(One-shot) Saving Sophie
Title: Saving Sophie
Description: After Sophie finds the holiday pictures of Sian and Chloe she accuses Sian of liking someone else and not loving her. Will Sian put up with everything Sophie throws at her or give up on them like she thinks Sophie has?
Rating: All
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Quite long so....you may get a little bored lol, sorry :)
Sophie was sitting stubbornly on the sofa, arms cross defensively mimicking the position her legs were in. Her blue eyes were facing the direction of the television but she wasn't watching it too busy thinking about Sian. Too busy thinking about Sian with Chloe. The though of Sian with another girl, liking another girl, touching another girl...kissing another girl made Sophie's stomach flip. She felt sick thinking about it but she couldn't stop. Was Sian telling her the truth? Were they really only mates?
Sian sat on the hard wooden chair at the Webster's kitchen table, staring over at Sophie who sat on the sofa in the living room. Her elbows were leaning on the table holding her head up with her hands. She loved Sophie but she was sick of everything that was happening. She wanted the old Sophie back, her Sophie.
Sian knew she was being harsh and nasty about the college stuff and she didn't exactly deny what Sophie was accusing her of...The blond could hardly speak to her girlfriend anymore without getting her head bitten off. It was hard, really hard and Sian didn't like it. It used to be so easy for them...
There was a very tense and awkward atmosphere and Rosie noticed it immediately when she walked in. The older Webster stood between the two girls staring back and forth frowning. Her handbag was slung onto the couch beside Sophie who didn't look round to acknowledge her sister.
"What's up with your face?" Rosie huffed at the younger brunette making her way into the kitchen. In the kitchen she watched Sian as she opened the fridge door and pulled out a carton of milk, still waiting for her sisters response. "Sophie?" Rosie asked annoyed and Sophie shot up from the sofa seething with anger. She didn't understand why her business had to be anyone elses. Sophie marched past the sofa and stomped up the stairs, her bedroom door slamming shut a few seconds later.
Rosie looked to Sian for some kind of explanation and noticed the blonde flinch at the slamming of the door.
Sian was internally debating about what to do. She could go back to her mums just now, leave Sophie to cool down and get a grip. If she was honest, she really couldn't deal with all of this at the moment. If she left she didn't know what Sophie would do, would she be glad or even angrier? Sian could stay and wait not so patiently on her girlfriend to grow up and talk to her, try to calm her down and explain to her how ridiculous she was being...Sophie wouldn't want to hear it. She would probably tell her girlfriend to leave again anyway. Had Sophie broken up with her? Sian didn't exactly know. She had never been in this kind of situation before.
"Will you tell me what the heck is going on, please?" Rosie sighed not happy about not being clued-up on what was going on. Rosie's concern was growing for her sister who always seemed off and distant nowadays and witnessing the awkward, unpleasant situation between her and Sian, Rosie was really worried. Sian could always make Sophie happy no matter how bad a mood she was in and Rosie wondered what had happened for Sian not to be able to. She must have done something, Rosie thought eyeing Sian suspiciously.
"I'm sorry, Rosie." Sian sighed trying to be polite. She couldn't deal with two angry Webster sisters, one was bad enough. "But it's...I just don't think it's your business."
Rosie's mouth fell open briefly, shocked that Sian had just said that to her. She composed herself quickly, putting the carton of milk back in the fridge turing to the stairs intending to ask her sister what was going on. Before she had taken more than a few steps, Sophie's open laptop caught her eye. Her heels clicked on the floor as she marched over to it, frowning.
Sian saw Rosie move toward Sophie's laptop but it was swiped up from the table before she could shut the lid down. Obviously Rosie wanted to make this her business, Sian thought angrily.
"What's this?" Rosie questioned taking in the pictures on the screen.
Sian sighed defeated. Why was everyone making a big deal about them? She was standing beside someone, that was all! The blond was sure Rosie had been in pictures with friends in much more intimate poses than her own. She didn't understand at all.
"Pictures from me holiday." Sian mumbled following Rosie into the living room where she sat down on the sofa placing the laptop on her knees.
"Yes, I can see that." Rosie muttered clicking the mousepad to move onto the next picture. "Who's she?" Rosie flicked her finger towards the screen and at a picture of Sian and Chloe on the balcony of her hotel room.
"None of your business." Sian told Rosie this time more firmly and slightly aggressively.
"It's obviously someone if you wont tell me her name." Rosie scoffed clicking on the next picture.
Rosie was right, Sian realized. Why was she acting as if she had been caught out doing something she shouldn't be when she hadn't? Sian groaned, confused. Sophie was making her feel like she had done something. She really needed to explain to her girlfriend.
"She's why Sophie's angry with me...well one of the reasons." Sian mumbled grabbing the laptop off of a distracted Rosie.
"Did you cheat on her?" Rosie asks very casually not bothering about no longer being in possession of the laptop.
