Real Person Fic - CW: Two Tiny-Jared!Verse Timestamps
Title: Big Talk, Little Man
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, somnophilia, and language
Word Count: 1,612
Author’s Note: This is an exercise in grieving j2_everafter, one of my very favorite, now retired fic challenges. Usually first drafts would be due today, January 10, so I decided to write a couple of timestamps to my most recent j2_everafter fic, In the Small of My Heart, as a way to mark the occasion. This first timestamp is a porny scene I thought about writing into the original fic and then I decided it wouldn't really fit with the tone of the story. This takes place at some indeterminate time after Jared starts spending some of his nights in the dollhouse in Jensen's room.
Summary: Jensen's not a heavy sleeper.
Jensen's not a heavy sleeper. Not usually. He doesn't dream much, not from what Jared can tell, because he wakes up in pain too often to really get good rest. It's one of those things Jared worries about when he gets stuck in his head for too long. Jensen is usually the one lying awake all night, staring at the ceiling, or probably at Jared. Realistically, Jared knows he doesn't go unwatched on the nights he stays here. The weird thing is that it doesn't bother him.
Tonight, though, tonight is different. Tonight Jensen is out cold, his body lost in something Jared isn't a part of, and Jared's the one that can't sleep. Tonight, Jared can't take his eyes off Jensen.
He woke up to the moaning, loud enough to cause his house to shake. Jared worried at first, hopped down to Jensen's bed without even thinking about it, because he could hear Jensen thrashing in bed, and he thought maybe it was pain causing those sounds, some kind of seizure moving Jensen's big body.
It wasn't like that at all. By the time Jared figured out what was really going on, it was too late. He was too close. Close enough to smell the musk of sweat, to see drops of salty water on Jensen's skin, and Jared has the weirdest thought, wonders if he could swallow just one drop without drowning, or if maybe drowning in it would be the appeal.
Those are happy groans Jensen's letting out. That's his dick standing up under the sheets, tenting the fabric, and Jared knows it's weird to think it, but he wishes it wasn't covered, that he could see the whole thing from where he's standing, all the way at the head of Jensen's bed.
It's big-of course it is, Jensen's a giant. His dick is taller than Jared standing up, he doesn't need to get very close to know that, and too thick for Jared to wrap both his arms around. But the idea occurs to him. Jensen probably wouldn't feel him, but wouldn't it be a nice experiment, slipping down into Jensen's underwear and rubbing up against him until one or both of them loses it. Jensen wouldn't ever know, and Jared's dick is getting thick in his pants just thinking about it.
He might be tempted, if it was safe. But Jensen's hips are shifting wildly as is, and Jared knows it would be a stupid risk to take. If Jensen rolls over or moves too fast, he could break every bone in Jared's body without even realizing it.
That used to be the kind of story Jared and his friends told each other for cheap thrills when they went camping, back when he had friends other than Jensen, back when giants were monsters and thinking of how damn big and strong they were didn't make precome gather at the head of his dick.
Jared reaches down, gets a grip on his cock and squeezes it, trying to decide if he's really gonna jerk off while Jensen sleeps on just a few inches away.
Then Jensen turns over in his sleep. Jared dodges out of the way and watches as the giant rolls onto his stomach, his dick grinding down into the mattress for relief.
It's so hot, the desperate way Jensen thrusts and the way his breath catches, and Jared wants to know what the giant is dreaming about, or he doesn't, so he can pretend it's him that has Jensen so keyed up.
But more than anything, he wants to watch. He's disappointed by Jensen's new position, by the fact that he knows Jensen's big cock is bearing down for friction, but he can't see it, not without risking his life. And he doesn't stop or think, because he's working his own cock hard now, so turned on it's impossible to control his mouth.
"Fuck, Jensen, let me see."
He regrets it as soon as it's out, worried he'll wake Jensen up and ruin what they had going. His hand stills on his dick and he swallows hard, waiting to find out if the moment will pass without Jensen waking.
