It is a problem with me!
Despite being a foul-mouthed, sarcastic little wench, I do have very strong ideas about how people ought to behave. I am not, nor do I read the works of, Judith Martin, so I tend to think that these ideas spring from basic, common-sense notions about being a decent, thinking human being. However, the frequency and flagrancy with which people trample all over my notions of decorous behavior leads me to a very sad conclusion: these may just be my own private convictions. Which is to say, I find it infuriating to be given chocolates or some other Symbolic Gift by someone with whom I am not romantically entangled. Or rather, from someone with who is making it clear by the gift of chocolate or other Symbolic Gift that some such entanglement is desired. If my friends want to shower me with delicious chocolate or flowers or lacey lingerie that is a-okay with me (I will make funny faces in the case of the last, but not be annoyed, just horribly amused).
It just makes sense, to me, that when attempting to initiate Relations with a person, you should make it easy for that person to politely refuse you without embarrassment to either of you. There is no polite way to say, "thank-you, I DO like chocolate, but I recognize that these chocolates are emblematic of your burgeoning interest in me and that by accepting them, I would be encouraging you. I do not wish to do that. I wish to discourage this interest as strongly as possible while maintaining a cordial working relationship." This is why gifts of Symbolic Import ought to be exchanged only after mutual interest is established.
And on a note that I am fairly certain is not just my personal hang-up: extra special care really ought to be taken when attempting to initiate Relations with one's co-workers. In fact, you all should just knock that shit off. There are ways and there are ways of flirting with co-workers. The proper way is airy and non-committal. It does not involve gifts, invitations to dinner, etc.
Also: why do I always seem to have these relationships with men in which we are friendly and casual and I like them and then, either suddenly or slowly, they develop this massive interest in me that makes me loathe them and hate them with the foulest reaches of my soul? Perhaps I am just contrary? Or I really need a massive sign that says "I am A) a lesbian B) not looking C) vaguely monogamously involved D) really a huge bitch once you get to know me. Chase someone you have better chances with."
It just makes sense, to me, that when attempting to initiate Relations with a person, you should make it easy for that person to politely refuse you without embarrassment to either of you. There is no polite way to say, "thank-you, I DO like chocolate, but I recognize that these chocolates are emblematic of your burgeoning interest in me and that by accepting them, I would be encouraging you. I do not wish to do that. I wish to discourage this interest as strongly as possible while maintaining a cordial working relationship." This is why gifts of Symbolic Import ought to be exchanged only after mutual interest is established.
And on a note that I am fairly certain is not just my personal hang-up: extra special care really ought to be taken when attempting to initiate Relations with one's co-workers. In fact, you all should just knock that shit off. There are ways and there are ways of flirting with co-workers. The proper way is airy and non-committal. It does not involve gifts, invitations to dinner, etc.
Also: why do I always seem to have these relationships with men in which we are friendly and casual and I like them and then, either suddenly or slowly, they develop this massive interest in me that makes me loathe them and hate them with the foulest reaches of my soul? Perhaps I am just contrary? Or I really need a massive sign that says "I am A) a lesbian B) not looking C) vaguely monogamously involved D) really a huge bitch once you get to know me. Chase someone you have better chances with."