"No!" The blond quickly defended. The idea that anyone thought she would cheat on Sophie was absurd! What did they think of her?
"Had to ask." Rosie picked up her handbag, putting it onto her arm. "Make Sophie believe you too." She smiled sympathetically before heading out the door.
Sian felt a little relived that at least one of the Webster's believed her. Rosie didn't take much convincing but Sian thought it was because Rosie knew she would never do anything like that and also because her sister was a bit mental. Sian knew Sophie wouldn't believe her quite so easily...
Settling down on the sofa, Sian scrolled through the pictures trying to understand the problem with them...Just because she liked girls didn't mean she fancied every girl she talked to or was friends with. Chloe was attractive, of course she was but Sian didn't and had never fancied her. Chloe was funny and intelligent and she was pretty but she wasn't Sophie. Sian just wished her girlfriend would give her the chance to explain that.
After waiting a few more minutes wanting Sophie to be as calm as possible Sian shut down the laptop and climbed the stairs slowly to her girlfriend.
"Soph?" She asked gently knocking the brunettes bedroom door opening it as she did.
Sian entered to find Sophie lying face down on her bed, legs crossed up in the air and head hanging slightly off the bed resting on her crossed arms. It was hard, Sian thought again to herself, but it was worth it. Sophie was amazing. Sian hated fighting with her but through the fights she never stopped loving or liking her and she never for a second felt hate toward her.
Taking a risk, Sian edged to Sophie's bed and sat down by her girlfriend as carefully as possible. Sophie turned her eyes slightly to see but otherwise remained perfectly still. Sian's hand reached out automatically wanting to touch Sophie but she pulled it back not wanting to hear Sophie tell her not to touch her.
"Soph?" Sian asked again bending her head down to look at her girlfriends face.
"Mmm?" Sophie mumbled against her arms keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the floor.
"Can we please talk about this?" Sian asked and waited patiently for a few seconds as Sophie turned onto her back and then shuffled on the sheets so her back was to the wall. Sian noticed her arms coming up to cross over her chest again and that same familiar stubborn look fall across Sophie's face.
"Go on then." Sophie muttered her voice angry.
Sophie was trying, she really was but she couldn't stand the thought of Sian leaving her as well. Everything else was rubbish, her mum and her new bloke, Rosie moving out, her dad and Jack and him selling the house, her getting kicked out of college...The only good thing she had left was Sian and she couldn't lose her.
"I'm not going off with other girls, Soph and I know you know that." Sian began gently watching her girlfriend as she spoke. Sophie shrugged slightly when Sian stayed silent for a few seconds. "Chloe's my mate, that's all."
"You do fancy her though, Sian and that's the point!" The brunette groaned harassed. She couldn't get the thoughts out of her head. She hated the thought of Sian being attracted to another girl, wanting another girl.
"No I don't!" Sian sighed rubbing her hand across her forehead not knowing how to get through to the younger girl.
Sophie shrugged again and looked down at the sheets away from Sian.
"This room's seen a lot, ain't it?" Sophie heard her girlfriends soft voice after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"Eh?" Sophie looked up to see her girlfriend smiling a little.
"Well, you know...All the laughs when we was mates. Our first kiss was right over there." The blonde pointed over to the spot on the floor biting her lip. "Didn't go down too great, did it?" She tried to lighten the mood.
She noticed Sophie sit up slightly and her crossed arms dropped as she followed Sian's gaze to the floor recalling the kiss Sian was talking about.
"Lots after that one too, eh?" Sian broke into a full smile. "And." The blondes tongue flickered out to wet her lips before she continued. "We made love for the first time, right here." Sian patted the bed with her hand and then stoked the sheets gently remembering every perfect moment of that night.
The older girls eyes went to her girlfriends and they just looked at each other. They hadn't broken up, Sian thought, she could tell from the look in Sophie's eye.
"I remember." Sophie showed Sian a small smile before it disappeared as she added. "And I remember you not even wanting to kiss me the next morning...I remember you running out of me room so fast..."
Sian's heart sank. They hadn't fully discussed that before and she hoped they'd never have to. The blond thought she was making some progress talking to Sophie but evidently not.
"I know." Sian admitted through a crackly voice. She was ashamed of herself for the way she had treated Sophie that morning and then the days following.
"You know you made me feel like a bit of dirt you'd found on your pillow the way you looked at me." Sophie added rubbing salt into the wound for Sian. The blond opened her mouth to speak but Sophie didn't allow it, continuing. "Forget I was the one who was a virgin Sian, did ya? Or did you just not care?" Sophie's words were full of venom and Sian could tell that it was all coming out now. Maybe this is what Sophie needed, just to get all of her issues off her chest. If it meant she would be happy and feel better, Sian was more than happy to be the victim of her cold words.
"Of course I cared." The older girl insisted hurt by the comment.
"Yeah, sure did look like it." Sophie scoffed her arms folding tighter over her chest now.
