Close enough to steal your eyes so you can see it all.
now, I actually am alone again. I got to see her for about 15 minutes. but she had somewhere to be that was more important than with me, and then to work at Lucky's. and then she told me that she got back together with her ex-boyfriend. crushed me.
well, that makes Miss Cami the second girl in my life who's made me go from ecstacy to complete misery in a single day. congratulations. 2 days later, I'm feeling a little better, but I still can't stop thinking about her... the worst part is that she's not going to be able to talk to me again. her boyfriend knows who I am (sort of), and apparently he doesn't like me.. connard. so, he'll probably tell her that she doesn't want her speaking to me. she hasn't spoken to me yet and wouldn't answer my text messages, so I guess so. that's what hurts most. we were supposed to see each other at the library yesterday.
she said that under any other circumstances, things would be different. I'm not sure if I believe that. so, until further notice, I guess this is adieu.. though, I hope not. I would miss her too much.
it all makes me wonder: why do I have such a strong desire to be loved by the opposite sex? why do I feel like I'm always alone? why do I feel like no one will ever love me? I've come to the conclusion that real happiness in my life has been a rare occurrence. for the most part, I've never been happy. for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to die. the feeling of a bullet ripping through my skull; the shock of hitting the pavement at 92 km\h; or even the simple bliss of slipping into unconsciousness, never to awaken again... I used to be afraid to walk through the front door of this house.
I enjoy the company of friends, but none of them have ever really made me happy- always the ones I'm intimately connected with. Ariana was really the first, but there were girls before her who knew how to make me smile.
but here I am: alone again. I hate this.
in other news, plenty has happened, but I don't really feel like talking about it all. I've been watching Eflen Lied, though, and I like it so far. it's crazy.
well, that makes Miss Cami the second girl in my life who's made me go from ecstacy to complete misery in a single day. congratulations. 2 days later, I'm feeling a little better, but I still can't stop thinking about her... the worst part is that she's not going to be able to talk to me again. her boyfriend knows who I am (sort of), and apparently he doesn't like me.. connard. so, he'll probably tell her that she doesn't want her speaking to me. she hasn't spoken to me yet and wouldn't answer my text messages, so I guess so. that's what hurts most. we were supposed to see each other at the library yesterday.
she said that under any other circumstances, things would be different. I'm not sure if I believe that. so, until further notice, I guess this is adieu.. though, I hope not. I would miss her too much.
it all makes me wonder: why do I have such a strong desire to be loved by the opposite sex? why do I feel like I'm always alone? why do I feel like no one will ever love me? I've come to the conclusion that real happiness in my life has been a rare occurrence. for the most part, I've never been happy. for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to die. the feeling of a bullet ripping through my skull; the shock of hitting the pavement at 92 km\h; or even the simple bliss of slipping into unconsciousness, never to awaken again... I used to be afraid to walk through the front door of this house.
I enjoy the company of friends, but none of them have ever really made me happy- always the ones I'm intimately connected with. Ariana was really the first, but there were girls before her who knew how to make me smile.
but here I am: alone again. I hate this.
in other news, plenty has happened, but I don't really feel like talking about it all. I've been watching Eflen Lied, though, and I like it so far. it's crazy.