And I thought things would change. Hopefully I wasn't wrong...
I thought by coming back home, my life would get better. And its not even that my life is going badly. Its going well. I'm just...lonely. Pretty lonely. I feel alone without a girlfriend. Since I haven't had one, I've felt more and more alone. Sometimes it feels unbearable.
Thats one of the reasons why I came back home. I was lonely. And it wasn't as if I was lonely all the time. In fact, for much of the time in Door County, I wasn't lonely. I saw a person I'd never think I'd see, we've had a fairly long and not so fairly troubled history. I also met a person who I basically fell in love with.
Yet here I am. Back. In town. Still lonely. At least I'm lonely as I'm writing this. I shouldn't be lonely. I have friends (I think) and parents, obviously. Good parents, who love me. Yet with my parents I just feel...awkward, like I don't fit in. I felt that way up north, too. Alcohol obviously allowed those feelings to subside, but when I wasn't drinking and especially when there wasn't much to do (there was, they just required work, like bike riding, etc.), those feelings came back. With a vengeance. And thats when I felt like I wanted to be home.
Well here I am, not so lonely now, but still wanting a relationship. I'd love someone who I could lay with. Who would be in my arms. Who I could talk to about philosophy and law and politics and music and religion. Basically, the woman I met up north (though there are others that I'd be thrilled to do that with and they live closer).
With her, I could talk music, politics, and law-literature and theatre, too. I'm pretty sure I could also be philosophical with her. And I thought she was really pretty. Down-to-earth and mature. Though I think she's in her early 20s, but thats not far from me. I hope I find more people like that.
I hope I find somebody who I could talk about music, politics, law, literature, theatre and philosophy with. Even more, I think it would be cool if she shares similar views and likes (movies, music, food, literature) or at least isn't a hypocrite (like those people who are pro-life, but pro-capital punishment).
Hell, Lindsey (the woman I met) was catholic, but I can live with that.
If my trip to Door County was a test, though, I bet I failed. I realized I needed to think differently, that I needed to get motivated, yet I didn't stick with Door County. I went home to the familiar just because I was lonely. But at least I went, I guess. I was even looking forward to being up there. I still am looking forward to coming back. I may do just that, unless I get a job or feel like I should be going to rehearsal for the summer play.
At least I'm doing something with theatre.
I feel I'm not worthy to return. I suppose I don't feel worthy of much. At least I'm not crying, so thats a plus.
Thats one of the reasons why I came back home. I was lonely. And it wasn't as if I was lonely all the time. In fact, for much of the time in Door County, I wasn't lonely. I saw a person I'd never think I'd see, we've had a fairly long and not so fairly troubled history. I also met a person who I basically fell in love with.
Yet here I am. Back. In town. Still lonely. At least I'm lonely as I'm writing this. I shouldn't be lonely. I have friends (I think) and parents, obviously. Good parents, who love me. Yet with my parents I just feel...awkward, like I don't fit in. I felt that way up north, too. Alcohol obviously allowed those feelings to subside, but when I wasn't drinking and especially when there wasn't much to do (there was, they just required work, like bike riding, etc.), those feelings came back. With a vengeance. And thats when I felt like I wanted to be home.
Well here I am, not so lonely now, but still wanting a relationship. I'd love someone who I could lay with. Who would be in my arms. Who I could talk to about philosophy and law and politics and music and religion. Basically, the woman I met up north (though there are others that I'd be thrilled to do that with and they live closer).
With her, I could talk music, politics, and law-literature and theatre, too. I'm pretty sure I could also be philosophical with her. And I thought she was really pretty. Down-to-earth and mature. Though I think she's in her early 20s, but thats not far from me. I hope I find more people like that.
I hope I find somebody who I could talk about music, politics, law, literature, theatre and philosophy with. Even more, I think it would be cool if she shares similar views and likes (movies, music, food, literature) or at least isn't a hypocrite (like those people who are pro-life, but pro-capital punishment).
Hell, Lindsey (the woman I met) was catholic, but I can live with that.
If my trip to Door County was a test, though, I bet I failed. I realized I needed to think differently, that I needed to get motivated, yet I didn't stick with Door County. I went home to the familiar just because I was lonely. But at least I went, I guess. I was even looking forward to being up there. I still am looking forward to coming back. I may do just that, unless I get a job or feel like I should be going to rehearsal for the summer play.
At least I'm doing something with theatre.
I feel I'm not worthy to return. I suppose I don't feel worthy of much. At least I'm not crying, so thats a plus.