Literature Writings
I decided while typing up some recent literature assignments that I might as well post them to this journal. For ~posterity or whatever. And maybe one of you might derive some tiny entertainment from them.
The first is a satire of Twilight/modern fiction/modern teenage girls/things that divide us. It's really silly, but my friends liked it, and I made a 100. It would help if you knew Cthulhu and Nicole Polizzi.
The second is a sonnet we were required to write on a random topic we drew from a jar.
And the last is a dialogue using 12 vocabulary words I had to work on with some random jock kid who actually turned out to not be so bad.
If you actually read them, comments and stuff would be nice!
<3
i <3 cthulhu
"Oh my God, Ashlyn. You have to read this book I found," Brianna said.
Ashlyn briefly looked up from her JoBros magazine. "Ew. I don't read. I hate books, except for Dear John. And the Bible."
"No this isn't even like, a book. It's about this girl- I don't remember her name 'cause I was pretending it was me the whole time- and she falls in love with this guy at her school who's really cute, but she can't 'cause he's secretly Cthulhu."
"That sounds like the best thing ever!"
"Here, you can borrow it," Brianna said. "And read it tonight so we can discuss it or whatever tomorrow."
She handed over the large volume entitled Nighttime is Dark by Nicole Polizzi. Ashlyn immediately began to read, enthralled by the epic romance between Cthulhu and... whoever the girl was. He was so mysterious and so gorgeous, with his forest-green skin and fifty chocolate-brown eyes. She had reached the point where strong, protective Cthulhu had locked the girl sweetly in his lair when Ashlyn could not keep her eyes open any longer, and she reluctantly fell asleep.
The next day in English class, she sat passively doodling "Mrs. Ashlyn Cthuluhu" in a large heart surrounded by smaller hearts. Brianna soon entered and rushed to her side.
"So what do you think?!"
"I'm not finished yet. But I can't wait until me and Cthulhu- I mean that girl- get married and have cute hapa Cthulhu babies."
"Well, guess what I found out?" Brianna said. "Nicole Polizzi is writing a sequel! It only takes her three days to write a book, so it's coming out on Friday!"
It seemed as though Ashlyn's world had suddenly become brighter and more meaningful.
"It's called Magical Mystic Midnight Dreams. And they say there's an important new character."
Ashlyn could not contain her joy. She ignored the English teacher, who was trying to make them read something called Hamnet, and spent the day imagining.
Thursday soon approached; Brianna and Ashlyn rode to the midnight release at Wal-Mart. The line stretched from the parking lot all the way to the lot of the Wal-Mart in the next adjoining city. Apparently the book had become quite popular. The two took their place in line and at eight A.M. the next day, they were finally inside.
The two skipped school that day to marvel at the new book. However, they were both soon entrenched in a deep, spiraling depression upon reading Cthulhu had left the girl and flown way to Slovenia. Ashlyn experienced catatonic shock and could not bring herselfto read anymore until Sunday, but then could barely see the text though the tears in her eyes. Eventually, however, the awaited new character was introudced. The girl had befriended the Giant Squid in the lake behind the nuclear power plant! Squid was sweet and cute and into My Chemical Romance, and Ashlyn soon found herself smitten.
Energized by this new development, she happily returned to school the next day, but noticed something different. Every girl in school (except lame Bethel) not only had a copy of Magical Mystic Midnight Dreams, but were wearing T-shirts proclaiming their support for either Cthulhu or Squid. Ashlyn absolutely could not be left out of the trend. But who was she to choose? Bitter from Cthulhu's abandonment, she drew a squid and taped the piece of paper to her shirt. At that moment, she Brianna with a large, shining Cthulhu emblazoned upon her shirt.
The animosity between the two groups soon grew such that there was naught they could do but go to war. Armies were assembled, and it ended tragically. From that day on, the school was closed indefinitely and Nicole Polizzi was forbidden to ever write literature again.
Fin.
***
Sonnet 9 3/4
It seems so strange that you could love me, dear,
When all I do is step all over you.
For so much of my life, you've always been near,
But now I must tell you that I can't be true.
I've so many choices that I could explore,
Much cuter selections that might make me laugh.
And frankly, you're often somewhat of a bore-
No deep conversation or fun do we have.
We've travelled the world and seen all there's to see,
From Paris to London and to the Great Wall,
You offer protection and comfort to me,
But we must admit that you're really quite small.
I curse all these troubles and ask what to do,
But then I remember that you're just a shoe.
***
Untitled
[On the undulating ocean, Blackbeard and his crew set sea to search for the hidden booty.]
BLACKBEARD: Aye, Matey. Go swab the deck and clean the mold. The verdant color be makin' me seasick. Aargh.
FIRST MATE: Ye don't have to be yellin' with so much vitriol. I take umbrage to it.
SECOND MATE: Aye, can't we all just enjoy the zephyrs and the ocean air?
BLACKBEARD: Jes' do what I say and I won't be upraidin' ye.
[A sailor from the zenith of the ship suddenly sees something.]
SAILOR: Ahoy! Ship ahead!
BLACKBEARD: Aargh, what a vicissitude! That makes me happier 'an a clam.
[The pirates raid the ship and begin to look for treasure.]
CAPTAIN: Help! Wanton pirates are trying to take over my ship and usurp our treasure!
[The pirates gather around the captain's wife.]
WIFE: Stop! Away with you, you unctuous pirates! Don't take our treasure!
