Lord of the Rings: Of Master Peregrin and the Palantir
Title: Of Master Peregrin and the Palantir
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (Film)
Characters/Pairings: Merry/Pippin
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Word Count: 1,711
Summary: Pippin has just revealed himself to Sauron in the Palantir. Merry must say goodbye to his friend, possibly forever.
Author's Note: This is a big first for me it two big ways. My first time writing anything within The Lord of the Rings fandom, though I've loved the stories for years and my first time writing anything slashy...though I've been a fan of gay men for years? Hopefully, I'll have done right by both The Lord of the Rings fans, and those of us who love gay hobbits. So here goes nothing?
Fanfiction Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3706759/1/Of_Master_Peregrin_and_the_Palantir
The hall was dark and silent. The hobbits sat listening to the debate in the next room. Through the thick walls of Théoden’s hall, neither could distinguish what was said but they didn’t need the words to understand. Fear and anger in the men’s voices reached them through the walls; Sauron himself seemed to hover over the golden hall.
They sat opposite each other, neither spoke a word. The only thing that moved in the room was Pippin, still shaking with fear and pain. Merry stared at his friend almost without blinking, as though he was sure he would do something stupid the moment he was not being watched. Pippin felt this but did not return his gaze. He stared at the floor, at the wall, at the ceiling; anywhere he would not have to look at Merry. It was a long time before Merry’s voice broke the uncomfortable silence.
“Why? Why did you look? Why do you always have to look?”
Pippin did not answer his friend; he kept his head bowed in shame. Merry saw a tear drop onto his lap. He stood up and went to sit by Pippin’s side, Pippin did not respond. He sat, trembling but not moving. Merry wondered if he was still in shock.
“If Gandalf took it, if Gandalf didn’t want you to have it, don’t you think there was a reason? I told you not to look. Why did you do it?” He was holding Pippin’s hands and shaking them but Pippin still did not look up. He sat quiet a while, Merry worried that he could not speak. He thought of calling Gandalf to help but Pippin held him as he tried to rise.
“I don’t know why, Merry. I just had to see, I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t, I tried to…I wanted to listen to you, I couldn’t.” Pippin finally looked up. His eyes were red and he was still trembling, but he was not hurt. Merry breathed a small sigh of relief and let go of Pippin’s hands.
“I saw him, Merry. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see anything but that eye again. I’m so frightened.”
“You should be. He thinks you have the ring now, Pippin. He’s going to come after you. Don’t you understand that? Its not Frodo or Sam now, it’s just you. You’re not safe. He won’t stop until he’s killed you.”
“Isn’t that better, though? Shouldn’t we be glad if he isn’t looking for Frodo?”
“I suppose it is…better for everyone.” he answered hesitantly, looking away for a moment.
“Except for me, I suppose.”
“Except for you? You’re going to leave here, you know. Gandalf has to take you away before the enemy comes for you. You’re going to go…and I don’t know where you’ll go, and I don’t know what will happen there…because you couldn’t just go to sleep. You couldn’t just listen to what you were told. How could you be so stupid, Pippin?”
“I didn’t tell him anything about you, or about Frodo, why are you so mad at me? I’m frightened, I’m in pain…I know it was stupid, I wish I hadn’t looked, I would give anything to take it back. But I haven’t hurt anyone but myself…why are you making it worse?”
“You only hurt yourself?!” Merry retorted furiously, turning his back to Pippin. Pippin stood to follow him but stopped before taking a step.
“Merry, please don’t be mad at me. I’ve gotten us in worse trouble before. It’s just me this time. You always understood, you always forgave me…don’t be mad at me now. You’re the only one who always forgave me no matter what I did…that was all I needed. You have to forgive me now…please, please don’t be mad at me.”
“You don’t understand, Pippin. You never understand. All those other times there was a way out, I could always help you out. I can’t help you this time.”
“I do understand that Merry but you can’t be mad at me…not right now. I can’t take it right now. I’m so scared.”
Merry turned finally meeting Pippin’s eyes; there was something in his expression he had never dared to show-something he was too vexed to hide.
“You don’t understand, Pippin, you don’t.”
“Then help me understand. Why are you so mad at me? Why are you making it worse?”
Pippin had walked to Merry and taken his hands again. Merry did not move for a moment, he searched Pippin’s face a while and a tear rolled down his cheek.
“Why am I making it worse? You really want to know?”
