Things & Stuff...
I went looking for some of my poetry, and over the course of that ended up reading over the past 5 years worth of entries. 5 years!! God, I can't even believe it...
Came to a couple of realizations... As a for instance:
I've had so many amazing people in my life. Seriously. Awesome friends, fantastic experiences. I miss them. You. It. Whatever.
And additionally:
I fucking love me. I'm the SuperUltra. And so funny!! Not so much with the humility, but hey, who's perfect? I love the way I talk, the way I think, the way I express myself. Re-reading gave me many laugh out loud moments, and little sayings/phrases that I had to repeat aloud 'cause they were just _that_ funny. I wish I'd kept up more in recent years. The entire Baby Bitch era is missing, not even a mention, and we had some ricockulously cool times. Baby Bitch and Little Liggy Lovedoll - founding members of the electrolush phenom band "Despairicyde". Absolutely.
::sigh:: It's been a good life. Not that it's over or anything...I mean, theoretically there IS life after 30. I dunno... Still don't know what I'm doing with my life. Starting to wonder if I ever will. I keep thinking "grow up! be responsible! get it together!" but then I get all Peter Pan-ey again and think "don't wanna! not gonna!" Meh. Drinking myself into an early grave is becoming increasingly appealing. I quit the sauce for 5 months. Didn't touch a drop. But then I fell off the wagon and... Well. Insomnia has been killing me lately so finally about 2 last night I figured maybe a shot or 3 of bourbon would help. 1/2 a half-gallon bottle later I finally "fell asleep" (in a "passing out" sort of way) Woke up still drunk and decided "fuck it, why slow the party train at this point" and had more bourbon for breakfast. (Not as nice as "Jager & Cookies for breakfast" but it got the job done.) and now that I've basically sobered up I'm thinking it's the perfect time to take it from the top again. Still plenty of bourbon left in that bottle and... "why try to stay sober when I'm dying..." I just... I look at my life, where I'm at, the path I'm on, what is ahead of me, and I just can't handle it sober. Don't handle it much better drunk but it does take the edge off. Ish. I miss marijuana, damn it. Fucking Idaho, anyway.
Anyway. Don't think to much of it. Anyone who knows me knows I go up and down. This is just one of those "down" phases. I'll get by. Breathe in and out and eventually the scenery will change.
Came to a couple of realizations... As a for instance:
I've had so many amazing people in my life. Seriously. Awesome friends, fantastic experiences. I miss them. You. It. Whatever.
And additionally:
I fucking love me. I'm the SuperUltra. And so funny!! Not so much with the humility, but hey, who's perfect? I love the way I talk, the way I think, the way I express myself. Re-reading gave me many laugh out loud moments, and little sayings/phrases that I had to repeat aloud 'cause they were just _that_ funny. I wish I'd kept up more in recent years. The entire Baby Bitch era is missing, not even a mention, and we had some ricockulously cool times. Baby Bitch and Little Liggy Lovedoll - founding members of the electrolush phenom band "Despairicyde". Absolutely.
::sigh:: It's been a good life. Not that it's over or anything...I mean, theoretically there IS life after 30. I dunno... Still don't know what I'm doing with my life. Starting to wonder if I ever will. I keep thinking "grow up! be responsible! get it together!" but then I get all Peter Pan-ey again and think "don't wanna! not gonna!" Meh. Drinking myself into an early grave is becoming increasingly appealing. I quit the sauce for 5 months. Didn't touch a drop. But then I fell off the wagon and... Well. Insomnia has been killing me lately so finally about 2 last night I figured maybe a shot or 3 of bourbon would help. 1/2 a half-gallon bottle later I finally "fell asleep" (in a "passing out" sort of way) Woke up still drunk and decided "fuck it, why slow the party train at this point" and had more bourbon for breakfast. (Not as nice as "Jager & Cookies for breakfast" but it got the job done.) and now that I've basically sobered up I'm thinking it's the perfect time to take it from the top again. Still plenty of bourbon left in that bottle and... "why try to stay sober when I'm dying..." I just... I look at my life, where I'm at, the path I'm on, what is ahead of me, and I just can't handle it sober. Don't handle it much better drunk but it does take the edge off. Ish. I miss marijuana, damn it. Fucking Idaho, anyway.
Anyway. Don't think to much of it. Anyone who knows me knows I go up and down. This is just one of those "down" phases. I'll get by. Breathe in and out and eventually the scenery will change.