"I did, Soph!" Sian shot back getting angry. "You were there weren't you? You know I cared, you know I kept asking you if you was okay, if you wanted me to stop, what you wanted me to do.... Do you know how many times I told you I loved you that night? Do you remember everything I said to you, Soph, eh? Clearly you don't if you don't think I cared..."
"I was talking about the next day, Sian!" Sophie hissed.
"Yeah, okay, I was a cow the next day...if you knew me at all you'd understand why, Soph or you'd at least have given me the chance to explain!" Sian growled raging at what Sophie was saying.
"Oh, so now I don't know you Sian?" Sophie laughed throwing her hands in the air glaring at the blonde.
"One bloody thing at a time, eh?" Sian groaned her head aching from all the arguing. She was trying so hard to make this right but Sophie wasn't having it. She didn't know what to do.
"You know me, I'm sorry, that wasn't fair to say..." Sian stated calmly after a few seconds of deep breaths. "I just meant that you know what I'm like. I don't like admitting when I'm scared or afraid. That morning I was scared and afraid and embarrassed..."
"Embarrassed?" Sophie echoed the word hurt clear in her eyes.
"No!" Sian breathed quickly not wanting another argument over something Sophie had misunderstood. "And see? I'm still shy and scared to talk about it because I don't wanna upset you or make you jump to conclusions or...What I meant is, that night was...Perfect, everything about it was so amazingly perfect, Soph, weren't it? But obviously I'd never done it before and I know you hadn't either but I was just scared that I'd done something wrong or something you weren't like...comfortable with or something and I thought you hadn't...I thought you hadn't you know...enjoyed being with me...."
"Did you?" Sophie cut it her eyebrows raised.
"Did I..." Sian frowned unsure of what Sophie was saying.
"Did you enjoy being with me?" Sophie asked nervously biting her lip.
"Yes, of course I did. Every second of it was amazing, Soph...I just thought, " Sian continued explaining. "That you hadn't and I got embarrassed about it and you know me and I just...Well I just ran out. And then when I knew you wanted to again I was like proper chuffed and stuff and then your mum caught us and I thought I was gonna get kicked out so I was a cow again and I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have acted the way I did and I wish I hadn't..."
Sophie just sat listening to Sian. She finally understood and it felt like some weight had been lifted off her shoulders with the explanation. She finally knew and she was relived that that was all it was...She had convinced herself after that night that Sian wasn't attracted to her like that and since being caught after New Year they hadn't had a chance to be with each other again for Sophie to find out.
"Okay." Sophie whispered showing Sian a small smile to which the blond responded to with a smile of her own.
"So, that's one thing I can cross of the 'Big Bag Sian List'?" Sian joked and Sophie's smile got a little bigger as she shrugged.
"What's the next thing then... Chloe?" Sian questioned wishing the subject wasn't an issue. Chloe was a great girl and Sian was afraid she wouldn't be able to be mates with her anymore without creating a thing between her and Sophie. "There really isn't any other way for me to say it and I really wish you would believe me 'cause I don't know what I can do to convince you but I do not fancy Chloe."
Sophie didn't know if she believed Sian or not. The brunette thought the girl was attractive and she must have been alright if Sian liked her. Could she really blame Sian if she did fancy her anyway?
"You want me to tell you about it?" Sian asked and Sophie nodded her head and the blond went on to tell Sophie about Chloe. "I met her on the beach one morning, I think it was like the third day of the holiday and she was walking herself like I was. She came over to me and was asking if I was on holiday and who with and stuff and then she told me she was on holiday too and from England so we got chatting. Within about an hour of meeting her she was laughing at me at how bloody crazy I was about you." Sian chuckled remembering the teasing she had got off of Chloe about her and Sophie.
"Really?" Sophie asked her eyebrow raised. It wasn't that she didn't believe Sian it was more like she didn't actually think Sian would talk to someone about their relationship like that.
"Yeah. She loved hearing about you though and was dead nice about us when I told her about us running away together and all the fuss with me dad..." Sian smiled gently.
"You told her all about us?" Sophie asked a hint of annoyance in her voice.
All Sian could think was, here we go again.
"Sophie we are not gonna get anywhere if we're not honest with each other are we?" Sian sighed annoyed herself. They were making a little progress and had cleared up a major issue already but somehow Sian still didn't feel like they were getting anywhere because every time she said something Sophie didn't like she was shut down or had to lie.
"Be honest then Sian cause I really don't think you are being!" Sophie shouted her face screwing up in anger.
"You keep getting angry with me when I do be honest, Soph, so tell me...what the bloody hell am i supposed to say to you?"
"You want me to be honest then?" Sophie pushed forward on the bed fuming. "I don't think you love me at all! I think you're bored and all I was to you was a stupid little game! You don't love me, you feel sorry for me, Sian. You don't want to be the one that pushes me over the edge so you just stay here and pretend.But guess what, Sian? I don't care anymore! I don't care about this, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it all. If you don't want me don't you dare string me along while you want other people. You've moved out so go ahead and move on. Just tell me it's over Sian, tell me! I can't possible be anymore over the edge, just tell me!" Sophie stopped out of breath from her ranting regretting every word she had just said. Most of it wasn't even true and she had no idea where some of it came from.
