his hands. They rocked hard into one another until Nick growled low in this chest, shifting to increase the pressure, the friction. Gil was momentarily caught off guard, and as he put more weight on his arms for balance, his cock slipped between Nick’s thighs. Nick stiffened immediately, and Gil froze. Nick wouldn’t look at him this time either, eyes squeezed shut as he muttered “Fuckfuckfuck” through clenched teeth.
Gil planted a series of small kisses along Nick’s jaw. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Nick.” Gil willed his body to take the hint here, that Nick wasn’t ready for this, but Gil was ready, he was so, so ready, and his legs shook with the effort of keeping still with Nick warm and panting underneath him. He wanted to be connected to Nick, to crawl inside his skin and bury himself there so no one could separate them again, wanted Nick to feel that too. But while Nick was obviously on board, his body obviously wasn’t. They stayed frozen in place for a long minute, neither speaking as they tried to get themselves under control. But Nick was clearly losing his argument with himself and Gil’s own need was threatening to drown him. When Nick’s cursing turned to another whispered apology, Gil kissed it away harshly and leaned in to talk directly in Nick’s ear. He could barely recognize his own voice under the layers of want.
“Do you think… do you think you could fuck me?”
Nick’s eyes snapped open, hands tightening on Gil’s shoulders. Gil met his gaze as steadily as he could manage. Nick’s breath caught for moment before his hand came up to pull Gil down into a crushing kiss. “Yeah,” he spoke directly into Gil’s searching mouth, “yeah, I think I could do that.”
Gil’s groan of relief shook the mattress and he hooked a hand under Nick’s neck, flipping them cleanly until Nick’s body covered his, one lean thigh pressing between his. Nick pulled back until he could see Gil laid out beneath him. “God, Gil. Have you ever…?”
Gil’s laugh was slightly hysterical. “Been a while, but yeah. In the nightstand.”
Nick understood and Gil saw his hands shake as he retrieved a condom and some lubricant from the drawer. Gil’s kiss was meant to be reassuring, but he felt his own body start to shake as well when Nick’s slick hand slid between his legs.
“Gil?” Nick’s voice was husky and uncertain. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Even in his haze, the irony wasn’t lost on Gil. He took a deep breath. “I want this. I promise, Nick.”
Nick nodded, unsmiling, and set to loosening Gil up. One finger was okay, and Gil breathed through until the stretch dulled into a pulsing rhythm. At two, Gil’s body took a little longer to adjust and Nick planted quiet kisses along his shoulder, murmuring calming words against Gil’s skin until he’d relaxed into Nick’s touch. At three, Gil was beginning to think this was maybe not a good idea after all, but then Nick twisted his fingers just an inch, and Gil gripped the headboard as shining sparks rained through his vision. He was incredibly hard, and he could fell Nick panting, straining against him. The feeling of needwantnow surged through him again, and Gil cried out. “Now, Nicky, please!”
Nick moved quickly, Gil’s legs wrapping around him as he slid in fast and hard. He looked shocked for a minute, unsure as Gil’s breath hitched from the hot burn and the hotter pleasure. Gil urged him on with the rise of his hips and Nick found a rhythm, Gil opening more with each stroke. Nick’s soothing tone devolved into muttered curses and Gil drowned in a wave of God and fuck and sogood. He could feel Nick’s rhythm breaking, and when Nick reached down grasp his now painfully hard cock, Gil came almost instantly with a stuttered shout. Nick drove into him while he fell, and he reached out to hold on, to keep sane, since nothing in the world could keep him sane right now but Nick, and Nick had driven him crazy in the first place.
When he finally came around, Gil found Nick tracing and retracing an old scar on Gil’s shoulder. He blinked in question when Gil opened his eyes. “You okay?”
Gil felt pretty okay-sore, but okay-but he still couldn’t quite find his voice, so he nodded sleepily.
Nick smiled. “That was pretty much… unexpected.”
“Yeah,” Gil managed. Nick just kept looking at him with the same wondering expression, and he wanted to look back, but his eyes drifted shut and he slept better than he had in over a year.
Four days later, they’d settled into a happy routine of breakfast over the paper-world events for Gil, sports page for Nick-followed by mind-numbing sex before Gil left for work. Gil had rented a car for Nick and he spent those long nights driving around a lot, as far as Gil could tell. He was always home when Gil got back, though, and he chalked it up to Nick just enjoying the freedom driving gave him. Besides, if Nick was going to bolt again-which Gil was giddly sure he wasn’t-the rental car was also equipped with GPS, a fact he informed Nick of as he dropped the keys in his hand. Nick had just laughed and kissed him in the parking lot.
The fifth night, Gil sat thoughtfully-and gingerly-at his desk poring over a case file. Sex with Nick was pretty much amazing but Gil thought he should take his own advice and say no every once and awhile. Sitting was become a minor annoyance. Luckily, he always walked a little oddly anyway. Besides, Nick was getting more and more relaxed in bed, and Gil had managed to slip one slick finger inside him in the shower that evening, Nick responding with a shudder that was definitely not unwelcoming. Gil grinned down at his file and shook his head. The one negative of Nick being back in his life was the distraction of knowing Nick would be waiting when he got off work. He hadn’t done a single hour of overtime all week.
When Catherine showed up in his office, closing the door behind her and sitting down in the chair across from his desk, Gil held up a finger for her to wait a moment while he finished reading a ballistics analysis from Bobby. When he looked up, she was glaring at him. “Sorry, didn’t want to lose my train of thought.”
“What the fuck are you doing, Gil?”
