February 25th 2004
Actually 3 posts but only one I am posting, which is friends only. The other two posts were nonsense as Michelle's dad thought there was a hidden meaning behind the star tattoos that a few of us got, but there was NONE. So she asked me to write about it since her dad stalked journals for some reason? Anyway here is the real update for this day:
[protected post] Generally Bitter, Moreso than Usual @ 09:05 pm
I get the feeling that I am being ignored. For real. And it is NOT one person, it is in fact several.
This is more pissed off than bitter.
Really pissed off.
Irrationally pissed off.
This for a bad mood makes.
And its not like these said people have any reason (To my knowledge) to be avoiding me. So I can't even have some conspiracy theories happening.
I feel like this is Junior High, people need to grow up.
I need to stop feeling angry over this as well, but what pisses me off is that these handful of people when they need someone to listen to them whine or even talk about their day, will be calling me.
GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
EDIT:
People do not suck that much, a few still do, but not much. I am hormonal I swear.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ahhh I wonder who I am talking about, I know for sure one was Chris as things got weird for awhile after I slept with Alf and he was just well, gone? Ugh. I am sure some of the others are random dudes, well not so random, but none that I could for surely pinpoint this entry about.
I still feel like this on occasion but now it is mostly in my head, then I dont think it was? A lot of my life at this time was just not knowing things: not knowing how to act, not knowing how to communicate, and not knowing when to just stop. I mean at this time I thought I was a grown up, and by legal and societal standards, I was. BUT I WASNT. Its like "here are all these adult things you get to deal with now but with no experience, have at it kid!" and ugh, no. I miss these times for the friendships, the spontaneity, the feeling that all that mattered was THEN and who cares about the future but I totally dont miss the NOT KNOWING. With that being said, obviously the point is to go through it and figure things (and yourself) out. And what sucks is that this is neverending, I mean yay great on growing but ugh I still hate figuring things out and figuring ME out.
Speaking of figuring things out I am honestly still unsure if I want my job, well the job I have in addition to my other day job, aka the one I applied for. I am just stresssssssssed but I know once I formally get the offer, after the formal interview, and I formally accept it will be easier as that means my current other job, GI, will then be posted and I can drop some responsibility BUT i know this will take at least a month or two. And when I say I am stressed I mean I. AM. STRESSED. I have had a headache for the psat three days, not bad enough to stop me from living life but bad enough to make me just limit what I do, but I know its from stress. I have no energy as I am also mentally exhausted from the day job (well, jobs at this point!) and I just want to do nothing..which is a huge problem as I HAVE to do a bunch of stuff: drums, etsy, chores, showering, etc but all I want to do is sit on the couch and blend in with it and never leave it again. I had this happen when I took on GI coding, it was about six weeks of hell and it was worth it, so I keep telling myself its worth it in the end. I wish I could convince my spending self of that too since I am retailing therapy in an inch of my life. This week:
1. I ordered new glasses, not expensive, but not needed.
2. Bought a dress that I like, that mainly I bought because I like the style but now see it was in oh six different colorways and now without getting the first dress and seeing how it fits, want to buy them all. I haven't. I am not that dumb but ooooh I really want this dress to be awesome lol
3. Pre-ordered the new Samsung Galaxy S20 (but this was planned months ago when I paid off my phone in full with the knowledge that when this phone was released that I will be buying it but still its hella expensive)
4. After cleaning out my closet and tossing my favorite yellow cardigan (due to a stain and loose buttons) decided to buy SIX FUCKING J CREW CARDIGANS, when I only needed ONE to replace the tossed one but no, no, no. SIX. I also ordered two striped shirts. GAH.
5. I am currently debating buying a dress on poshmark that is super cute and will fit but is RIDICULOUS and I dont even know if I would wear it:
I love hearts, the collar and the colorway but I honestly dont think I'd wear it more than twice a year so I am not buying it but ohso tempted to.
And now since I am spending money like whoa (did I mention I went to buy a red pair of flats from Rothys but THANKFULLY my size isnt in stock) I need to pack up Etsy, which thankfully is doing GREAT so I dont feel nearly as bad about my wreckless spending, I just feel awful knowing that my wreckless spending is a result of my mental state at this point. It's like "You are overworked, look cute doing it and shop shop shop"
So yes, I am packing up Etsy and getting dinner started. I am not that bad mentally, I am still taking care of myself (a little too well) but I feel just overwhelmed but know that this will pass sooner than later
xoxox
Jenn
[protected post] Generally Bitter, Moreso than Usual @ 09:05 pm
I get the feeling that I am being ignored. For real. And it is NOT one person, it is in fact several.