Tears were pouring from Sian's eyes, crossing and running down her cheeks and dripping from her jaw. She was speechless, literally speechless. Never had she felt so dirty and hurt. Sophie really thought that? What kind of a person was she if she made her girlfriend feel that way? How could Sophie say those things?
"Sian..." Sophie whispered watching the tears fall from the older girls eyes.
"You've..." Sian took in a deep breath turning to face a shocked Sophie. She raised the back of her hand to wipe some of the tears from her face before taking another deep breath. "You want me to be honest?" She sniffed licking her bottom lip. "Well...you've just completely broken my heart."
Both girls sat staring at each other, the pair of them crying. Neither quite believed what was just said. The words came as a shock to both of them. Sian was devastated, utterly devastated that Sophie thought that their love was some kind of messed up lie. After everything that had happened, Sian didn't know what to do.
"Sian...I didn't...I didn't mean that." Sophie gasped reaching down to the sheets for her girlfriends hand.
As soon as Sophie's hand grabbed onto the back of Sian's they both look down to where they lay. Sian was considering pulling her hand away, getting up and walking out. Sophie really thought that and Sian was ashamed with herself that she did. Sophie was waiting for Sian's hand to be torn from under her own. God knows, she didn't deserve to be able to touch her.
It was in that moment that they both sat gazing down at their joined hands that they both came to some realizations.
Sian realized that all they had was true for her and when she looked up briefly into Sophie's tear filled eyes she knew that despite her words Sophie felt the same. The girl in front of her was her life, her past, her present and her future. Sophie was everything Sian wanted, her best friend, her girlfriend, her lover...Sian knew that words, well, they really didn't mean a thing. It was their linked hands that spoke. And they said exactly what she needed to hear. Sophie was with her, she was hers forever, she loved her and although her girlfriend was suspicious at first she did believed the blond.
Sophie realized as she looked to where both their hands lay that she was wrong. She knew she was being a cow and treating Sian like dirt and who was she to do that? How could she do that to the girl who had loved her for so long, who had been her best friend before she became her girlfriend? How could she do that to the girl who had came out to be with her, to the girl who had ran away from home to be with her? She wouldn't, not anymore.
"I'm sorry." Sophie whispered shuffling slightly closer to Sian keeping her hand on the older girls. Sophie reached out hesitantly to wipe away a tear from her girlfriends cheek with her finger. Her hand remained by Sian's face after the tear disappeared and after a few seconds she rested her hand on Sian's cheek.
Sian took in a deep breath at the contact and brushed her cheek against Sophie's hand knowing that it felt right to have it there.
"I'm sorry too." Sian mumbled flipping her hand over so they could join their fingers together.
"I know you love me...I just...I don't know why I said that...I'm so sorry. I'm just...I don't even know what it is, Sian, I'm just so messed up...I can't...." Sophie started to sob and watching her girlfriend break down in front of her killed Sian.
The blonds strong arms were wrapped around Sophie as soon as she started to cry. Sophie crawled next to Sian on the bed, gripping the older girl to her, holding her so tightly. Sian rocked Sophie, kissing her head, listening to her cry. This was all she could do, be there for her, hold her when she cried, tell her she loved her, stop her from falling.
"Will you ever forgive me?" Sophie sniffed into Sian's chest dreading the answer. She knew she had messed a whole lot up between them and it was going to be hard to get back to where they used to be but Sophie knew that with Sian's forgiveness they could do it. The could do anything.
"Shh...." Sian soothed the crying girl in her arms, leaving a tiny kiss on her hair. "I forgive you, don't worry about it. We just need to sort you out, right?"
Sophie nodded against her tightening her hold on the girl she loved.
"Don't you ever think I don't love you, Soph." Sian teared up again stoking the brunettes hair softly. "You have no idea how much I love you."
"I know you do and I'm sorry...I love you." Sophie sniffed finally stopping crying.
"What are we like, eh?" Sian joked pulling her head back letting Sophie do the same so they could look at each other.
Sophie had just been saved and she knew it. God knows what would have happened had Sian left to go back to her mums. God knows what would have happened to her if Sian gave up on her and no one would have blamed her after putting up with what she had to.
"You don't hate me for those things I said, Sian....do ya?" Sophie had to ask the question, she knew what Sian would say but she had to see her eyes to make sure she hadn't permanently damaged all they had.
"No." Sian shook her head looking a little hurt. "I'll never hate you no matter what you say or do...."
Sian meant her words, Sophie knew it. And she was so greatful that Sian hadn't done what she should have and walked away. She would never be able to repay the blond for saving her from the downward spiral she was on. But she'd try, she'd try for the rest of her life.
Thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes :)
Description: After Sophie finds the holiday pictures of Sian and Chloe she accuses Sian of liking someone else and not loving her. Will Sian put up with everything Sophie throws at her or give up on them like she thinks Sophie has?
Rating: All
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Quite long so....you may get a little bored lol, sorry :)
Sophie was sitting stubbornly on the sofa, arms cross defensively mimicking the position her legs were in. Her blue eyes were facing the direction of the television but she wasn't watching it too busy thinking about Sian. Too busy thinking about Sian with Chloe. The though of Sian with another girl, liking another girl, touching another girl...kissing another girl made Sophie's stomach flip. She felt sick thinking about it but she couldn't stop. Was Sian telling her the truth? Were they really only mates?
Sian sat on the hard wooden chair at the Webster's kitchen table, staring over at Sophie who sat on the sofa in the living room. Her elbows were leaning on the table holding her head up with her hands. She loved Sophie but she was sick of everything that was happening. She wanted the old Sophie back, her Sophie.
Sian knew she was being harsh and nasty about the college stuff and she didn't exactly deny what Sophie was accusing her of...The blond could hardly speak to her girlfriend anymore without getting her head bitten off. It was hard, really hard and Sian didn't like it. It used to be so easy for them...
There was a very tense and awkward atmosphere and Rosie noticed it immediately when she walked in. The older Webster stood between the two girls staring back and forth frowning. Her handbag was slung onto the couch beside Sophie who didn't look round to acknowledge her sister.
"What's up with your face?" Rosie huffed at the younger brunette making her way into the kitchen. In the kitchen she watched Sian as she opened the fridge door and pulled out a carton of milk, still waiting for her sisters response. "Sophie?" Rosie asked annoyed and Sophie shot up from the sofa seething with anger. She didn't understand why her business had to be anyone elses. Sophie marched past the sofa and stomped up the stairs, her bedroom door slamming shut a few seconds later.
Rosie looked to Sian for some kind of explanation and noticed the blonde flinch at the slamming of the door.
Sian was internally debating about what to do. She could go back to her mums just now, leave Sophie to cool down and get a grip. If she was honest, she really couldn't deal with all of this at the moment. If she left she didn't know what Sophie would do, would she be glad or even angrier? Sian could stay and wait not so patiently on her girlfriend to grow up and talk to her, try to calm her down and explain to her how ridiculous she was being...Sophie wouldn't want to hear it. She would probably tell her girlfriend to leave again anyway. Had Sophie broken up with her? Sian didn't exactly know. She had never been in this kind of situation before.
"Will you tell me what the heck is going on, please?" Rosie sighed not happy about not being clued-up on what was going on. Rosie's concern was growing for her sister who always seemed off and distant nowadays and witnessing the awkward, unpleasant situation between her and Sian, Rosie was really worried. Sian could always make Sophie happy no matter how bad a mood she was in and Rosie wondered what had happened for Sian not to be able to. She must have done something, Rosie thought eyeing Sian suspiciously.
"I'm sorry, Rosie." Sian sighed trying to be polite. She couldn't deal with two angry Webster sisters, one was bad enough. "But it's...I just don't think it's your business."
Rosie's mouth fell open briefly, shocked that Sian had just said that to her. She composed herself quickly, putting the carton of milk back in the fridge turing to the stairs intending to ask her sister what was going on. Before she had taken more than a few steps, Sophie's open laptop caught her eye. Her heels clicked on the floor as she marched over to it, frowning.
Sian saw Rosie move toward Sophie's laptop but it was swiped up from the table before she could shut the lid down. Obviously Rosie wanted to make this her business, Sian thought angrily.
"What's this?" Rosie questioned taking in the pictures on the screen.
Sian sighed defeated. Why was everyone making a big deal about them? She was standing beside someone, that was all! The blond was sure Rosie had been in pictures with friends in much more intimate poses than her own. She didn't understand at all.
"Pictures from me holiday." Sian mumbled following Rosie into the living room where she sat down on the sofa placing the laptop on her knees.
"Yes, I can see that." Rosie muttered clicking the mousepad to move onto the next picture. "Who's she?" Rosie flicked her finger towards the screen and at a picture of Sian and Chloe on the balcony of her hotel room.
"None of your business." Sian told Rosie this time more firmly and slightly aggressively.
"It's obviously someone if you wont tell me her name." Rosie scoffed clicking on the next picture.
Rosie was right, Sian realized. Why was she acting as if she had been caught out doing something she shouldn't be when she hadn't? Sian groaned, confused. Sophie was making her feel like she had done something. She really needed to explain to her girlfriend.
"She's why Sophie's angry with me...well one of the reasons." Sian mumbled grabbing the laptop off of a distracted Rosie.
"Did you cheat on her?" Rosie asks very casually not bothering about no longer being in possession of the laptop.
"No!" The blond quickly defended. The idea that anyone thought she would cheat on Sophie was absurd! What did they think of her?