He blinked in confusion at her obvious anger. “Doing about what?”
She settled back in the chair, arms crossed. “Do you really think sex is going to fix him?”
Oh. Okay, then. Gil closed the file and leaned heavily on his elbows. “That’s not what I’m trying to do, Catherine.”
“Like hell it’s not! I know what happened to him in there, I watched him fall apart week after week. I watched him become this horrible other person and you can’t make that go away with sex. In fact, sex might be the worst solution to that particular problem.” Her words were clipped and harsh.
“I know, and I promise I’m not doing anything to force him.”
Catherine rolled her eyes. “Of course you’re not raping him,” Gil winced at the word, “but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for any of it.”
“I think he is. He thinks he is. And he’s happy, Catherine.”
“You mean you’re happy.”
Gil’s reply was soft and immediate. “Yes.”
She sighed, anger ebbing away. “It’s not enough, Gil. He needs more than that. He needs to talk to someone, work out what’s going inside his head.”
“I know,” Gil nodded and sat back. “He isn’t ready for therapy yet. I’ve told him it’s a good idea, and he knows it, but he wants to wait out the investigation. I think the idea of working through his prison time when they might send him back feels like too much right now. But you’re right Catherine. Sex isn’t a quick fix.”
“But it sure is fun?” She asked with a quirked smile and a shake of her head.
Gil smiled back cryptically and she laughed. “Okay, fine. You win. He’s smiling, so I’ll let it pass for now. But if you fuck this up, I’ll kick your ass.”
“Understood,” Gil replied with mock seriousness. She stood and walked toward the door, stopping when Gil called her.
“Cath? Just… when did you know?”
She smiled at him fondly. “About how he felt about you? About two weeks after he started this job. About how you felt about him?” She paused, thoughtful. “About two weeks after he went to jail.” She paused again and grinned wickedly. “About your new exciting sex life? About ten minutes into shift on Tuesday when you refused to sit for the entire staff meeting.”
She winked and strode from the office, leaving Gil to blush crimson. He really had to learn to say no once in awhile.
It was hours and three crime scenes later when Nick showed up at the lab in jeans and a brown suede jacket, grinning at Gil from the doorway of his office. “Thought you could use a nice meal out,” he looked at Gil’s haggard face with sympathy. “Long shift?”
“You have no idea. I have about half an hour of paperwork left, though. Think you can wait?” Nick hadn’t been to the lab since his release, and Gil could already see people in the hallway slowing when they saw him, some smiling, some just curious. “My couch is pretty comfy…” he noted by way of invitation.
“Nah. Got to bite the bullet and do the rounds sometime, right?” Nick was still smiling, but his shoulders tensed. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Gil spared a quick moment of sympathy for the volume of hand shaking Nick was in for before diving back into his caseload.
It was almost an hour later when Nick finally reappeared at his door, a laughing Bobby Dawson slapping him on the back and walking back to ballistics. “Man,” he said breathlessly as he sank into Gil’s couch. “I didn’t realize I had that many friends.”
Gil smiled and closed his case file. “I did.” He got up and crossed to the sofa, sitting close enough that their knees touched, but far enough that no one would see anything unusual. “A little overwhelming?”
“Just a tad,” Nick answered, but he was obviously pleased with the attention. “You ready to go? I’m starved.”
“Absolutely.” But as he moved to get up, Gil heard a soft cough from the doorway. They both looked up to see Brass staring down at them, bemused.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything…”
Nick moved his knee away from Gil’s and Gil narrowed his eyes at Jim. “As a matter of fact, you are not. We were heading to breakfast.”
“Well, before you go, I thought I’d drop by with a bit of official business.” An uncharacteristic grin lit up Jim’s usually stoic face. “Paul Griffin woke up last night, and other than some minor nerve damage, the docs think he’ll be just fine. He also had a pretty convincing story to tell me. So the death of Carlos Monongya has officially been deemed a case of self-defense and you, Mr. Stokes, are free to do… whatever you want.”
**
He didn’t know he was crying until Gil’s arms were around him. But as Brass closed the door with a quiet click, Nick let go and sobbed into Gil’s chest, letting strong arms soothe him through each wracking breath. His fingers clung to the back of Gil’s shirt, anchoring him to the one person who could keep him from floating away. It was relief, pure and simple, coupled with insane happiness and a sharp twist of vindication. Carlos, and the specter of Carlos that had threatened to suck him back into hell, was gone, and Nick would have to learn to deal with his part in that in his own time. But he was free.
He finally settled quietly, sagging against Gil in exhaustion as Gil’s fingers threaded through his hair. He sighed as light kisses were placed along his temple and his eyes fluttered open enough for him to remember where they were. Gil’s office. Oh, shit. The walls of glass were just over his shoulder. He tried to pull away but Gil wouldn’t let him.
“People’ll see,” he mumbled into Gil’s neck.
“Don’t care,” was Gil’s strained reply, and when Nick looked up he saw tearstains on Gil’s face too, and reached up to trace them in awe. He had never, in all their years together, seen Gil Grissom lose it. Gil turned his head to kiss Nick’s palm lightly and Nick let his forehead fall back to Gil’s shoulder. They stayed like that for another ten minutes before Nick’s stomach rumbled and Gil chuckled in his ear. “Still up for breakfast out?”
“Are you kidding?” Nick untangled himself from Gil’s arms and sat back heavily. “I probably look like a raccoon.”
“I doubt I look much better. What do you say to home, pancakes, and a nice long shower?”