Pippin had never heard such venom in his friend’s voice but he nodded slowly. Merry hesitated a moment before placing one hand on each side of Pippin’s face and pressing a deep kiss against his lips. Pippin stood still only a few moments before returning the kiss. He could taste Merry’s tears and felt his own begin to fall. He pulled away and buried his head in Merry’s shoulder.
“I’ve wanted this for a long time, Merry.”
Merry lifted Pippin’s head; they looked at each other in disbelief until finally their lips met again. They did not break this kiss.
The night passed without words of sorrow or even words of love. They held each other, they kissed, they allowed themselves to appreciate what they had been too frightened to acknowledge. They fell asleep and their dreams were no longer of things that would never come to pass.
Merry awoke the next morning with Pippin pressed gently against him. He felt a thrill of bliss when he realized it had not been a dream. The joy passed quickly as he remembered that soon Gandalf would summon Pippin, soon he would leave. He passed his fingers tenderly through Pippin’s hair, admiring how peacefully he slept.
It was his fault, really, and he knew it. He would not have been so angry if Pippin had told Sauron he had the ring…he would have almost been able to forgive him faster if he’d told Sauron about Frodo. There are times one thinks of nothing but the safety of those they love…Merry forgot the ring, Frodo, and the fate of Middle-Earth. His only thought was that Pippin was in danger, terrible danger, because he had failed to protect him.
He lay awake for hours; worrying and running his fingers over the head that rested against his chest. Pippin stirred, Merry pressed a kiss against his hair and lifted himself from the mess of blankets they had laid when they were shut in the night before. He walked to the windows across the room and sat at the sill as he heard Pippin begin to rise.
“I had a lovely dream last night.”
“I think we had the same dream last night, then, Pip.”
“It wasn’t a dream, was it, Merry?”
“No,” he said turning to face him, “but the nightmares were real, too.”
Pippin had walked over and wrapped his arms around Merry; he froze remembering the terrible visions in the Palantír.
“It doesn’t matter now, why should we talk about it?”
Merry smiled at Pippin’s foolishness, he still didn’t realize they were not going to Gondor together. Before he had a chance to break the news, they heard the door swing open. They separated as Gandalf walked in.
“I hope you’re ready, Peregrin Took, I’m not in any mood to be kept waiting.”
“I’m ready Gandalf, and so is Merry.”
Merry took Pippin’s hand and shook his head sadly.
“Not this time, Pip.”
Pippin looked from Merry to Gandalf and back again, unsure of whether he understood them correctly.
“You can’t mean to separate us? Not with the war coming and so much danger! Merry, Merry, you’re coming with us, aren’t you?”
“If too many of us go, you’ll be spotted. I have to stay here, I thought you knew that.”
Pippin made no reply. He walked to Gandalf’s side slowly and with his head bowed; Merry followed them to the stable. As they walked, Pippin grabbed Merry’s hand. Merry glanced at him for only a moment; they were both fighting back tears.
“It won’t be long?” Pippin asked Merry naively once he had mounted the horse. “We’ll see each other again, won’t we?” Merry watched Gandalf mount but made no answer to his friend.
“Merry? Promise! You have to promise we’ll meet again!”
Merry shook his head and took a step back from the horse. He was forcing back tears and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his doubt from Pippin even if he could bring himself to lie.
“I…don’t know, Pippin. I don’t know anything now.”
Pippin launched forward but Gandalf caught him. As the horse began to turn, Pippin reached out to Merry, trying to break loose again.
Merry shut his eyes as the horse took off, unable to see Pippin looking so betrayed. Once he had opened them, they were gone. He shoved through crowds of men, climbing to the watchtower, desperate to see Pippin riding away as long as he could. The tears he had been stalling began to fall. He thought of nothing except the fading white horse already reaching the horizon and passing out of view. He felt Aragorn beside him, the man reached down to comfort him.
“We’ve never been apart…since we were children. He followed me; he never let me out of sight. Now, he’s riding off. And…and I might…I probably won’t ever see him again. I always got him into so much trouble, but I always knew how to get him out. I won’t be there anymore. Who’s going to watch out for him now?”
Aragorn gave him a reassuring pat, “He’ll have to deal with his own mistakes now. Don’t worry, Master Meriadoc, you’ve taught him well.”
“We should have been home by now, it’s my fault. I pressed Treebeard to fight; we were going to go back to The Shire. He should be safe by now.”
“He had chances to go back; he knew what he was risking. Pippin will learn to take care of himself.”