"Had to ask." Rosie picked up her handbag, putting it onto her arm. "Make Sophie believe you too." She smiled sympathetically before heading out the door.
Sian felt a little relived that at least one of the Webster's believed her. Rosie didn't take much convincing but Sian thought it was because Rosie knew she would never do anything like that and also because her sister was a bit mental. Sian knew Sophie wouldn't believe her quite so easily...
Settling down on the sofa, Sian scrolled through the pictures trying to understand the problem with them...Just because she liked girls didn't mean she fancied every girl she talked to or was friends with. Chloe was attractive, of course she was but Sian didn't and had never fancied her. Chloe was funny and intelligent and she was pretty but she wasn't Sophie. Sian just wished her girlfriend would give her the chance to explain that.
After waiting a few more minutes wanting Sophie to be as calm as possible Sian shut down the laptop and climbed the stairs slowly to her girlfriend.
"Soph?" She asked gently knocking the brunettes bedroom door opening it as she did.
Sian entered to find Sophie lying face down on her bed, legs crossed up in the air and head hanging slightly off the bed resting on her crossed arms. It was hard, Sian thought again to herself, but it was worth it. Sophie was amazing. Sian hated fighting with her but through the fights she never stopped loving or liking her and she never for a second felt hate toward her.
Taking a risk, Sian edged to Sophie's bed and sat down by her girlfriend as carefully as possible. Sophie turned her eyes slightly to see but otherwise remained perfectly still. Sian's hand reached out automatically wanting to touch Sophie but she pulled it back not wanting to hear Sophie tell her not to touch her.
"Soph?" Sian asked again bending her head down to look at her girlfriends face.
"Mmm?" Sophie mumbled against her arms keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the floor.
"Can we please talk about this?" Sian asked and waited patiently for a few seconds as Sophie turned onto her back and then shuffled on the sheets so her back was to the wall. Sian noticed her arms coming up to cross over her chest again and that same familiar stubborn look fall across Sophie's face.
"Go on then." Sophie muttered her voice angry.
Sophie was trying, she really was but she couldn't stand the thought of Sian leaving her as well. Everything else was rubbish, her mum and her new bloke, Rosie moving out, her dad and Jack and him selling the house, her getting kicked out of college...The only good thing she had left was Sian and she couldn't lose her.
"I'm not going off with other girls, Soph and I know you know that." Sian began gently watching her girlfriend as she spoke. Sophie shrugged slightly when Sian stayed silent for a few seconds. "Chloe's my mate, that's all."
"You do fancy her though, Sian and that's the point!" The brunette groaned harassed. She couldn't get the thoughts out of her head. She hated the thought of Sian being attracted to another girl, wanting another girl.
"No I don't!" Sian sighed rubbing her hand across her forehead not knowing how to get through to the younger girl.
Sophie shrugged again and looked down at the sheets away from Sian.
"This room's seen a lot, ain't it?" Sophie heard her girlfriends soft voice after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"Eh?" Sophie looked up to see her girlfriend smiling a little.
"Well, you know...All the laughs when we was mates. Our first kiss was right over there." The blonde pointed over to the spot on the floor biting her lip. "Didn't go down too great, did it?" She tried to lighten the mood.
She noticed Sophie sit up slightly and her crossed arms dropped as she followed Sian's gaze to the floor recalling the kiss Sian was talking about.
"Lots after that one too, eh?" Sian broke into a full smile. "And." The blondes tongue flickered out to wet her lips before she continued. "We made love for the first time, right here." Sian patted the bed with her hand and then stoked the sheets gently remembering every perfect moment of that night.
The older girls eyes went to her girlfriends and they just looked at each other. They hadn't broken up, Sian thought, she could tell from the look in Sophie's eye.
"I remember." Sophie showed Sian a small smile before it disappeared as she added. "And I remember you not even wanting to kiss me the next morning...I remember you running out of me room so fast..."
Sian's heart sank. They hadn't fully discussed that before and she hoped they'd never have to. The blond thought she was making some progress talking to Sophie but evidently not.
"I know." Sian admitted through a crackly voice. She was ashamed of herself for the way she had treated Sophie that morning and then the days following.
"You know you made me feel like a bit of dirt you'd found on your pillow the way you looked at me." Sophie added rubbing salt into the wound for Sian. The blond opened her mouth to speak but Sophie didn't allow it, continuing. "Forget I was the one who was a virgin Sian, did ya? Or did you just not care?" Sophie's words were full of venom and Sian could tell that it was all coming out now. Maybe this is what Sophie needed, just to get all of her issues off her chest. If it meant she would be happy and feel better, Sian was more than happy to be the victim of her cold words.
"Of course I cared." The older girl insisted hurt by the comment.
"Yeah, sure did look like it." Sophie scoffed her arms folding tighter over her chest now.