“Much better.” Nick could feel the smile on his face, and was amazed at how well it fit. “Also, I should call my parents.”
“Good plan.” Gil stood up slowly, wincing as he unbent. Nick was about to apologize for squishing him into the couch when he realized that wasn’t the cause. Gil caught his smirk and shook his head. “Oh, you just wait.”
Nick found he honestly couldn’t.
They tore out of the lab without running into anyone from the night shift and drove back to Gil’s. Gil beat Nick there by a few minutes and had the door open, pulling Nick inside with a laugh. Gil laughed the whole way to the bedroom and Nick decided it would be stupid to ask about pancakes at this point. Gil had him naked and whimpering in about ten seconds and Nick slid one leg snugly around Gil’s waist as Gil settled above him. Gil smiled and leaned in to kiss him soundly before asking, “You’re sure?”
“Oh, yes.” He pushed himself up on his elbows so he could kiss Gil again and found himself repeating the words over and over as Gil’s tongue traced over his teeth in agonizing strokes. Gil broke the kiss to reach into the nightstand and Nick enjoyed the expanse of skin before him. He lingered at the sensitive spot in the hollow of Gil’s throat, savoring the feel of Gil’s soft moans against his lips. Gil kept him distracted with caresses and whispered promises and when Nick felt Gil’s fingers pressing up against him, into him, he arched into the touch and sighed. There was no tightness, no slow burn. He was ready, completely ready and open and fuck and he told Gil so, keening as Gil’s fingers twisted inside him.
“Nicky…” and suddenly the fingers were gone and Gil was there, his dick pressing into Nick so slowly, so gently that Nick couldn’t stop his choked sob at the tenderness, the restraint. And even as he sped up into his thrusts, it never reached the harsh intensity Nick always associated with fucking. It was like they were one thing, one entity, and Gil knew exactly what he needed because Gil needed it too. This wasn’t fucking, this was love-making, and the very thought was enough to make Nick shake apart under Gil, pulling him over the edge too, until they were both delirious and gasping, Gil’s face buried in the crook of Nick’s neck.
They both drifted into light sleep for a short time, but when they woke, neither wanted to move, even after Nick pointed out they were definitely going to need a nice shower. Gil lay half draped over Nick, fingers tracing lightly over his abdomen. When he spoke, it was soft, but intent.
“What do you want to do now?”
“Like I said, shower. And I haven’t abandoned hope for breakfast.” Nick scratched his nails lightly down Gil’s back and was rewarded with a shiver of appreciation.
“I meant now that its over. Now that you’re free to move forward.”
Nick blinked at the ceiling. He had absolutely no idea how to answer. “I guess… I guess I haven’t thought much about it. Haven’t let myself. Better get a job, huh? Maybe an apartment?”
“You can stay here as long as you’d like. You know that.”
“Man, I know you like your personal space.”
“That’s because I didn’t know there was anything better that could fill it.” Gil propped himself up on one arm and looked down at Nick. He looked serious, his brow furrowed in that Grissom way that meant he had something important to say and Nick swallowed reflexively. “I know that you have to figure out your own life, and I know that probably doesn’t include coming back to be a CSI.”
Nick smiled ruefully. “I’ve seen enough of the dark side of humanity to last a lifetime, I think. Not that I didn’t love my job, but…”
“I know.” Gil was still staring, and Nick reached a hand up to trace over his jaw until he smiled.
“Maybe something outside? I’m not keen on just jumping into lab work.”
“You’ll find something,” Gil said with assurance. “I also know that you might just want to get as far from here as you can, maybe go back home to Dallas for a while.”
Nick tried to interrupt but Gil cut him off with a shake of his head.
“Either way, I need you to know that I… I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay, Nicky? I want you to have all the space you need, but there is no way I’m letting go now. I’m not losing you again. I… I think…”
Nick watched him fumble and stammer and suddenly understood. He started to grin, and a small part of him wanted to make this easier on Gil, wanted to just say it for him, but watching Grissom tongue-tied was just too much fun. Finally, he just leaned up and kissed him quiet. He pulled away enough to see Gil’s eyes, and said, “You’re gonna have to say it first.”
Gil relaxed visibly and chuckled against Nick’s cheek. “I love you.”
Nick was going to say it, he really was, but Gil was still grinning and Nick kissed him hard and deep and figured Gil pretty much knew everything anyway.
**
Gil woke at his usual hour and staggered out from under Nick’s arm to the bathroom. Three steps from the bed, he stepped on something hard and had to put his arm out as he hit the wall with a thump.
“Nick…” He rolled his eyes and reached down to pick up the textbooks strewn over the floor.
“Hmmm?” Came a sleepy sound from the bed.
“Sweetheart, can you at least try not to leave these on the floor? I’d like to be able to survive a trip to the bathroom.”
Nick blinked sleepily at him and frowned. “Sorry, must’ve fallen off the bed when I fell asleep.”
Gil shook his head fondly and rubbed at his toe. He navigated the maze of books to the hallway and was halfway through his shower when the glass doors slid open and Nick climbed inside. “I was wondering if I would be blessed with your company this evening,” he said just shy of teasing.
Nick pulled him close and kissed him, hands drifting in still-sleepy circles on Gil’s back. “I traded Mike’s shift for the weekend, so I’m leaving in an hour. No sense in being off when you’re away.”
“So this means,” Gil leaned in and nibbled the skin under Nick’s ear, “that you’ll be off work when I get back Saturday?”
“Uh huh,” Nick smiled and pushed Gil back toward the water. “And you’re off Sunday, I already checked with Cath.”
