I've never had a Panic Attack
But I feel one on the horizon.
One week from tomorrow I will be starting the Accelerated nursing program at the University of Texas, Health Science Center in Houston. This school is in the top 5% of nursing schools and it's in the middle of the largest medical center in the world. People fly from all over this world to seek medical advice from the best doctors, receive the best treatments, etc etc.
I'm completely honored I even got in. 500 + applications and 62 spots. I don't even know how it happened but it did. So I quit my job (last day is Thursday) and i'm trying to prepare. It is SO last minute to do things like make sure you have money, but seriously from the time I found out about financial aid (Friday) and the start date (next Tuesday) is ridic.
I know I'm in the best place to get this education, but I already feel like I have failed and I haven't even started.
I found out the only money I received was a 3k scholarship from the school (which I am greatful for). I got nothing from the damn government. How the hell do they expect people to get anywhere in this world when they can't offer a little support. Sure they can give billions of dollars to the struggling car industry, but some of the people and organizations that really really need it, like education are getting the short end of the stick.
It pisses me off. Because of the economy I don't know if I will get a private loan which i HAVE to have to go to school. I did get loans through the government for school, so that is covered (loan wise). But I need $1500/month just to pay my bills. So yay, i'm going to be adding another 30k (11 for school, 18 just to live) to the already owed 90k for school loans.
I have this tremendous weight on my shoulders that will never be lifted. I know it was for good you know? School is important, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I of course could afford all those things while working full time but I can't do that for the next year.
Hence the already feeling like I have failed. I'm so worried about money. Hopefully I will know today or tomorrow about the private loan, but will it be too hard? This school is so intense (because it is 2 years of nursing school in 1).
I don't know if I'm smart enough.
I guess I just need to wait to worry about being smart enough until I find out if I can actually go. If I can't get this private loan, I won't be able to do it. I will be in a bad bad place. I've already quit my job, my replacement started last week. Not only will I be crushed but I will be jobless when I already had a great paying job. Most importantly my dream will be crushed. I could cry thinking about it, and have a lot but i'm trying to keep it together at work.
This is all I have wanted for so so long. Why can't things be easier?
One week from tomorrow I will be starting the Accelerated nursing program at the University of Texas, Health Science Center in Houston. This school is in the top 5% of nursing schools and it's in the middle of the largest medical center in the world. People fly from all over this world to seek medical advice from the best doctors, receive the best treatments, etc etc.
I'm completely honored I even got in. 500 + applications and 62 spots. I don't even know how it happened but it did. So I quit my job (last day is Thursday) and i'm trying to prepare. It is SO last minute to do things like make sure you have money, but seriously from the time I found out about financial aid (Friday) and the start date (next Tuesday) is ridic.
I know I'm in the best place to get this education, but I already feel like I have failed and I haven't even started.
I found out the only money I received was a 3k scholarship from the school (which I am greatful for). I got nothing from the damn government. How the hell do they expect people to get anywhere in this world when they can't offer a little support. Sure they can give billions of dollars to the struggling car industry, but some of the people and organizations that really really need it, like education are getting the short end of the stick.
It pisses me off. Because of the economy I don't know if I will get a private loan which i HAVE to have to go to school. I did get loans through the government for school, so that is covered (loan wise). But I need $1500/month just to pay my bills. So yay, i'm going to be adding another 30k (11 for school, 18 just to live) to the already owed 90k for school loans.
I have this tremendous weight on my shoulders that will never be lifted. I know it was for good you know? School is important, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I of course could afford all those things while working full time but I can't do that for the next year.
Hence the already feeling like I have failed. I'm so worried about money. Hopefully I will know today or tomorrow about the private loan, but will it be too hard? This school is so intense (because it is 2 years of nursing school in 1).
I don't know if I'm smart enough.
I guess I just need to wait to worry about being smart enough until I find out if I can actually go. If I can't get this private loan, I won't be able to do it. I will be in a bad bad place. I've already quit my job, my replacement started last week. Not only will I be crushed but I will be jobless when I already had a great paying job. Most importantly my dream will be crushed. I could cry thinking about it, and have a lot but i'm trying to keep it together at work.
This is all I have wanted for so so long. Why can't things be easier?