(no subject)
Sometimes I wonder if I'm holding out for someone in particular, or if I'm just not giving some guys a chance to date me.
Just a random, lonely thought I had tonight.
Also, is it really weird of me to be resentful of my friends (and family even) who have had kids and are now moms? Not because they have kids and I want kids, though that's probably part of it too, but it's like... now I can't do anything with my friends because they all have kids! And I really don't want to hang out with my friends AND their kids. Is that weird? I want to go white water rafting, and my sister would normally go with me, but she has a kid and she's pregnant. Or even getting her to go to the movies is a chore because oh god, a two year old at the movies is way more than I can handle. And I wouldn't mind going down to Calgary for a weekend to hang out with Erin, except she's got two kids.
Or how about being resentful of their relationships? I'm beginning to think my hate for a certain person is just coming entirely from me, because I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be left out. I don't want to be the third wheel. I never felt like this before but I do with this one, why?
And... I really want a date. But no one wants to date me. I don't know why. Am I aloof? Untouchable? Weird? Fat? Ugly? What is it? TELL ME SO I CAN CHANGE. Although to be fair, I haven't really met anyone I would want to date. Well, except one guy but he's so wrong for me and after not seeing him for a month and some, I'm okay with that. And that other guy did tell me to give him a call if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime, but he really reminded me of Kevin and I just can't get past that.
UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I'm not really even feeling bad for myself, I'm just kind of tilting my head and wondering what the heck is going on in my own brain.
Just a random, lonely thought I had tonight.
Also, is it really weird of me to be resentful of my friends (and family even) who have had kids and are now moms? Not because they have kids and I want kids, though that's probably part of it too, but it's like... now I can't do anything with my friends because they all have kids! And I really don't want to hang out with my friends AND their kids. Is that weird? I want to go white water rafting, and my sister would normally go with me, but she has a kid and she's pregnant. Or even getting her to go to the movies is a chore because oh god, a two year old at the movies is way more than I can handle. And I wouldn't mind going down to Calgary for a weekend to hang out with Erin, except she's got two kids.
Or how about being resentful of their relationships? I'm beginning to think my hate for a certain person is just coming entirely from me, because I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be left out. I don't want to be the third wheel. I never felt like this before but I do with this one, why?
And... I really want a date. But no one wants to date me. I don't know why. Am I aloof? Untouchable? Weird? Fat? Ugly? What is it? TELL ME SO I CAN CHANGE. Although to be fair, I haven't really met anyone I would want to date. Well, except one guy but he's so wrong for me and after not seeing him for a month and some, I'm okay with that. And that other guy did tell me to give him a call if I wanted to go out for drinks sometime, but he really reminded me of Kevin and I just can't get past that.
UGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I'm not really even feeling bad for myself, I'm just kind of tilting my head and wondering what the heck is going on in my own brain.