This is more pissed off than bitter.
Really pissed off.
Irrationally pissed off.
This for a bad mood makes.
And its not like these said people have any reason (To my knowledge) to be avoiding me. So I can't even have some conspiracy theories happening.
I feel like this is Junior High, people need to grow up.
I need to stop feeling angry over this as well, but what pisses me off is that these handful of people when they need someone to listen to them whine or even talk about their day, will be calling me.
GAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh
EDIT:
People do not suck that much, a few still do, but not much. I am hormonal I swear.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ahhh I wonder who I am talking about, I know for sure one was Chris as things got weird for awhile after I slept with Alf and he was just well, gone? Ugh. I am sure some of the others are random dudes, well not so random, but none that I could for surely pinpoint this entry about.
I still feel like this on occasion but now it is mostly in my head, then I dont think it was? A lot of my life at this time was just not knowing things: not knowing how to act, not knowing how to communicate, and not knowing when to just stop. I mean at this time I thought I was a grown up, and by legal and societal standards, I was. BUT I WASNT. Its like "here are all these adult things you get to deal with now but with no experience, have at it kid!" and ugh, no. I miss these times for the friendships, the spontaneity, the feeling that all that mattered was THEN and who cares about the future but I totally dont miss the NOT KNOWING. With that being said, obviously the point is to go through it and figure things (and yourself) out. And what sucks is that this is neverending, I mean yay great on growing but ugh I still hate figuring things out and figuring ME out.
Speaking of figuring things out I am honestly still unsure if I want my job, well the job I have in addition to my other day job, aka the one I applied for. I am just stresssssssssed but I know once I formally get the offer, after the formal interview, and I formally accept it will be easier as that means my current other job, GI, will then be posted and I can drop some responsibility BUT i know this will take at least a month or two. And when I say I am stressed I mean I. AM. STRESSED. I have had a headache for the psat three days, not bad enough to stop me from living life but bad enough to make me just limit what I do, but I know its from stress. I have no energy as I am also mentally exhausted from the day job (well, jobs at this point!) and I just want to do nothing..which is a huge problem as I HAVE to do a bunch of stuff: drums, etsy, chores, showering, etc but all I want to do is sit on the couch and blend in with it and never leave it again. I had this happen when I took on GI coding, it was about six weeks of hell and it was worth it, so I keep telling myself its worth it in the end. I wish I could convince my spending self of that too since I am retailing therapy in an inch of my life. This week:
1. I ordered new glasses, not expensive, but not needed.
2. Bought a dress that I like, that mainly I bought because I like the style but now see it was in oh six different colorways and now without getting the first dress and seeing how it fits, want to buy them all. I haven't. I am not that dumb but ooooh I really want this dress to be awesome lol
3. Pre-ordered the new Samsung Galaxy S20 (but this was planned months ago when I paid off my phone in full with the knowledge that when this phone was released that I will be buying it but still its hella expensive)
4. After cleaning out my closet and tossing my favorite yellow cardigan (due to a stain and loose buttons) decided to buy SIX FUCKING J CREW CARDIGANS, when I only needed ONE to replace the tossed one but no, no, no. SIX. I also ordered two striped shirts. GAH.
5. I am currently debating buying a dress on poshmark that is super cute and will fit but is RIDICULOUS and I dont even know if I would wear it:
I love hearts, the collar and the colorway but I honestly dont think I'd wear it more than twice a year so I am not buying it but ohso tempted to.
And now since I am spending money like whoa (did I mention I went to buy a red pair of flats from Rothys but THANKFULLY my size isnt in stock) I need to pack up Etsy, which thankfully is doing GREAT so I dont feel nearly as bad about my wreckless spending, I just feel awful knowing that my wreckless spending is a result of my mental state at this point. It's like "You are overworked, look cute doing it and shop shop shop"
So yes, I am packing up Etsy and getting dinner started. I am not that bad mentally, I am still taking care of myself (a little too well) but I feel just overwhelmed but know that this will pass sooner than later
xoxox
Jenn