(no subject)
Ugh, sorry for the overly emo posts lately. It's been rough, and LJ is like my crutch. It really helps to just write down everything and post it. I'm not really sure why.
I made up with my mother. I basically snuck home from the motel in the morning, because I couldn't sleep there at all. I sat up all night watching the Royal Wedding which was so incredibly boring, I don't even know why people were watching it for fun. My phone keeled over halfway through the night, and I could have easily gone out to my car for my laptop, but I was alone and just not feel well. My acid reflux was like, sixty times worse last night. It was awful.
So I came home and had breakfast with my dad, and I talked it over with him. He thinks I should go stay with my aunt for a while. When I talked to my mom, I honestly think it's my Dad who wants to get me out of the house. Because once my mom realized I was home, she basically bawled all over me. She apologized for everything, because for once I actually told her what was on my mind. I am so terrible for just stewing in my anger and my thoughts and I never say anything, but yesterday I just got it out there. I think it helped. Also leaving helped, too. I think it made her realize everything that I've been doing.
SO. Needless to say, my mom and I are made up, my dad and I however are still... I don't know. I don't really want to go stay with my aunt because she's possibly worse than my mother as far as emotions go. I love her, but I don't think I could live with her. My dad said he thought it was a good idea because I had lots of friends in Calgary. I do, actually. But they're all mothers with their own busy lives. I'm fairly certain none of them want me hanging around for much more than an afternoon (especially Erin, who has two young babies, and Ang, who has two young twins.)
BUT ANYWAY. I'm okay now, and I'm alive. I'm actually feeling pretty good, despite everything. It sure is nice to know that there are people out there that are willing to make a place for me if I don't have one. LOL and I make staying at the motel out to be a bad thing, but it was kind of nice to just be on my own and not have anyone bothering me. Even though I couldn't sleep and the motel was uncomfortable and empty, it was still nice to have this space that NO ONE could come in.
Oh, and it's a really good thing I came home. I took my dog for a walk this morning and though she cheered me up IMMENSELY, she has to go to the vet again. T_T She has a swollen anal gland. Gross, right? And then my dad tells me, "Oh yeah. She was licking her butt for like a half hour the other night." I could have flipped. My family KNOWS to STOP her when she starts licking ANYTHING, because for whatever reason, she won't stop even though she should know that she should. But he just sat there watching TV and not even bothering her. So I'm fairly certain that that probably caused part of it. I yelled at him, but it's not the first time, so I don't know. But her incisions are almost GONE. She looks really good otherwise, so that made me pretty happy. And she's so happy and sweet, how can you be upset around something so cheerful? I just hope her butt won't cause me too many financial problems, but I still have a little bit of my tax return so...
I made up with my mother. I basically snuck home from the motel in the morning, because I couldn't sleep there at all. I sat up all night watching the Royal Wedding which was so incredibly boring, I don't even know why people were watching it for fun. My phone keeled over halfway through the night, and I could have easily gone out to my car for my laptop, but I was alone and just not feel well. My acid reflux was like, sixty times worse last night. It was awful.
So I came home and had breakfast with my dad, and I talked it over with him. He thinks I should go stay with my aunt for a while. When I talked to my mom, I honestly think it's my Dad who wants to get me out of the house. Because once my mom realized I was home, she basically bawled all over me. She apologized for everything, because for once I actually told her what was on my mind. I am so terrible for just stewing in my anger and my thoughts and I never say anything, but yesterday I just got it out there. I think it helped. Also leaving helped, too. I think it made her realize everything that I've been doing.
SO. Needless to say, my mom and I are made up, my dad and I however are still... I don't know. I don't really want to go stay with my aunt because she's possibly worse than my mother as far as emotions go. I love her, but I don't think I could live with her. My dad said he thought it was a good idea because I had lots of friends in Calgary. I do, actually. But they're all mothers with their own busy lives. I'm fairly certain none of them want me hanging around for much more than an afternoon (especially Erin, who has two young babies, and Ang, who has two young twins.)
BUT ANYWAY. I'm okay now, and I'm alive. I'm actually feeling pretty good, despite everything. It sure is nice to know that there are people out there that are willing to make a place for me if I don't have one. LOL and I make staying at the motel out to be a bad thing, but it was kind of nice to just be on my own and not have anyone bothering me. Even though I couldn't sleep and the motel was uncomfortable and empty, it was still nice to have this space that NO ONE could come in.
Oh, and it's a really good thing I came home. I took my dog for a walk this morning and though she cheered me up IMMENSELY, she has to go to the vet again. T_T She has a swollen anal gland. Gross, right? And then my dad tells me, "Oh yeah. She was licking her butt for like a half hour the other night." I could have flipped. My family KNOWS to STOP her when she starts licking ANYTHING, because for whatever reason, she won't stop even though she should know that she should. But he just sat there watching TV and not even bothering her. So I'm fairly certain that that probably caused part of it. I yelled at him, but it's not the first time, so I don't know. But her incisions are almost GONE. She looks really good otherwise, so that made me pretty happy. And she's so happy and sweet, how can you be upset around something so cheerful? I just hope her butt won't cause me too many financial problems, but I still have a little bit of my tax return so...