Gil could only imagine the teasing he would get for that, and was grateful he only had a half shift before his flight left for the conference. “So, do we have big plans for that weekend?”
“Well, I certainly do.” Nick’s intent was pretty clear as he took firm hold of Gil, tugging just enough that Gil hissed. “Four days, man. I better make sure you’ll remember me.” In all honesty, Gil really didn’t remember much after that.
The extra long shower led to lots of running around as Gil tried to pack and Nick hunted for his boots. They met back at the door, smiling and dressed, and Gil leaned in to give Nick a long kiss. “Do you have any idea how much I love that outfit?” he noted, smiling as he pulled away. The Ranger uniform wasn’t a look that everyone could pull off, but the tight slacks and olive shirt made Nick look both endearing and commanding. Even after a year, Gil still got a little hot and bothered sometimes just seeing him in it.
Nick laughed, leaning in for one last kiss before heading out the door with his keys in hand. “Yeah, well, you better. You see me in it every day.”
They climbed into their respective trucks and Nick shouted “Call me when you get to St. Louis” before backing down the drive and starting the long drive east to the park.
He called every night, and suffered happily through Nick’s bitching about his ornithology TA, and how the kid was barely out of diapers. He still assured Gil that the courses were just for fun, but Gil wasn’t betting on it. They’d had dinner with one of Nick’s advisors, and Gil had watched in awe as the conversation slipped further and further into obscure facts and figures. The professor’s wife had smiled at him in understanding and Gil’s tucked one more little piece of the puzzle that was Nick Stokes into his pocket. Nick was a big huge science nerd. Gil had fucked him the hall that night, Nick just dazed and laughing as Gil kissed him senseless.
The conference was fine-fun actually, since Gil’s cockroach team of Doyle and Watson had placed a respectable second in the relay. But by the time he pulled into their driveway, all Gil wanted was Nick.
He met Gil at the door and took his bag, going inside before he’d even gotten a hello kiss. Annoyed, Gil followed kicking his shoes off in the hall. When he found Nick in the bedroom and reached for him, he was surprised when Nick stopped him.
“I have something to show you.” Nick’s voice was rough and full of emotion but his eyes were shining and happy. Gil stood, waiting, as Nick slowly unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the floor. There was a large bandage covering Nick’s shoulder and Gil’s face was instantly stony with worry.
“What happened?”
“Just look.” Nick slowly pulled the bandage way with a slight wince and put his arms out for the full effect. “Warrick took me to a friend of his yesterday. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and it seemed like it was time.”
Gil just stared. In place of a roughly drawn coyote skull, Nick’s shoulder was covered in a flying eagle. It clearly wasn’t done yet, but the artistry was breathtaking, and Gil could see where the wing came up and curled lightly under Nick’s ear. “Can I…?” but he was already reaching, touching, tracing the bird over Nick’s skin.
Nick’s breathing was labored but he stood still and calm. “You like it?”
“I love it,” he whispered hoarsely. Nick was in his arms in an instant and Gil clung to him like a lifeline. “It’s you.”
And he could feel Nick’s smile in his skin, leaving an invisible mark that Gil would carry forever.
Author: EL
Pairing: Nick/Gil
Rating: Mature
Summary: What if Nicky's hell lasted more than a day? How long would it take Gil to get him back?
Disclaimer: Not owned by me. Apologies to Jerry and Anthony. The boys are just so... cute!
A/N: Finally done, and I hope you all enjoy! It was much fun to write, and possibly the longest thing I’ve ever written (but somehow Nick and Gil lend themselves to epics, it seems.) This part is for janissa11, as per usual, and for apetslife, and schuyler, who still won’t read parts one and two, though she was gracious enough to beta this section. X-posted to oh_no_nicky, grisslash, and my writing LJ.
Part One Here
Part Two Here
Part Three Here
PART 4
The drive back to Vegas was uneventful and left Gil plenty of time to think. Nick was obviously not prepared to get the hell out of dodge quite yet, and Gil was more than a little grateful for that. It was premature and not a little rash. And besides, they had to wait at least three days before Gil’s bonds were available as cash. He allowed a small smile remembering his accountant’s voice on the other end of the line earlier that day. “Mr. Grissom, you really can’t expect me to work miracles overnight! It’s over fifty thousand dollars and… are you in some sort of trouble, sir?” Gil had glanced at the bathroom door, imagining Nick naked on the other side. His body reacted with an almost overpowering tug to go join him. Trouble? Yeah, Gil was in some serious trouble.
Gil glanced in the rearview mirror every few minutes to make sure the truck was still there. He tried hard not to wonder what Nick was thinking during his own quiet drive. The only thing that was clear to him was that Nick had forgiven him in that little room, and he’d meant it. He’d entrusted Gil with his body, and pushed past his year of horrifying conditioning to refuse him when things had gotten too intense. Nick hadn’t seen his face at the time or he would have been surprised at the smile there. There was only one thing Gil wanted more than to fuck Nick Stokes, and that was to hear Nicky being Nicky again. The refusal had been pure Nick-- more than a little apologetic and entirely firm-- and Gil’s heart warmed thinking about it. Nick was the important part of this whole equation. They really did have plenty of time for the rest.
They pulled into the parking lot of the PD a bit after sundown and Jim was waiting, arms crossed against his brown suit.
