I'm ok, maybe?

[infernophoenix]

I haven't written in this thing much since I got shot. Hell I haven't posted much at all. Lately I keep getting thrown into these bouts of depression that leave me so messed up that I don't know what way is up. I honestly don't know why I'm here or who I am any more than I ever have, and it scares me shitless. I don't know why I moved to Indianapolis in the first place. I'd like to think I did it in order to get out of Lafayette, but I liked it there. I miss my friends on a daily basis, and I could go back if I wanted, but its never going to be the same. I miss my family a lot too. I want to go see them very badly, spend a week with just them but I can't. I can't afford it, I can't afford anything really. I am broke, and very far in debt. I see these commercials late at night offering debt relief and I think, man if only it were that easy. I know its not, but I've got to do something, got to make some sort of change. I like my job some days, its super easy, I make decent money, but its not enough to get out of debt as quickly as I'd like. I know I should be doing something more degree related, because hey I graduated college for a reason. I don't know that I'm qualified for anything anymore. I've been out of school for almost 4 years now, compared to the competition thats out there, none of my skills are fresh in my mind, and I have very little useful experience. I do have a shiny piece of paper that says I made it through school though. I guess that counts for something. Why did I even take that job at Pizza Express my senior year. I met a lot of awesome people through that job, but made a lot of bad decisions because of it.

I start counseling on Tuesday. The hospital called the other day about something. Haven't heard from them since I returned their call. I'm hoping its good news, but I'm guessing its not. I really don't want to deal with the hospital bills at all, luckily they've been on hold for awhile now.