i'm all growed up! say hello to the new bug-killer in the house!
dex has been gone since this morning and i was doing aiight until i came home to a big flying bug in our home. bugs and i just don't get along and of course i freaked out.
dex usually kills the bugs, but even he's kinda a pansy about it. usually he ends up spraying the bug to death instead of just squashing it like a real man should.
however, on this night, i was without my bug-spraying god and was left to my own resources. at first, i figured i could just ignore the noise it was making as it crept not at all silently across the stacks of comics dex has in the computer room. then i heard this chirp right next to my ear...i turn around...and the friggin bug is on the wall right behind my head!
so i squeal and run out of the room. i am now banished from my own computer room by a large flying bug that chirps.
i sit in the living room for a while and then decide to go to bed. because i'm unwilling to accept my duty as the interim bug-killer, i instead decide to close the bedroom doors and stuff clothes at the door bottom so the bug can't crawl through the crack.
so i'm laying in my haven, watching pbs, comforted by the thought that i won't have to deal with the bug until tomorrow (which would have been basically waiting for the thing to just die in a corner somewhere), when i see this brown streak flash before my eyes. IT'S THE BUG! i'm not sure if it snuck up behind me when i was closing the door and securing the bedroom or maybe it was one of those magical bugs that can fly through walls.
either way, i then realized i had to take care of the bug then and there if i wanted to get any sleep tonight.
i see the bug...noisily creeping up my venetian blinds, drunk with it's own power. so drunk in fact, that it is unaware of this angry black woman wearing only a t-shirt that says "geeks are freaks, too *wink*" stepping lightly to end up right up on it.
we stare each other down. me with my glasses slighly askewed because earlier in the night when i first met up with this bug, my glasses ended up victimized by my size 11 foot. now they're all bent up. ANOTHER reason i had to get rid of this friggin bug.
so we're looking at each other. i know it's a male bug cuz female bugs aren't bold enough to stare death in the face like this bug was doing. he stops in mid stealth-creeping, one leg poised as if he was urging me to step forward to feel the wrath of the bold brown bug.
"it's like that" i thought...
so i back up, grab my jogging pants in my sweaty palmed hands and said "it's time for you to meet your maker bold brown bug!"
i run towards the venetian blind, squash the bug in my gym-stanked-up jogging pants, and race for the front door with all of the speed of a black woman who's a little hippy but in a good way can muster. i thrust open the door and throw the pants, bug and all, down the stairwell.
i stare at the grey mass now sitting on the steps a flight down and wonder if the fall has killed the bold brown bug.
then i here this loud shuffling coming from the pants. the bold brown bug saunters from beneath the folds of my jogging pants and sits there on the steps, looking up at me as if to say "yeah, bitch...i'll be that bug dancing on your grave!"
he turned and walked away. i could have sworn i saw the bug pimping. or maybe it was a limp. either way, i felt as though i had accomplished something tonight.
for once in my life, i stared a bold brown bug straight in the face and refused to allow the bug to rule me in my own home!
i backed up slowly and closed the door.
then grabbed a wrap around skirt and crammed it into the crack at the bottom of the door.
i know my sweaty jogging pants are still in the stairwell, but i'm too afraid to go get them.
but for that one sweet moment, i was the most courageous woman in the world. i'll always have that memory to savor.
dex usually kills the bugs, but even he's kinda a pansy about it. usually he ends up spraying the bug to death instead of just squashing it like a real man should.
however, on this night, i was without my bug-spraying god and was left to my own resources. at first, i figured i could just ignore the noise it was making as it crept not at all silently across the stacks of comics dex has in the computer room. then i heard this chirp right next to my ear...i turn around...and the friggin bug is on the wall right behind my head!
so i squeal and run out of the room. i am now banished from my own computer room by a large flying bug that chirps.
i sit in the living room for a while and then decide to go to bed. because i'm unwilling to accept my duty as the interim bug-killer, i instead decide to close the bedroom doors and stuff clothes at the door bottom so the bug can't crawl through the crack.
so i'm laying in my haven, watching pbs, comforted by the thought that i won't have to deal with the bug until tomorrow (which would have been basically waiting for the thing to just die in a corner somewhere), when i see this brown streak flash before my eyes. IT'S THE BUG! i'm not sure if it snuck up behind me when i was closing the door and securing the bedroom or maybe it was one of those magical bugs that can fly through walls.
either way, i then realized i had to take care of the bug then and there if i wanted to get any sleep tonight.
i see the bug...noisily creeping up my venetian blinds, drunk with it's own power. so drunk in fact, that it is unaware of this angry black woman wearing only a t-shirt that says "geeks are freaks, too *wink*" stepping lightly to end up right up on it.
we stare each other down. me with my glasses slighly askewed because earlier in the night when i first met up with this bug, my glasses ended up victimized by my size 11 foot. now they're all bent up. ANOTHER reason i had to get rid of this friggin bug.
so we're looking at each other. i know it's a male bug cuz female bugs aren't bold enough to stare death in the face like this bug was doing. he stops in mid stealth-creeping, one leg poised as if he was urging me to step forward to feel the wrath of the bold brown bug.
"it's like that" i thought...
so i back up, grab my jogging pants in my sweaty palmed hands and said "it's time for you to meet your maker bold brown bug!"
i run towards the venetian blind, squash the bug in my gym-stanked-up jogging pants, and race for the front door with all of the speed of a black woman who's a little hippy but in a good way can muster. i thrust open the door and throw the pants, bug and all, down the stairwell.
i stare at the grey mass now sitting on the steps a flight down and wonder if the fall has killed the bold brown bug.
then i here this loud shuffling coming from the pants. the bold brown bug saunters from beneath the folds of my jogging pants and sits there on the steps, looking up at me as if to say "yeah, bitch...i'll be that bug dancing on your grave!"
he turned and walked away. i could have sworn i saw the bug pimping. or maybe it was a limp. either way, i felt as though i had accomplished something tonight.
for once in my life, i stared a bold brown bug straight in the face and refused to allow the bug to rule me in my own home!
i backed up slowly and closed the door.
then grabbed a wrap around skirt and crammed it into the crack at the bottom of the door.
i know my sweaty jogging pants are still in the stairwell, but i'm too afraid to go get them.
but for that one sweet moment, i was the most courageous woman in the world. i'll always have that memory to savor.