A strange place to be
So fucking unhappy with my circumstances... and so unwilling to do anything about it.
It's not that I want to winge or anything, it's really quite the opposite, because it's nobodies fault but myself and I'm beyond caring. I'm too lazy to do anything about it really. It's not worth the bother of trying to make things better for myself compared to how comfortable I have become in my boring miserable existance void of any meaning whatsoever.
I suppose I haven't missed a single lecture of Newstep yet, which is something to be happy about, but I'm well and truly in hermit mode at present and it's been that way for a while so there is no way to celebrate - which would in turn stop me from attending Newstep... infact if I have any real life whatsoever I'll just wreck myself again and I'll be absent all the time... and even though I'm wrecking myself from alcoholism at the moment I'm sleeping and eating better (5-6hours sleep when I'm edgy, 12-14hours sleep if I'm depressed).
Simply just turning and turning in the widening gyre I suppose - and I just pray that things will actually fall apart and that centre will not hold... so that existance and civilisation will crumble away and I have an excuse not to have made anything of my life.
Don't pay any attention to me please.
It's not that I want to winge or anything, it's really quite the opposite, because it's nobodies fault but myself and I'm beyond caring. I'm too lazy to do anything about it really. It's not worth the bother of trying to make things better for myself compared to how comfortable I have become in my boring miserable existance void of any meaning whatsoever.
I suppose I haven't missed a single lecture of Newstep yet, which is something to be happy about, but I'm well and truly in hermit mode at present and it's been that way for a while so there is no way to celebrate - which would in turn stop me from attending Newstep... infact if I have any real life whatsoever I'll just wreck myself again and I'll be absent all the time... and even though I'm wrecking myself from alcoholism at the moment I'm sleeping and eating better (5-6hours sleep when I'm edgy, 12-14hours sleep if I'm depressed).
Simply just turning and turning in the widening gyre I suppose - and I just pray that things will actually fall apart and that centre will not hold... so that existance and civilisation will crumble away and I have an excuse not to have made anything of my life.
Don't pay any attention to me please.