state of the former grad student
Why haven't I been updating LJ much? One reason is travel, and staying at euziere's where I often lack an instant-gratification internet connection. The other is probably that I've been talking to people, and I really like talking, I have so many ideas that I just talk talk talk all the time. That gives me an outlet so that I don't have to put in the effort to write things down.
none of that was true during the week between Boston and Austin, though. You had internet all the time and were mostly alone. What happened?
Perhaps I am drifting away from lj for the time being? There have been a few other changes in my personality recently:
* don't become completely crazy when alone for more than a few days
* able to go and exercise without extensive, elaborate preamble and vacillation
* sometimes to go sleep at night feeling cheerful
* not constantly panicked
I think being out of grad school agrees with me. I'm trying hard to use this coming month as a time to adopt new ways of experiencing the world, more moderate relationships with my work, and a true sense of free time -- not time that I steal from work by goofing off, but time where I can really do anything I care to imagine.
For a while this was making me panic. When I thought about it I realized that by putting so much emphasis on the coming month, I was acting (and starting to feel) like it was the last time I'd be free, and after that, *plonk*! Three more years of research purgatory. No, the point is that this is a chance to train hard. That way when my postdoc starts, I'll be good enough at taking care of myself and doing things I like that I'll be able to keep it up, even though the schedule will be much tighter.
That's a tall order, though. Keeping up good habits has always been my achilles heel. Except it's more like an achilles back -- it's a huge target and I can't help but get hit there. I'm hoping that if I try hard I'll get better. There's a first time for everything.
none of that was true during the week between Boston and Austin, though. You had internet all the time and were mostly alone. What happened?
Perhaps I am drifting away from lj for the time being? There have been a few other changes in my personality recently:
* don't become completely crazy when alone for more than a few days
* able to go and exercise without extensive, elaborate preamble and vacillation
* sometimes to go sleep at night feeling cheerful
* not constantly panicked
I think being out of grad school agrees with me. I'm trying hard to use this coming month as a time to adopt new ways of experiencing the world, more moderate relationships with my work, and a true sense of free time -- not time that I steal from work by goofing off, but time where I can really do anything I care to imagine.
For a while this was making me panic. When I thought about it I realized that by putting so much emphasis on the coming month, I was acting (and starting to feel) like it was the last time I'd be free, and after that, *plonk*! Three more years of research purgatory. No, the point is that this is a chance to train hard. That way when my postdoc starts, I'll be good enough at taking care of myself and doing things I like that I'll be able to keep it up, even though the schedule will be much tighter.
That's a tall order, though. Keeping up good habits has always been my achilles heel. Except it's more like an achilles back -- it's a huge target and I can't help but get hit there. I'm hoping that if I try hard I'll get better. There's a first time for everything.