Jensen stills and his breathing evens out, but he doesn't open his eyes. Doesn't give any sign whether he's still sleeping or not, and maybe it's just coincidence that he turns over again, onto his back, and his underwear has ridden down so low from all the movement that it would be so easy to-
Eyes still closed, Jensen's hand moves down slowly, sluggish enough that Jared can keep pretending they aren't really doing this. It's stupid. He's told himself that every time his mind has even tried to think these things, because Jensen is a million times too big, there's nothing Jared could do to make him feel good, there's no point in wanting him.
Jared won’t admit that he wants. But he will watch, a captive audience as Jensen pushes the elastic of his boxers down past his balls, cups them in his hand while leaving his cock on full display.
It's a beautiful sight, tall as a tower and pink, a pearly white drop of precome slipping down along thick veins that steer it, like it's just trying to find its way where Jared could reach it. He wants to climb Jensen, find out just how big he is, if that dick is twice as tall as Jared like it looks, and maybe that's just Jared getting carried away, but who cares? The thought has him thrusting into his palm, his hands suddenly remembering what they were in the middle of.
Feeling bold, Jared takes a few steps closer to Jensen now that the giant isn't moving erratically. He hardly even has to bend to find himself right next to Jensen's ear, and Jared whispers, "I want to watch you. I want to see you come. Got such a big cock, Jesus."
Jensen lets out a hot little whine, makes sure to be deliberate about how he grips his shaft when he starts to jerk off, angling his hips so that Jared can look up and get a show. Jared makes a strangled sound.
"I wish I could take it," he says, knowing he's only hurting them both by encouraging this. "Wish I was big enough to take you, Jensen. In my mouth. My ass. Don't even want to be your size. Just big enough to take it. Even if it fills me up so much I can't breathe. Even if it splits me in half. I want you to stuff me so full of that big cock."
Jared stays in control while he talks, but Jensen loses it, fucking so fast into his hand that he hardly lasts more than a minute before he's letting out a shout that gets muffled when he turns his face into his pillow.
His come shoots up and Jensen uses it to slick himself, half a minute more of clean jerks, the sound of his hand slapping on his dick as he works through the aftershocks. Jared watches, imagines being big enough to drink that river, and he hardly even notices his own orgasm, so caught up in watching Jensen's.
Jensen turns over then so his face is toward Jared, and there's this perfectly simple smile tucked into the curve of his lips. Jared is still shaking loose, but he backs away, terrified of the way that smile makes him hurt. All he wants is to kiss Jensen. He just wishes he could kiss Jensen.
Behind the lids, Jensen's eyes begin to move, and Jared knows in a few seconds they'll open up. Jared will be staring into a pool of green, and Jensen will say his name like he's a treasure and they'll have to acknowledge what just happened and what it means.
Lucky for him, Jared is quick, has a whole lifetime of practice disappearing. He scrambles up the nightstand like a mouse, is tucked into his bed pretending to sleep before Jensen whispers his name. He hears the bed shift as Jensen sits up, can feel the giant's eyes on his back. It's hard not to picture the disappointed frown Jensen must be wearing, but it's okay. Jared goes on sleeping. Pretending to sleep. It's better this way. Maybe, Jensen will think it was just a dream. Maybe it was.
Jared wakes up to one obnoxious giant's finger poking him in the side the next morning. Jensen carries him down to the kitchen like always, sets him on the counter while he burns their breakfast, makes cheesy jokes, and nothing is different. They don't talk about it. They don't ever have to talk about it.
It's not until Jensen is washing the dishes, his back to Jared so Jared can't see his expression, that he says, "It's always you I dream about."
It makes Jared's heart speed up, remembering the obvious lust that had been rocking through Jensen by the time he woke Jared up last night. It's the best thing Jared's ever heard, and the cruelest.
The way Jensen says it-casual, out of the blue, like it's part of a conversation they've already been having, which it isn't because Jared's been reading the morning cartoons off the newspaper he's lying on top of-lets Jared know he's not expecting a response.