PIRATE: Lass, ye be vexin' me. I don't want your treasure- I want the booty!
The first is a satire of Twilight/modern fiction/modern teenage girls/things that divide us. It's really silly, but my friends liked it, and I made a 100. It would help if you knew Cthulhu and Nicole Polizzi.
The second is a sonnet we were required to write on a random topic we drew from a jar.
And the last is a dialogue using 12 vocabulary words I had to work on with some random jock kid who actually turned out to not be so bad.
If you actually read them, comments and stuff would be nice!
<3
i <3 cthulhu
"Oh my God, Ashlyn. You have to read this book I found," Brianna said.
Ashlyn briefly looked up from her JoBros magazine. "Ew. I don't read. I hate books, except for Dear John. And the Bible."
"No this isn't even like, a book. It's about this girl- I don't remember her name 'cause I was pretending it was me the whole time- and she falls in love with this guy at her school who's really cute, but she can't 'cause he's secretly Cthulhu."
"That sounds like the best thing ever!"
"Here, you can borrow it," Brianna said. "And read it tonight so we can discuss it or whatever tomorrow."
She handed over the large volume entitled Nighttime is Dark by Nicole Polizzi. Ashlyn immediately began to read, enthralled by the epic romance between Cthulhu and... whoever the girl was. He was so mysterious and so gorgeous, with his forest-green skin and fifty chocolate-brown eyes. She had reached the point where strong, protective Cthulhu had locked the girl sweetly in his lair when Ashlyn could not keep her eyes open any longer, and she reluctantly fell asleep.
The next day in English class, she sat passively doodling "Mrs. Ashlyn Cthuluhu" in a large heart surrounded by smaller hearts. Brianna soon entered and rushed to her side.
"So what do you think?!"
"I'm not finished yet. But I can't wait until me and Cthulhu- I mean that girl- get married and have cute hapa Cthulhu babies."
"Well, guess what I found out?" Brianna said. "Nicole Polizzi is writing a sequel! It only takes her three days to write a book, so it's coming out on Friday!"
It seemed as though Ashlyn's world had suddenly become brighter and more meaningful.
"It's called Magical Mystic Midnight Dreams. And they say there's an important new character."
Ashlyn could not contain her joy. She ignored the English teacher, who was trying to make them read something called Hamnet, and spent the day imagining.
Thursday soon approached; Brianna and Ashlyn rode to the midnight release at Wal-Mart. The line stretched from the parking lot all the way to the lot of the Wal-Mart in the next adjoining city. Apparently the book had become quite popular. The two took their place in line and at eight A.M. the next day, they were finally inside.
The two skipped school that day to marvel at the new book. However, they were both soon entrenched in a deep, spiraling depression upon reading Cthulhu had left the girl and flown way to Slovenia. Ashlyn experienced catatonic shock and could not bring herselfto read anymore until Sunday, but then could barely see the text though the tears in her eyes. Eventually, however, the awaited new character was introudced. The girl had befriended the Giant Squid in the lake behind the nuclear power plant! Squid was sweet and cute and into My Chemical Romance, and Ashlyn soon found herself smitten.
Energized by this new development, she happily returned to school the next day, but noticed something different. Every girl in school (except lame Bethel) not only had a copy of Magical Mystic Midnight Dreams, but were wearing T-shirts proclaiming their support for either Cthulhu or Squid. Ashlyn absolutely could not be left out of the trend. But who was she to choose? Bitter from Cthulhu's abandonment, she drew a squid and taped the piece of paper to her shirt. At that moment, she Brianna with a large, shining Cthulhu emblazoned upon her shirt.
The animosity between the two groups soon grew such that there was naught they could do but go to war. Armies were assembled, and it ended tragically. From that day on, the school was closed indefinitely and Nicole Polizzi was forbidden to ever write literature again.
Fin.
***
Sonnet 9 3/4
It seems so strange that you could love me, dear,
When all I do is step all over you.
For so much of my life, you've always been near,
But now I must tell you that I can't be true.
I've so many choices that I could explore,
Much cuter selections that might make me laugh.
And frankly, you're often somewhat of a bore-
No deep conversation or fun do we have.
We've travelled the world and seen all there's to see,
From Paris to London and to the Great Wall,
You offer protection and comfort to me,
But we must admit that you're really quite small.
I curse all these troubles and ask what to do,
But then I remember that you're just a shoe.
***
Untitled
[On the undulating ocean, Blackbeard and his crew set sea to search for the hidden booty.]
BLACKBEARD: Aye, Matey. Go swab the deck and clean the mold. The verdant color be makin' me seasick. Aargh.
FIRST MATE: Ye don't have to be yellin' with so much vitriol. I take umbrage to it.
SECOND MATE: Aye, can't we all just enjoy the zephyrs and the ocean air?
BLACKBEARD: Jes' do what I say and I won't be upraidin' ye.
[A sailor from the zenith of the ship suddenly sees something.]
SAILOR: Ahoy! Ship ahead!
BLACKBEARD: Aargh, what a vicissitude! That makes me happier 'an a clam.
[The pirates raid the ship and begin to look for treasure.]
CAPTAIN: Help! Wanton pirates are trying to take over my ship and usurp our treasure!
[The pirates gather around the captain's wife.]
WIFE: Stop! Away with you, you unctuous pirates! Don't take our treasure!
PIRATE: Lass, ye be vexin' me. I don't want your treasure- I want the booty!