“Took you long enough,” he noted as Gil and Nick climbed out of their vehicles and walked over to meet him. Jim took a long, squinting look at Nick and Gil suppressed a grin as Nick tugged nervously at his shirtsleeves. Unfortunately, the tugging pulled the shirt away from his neck. Jim noticed the bite mark at the same time Nick realized what he was doing. Gil cleared his throat loudly and pushed Nick lightly back toward the truck. He dropped a set of keys in Jim’s hand and followed quickly, but not quickly enough to miss the chuckle and the muttered “Clearly had better things to do…” as Jim climbed into his car. Gil knew there was a reason Jim was one of his best friends.
The ride to Gil’s was comfortably silent, and he took that as a good sign. Nick spent most of the drive looking out the window with a small smile, reaching over to squeeze Gil’s hand for a quick second as they pulled into his drive. Gil turned off the truck.
“We’re home.”
Nick just blinked at him for a moment, and Gil grinned until Nick grinned back.
Nick stumbled in the foyer, cursing as he tripped over a pair of Gil’s hiking boots. Gil caught his arm to steady him and ended up with Nick wrapped snugly around his side. A moment later Nick’s head was tucked under his chin and Gil sighed as Nick’s tongue traced a hot path across his neck. He didn’t want to move, to break contact, but Gil’s knees were still recovering from their afternoon on the floor. “Bedroom,” he managed as Nick’s fingers slipped under the hem of his shirt. Nick’s reply was incoherent but affirmative, though he didn’t seem to want to break his contact with Gil’s skin anymore than Gil did.
They fumbled through Gil’s townhouse and Gil winced when he hit the doorframe with a thud. But Nick had pulled their shirts off somewhere near the living room and took that moment to scrape a fingernail roughly across Gil’s nipple and his gasp was suddenly a lot less about the throb in his back. Nick pulled away, smiling, and tugged off his boots before peeling off his jeans. Gil followed suit and allowed himself a private smile at Nick’s obvious enthusiasm. He’d been ashamed of his marred skin in that hotel room, ashamed of what those white lines-and the black ones-meant. Gil had been overcome with the need to erase every one of those lines, covering them with bites and bruises that signified love winning over violence. Looking at Nick now, stark naked with tiny purpling marks giving him a polka dot look in some places, Gil though maybe he had gotten a little carried away. But Nick didn’t seem to mind.
They were barely on the bed before Nick was surging up and into him, his cock pushed hot into Gil’s stomach. Their kisses were not the sweet, languid ones they’d shared in the hotel. They were fueled by some basic need in Nick, and fanned by Gil’s astonishment that this was Nick, in his bed, under his hands. They rocked hard into one another until Nick growled low in this chest, shifting to increase the pressure, the friction. Gil was momentarily caught off guard, and as he put more weight on his arms for balance, his cock slipped between Nick’s thighs. Nick stiffened immediately, and Gil froze. Nick wouldn’t look at him this time either, eyes squeezed shut as he muttered “Fuckfuckfuck” through clenched teeth.
Gil planted a series of small kisses along Nick’s jaw. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Nick.” Gil willed his body to take the hint here, that Nick wasn’t ready for this, but Gil was ready, he was so, so ready, and his legs shook with the effort of keeping still with Nick warm and panting underneath him. He wanted to be connected to Nick, to crawl inside his skin and bury himself there so no one could separate them again, wanted Nick to feel that too. But while Nick was obviously on board, his body obviously wasn’t. They stayed frozen in place for a long minute, neither speaking as they tried to get themselves under control. But Nick was clearly losing his argument with himself and Gil’s own need was threatening to drown him. When Nick’s cursing turned to another whispered apology, Gil kissed it away harshly and leaned in to talk directly in Nick’s ear. He could barely recognize his own voice under the layers of want.
“Do you think… do you think you could fuck me?”
Nick’s eyes snapped open, hands tightening on Gil’s shoulders. Gil met his gaze as steadily as he could manage. Nick’s breath caught for moment before his hand came up to pull Gil down into a crushing kiss. “Yeah,” he spoke directly into Gil’s searching mouth, “yeah, I think I could do that.”
Gil’s groan of relief shook the mattress and he hooked a hand under Nick’s neck, flipping them cleanly until Nick’s body covered his, one lean thigh pressing between his. Nick pulled back until he could see Gil laid out beneath him. “God, Gil. Have you ever…?”
Gil’s laugh was slightly hysterical. “Been a while, but yeah. In the nightstand.”
Nick understood and Gil saw his hands shake as he retrieved a condom and some lubricant from the drawer. Gil’s kiss was meant to be reassuring, but he felt his own body start to shake as well when Nick’s slick hand slid between his legs.
“Gil?” Nick’s voice was husky and uncertain. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Even in his haze, the irony wasn’t lost on Gil. He took a deep breath. “I want this. I promise, Nick.”
Nick nodded, unsmiling, and set to loosening Gil up. One finger was okay, and Gil breathed through until the stretch dulled into a pulsing rhythm. At two, Gil’s body took a little longer to adjust and Nick planted quiet kisses along his shoulder, murmuring calming words against Gil’s skin until he’d relaxed into Nick’s touch. At three, Gil was beginning to think this was maybe not a good idea after all, but then Nick twisted his fingers just an inch, and Gil gripped the headboard as shining sparks rained through his vision. He was incredibly hard, and he could fell Nick panting, straining against him. The feeling of needwantnow surged through him again, and Gil cried out. “Now, Nicky, please!”