Jared doesn't give him one. He keeps reading Garfield, and Jensen chuckles when he gets to the punch line, keeps drying the plate in his hand like he's not put out by Jared's avoidance.
Maybe he's said his piece. Or maybe Jared's the one that got his point across.
Title: Waiting to Happen
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13 for heavily implied character death and language
Word Count: 1,187
Author’s Note: Set after the story ends. Possibly before the Epilogue. Up to you to decide!
Summary: He promised not to leave.
He isn't aware that he's staring off until a hand settles on his shoulder, jolting him back into himself. The hand is small and warm and firm, it fits there on Jared's shoulder. Not the one he wishes it was. That hand would never fit, much much too big to touch Jared this easy.
"Hey, Jared," his little sister's voice says, and Jared looks up at her with a forced smile. She holds up a basket and tries her best to project some cheer. She's a little better at it than he is, but not by much. "Brought you a sandwich. Thought you might be hungry."
You haven't eaten in days goes unsaid. You look like shit or quit moping you big baby or give up already, you know how this ends all get left out, too. And god, Jared knows he's got her worried if Meg is passing up chances to be a jerk.
"Thanks," he says, his voice sounding grainy as he forces it out. He realizes he hasn't said anything to anyone in-who knows. Since Jensen left. Not since his last words to Jensen.
She sits next to him on his bed, close enough that her body is pressed up along his, warm and supportive. It's nice. He knows what she's trying to do, and deep deep down somewhere he thinks maybe it's helping.
Maybe not. Maybe there's only one thing that'll make Jared feel better, which is why he's been here, sitting up, staring at the door to Jensen's bedroom for days. Jensen will come straight here when he gets home. Any minute. He'll bust in, radiating much more energy than he ever has before, smiling at Jared, bigger than life instead of folded up on himself, because he’ll be better. All healed. Any minute now.
Meg takes a deep breath, and Jared knows what's coming before she says it. "Jared, why don't you come on home?"
He shakes his head, choking down on everything that wants to spill out. "I can't," he says. "I promised."
"I'm sure-"
"I have to be here," Jared continues, cutting her off. "I have to be here, or he won't-he won't come back if I'm not here. I promised."
She doesn't say anything. Choosing her words; Jared knows his baby sister. She won't lie to him, and she won't say something that'll make it worse, so her only option is silence. She reaches up, puts a hand in Jared's hair and tugs him toward her. He falls easily, feeling his chest clench, ready to break from the pressure. He hasn't cried. He can't let himself do that, because there's nothing to cry about unless Jensen's not coming back, and it's too close to an admission.
"Jared," she says softly. Her fingers card soothingly through his hair, and he grabs her shoulder, hiding his face in the fabric of her dress.
"Meg," he whispers. "He wouldn't leave me."
After a long time she says, "You can stay as long as you want, okay? As long as you need. Ma isn't worried. I told her you were-"
She cuts herself off, and Jared can’t help guessing why. He knows what she must have told their mother, the only thing she could say that would make Ma be okay with Jared going missing this long. That he's scoping out the house, making sure it's empty. Confirming that they're free of the giant she's been so scared of for months.
She's probably gloating right now. Celebrating that Jensen is gone, one less thing to worry about, better him than us, Jared can't stop imagining the things she must be saying. Eating Jensen's food, grinning because it's not like it's going to be missed. The monster is gone, and they're free to breathe easy again, and Jared wants his monster back more than he wants to keep breathing.
The thought of how easy it would be to arrange a reunion sends a shiver through Jared. Jensen would hate him if he did that. He has a family to support. But it would be so easy.
"I can't go back there," Jared says, almost panicking as he tries to imagine watching his own mother all but dance on Jensen's grave. "I can't-" His voice breaks, the sobs finally busting out of him, and Meg holds him closer as he cries and cries. It seems like hours before he can speak again, and when he does, what comes out isn't what he's expecting.
