(no subject)
I have my audition tomorrow. Plus the musicianship test which is theory and an aural test. And I'm terrified. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. It's a choice between going back to do something I hate at uni for another year until I can apply again... in which case I'd have to pay for the 3rd year for Music because I'd have run out of HECS or to get a job for a year. So really that's only one choice. And the thought of getting a job is so daunting to me. :S I hate change so much.
It feels like everything's on the verge on change at the moment and I have no control over any of it and there's nothing that's staying constant. Even my friendships seem to be constantly shifting. I honestly feel so lost and it's making me feel like a pretty worthless person. I don't even want to think about what I'll be like tomorrow evening if I do badly.
And I've been so stressed out about this it's made me into a bitch of a person lately. I feel like I've spent the last 2-3 weeks snapping at anyone who bothers to spend time with me. I've snapped at Zarko so many times it's not funny and he doesn't really deserve it all the time. I've been like a bloody yoyo with my moods so much. I've even got into a fight with Shamus... and almost got into one with Ally. I can't stand so much arguing so I don't know why I'm doing it.
Plus all of that is giving me this constant headache. Like the tension you get just before you cry. I'm so fucking highly strung it's unbelievable. I just want the feeling to go away. I wish all my feelings could go away.
It feels like everything's on the verge on change at the moment and I have no control over any of it and there's nothing that's staying constant. Even my friendships seem to be constantly shifting. I honestly feel so lost and it's making me feel like a pretty worthless person. I don't even want to think about what I'll be like tomorrow evening if I do badly.
And I've been so stressed out about this it's made me into a bitch of a person lately. I feel like I've spent the last 2-3 weeks snapping at anyone who bothers to spend time with me. I've snapped at Zarko so many times it's not funny and he doesn't really deserve it all the time. I've been like a bloody yoyo with my moods so much. I've even got into a fight with Shamus... and almost got into one with Ally. I can't stand so much arguing so I don't know why I'm doing it.
Plus all of that is giving me this constant headache. Like the tension you get just before you cry. I'm so fucking highly strung it's unbelievable. I just want the feeling to go away. I wish all my feelings could go away.