“Then who will I take care of?” Merry thought, terrorized by the realization that he could need Pippin more than Pippin needed him.
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (Film)
Characters/Pairings: Merry/Pippin
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Word Count: 1,711
Summary: Pippin has just revealed himself to Sauron in the Palantir. Merry must say goodbye to his friend, possibly forever.
Author's Note: This is a big first for me it two big ways. My first time writing anything within The Lord of the Rings fandom, though I've loved the stories for years and my first time writing anything slashy...though I've been a fan of gay men for years? Hopefully, I'll have done right by both The Lord of the Rings fans, and those of us who love gay hobbits. So here goes nothing?
Fanfiction Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3706759/1/Of_Master_Peregrin_and_the_Palantir
The hall was dark and silent. The hobbits sat listening to the debate in the next room. Through the thick walls of Théoden’s hall, neither could distinguish what was said but they didn’t need the words to understand. Fear and anger in the men’s voices reached them through the walls; Sauron himself seemed to hover over the golden hall.
They sat opposite each other, neither spoke a word. The only thing that moved in the room was Pippin, still shaking with fear and pain. Merry stared at his friend almost without blinking, as though he was sure he would do something stupid the moment he was not being watched. Pippin felt this but did not return his gaze. He stared at the floor, at the wall, at the ceiling; anywhere he would not have to look at Merry. It was a long time before Merry’s voice broke the uncomfortable silence.
“Why? Why did you look? Why do you always have to look?”
Pippin did not answer his friend; he kept his head bowed in shame. Merry saw a tear drop onto his lap. He stood up and went to sit by Pippin’s side, Pippin did not respond. He sat, trembling but not moving. Merry wondered if he was still in shock.
“If Gandalf took it, if Gandalf didn’t want you to have it, don’t you think there was a reason? I told you not to look. Why did you do it?” He was holding Pippin’s hands and shaking them but Pippin still did not look up. He sat quiet a while, Merry worried that he could not speak. He thought of calling Gandalf to help but Pippin held him as he tried to rise.
“I don’t know why, Merry. I just had to see, I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t, I tried to…I wanted to listen to you, I couldn’t.” Pippin finally looked up. His eyes were red and he was still trembling, but he was not hurt. Merry breathed a small sigh of relief and let go of Pippin’s hands.
“I saw him, Merry. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see anything but that eye again. I’m so frightened.”
“You should be. He thinks you have the ring now, Pippin. He’s going to come after you. Don’t you understand that? Its not Frodo or Sam now, it’s just you. You’re not safe. He won’t stop until he’s killed you.”
“Isn’t that better, though? Shouldn’t we be glad if he isn’t looking for Frodo?”
“I suppose it is…better for everyone.” he answered hesitantly, looking away for a moment.
“Except for me, I suppose.”
“Except for you? You’re going to leave here, you know. Gandalf has to take you away before the enemy comes for you. You’re going to go…and I don’t know where you’ll go, and I don’t know what will happen there…because you couldn’t just go to sleep. You couldn’t just listen to what you were told. How could you be so stupid, Pippin?”
“I didn’t tell him anything about you, or about Frodo, why are you so mad at me? I’m frightened, I’m in pain…I know it was stupid, I wish I hadn’t looked, I would give anything to take it back. But I haven’t hurt anyone but myself…why are you making it worse?”
“You only hurt yourself?!” Merry retorted furiously, turning his back to Pippin. Pippin stood to follow him but stopped before taking a step.
“Merry, please don’t be mad at me. I’ve gotten us in worse trouble before. It’s just me this time. You always understood, you always forgave me…don’t be mad at me now. You’re the only one who always forgave me no matter what I did…that was all I needed. You have to forgive me now…please, please don’t be mad at me.”
“You don’t understand, Pippin. You never understand. All those other times there was a way out, I could always help you out. I can’t help you this time.”
“I do understand that Merry but you can’t be mad at me…not right now. I can’t take it right now. I’m so scared.”
Merry turned finally meeting Pippin’s eyes; there was something in his expression he had never dared to show-something he was too vexed to hide.
“You don’t understand, Pippin, you don’t.”
“Then help me understand. Why are you so mad at me? Why are you making it worse?”
Pippin had walked to Merry and taken his hands again. Merry did not move for a moment, he searched Pippin’s face a while and a tear rolled down his cheek.
“Why am I making it worse? You really want to know?”