"I loved him." Jared sits up, looks at his sister, and feels ashamed that he just used the past tense, as if…as if it's all settled. "I love him, Meg, I think I really-"
She makes a face likes she's going to cry, pushes a hair back behind Jared's ear. "I know," she replies weakly, and Jared feels so stupid. She knew; he didn't. He said it before to Jensen, sure, but he told himself it was just for Jensen's sake. Because Jensen needed something to keep him fighting, and that was what he wanted to hear.
But now here he is, and it's too late, and he's realizing he meant it, meant it with every inch of difference there was between him and the giant.
Jared wipes his arm over his face, trying to clear the snot and tears, and sits up to meet Meg's eyes. "He's not coming back, is he?"
Meg looks away, doesn't say a thing, and Jared takes her hand, squeezing it so she’ll look at him. "Just say it," he begs. "I need to hear it from somebody."
"I don’t think so." She hesitates before adding, "There were movers here again yesterday. The housekeeper, she told them to put everything in storage, that there wouldn't be anyone living here."
"He wouldn't ever leave me like that," Jared says. "Even if he got better. He would come back to tell me."
"I…think so too," Meg agrees, biting her bottom lip. "I'm so sorry, Jared."
Jared nods, trying not to start crying again. He'll wait until she's gone, at least. He's already got her worried enough. "I think I'm just going to stay here another night." She opens her mouth to protest, and Jared shakes his head. "Don't worry. I promise to eat."
She frowns but nods, smoothes her hand down over her skirt and tries to stand. Jared catches her wrist to keep her from leaving just yet. Meg understands what he's asking for without his having to say it, and Jared's never been so thankful for his baby sister in his life.
She sits down next to him, keeping quiet company until Jared, lost in his thoughts again, asks, "What do you think happens to giants when they die?" He thinks of all the stories borrowers have about what comes after, and he can't settle on one that seems good enough for Jensen.
He's not actually expecting her to answer, but after a long time, she takes Jared's hand and gives it an encouraging squeeze. "I think they become borrowers," she says. "And eventually they find their way home."
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, somnophilia, and language
Word Count: 1,612
Author’s Note: This is an exercise in grieving j2_everafter, one of my very favorite, now retired fic challenges. Usually first drafts would be due today, January 10, so I decided to write a couple of timestamps to my most recent j2_everafter fic, In the Small of My Heart, as a way to mark the occasion. This first timestamp is a porny scene I thought about writing into the original fic and then I decided it wouldn't really fit with the tone of the story. This takes place at some indeterminate time after Jared starts spending some of his nights in the dollhouse in Jensen's room.
Summary: Jensen's not a heavy sleeper.
Jensen's not a heavy sleeper. Not usually. He doesn't dream much, not from what Jared can tell, because he wakes up in pain too often to really get good rest. It's one of those things Jared worries about when he gets stuck in his head for too long. Jensen is usually the one lying awake all night, staring at the ceiling, or probably at Jared. Realistically, Jared knows he doesn't go unwatched on the nights he stays here. The weird thing is that it doesn't bother him.
Tonight, though, tonight is different. Tonight Jensen is out cold, his body lost in something Jared isn't a part of, and Jared's the one that can't sleep. Tonight, Jared can't take his eyes off Jensen.
He woke up to the moaning, loud enough to cause his house to shake. Jared worried at first, hopped down to Jensen's bed without even thinking about it, because he could hear Jensen thrashing in bed, and he thought maybe it was pain causing those sounds, some kind of seizure moving Jensen's big body.
It wasn't like that at all. By the time Jared figured out what was really going on, it was too late. He was too close. Close enough to smell the musk of sweat, to see drops of salty water on Jensen's skin, and Jared has the weirdest thought, wonders if he could swallow just one drop without drowning, or if maybe drowning in it would be the appeal.
Those are happy groans Jensen's letting out. That's his dick standing up under the sheets, tenting the fabric, and Jared knows it's weird to think it, but he wishes it wasn't covered, that he could see the whole thing from where he's standing, all the way at the head of Jensen's bed.
