::What I'll become::
I must have been alone for all of five minutes last night when I my mind started to wander and I was surrounded by thoughts of my own mortality.
I lay down on his bed and stared into the eyes of death, pondering what slept behined the doors of eternity. 'I mustn't be afraid' I thought, as the pertruding eyeballs of the painted reaper glared into mine.
It was then I turned away as I was overcome with a feeling of hollowness, and laying comfortably on my stomach I let my head sink into the pillow and my eyes close, as visions of both forever and nothing filled my head and for a few seconds I fell into oblivon. Images of my own demise fluttered through my head, rattling my brain until it reverberated a dull ache through my skull.
I wondered how I could be nothing but meat, a fleshy sack of bones, strung together like a beaded necklace of organs and hung around the neck of existance until my thread wore thin, and then all of a sudden - Snap - and I would be nothing.
And I wondered how I could be a vast tapestry of energies condensed into vibrations, conscious and eternal, and that my thoughts would survive forever after death as I returned to the planet with the knowledge i'd gained.
The latter, of course, Is preferable.
Although I suppose, when you think about it, both are similar in a sense that, energy doesn't think. Energy doesn't have to deal with the complications of being a human being, energy doesn't in theory 'Live' - it just 'is'.
The idea of enlightenment is to reach a state of vibration wherein you release yourself of your Ego and all that it is to be human, shrug off this mortal coil and become that which we truely are - pure energy, at a higher state of consciousness. To release yourself of your Ego you must come to the realisation that YOU are NOT an individual. You are not a single unique being in the universe, YOU are NO DIFFERENT to any other human animal or non-human animal on this planet. What you are, in theory, is everyone and everything.
Easier said than done, as the problem with this is that the Ego doesn't want you to achieve this, because this would initiate it's demise.
And no one wants to die.
Either way, I thought to myself, when I'm dead, I'll never be the same person I was when I was alive.
I'll be everything. Or nothing.
Inkbaby x