"I did, Soph!" Sian shot back getting angry. "You were there weren't you? You know I cared, you know I kept asking you if you was okay, if you wanted me to stop, what you wanted me to do.... Do you know how many times I told you I loved you that night? Do you remember everything I said to you, Soph, eh? Clearly you don't if you don't think I cared..."
"I was talking about the next day, Sian!" Sophie hissed.
"Yeah, okay, I was a cow the next day...if you knew me at all you'd understand why, Soph or you'd at least have given me the chance to explain!" Sian growled raging at what Sophie was saying.
"Oh, so now I don't know you Sian?" Sophie laughed throwing her hands in the air glaring at the blonde.
"One bloody thing at a time, eh?" Sian groaned her head aching from all the arguing. She was trying so hard to make this right but Sophie wasn't having it. She didn't know what to do.
"You know me, I'm sorry, that wasn't fair to say..." Sian stated calmly after a few seconds of deep breaths. "I just meant that you know what I'm like. I don't like admitting when I'm scared or afraid. That morning I was scared and afraid and embarrassed..."
"Embarrassed?" Sophie echoed the word hurt clear in her eyes.
"No!" Sian breathed quickly not wanting another argument over something Sophie had misunderstood. "And see? I'm still shy and scared to talk about it because I don't wanna upset you or make you jump to conclusions or...What I meant is, that night was...Perfect, everything about it was so amazingly perfect, Soph, weren't it? But obviously I'd never done it before and I know you hadn't either but I was just scared that I'd done something wrong or something you weren't like...comfortable with or something and I thought you hadn't...I thought you hadn't you know...enjoyed being with me...."
"Did you?" Sophie cut it her eyebrows raised.
"Did I..." Sian frowned unsure of what Sophie was saying.
"Did you enjoy being with me?" Sophie asked nervously biting her lip.
"Yes, of course I did. Every second of it was amazing, Soph...I just thought, " Sian continued explaining. "That you hadn't and I got embarrassed about it and you know me and I just...Well I just ran out. And then when I knew you wanted to again I was like proper chuffed and stuff and then your mum caught us and I thought I was gonna get kicked out so I was a cow again and I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have acted the way I did and I wish I hadn't..."
Sophie just sat listening to Sian. She finally understood and it felt like some weight had been lifted off her shoulders with the explanation. She finally knew and she was relived that that was all it was...She had convinced herself after that night that Sian wasn't attracted to her like that and since being caught after New Year they hadn't had a chance to be with each other again for Sophie to find out.
"Okay." Sophie whispered showing Sian a small smile to which the blond responded to with a smile of her own.
"So, that's one thing I can cross of the 'Big Bag Sian List'?" Sian joked and Sophie's smile got a little bigger as she shrugged.
"What's the next thing then... Chloe?" Sian questioned wishing the subject wasn't an issue. Chloe was a great girl and Sian was afraid she wouldn't be able to be mates with her anymore without creating a thing between her and Sophie. "There really isn't any other way for me to say it and I really wish you would believe me 'cause I don't know what I can do to convince you but I do not fancy Chloe."
Sophie didn't know if she believed Sian or not. The brunette thought the girl was attractive and she must have been alright if Sian liked her. Could she really blame Sian if she did fancy her anyway?
"You want me to tell you about it?" Sian asked and Sophie nodded her head and the blond went on to tell Sophie about Chloe. "I met her on the beach one morning, I think it was like the third day of the holiday and she was walking herself like I was. She came over to me and was asking if I was on holiday and who with and stuff and then she told me she was on holiday too and from England so we got chatting. Within about an hour of meeting her she was laughing at me at how bloody crazy I was about you." Sian chuckled remembering the teasing she had got off of Chloe about her and Sophie.
"Really?" Sophie asked her eyebrow raised. It wasn't that she didn't believe Sian it was more like she didn't actually think Sian would talk to someone about their relationship like that.
"Yeah. She loved hearing about you though and was dead nice about us when I told her about us running away together and all the fuss with me dad..." Sian smiled gently.
"You told her all about us?" Sophie asked a hint of annoyance in her voice.
All Sian could think was, here we go again.
"Sophie we are not gonna get anywhere if we're not honest with each other are we?" Sian sighed annoyed herself. They were making a little progress and had cleared up a major issue already but somehow Sian still didn't feel like they were getting anywhere because every time she said something Sophie didn't like she was shut down or had to lie.
"Be honest then Sian cause I really don't think you are being!" Sophie shouted her face screwing up in anger.
"You keep getting angry with me when I do be honest, Soph, so tell me...what the bloody hell am i supposed to say to you?"
"You want me to be honest then?" Sophie pushed forward on the bed fuming. "I don't think you love me at all! I think you're bored and all I was to you was a stupid little game! You don't love me, you feel sorry for me, Sian. You don't want to be the one that pushes me over the edge so you just stay here and pretend.But guess what, Sian? I don't care anymore! I don't care about this, I'm sick of it, I'm sick of it all. If you don't want me don't you dare string me along while you want other people. You've moved out so go ahead and move on. Just tell me it's over Sian, tell me! I can't possible be anymore over the edge, just tell me!" Sophie stopped out of breath from her ranting regretting every word she had just said. Most of it wasn't even true and she had no idea where some of it came from.