It's big-of course it is, Jensen's a giant. His dick is taller than Jared standing up, he doesn't need to get very close to know that, and too thick for Jared to wrap both his arms around. But the idea occurs to him. Jensen probably wouldn't feel him, but wouldn't it be a nice experiment, slipping down into Jensen's underwear and rubbing up against him until one or both of them loses it. Jensen wouldn't ever know, and Jared's dick is getting thick in his pants just thinking about it.
He might be tempted, if it was safe. But Jensen's hips are shifting wildly as is, and Jared knows it would be a stupid risk to take. If Jensen rolls over or moves too fast, he could break every bone in Jared's body without even realizing it.
That used to be the kind of story Jared and his friends told each other for cheap thrills when they went camping, back when he had friends other than Jensen, back when giants were monsters and thinking of how damn big and strong they were didn't make precome gather at the head of his dick.
Jared reaches down, gets a grip on his cock and squeezes it, trying to decide if he's really gonna jerk off while Jensen sleeps on just a few inches away.
Then Jensen turns over in his sleep. Jared dodges out of the way and watches as the giant rolls onto his stomach, his dick grinding down into the mattress for relief.
It's so hot, the desperate way Jensen thrusts and the way his breath catches, and Jared wants to know what the giant is dreaming about, or he doesn't, so he can pretend it's him that has Jensen so keyed up.
But more than anything, he wants to watch. He's disappointed by Jensen's new position, by the fact that he knows Jensen's big cock is bearing down for friction, but he can't see it, not without risking his life. And he doesn't stop or think, because he's working his own cock hard now, so turned on it's impossible to control his mouth.
"Fuck, Jensen, let me see."
He regrets it as soon as it's out, worried he'll wake Jensen up and ruin what they had going. His hand stills on his dick and he swallows hard, waiting to find out if the moment will pass without Jensen waking.
Jensen stills and his breathing evens out, but he doesn't open his eyes. Doesn't give any sign whether he's still sleeping or not, and maybe it's just coincidence that he turns over again, onto his back, and his underwear has ridden down so low from all the movement that it would be so easy to-
Eyes still closed, Jensen's hand moves down slowly, sluggish enough that Jared can keep pretending they aren't really doing this. It's stupid. He's told himself that every time his mind has even tried to think these things, because Jensen is a million times too big, there's nothing Jared could do to make him feel good, there's no point in wanting him.
Jared won’t admit that he wants. But he will watch, a captive audience as Jensen pushes the elastic of his boxers down past his balls, cups them in his hand while leaving his cock on full display.
It's a beautiful sight, tall as a tower and pink, a pearly white drop of precome slipping down along thick veins that steer it, like it's just trying to find its way where Jared could reach it. He wants to climb Jensen, find out just how big he is, if that dick is twice as tall as Jared like it looks, and maybe that's just Jared getting carried away, but who cares? The thought has him thrusting into his palm, his hands suddenly remembering what they were in the middle of.
Feeling bold, Jared takes a few steps closer to Jensen now that the giant isn't moving erratically. He hardly even has to bend to find himself right next to Jensen's ear, and Jared whispers, "I want to watch you. I want to see you come. Got such a big cock, Jesus."
Jensen lets out a hot little whine, makes sure to be deliberate about how he grips his shaft when he starts to jerk off, angling his hips so that Jared can look up and get a show. Jared makes a strangled sound.
"I wish I could take it," he says, knowing he's only hurting them both by encouraging this. "Wish I was big enough to take you, Jensen. In my mouth. My ass. Don't even want to be your size. Just big enough to take it. Even if it fills me up so much I can't breathe. Even if it splits me in half. I want you to stuff me so full of that big cock."
Jared stays in control while he talks, but Jensen loses it, fucking so fast into his hand that he hardly lasts more than a minute before he's letting out a shout that gets muffled when he turns his face into his pillow.