Nick moved quickly, Gil’s legs wrapping around him as he slid in fast and hard. He looked shocked for a minute, unsure as Gil’s breath hitched from the hot burn and the hotter pleasure. Gil urged him on with the rise of his hips and Nick found a rhythm, Gil opening more with each stroke. Nick’s soothing tone devolved into muttered curses and Gil drowned in a wave of God and fuck and sogood. He could feel Nick’s rhythm breaking, and when Nick reached down grasp his now painfully hard cock, Gil came almost instantly with a stuttered shout. Nick drove into him while he fell, and he reached out to hold on, to keep sane, since nothing in the world could keep him sane right now but Nick, and Nick had driven him crazy in the first place.
When he finally came around, Gil found Nick tracing and retracing an old scar on Gil’s shoulder. He blinked in question when Gil opened his eyes. “You okay?”
Gil felt pretty okay-sore, but okay-but he still couldn’t quite find his voice, so he nodded sleepily.
Nick smiled. “That was pretty much… unexpected.”
“Yeah,” Gil managed. Nick just kept looking at him with the same wondering expression, and he wanted to look back, but his eyes drifted shut and he slept better than he had in over a year.
Four days later, they’d settled into a happy routine of breakfast over the paper-world events for Gil, sports page for Nick-followed by mind-numbing sex before Gil left for work. Gil had rented a car for Nick and he spent those long nights driving around a lot, as far as Gil could tell. He was always home when Gil got back, though, and he chalked it up to Nick just enjoying the freedom driving gave him. Besides, if Nick was going to bolt again-which Gil was giddly sure he wasn’t-the rental car was also equipped with GPS, a fact he informed Nick of as he dropped the keys in his hand. Nick had just laughed and kissed him in the parking lot.
The fifth night, Gil sat thoughtfully-and gingerly-at his desk poring over a case file. Sex with Nick was pretty much amazing but Gil thought he should take his own advice and say no every once and awhile. Sitting was become a minor annoyance. Luckily, he always walked a little oddly anyway. Besides, Nick was getting more and more relaxed in bed, and Gil had managed to slip one slick finger inside him in the shower that evening, Nick responding with a shudder that was definitely not unwelcoming. Gil grinned down at his file and shook his head. The one negative of Nick being back in his life was the distraction of knowing Nick would be waiting when he got off work. He hadn’t done a single hour of overtime all week.
When Catherine showed up in his office, closing the door behind her and sitting down in the chair across from his desk, Gil held up a finger for her to wait a moment while he finished reading a ballistics analysis from Bobby. When he looked up, she was glaring at him. “Sorry, didn’t want to lose my train of thought.”
“What the fuck are you doing, Gil?”
He blinked in confusion at her obvious anger. “Doing about what?”
She settled back in the chair, arms crossed. “Do you really think sex is going to fix him?”
Oh. Okay, then. Gil closed the file and leaned heavily on his elbows. “That’s not what I’m trying to do, Catherine.”
“Like hell it’s not! I know what happened to him in there, I watched him fall apart week after week. I watched him become this horrible other person and you can’t make that go away with sex. In fact, sex might be the worst solution to that particular problem.” Her words were clipped and harsh.
“I know, and I promise I’m not doing anything to force him.”
Catherine rolled her eyes. “Of course you’re not raping him,” Gil winced at the word, “but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for any of it.”
“I think he is. He thinks he is. And he’s happy, Catherine.”
“You mean you’re happy.”
Gil’s reply was soft and immediate. “Yes.”
She sighed, anger ebbing away. “It’s not enough, Gil. He needs more than that. He needs to talk to someone, work out what’s going inside his head.”
“I know,” Gil nodded and sat back. “He isn’t ready for therapy yet. I’ve told him it’s a good idea, and he knows it, but he wants to wait out the investigation. I think the idea of working through his prison time when they might send him back feels like too much right now. But you’re right Catherine. Sex isn’t a quick fix.”
“But it sure is fun?” She asked with a quirked smile and a shake of her head.
Gil smiled back cryptically and she laughed. “Okay, fine. You win. He’s smiling, so I’ll let it pass for now. But if you fuck this up, I’ll kick your ass.”
“Understood,” Gil replied with mock seriousness. She stood and walked toward the door, stopping when Gil called her.
“Cath? Just… when did you know?”
She smiled at him fondly. “About how he felt about you? About two weeks after he started this job. About how you felt about him?” She paused, thoughtful. “About two weeks after he went to jail.” She paused again and grinned wickedly. “About your new exciting sex life? About ten minutes into shift on Tuesday when you refused to sit for the entire staff meeting.”
She winked and strode from the office, leaving Gil to blush crimson. He really had to learn to say no once in awhile.
It was hours and three crime scenes later when Nick showed up at the lab in jeans and a brown suede jacket, grinning at Gil from the doorway of his office. “Thought you could use a nice meal out,” he looked at Gil’s haggard face with sympathy. “Long shift?”
“You have no idea. I have about half an hour of paperwork left, though. Think you can wait?” Nick hadn’t been to the lab since his release, and Gil could already see people in the hallway slowing when they saw him, some smiling, some just curious. “My couch is pretty comfy…” he noted by way of invitation.
“Nah. Got to bite the bullet and do the rounds sometime, right?” Nick was still smiling, but his shoulders tensed. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Gil spared a quick moment of sympathy for the volume of hand shaking Nick was in for before diving back into his caseload.
It was almost an hour later when Nick finally reappeared at his door, a laughing Bobby Dawson slapping him on the back and walking back to ballistics. “Man,” he said breathlessly as he sank into Gil’s couch. “I didn’t realize I had that many friends.”
Gil smiled and closed his case file. “I did.” He got up and crossed to the sofa, sitting close enough that their knees touched, but far enough that no one would see anything unusual. “A little overwhelming?”
“Just a tad,” Nick answered, but he was obviously pleased with the attention. “You ready to go? I’m starved.”
“Absolutely.” But as he moved to get up, Gil heard a soft cough from the doorway. They both looked up to see Brass staring down at them, bemused.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything…”
Nick moved his knee away from Gil’s and Gil narrowed his eyes at Jim. “As a matter of fact, you are not. We were heading to breakfast.”
“Well, before you go, I thought I’d drop by with a bit of official business.” An uncharacteristic grin lit up Jim’s usually stoic face. “Paul Griffin woke up last night, and other than some minor nerve damage, the docs think he’ll be just fine. He also had a pretty convincing story to tell me. So the death of Carlos Monongya has officially been deemed a case of self-defense and you, Mr. Stokes, are free to do… whatever you want.”
**
He didn’t know he was crying until Gil’s arms were around him. But as Brass closed the door with a quiet click, Nick let go and sobbed into Gil’s chest, letting strong arms soothe him through each wracking breath. His fingers clung to the back of Gil’s shirt, anchoring him to the one person who could keep him from floating away. It was relief, pure and simple, coupled with insane happiness and a sharp twist of vindication. Carlos, and the specter of Carlos that had threatened to suck him back into hell, was gone, and Nick would have to learn to deal with his part in that in his own time. But he was free.
He finally settled quietly, sagging against Gil in exhaustion as Gil’s fingers threaded through his hair. He sighed as light kisses were placed along his temple and his eyes fluttered open enough for him to remember where they were. Gil’s office. Oh, shit. The walls of glass were just over his shoulder. He tried to pull away but Gil wouldn’t let him.
“People’ll see,” he mumbled into Gil’s neck.
“Don’t care,” was Gil’s strained reply, and when Nick looked up he saw tearstains on Gil’s face too, and reached up to trace them in awe. He had never, in all their years together, seen Gil Grissom lose it. Gil turned his head to kiss Nick’s palm lightly and Nick let his forehead fall back to Gil’s shoulder. They stayed like that for another ten minutes before Nick’s stomach rumbled and Gil chuckled in his ear. “Still up for breakfast out?”
“Are you kidding?” Nick untangled himself from Gil’s arms and sat back heavily. “I probably look like a raccoon.”
“I doubt I look much better. What do you say to home, pancakes, and a nice long shower?”
“Much better.” Nick could feel the smile on his face, and was amazed at how well it fit. “Also, I should call my parents.”
“Good plan.” Gil stood up slowly, wincing as he unbent. Nick was about to apologize for squishing him into the couch when he realized that wasn’t the cause. Gil caught his smirk and shook his head. “Oh, you just wait.”
Nick found he honestly couldn’t.
They tore out of the lab without running into anyone from the night shift and drove back to Gil’s. Gil beat Nick there by a few minutes and had the door open, pulling Nick inside with a laugh. Gil laughed the whole way to the bedroom and Nick decided it would be stupid to ask about pancakes at this point. Gil had him naked and whimpering in about ten seconds and Nick slid one leg snugly around Gil’s waist as Gil settled above him. Gil smiled and leaned in to kiss him soundly before asking, “You’re sure?”
“Oh, yes.” He pushed himself up on his elbows so he could kiss Gil again and found himself repeating the words over and over as Gil’s tongue traced over his teeth in agonizing strokes. Gil broke the kiss to reach into the nightstand and Nick enjoyed the expanse of skin before him. He lingered at the sensitive spot in the hollow of Gil’s throat, savoring the feel of Gil’s soft moans against his lips. Gil kept him distracted with caresses and whispered promises and when Nick felt Gil’s fingers pressing up against him, into him, he arched into the touch and sighed. There was no tightness, no slow burn. He was ready, completely ready and open and fuck and he told Gil so, keening as Gil’s fingers twisted inside him.
“Nicky…” and suddenly the fingers were gone and Gil was there, his dick pressing into Nick so slowly, so gently that Nick couldn’t stop his choked sob at the tenderness, the restraint. And even as he sped up into his thrusts, it never reached the harsh intensity Nick always associated with fucking. It was like they were one thing, one entity, and Gil knew exactly what he needed because Gil needed it too. This wasn’t fucking, this was love-making, and the very thought was enough to make Nick shake apart under Gil, pulling him over the edge too, until they were both delirious and gasping, Gil’s face buried in the crook of Nick’s neck.
They both drifted into light sleep for a short time, but when they woke, neither wanted to move, even after Nick pointed out they were definitely going to need a nice shower. Gil lay half draped over Nick, fingers tracing lightly over his abdomen. When he spoke, it was soft, but intent.
“What do you want to do now?”
“Like I said, shower. And I haven’t abandoned hope for breakfast.” Nick scratched his nails lightly down Gil’s back and was rewarded with a shiver of appreciation.
“I meant now that its over. Now that you’re free to move forward.”
Nick blinked at the ceiling. He had absolutely no idea how to answer. “I guess… I guess I haven’t thought much about it. Haven’t let myself. Better get a job, huh? Maybe an apartment?”
“You can stay here as long as you’d like. You know that.”
“Man, I know you like your personal space.”
“That’s because I didn’t know there was anything better that could fill it.” Gil propped himself up on one arm and looked down at Nick. He looked serious, his brow furrowed in that Grissom way that meant he had something important to say and Nick swallowed reflexively. “I know that you have to figure out your own life, and I know that probably doesn’t include coming back to be a CSI.”
Nick smiled ruefully. “I’ve seen enough of the dark side of humanity to last a lifetime, I think. Not that I didn’t love my job, but…”
“I know.” Gil was still staring, and Nick reached a hand up to trace over his jaw until he smiled.
“Maybe something outside? I’m not keen on just jumping into lab work.”
“You’ll find something,” Gil said with assurance. “I also know that you might just want to get as far from here as you can, maybe go back home to Dallas for a while.”
Nick tried to interrupt but Gil cut him off with a shake of his head.
“Either way, I need you to know that I… I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay, Nicky? I want you to have all the space you need, but there is no way I’m letting go now. I’m not losing you again. I… I think…”
Nick watched him fumble and stammer and suddenly understood. He started to grin, and a small part of him wanted to make this easier on Gil, wanted to just say it for him, but watching Grissom tongue-tied was just too much fun. Finally, he just leaned up and kissed him quiet. He pulled away enough to see Gil’s eyes, and said, “You’re gonna have to say it first.”
Gil relaxed visibly and chuckled against Nick’s cheek. “I love you.”
Nick was going to say it, he really was, but Gil was still grinning and Nick kissed him hard and deep and figured Gil pretty much knew everything anyway.
**
Gil woke at his usual hour and staggered out from under Nick’s arm to the bathroom. Three steps from the bed, he stepped on something hard and had to put his arm out as he hit the wall with a thump.
“Nick…” He rolled his eyes and reached down to pick up the textbooks strewn over the floor.
“Hmmm?” Came a sleepy sound from the bed.
“Sweetheart, can you at least try not to leave these on the floor? I’d like to be able to survive a trip to the bathroom.”
Nick blinked sleepily at him and frowned. “Sorry, must’ve fallen off the bed when I fell asleep.”
Gil shook his head fondly and rubbed at his toe. He navigated the maze of books to the hallway and was halfway through his shower when the glass doors slid open and Nick climbed inside. “I was wondering if I would be blessed with your company this evening,” he said just shy of teasing.
Nick pulled him close and kissed him, hands drifting in still-sleepy circles on Gil’s back. “I traded Mike’s shift for the weekend, so I’m leaving in an hour. No sense in being off when you’re away.”
“So this means,” Gil leaned in and nibbled the skin under Nick’s ear, “that you’ll be off work when I get back Saturday?”
“Uh huh,” Nick smiled and pushed Gil back toward the water. “And you’re off Sunday, I already checked with Cath.”
Gil could only imagine the teasing he would get for that, and was grateful he only had a half shift before his flight left for the conference. “So, do we have big plans for that weekend?”
“Well, I certainly do.” Nick’s intent was pretty clear as he took firm hold of Gil, tugging just enough that Gil hissed. “Four days, man. I better make sure you’ll remember me.” In all honesty, Gil really didn’t remember much after that.
The extra long shower led to lots of running around as Gil tried to pack and Nick hunted for his boots. They met back at the door, smiling and dressed, and Gil leaned in to give Nick a long kiss. “Do you have any idea how much I love that outfit?” he noted, smiling as he pulled away. The Ranger uniform wasn’t a look that everyone could pull off, but the tight slacks and olive shirt made Nick look both endearing and commanding. Even after a year, Gil still got a little hot and bothered sometimes just seeing him in it.
Nick laughed, leaning in for one last kiss before heading out the door with his keys in hand. “Yeah, well, you better. You see me in it every day.”
They climbed into their respective trucks and Nick shouted “Call me when you get to St. Louis” before backing down the drive and starting the long drive east to the park.
He called every night, and suffered happily through Nick’s bitching about his ornithology TA, and how the kid was barely out of diapers. He still assured Gil that the courses were just for fun, but Gil wasn’t betting on it. They’d had dinner with one of Nick’s advisors, and Gil had watched in awe as the conversation slipped further and further into obscure facts and figures. The professor’s wife had smiled at him in understanding and Gil’s tucked one more little piece of the puzzle that was Nick Stokes into his pocket. Nick was a big huge science nerd. Gil had fucked him the hall that night, Nick just dazed and laughing as Gil kissed him senseless.
The conference was fine-fun actually, since Gil’s cockroach team of Doyle and Watson had placed a respectable second in the relay. But by the time he pulled into their driveway, all Gil wanted was Nick.
He met Gil at the door and took his bag, going inside before he’d even gotten a hello kiss. Annoyed, Gil followed kicking his shoes off in the hall. When he found Nick in the bedroom and reached for him, he was surprised when Nick stopped him.
“I have something to show you.” Nick’s voice was rough and full of emotion but his eyes were shining and happy. Gil stood, waiting, as Nick slowly unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the floor. There was a large bandage covering Nick’s shoulder and Gil’s face was instantly stony with worry.
“What happened?”
“Just look.” Nick slowly pulled the bandage way with a slight wince and put his arms out for the full effect. “Warrick took me to a friend of his yesterday. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and it seemed like it was time.”
Gil just stared. In place of a roughly drawn coyote skull, Nick’s shoulder was covered in a flying eagle. It clearly wasn’t done yet, but the artistry was breathtaking, and Gil could see where the wing came up and curled lightly under Nick’s ear. “Can I…?” but he was already reaching, touching, tracing the bird over Nick’s skin.
Nick’s breathing was labored but he stood still and calm. “You like it?”
“I love it,” he whispered hoarsely. Nick was in his arms in an instant and Gil clung to him like a lifeline. “It’s you.”
And he could feel Nick’s smile in his skin, leaving an invisible mark that Gil would carry forever.