Jun vs. The World
Title: Jun vs. The World
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1300
Pairing(s): Jun/fem!OC, past!Jun/Mao
Summary: Jun is sick of rumors, Nino comes up with a Plan
When Jun opens Twitter after a Shiyagare shoot to find The Rumors circling again, he can't help the annoyed huff of air that emits from his lips.
“Tough day, Jun-kun?” Nino says, the only other person to be done with their segment. Jun just turns his cellphone towards him. Nino lifts his head to peer at the screen, then starts snickering.
“Well, it’s a tradition at this point,” he points out gleefully. “Wouldn't want to trigger the apocalypse or something.”
“I’d rather risk it, thanks,” Jun replies dryly. “Fuck, why do people want me to get married so much?”
“You did say that you wanted to be married before you were thirty, so they’re just looking out for you.”
“But, Mao ? Again?” Jun sighs. “At this point, I almost want to just marry her to get it over with.”
Nino’s eyes turn thoughtful, and Jun will never admit to that look sending a shiver up his spine. Ni no Arashi had been traumatic for all of them.
“Why don't you?” he asks eventually.
Jun stares at him. “...because we’re not dating?”
“No, I mean-” Nino gestures to him. “Why don't you get married? You and Hitomi-chan have been dating for what, seven months now? I mean, you’ve already bought the ring, so might as well.”
Nino throws it out nonchalantly, as if he weren't casually revealing the thing Jun has kept carefully hidden for months .
“How the fuck-” he says, and Nino smirks at him.
“I looked through your bag,” he admits shamelessly. “I needed a towel. You really need to learn to hide things better if you’re trying to keep them from me. Don't worry, I didn't tell any of the others.”
Jun knows this already, because if Nino had told the others, he would have his arms full of crying members. Knowing him, he had probably been waiting for the most opportune time to spring it on him. Suddenly he’s deeply glad that Ohno isn't in the room. Or Sho.
Or, oh god, Aiba .
“So what?” he says, trying not to look as disturbed as he feels. “Just because I bought a ring doesn't mean I’m proposing right away.”
“Please, it’s you.” Nino says, the demonspawn. “If you bought a ring, you have the proposal planned to the second already. I’m just saying, why not move the timing up a bit? Get quietly married, and get rid of these rumors? Seems like a win-win to me.”
Jun frowns. Thinks about the rumors, the yearly tweets, the awkwardness of seeing Mao anywhere . She’s a good friend, and he’d like to be able to meet her without a thousand cameras flying about.
“You know,” he says. “That’s not actually the worst idea.”
It doesn't go the way he planned. Of course it doesn't.
He gets married, which is nice. Even Nino looked a bit teary after his speech, and the flower arrangements did get there on time and had the right shade of purple (it’s concord , not violet ). Hitomi looked radiant, and he was pretty sure any vestiges of cool he had were wiped away in the face of how huge his grin was. Ohno had insisted on giving him the ‘traditional father-son dance’, which became the choreo to Love So Sweet at some point. The other members sang Ai wo Sakebe for him, and pointed at him as the bride which, okay, expected. Aiba had cried and hugged him so hard he knocked the both of them into the champagne tower, which toppled over and soaked everyone in the area. Sho had gotten set up by at least seven elderly relatives by the end of the wedding, all of whom were cooing over how nice of a boy he was.
In other words, it was perfect. And maybe a little too discreet.
Jun had put out an announcement after the registry, as he was supposed to do, and he checked to make sure that it was up, but-
“‘Matsumoto Jun and Inoue Mao tying the knot next month?’” he reads out loud, incredulous. Hitomi laughs from behind him, leans over his shoulder.
“That’s a nice picture of you,” she says. “Very distinguished. Not like those trashy paparazzi pictures they used to use.”
The other members look at her approvingly from the Skype window.
“I know, right? They really got his good side here!” Aiba says, grinning. Jun glowers at him, and he just wiggles his eyebrows (or, well, tries to) back. Sho smiles at him sympathetically, because Sho’s the only human in this conversation.
“They’ll notice sooner or later,” he assures them. “I mean, it’s on the Internet .”
“I have your wedding portrait drawn,” Ohno says. “At least you have that.”
“Yeah,” Nino snickers. “Maybe you should send that to the rags, give them something real to talk about- ‘Arashi’s Leader in Another Threesome? This Time With Fellow Member!’. It’ll be great.”
“I’m going to murder you,” Jun informs him, as Hitomi buries her head into his shoulder to muffle her laughter, the traitor. “I’m hanging up, because you’re all no help. Except Sho-san.”
“We miss you too, Matsujun,” Sho says. “Have fun with your bit on the side!”
Jun slams the laptop shut. Turns around and pushes Hitomi down on the mattress, taking in her laughter.
“Aren't you supposed to be on my side?” he says, mock-betrayed. She looks at him, bright and full of love.
“Oh, I am,” she laughs. “After all, you might leave me for your main girlfriend if I’m not.”
After that, he decides that conversation really, really isn't what he wants to be using his mouth for at this moment.
Somehow, against all odds, people still don't notice .
“It’s been three months,” Jun mutters, as they rehearse. “Shouldn't they know by now? Are they...pranking me?”
Nino snorts. “Yes,” he says. “All of Japan is collaborating on this deeply elaborate practical joke. You’ve finally found out, have ten million yen.”
“Maybe they...read it wrong?” Sho suggests tentatively. Jun stares at him so disbelievingly he misses a step in the dance, and they all stop.
“Read what wrong, the word marriage ?” he asks, incredulous. Aiba pats him on the shoulder.
“Maybe they want to surprise you!” he says. “With a congratulations article!”
“That’s less likely than the nationwide prank,” Jun informs him. He looks over at Ohno. “Leader?”
Ohno shrugs. “Demons?”
He high-fives Nino without looking. Sho stares at them, deeply confused at their behavior as always.
Jun decides that they’re of no use.
In the end, it comes out the way it was always meant to, probably. He and Mao are out for lunch, talking about his new life as a newlywed.
“I’d better be the godmother,” she tells him, smiling. “Ex-girlfriend privileges, you know.”
“I never got that in my copy of the contract, mind letting me take another look?”
“You’re gonna have to go through my lawyers,” her voice is lofty, bright, and Jun is so, so happy that they managed to remain friends after everything.
“You know, you should come over sometime,” he tells her. “Hitomi wants you over for dinner, says it’ll be a nice distraction from the testosterone from the other members.”
He winces slightly. “Though she keeps referring to it as a threesome, or the mistress meeting the wife.”
Mao chokes on her coffee. “Oh my god,” she says, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin. “She’s perfect for you.”
As they leave the restaurant, their trip is ruined, as always, with the wave of a recorder in their faces.
“Is it true that you just proposed to Inoue-san?” the reporter asks, face alight with anticipation. Jun and Mao side-eye each other, and Mao quirks a grin that is distinctly mischievous.
“Well,” she says primly. “He was, but I told him that I wasn't interested in anyone who would cheat on me with another girl.”
The reporter’s eyes widen. He turns to Jun quickly enough to miss Mao’s quickly-hidden grin, but not Jun’s death-glare. “Is this true, Matsumoto-san?”
Jun grits his teeth- in for a penny, in for a pound.
“Yes,” he snarls. “I’m cheating on her with my wife , whom I’m married to.”
Honestly, the reporter’s face almost makes it all worth it.
“ ‘Matsumoto Jun Cheats on New Wife With Old Co-Star?’ !?”