His come shoots up and Jensen uses it to slick himself, half a minute more of clean jerks, the sound of his hand slapping on his dick as he works through the aftershocks. Jared watches, imagines being big enough to drink that river, and he hardly even notices his own orgasm, so caught up in watching Jensen's.
Jensen turns over then so his face is toward Jared, and there's this perfectly simple smile tucked into the curve of his lips. Jared is still shaking loose, but he backs away, terrified of the way that smile makes him hurt. All he wants is to kiss Jensen. He just wishes he could kiss Jensen.
Behind the lids, Jensen's eyes begin to move, and Jared knows in a few seconds they'll open up. Jared will be staring into a pool of green, and Jensen will say his name like he's a treasure and they'll have to acknowledge what just happened and what it means.
Lucky for him, Jared is quick, has a whole lifetime of practice disappearing. He scrambles up the nightstand like a mouse, is tucked into his bed pretending to sleep before Jensen whispers his name. He hears the bed shift as Jensen sits up, can feel the giant's eyes on his back. It's hard not to picture the disappointed frown Jensen must be wearing, but it's okay. Jared goes on sleeping. Pretending to sleep. It's better this way. Maybe, Jensen will think it was just a dream. Maybe it was.
Jared wakes up to one obnoxious giant's finger poking him in the side the next morning. Jensen carries him down to the kitchen like always, sets him on the counter while he burns their breakfast, makes cheesy jokes, and nothing is different. They don't talk about it. They don't ever have to talk about it.
It's not until Jensen is washing the dishes, his back to Jared so Jared can't see his expression, that he says, "It's always you I dream about."
It makes Jared's heart speed up, remembering the obvious lust that had been rocking through Jensen by the time he woke Jared up last night. It's the best thing Jared's ever heard, and the cruelest.
The way Jensen says it-casual, out of the blue, like it's part of a conversation they've already been having, which it isn't because Jared's been reading the morning cartoons off the newspaper he's lying on top of-lets Jared know he's not expecting a response.
Jared doesn't give him one. He keeps reading Garfield, and Jensen chuckles when he gets to the punch line, keeps drying the plate in his hand like he's not put out by Jared's avoidance.
Maybe he's said his piece. Or maybe Jared's the one that got his point across.
Title: Waiting to Happen
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG-13 for heavily implied character death and language
Word Count: 1,187
Author’s Note: Set after the story ends. Possibly before the Epilogue. Up to you to decide!
Summary: He promised not to leave.
He isn't aware that he's staring off until a hand settles on his shoulder, jolting him back into himself. The hand is small and warm and firm, it fits there on Jared's shoulder. Not the one he wishes it was. That hand would never fit, much much too big to touch Jared this easy.
"Hey, Jared," his little sister's voice says, and Jared looks up at her with a forced smile. She holds up a basket and tries her best to project some cheer. She's a little better at it than he is, but not by much. "Brought you a sandwich. Thought you might be hungry."
You haven't eaten in days goes unsaid. You look like shit or quit moping you big baby or give up already, you know how this ends all get left out, too. And god, Jared knows he's got her worried if Meg is passing up chances to be a jerk.
"Thanks," he says, his voice sounding grainy as he forces it out. He realizes he hasn't said anything to anyone in-who knows. Since Jensen left. Not since his last words to Jensen.
She sits next to him on his bed, close enough that her body is pressed up along his, warm and supportive. It's nice. He knows what she's trying to do, and deep deep down somewhere he thinks maybe it's helping.
Maybe not. Maybe there's only one thing that'll make Jared feel better, which is why he's been here, sitting up, staring at the door to Jensen's bedroom for days. Jensen will come straight here when he gets home. Any minute. He'll bust in, radiating much more energy than he ever has before, smiling at Jared, bigger than life instead of folded up on himself, because he’ll be better. All healed. Any minute now.
Meg takes a deep breath, and Jared knows what's coming before she says it. "Jared, why don't you come on home?"
He shakes his head, choking down on everything that wants to spill out. "I can't," he says. "I promised."