Tears were pouring from Sian's eyes, crossing and running down her cheeks and dripping from her jaw. She was speechless, literally speechless. Never had she felt so dirty and hurt. Sophie really thought that? What kind of a person was she if she made her girlfriend feel that way? How could Sophie say those things?
"Sian..." Sophie whispered watching the tears fall from the older girls eyes.
"You've..." Sian took in a deep breath turning to face a shocked Sophie. She raised the back of her hand to wipe some of the tears from her face before taking another deep breath. "You want me to be honest?" She sniffed licking her bottom lip. "Well...you've just completely broken my heart."
Both girls sat staring at each other, the pair of them crying. Neither quite believed what was just said. The words came as a shock to both of them. Sian was devastated, utterly devastated that Sophie thought that their love was some kind of messed up lie. After everything that had happened, Sian didn't know what to do.
"Sian...I didn't...I didn't mean that." Sophie gasped reaching down to the sheets for her girlfriends hand.
As soon as Sophie's hand grabbed onto the back of Sian's they both look down to where they lay. Sian was considering pulling her hand away, getting up and walking out. Sophie really thought that and Sian was ashamed with herself that she did. Sophie was waiting for Sian's hand to be torn from under her own. God knows, she didn't deserve to be able to touch her.
It was in that moment that they both sat gazing down at their joined hands that they both came to some realizations.
Sian realized that all they had was true for her and when she looked up briefly into Sophie's tear filled eyes she knew that despite her words Sophie felt the same. The girl in front of her was her life, her past, her present and her future. Sophie was everything Sian wanted, her best friend, her girlfriend, her lover...Sian knew that words, well, they really didn't mean a thing. It was their linked hands that spoke. And they said exactly what she needed to hear. Sophie was with her, she was hers forever, she loved her and although her girlfriend was suspicious at first she did believed the blond.
Sophie realized as she looked to where both their hands lay that she was wrong. She knew she was being a cow and treating Sian like dirt and who was she to do that? How could she do that to the girl who had loved her for so long, who had been her best friend before she became her girlfriend? How could she do that to the girl who had came out to be with her, to the girl who had ran away from home to be with her? She wouldn't, not anymore.
"I'm sorry." Sophie whispered shuffling slightly closer to Sian keeping her hand on the older girls. Sophie reached out hesitantly to wipe away a tear from her girlfriends cheek with her finger. Her hand remained by Sian's face after the tear disappeared and after a few seconds she rested her hand on Sian's cheek.
Sian took in a deep breath at the contact and brushed her cheek against Sophie's hand knowing that it felt right to have it there.
"I'm sorry too." Sian mumbled flipping her hand over so they could join their fingers together.
"I know you love me...I just...I don't know why I said that...I'm so sorry. I'm just...I don't even know what it is, Sian, I'm just so messed up...I can't...." Sophie started to sob and watching her girlfriend break down in front of her killed Sian.
The blonds strong arms were wrapped around Sophie as soon as she started to cry. Sophie crawled next to Sian on the bed, gripping the older girl to her, holding her so tightly. Sian rocked Sophie, kissing her head, listening to her cry. This was all she could do, be there for her, hold her when she cried, tell her she loved her, stop her from falling.
"Will you ever forgive me?" Sophie sniffed into Sian's chest dreading the answer. She knew she had messed a whole lot up between them and it was going to be hard to get back to where they used to be but Sophie knew that with Sian's forgiveness they could do it. The could do anything.
"Shh...." Sian soothed the crying girl in her arms, leaving a tiny kiss on her hair. "I forgive you, don't worry about it. We just need to sort you out, right?"
Sophie nodded against her tightening her hold on the girl she loved.
"Don't you ever think I don't love you, Soph." Sian teared up again stoking the brunettes hair softly. "You have no idea how much I love you."
"I know you do and I'm sorry...I love you." Sophie sniffed finally stopping crying.
"What are we like, eh?" Sian joked pulling her head back letting Sophie do the same so they could look at each other.
Sophie had just been saved and she knew it. God knows what would have happened had Sian left to go back to her mums. God knows what would have happened to her if Sian gave up on her and no one would have blamed her after putting up with what she had to.
"You don't hate me for those things I said, Sian....do ya?" Sophie had to ask the question, she knew what Sian would say but she had to see her eyes to make sure she hadn't permanently damaged all they had.
"No." Sian shook her head looking a little hurt. "I'll never hate you no matter what you say or do...."
Sian meant her words, Sophie knew it. And she was so greatful that Sian hadn't done what she should have and walked away. She would never be able to repay the blond for saving her from the downward spiral she was on. But she'd try, she'd try for the rest of her life.
Thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes :)