i cant sleep
i could download music... i could smoke some more... i could bug andre while he sleeps next to me [but hes mad at me right now..] i could munch on something right about now... i could get my headphones and listen to something.... i could write a good entry in here... i could watch a movie online...
but im too lazy and have no patience right now.
i have weird mood swings. i didnt think i would miss my mom more than i missed my dad when he died... why i would think that i have no idea.. maybe because i missed him soo much and cried like 2 weeks straight.. i didnt cry as much for my mom, honestly. i couldnt. i think i was in denial, or something. but now.. i miss her so much. too much.
i think about her all the time, which makes me think about death in general, and my dad, and everything that leads to. i think too much is the problem.
too much thinking not enough action. but thats me...
im fucking up in life.
sometimes i hate to admit it but i have something that could potentially be really fucking good for me...
i just hope something actually happens here and its not just potential forever.
because this is my happiness. this is my safe place. i am grateful for this, i appreciate this. but actions speak louder than words and sometimes i fuck up.
its pride
i thought i had little to none but its there,
its also a mixture of stubbornness
thats a dangerous combination...
need to make some quick changes, on my own.
but im too lazy and have no patience right now.
i have weird mood swings. i didnt think i would miss my mom more than i missed my dad when he died... why i would think that i have no idea.. maybe because i missed him soo much and cried like 2 weeks straight.. i didnt cry as much for my mom, honestly. i couldnt. i think i was in denial, or something. but now.. i miss her so much. too much.
i think about her all the time, which makes me think about death in general, and my dad, and everything that leads to. i think too much is the problem.
too much thinking not enough action. but thats me...
im fucking up in life.
sometimes i hate to admit it but i have something that could potentially be really fucking good for me...
i just hope something actually happens here and its not just potential forever.
because this is my happiness. this is my safe place. i am grateful for this, i appreciate this. but actions speak louder than words and sometimes i fuck up.
its pride
i thought i had little to none but its there,
its also a mixture of stubbornness
thats a dangerous combination...
need to make some quick changes, on my own.