Pippin had never heard such venom in his friend’s voice but he nodded slowly. Merry hesitated a moment before placing one hand on each side of Pippin’s face and pressing a deep kiss against his lips. Pippin stood still only a few moments before returning the kiss. He could taste Merry’s tears and felt his own begin to fall. He pulled away and buried his head in Merry’s shoulder.
“I’ve wanted this for a long time, Merry.”
Merry lifted Pippin’s head; they looked at each other in disbelief until finally their lips met again. They did not break this kiss.
The night passed without words of sorrow or even words of love. They held each other, they kissed, they allowed themselves to appreciate what they had been too frightened to acknowledge. They fell asleep and their dreams were no longer of things that would never come to pass.
Merry awoke the next morning with Pippin pressed gently against him. He felt a thrill of bliss when he realized it had not been a dream. The joy passed quickly as he remembered that soon Gandalf would summon Pippin, soon he would leave. He passed his fingers tenderly through Pippin’s hair, admiring how peacefully he slept.
It was his fault, really, and he knew it. He would not have been so angry if Pippin had told Sauron he had the ring…he would have almost been able to forgive him faster if he’d told Sauron about Frodo. There are times one thinks of nothing but the safety of those they love…Merry forgot the ring, Frodo, and the fate of Middle-Earth. His only thought was that Pippin was in danger, terrible danger, because he had failed to protect him.
He lay awake for hours; worrying and running his fingers over the head that rested against his chest. Pippin stirred, Merry pressed a kiss against his hair and lifted himself from the mess of blankets they had laid when they were shut in the night before. He walked to the windows across the room and sat at the sill as he heard Pippin begin to rise.
“I had a lovely dream last night.”
“I think we had the same dream last night, then, Pip.”
“It wasn’t a dream, was it, Merry?”
“No,” he said turning to face him, “but the nightmares were real, too.”
Pippin had walked over and wrapped his arms around Merry; he froze remembering the terrible visions in the Palantír.
“It doesn’t matter now, why should we talk about it?”
Merry smiled at Pippin’s foolishness, he still didn’t realize they were not going to Gondor together. Before he had a chance to break the news, they heard the door swing open. They separated as Gandalf walked in.
“I hope you’re ready, Peregrin Took, I’m not in any mood to be kept waiting.”
“I’m ready Gandalf, and so is Merry.”
Merry took Pippin’s hand and shook his head sadly.
“Not this time, Pip.”
Pippin looked from Merry to Gandalf and back again, unsure of whether he understood them correctly.
“You can’t mean to separate us? Not with the war coming and so much danger! Merry, Merry, you’re coming with us, aren’t you?”
“If too many of us go, you’ll be spotted. I have to stay here, I thought you knew that.”
Pippin made no reply. He walked to Gandalf’s side slowly and with his head bowed; Merry followed them to the stable. As they walked, Pippin grabbed Merry’s hand. Merry glanced at him for only a moment; they were both fighting back tears.
“It won’t be long?” Pippin asked Merry naively once he had mounted the horse. “We’ll see each other again, won’t we?” Merry watched Gandalf mount but made no answer to his friend.
“Merry? Promise! You have to promise we’ll meet again!”
Merry shook his head and took a step back from the horse. He was forcing back tears and he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his doubt from Pippin even if he could bring himself to lie.
“I…don’t know, Pippin. I don’t know anything now.”
Pippin launched forward but Gandalf caught him. As the horse began to turn, Pippin reached out to Merry, trying to break loose again.
Merry shut his eyes as the horse took off, unable to see Pippin looking so betrayed. Once he had opened them, they were gone. He shoved through crowds of men, climbing to the watchtower, desperate to see Pippin riding away as long as he could. The tears he had been stalling began to fall. He thought of nothing except the fading white horse already reaching the horizon and passing out of view. He felt Aragorn beside him, the man reached down to comfort him.
“We’ve never been apart…since we were children. He followed me; he never let me out of sight. Now, he’s riding off. And…and I might…I probably won’t ever see him again. I always got him into so much trouble, but I always knew how to get him out. I won’t be there anymore. Who’s going to watch out for him now?”
Aragorn gave him a reassuring pat, “He’ll have to deal with his own mistakes now. Don’t worry, Master Meriadoc, you’ve taught him well.”
“We should have been home by now, it’s my fault. I pressed Treebeard to fight; we were going to go back to The Shire. He should be safe by now.”
“He had chances to go back; he knew what he was risking. Pippin will learn to take care of himself.”
“Then who will I take care of?” Merry thought, terrorized by the realization that he could need Pippin more than Pippin needed him.