"I'm sure-"
"I have to be here," Jared continues, cutting her off. "I have to be here, or he won't-he won't come back if I'm not here. I promised."
She doesn't say anything. Choosing her words; Jared knows his baby sister. She won't lie to him, and she won't say something that'll make it worse, so her only option is silence. She reaches up, puts a hand in Jared's hair and tugs him toward her. He falls easily, feeling his chest clench, ready to break from the pressure. He hasn't cried. He can't let himself do that, because there's nothing to cry about unless Jensen's not coming back, and it's too close to an admission.
"Jared," she says softly. Her fingers card soothingly through his hair, and he grabs her shoulder, hiding his face in the fabric of her dress.
"Meg," he whispers. "He wouldn't leave me."
After a long time she says, "You can stay as long as you want, okay? As long as you need. Ma isn't worried. I told her you were-"
She cuts herself off, and Jared can’t help guessing why. He knows what she must have told their mother, the only thing she could say that would make Ma be okay with Jared going missing this long. That he's scoping out the house, making sure it's empty. Confirming that they're free of the giant she's been so scared of for months.
She's probably gloating right now. Celebrating that Jensen is gone, one less thing to worry about, better him than us, Jared can't stop imagining the things she must be saying. Eating Jensen's food, grinning because it's not like it's going to be missed. The monster is gone, and they're free to breathe easy again, and Jared wants his monster back more than he wants to keep breathing.
The thought of how easy it would be to arrange a reunion sends a shiver through Jared. Jensen would hate him if he did that. He has a family to support. But it would be so easy.
"I can't go back there," Jared says, almost panicking as he tries to imagine watching his own mother all but dance on Jensen's grave. "I can't-" His voice breaks, the sobs finally busting out of him, and Meg holds him closer as he cries and cries. It seems like hours before he can speak again, and when he does, what comes out isn't what he's expecting.
"I loved him." Jared sits up, looks at his sister, and feels ashamed that he just used the past tense, as if…as if it's all settled. "I love him, Meg, I think I really-"
She makes a face likes she's going to cry, pushes a hair back behind Jared's ear. "I know," she replies weakly, and Jared feels so stupid. She knew; he didn't. He said it before to Jensen, sure, but he told himself it was just for Jensen's sake. Because Jensen needed something to keep him fighting, and that was what he wanted to hear.
But now here he is, and it's too late, and he's realizing he meant it, meant it with every inch of difference there was between him and the giant.
Jared wipes his arm over his face, trying to clear the snot and tears, and sits up to meet Meg's eyes. "He's not coming back, is he?"
Meg looks away, doesn't say a thing, and Jared takes her hand, squeezing it so she’ll look at him. "Just say it," he begs. "I need to hear it from somebody."
"I don’t think so." She hesitates before adding, "There were movers here again yesterday. The housekeeper, she told them to put everything in storage, that there wouldn't be anyone living here."
"He wouldn't ever leave me like that," Jared says. "Even if he got better. He would come back to tell me."
"I…think so too," Meg agrees, biting her bottom lip. "I'm so sorry, Jared."
Jared nods, trying not to start crying again. He'll wait until she's gone, at least. He's already got her worried enough. "I think I'm just going to stay here another night." She opens her mouth to protest, and Jared shakes his head. "Don't worry. I promise to eat."
She frowns but nods, smoothes her hand down over her skirt and tries to stand. Jared catches her wrist to keep her from leaving just yet. Meg understands what he's asking for without his having to say it, and Jared's never been so thankful for his baby sister in his life.
She sits down next to him, keeping quiet company until Jared, lost in his thoughts again, asks, "What do you think happens to giants when they die?" He thinks of all the stories borrowers have about what comes after, and he can't settle on one that seems good enough for Jensen.
He's not actually expecting her to answer, but after a long time, she takes Jared's hand and gives it an encouraging squeeze. "I think they become borrowers," she says. "And eventually they find their way home."