Incoherence: compliments of Bjork
edit: im making this entry public because I believe it deserves to be. Its not one of those terribly raw personal entries, i think it holds relevance.
I'm listening to Bjork and therefore am an emotional fuck right now.
It seems like this year has really been a turning point. I've said goodbye to a few friends with NO REGRETS. I have new friends but then I look and with the exception of tessah and maybe caitie, I don't know them that well yet nor do I have all of their numbers. It's like they don't EXIST. And I wonder if they were based at first on superficial reasons like friendster&indie&weed. It probably was but that doesn't mean they can't progress beyond it righhtttt? I'm thankful for people like Becky & Kristy & Marc & Lisha & Tessah who really do know me and know that the music I listen to, the weed I am (or am not) smoking is not representative of me anyways. I really am just a sensitive boy who likes to laugh and really wants to be a writer and that, yes, music is so goddamn important to me but no so much the labels that accompany them. (c o n t r a r y to popular belief). I really want the best for everyone. For example, even though Wyatt's vagueness (in a lot of respects) irritates me, I want him to be loved by somebody because he really does deserve the best. Everything he feels, is probably what I feel in regards to the insecurity bull shit. And Amy. Even though that girl knows how to push my buttons and make me infuriated, I am grateful for her. She has been a big part of my life for so long and I can't imagine it without her. She means alot to me. And Marc, who I have no idea what the heck is going on with him. He seems to be really depressed and it makes me sad because he deserves an exciting LIFE. One bigger than the Westlake confinements. And I believe people like Vanessa, Wyatt and Brad and Rashonda, I definetely need to get to know them beyond the whole getting stoned thing and indie music. I could go on but the truth is, I'm tired. The bottom line is: no matter how fustrated i am at friends (their progess, their personality whatever) I do have good intentions. And that beyond all the superficial layers of rock star sunglasses and bright eyes, there lies a distinct genuine vulnerability in each one of my friends that makes them human and likable and real. I LOVE THEM.
This made no sense. i will regret writing this in the morning.
I'm listening to Bjork and therefore am an emotional fuck right now.
It seems like this year has really been a turning point. I've said goodbye to a few friends with NO REGRETS. I have new friends but then I look and with the exception of tessah and maybe caitie, I don't know them that well yet nor do I have all of their numbers. It's like they don't EXIST. And I wonder if they were based at first on superficial reasons like friendster&indie&weed. It probably was but that doesn't mean they can't progress beyond it righhtttt? I'm thankful for people like Becky & Kristy & Marc & Lisha & Tessah who really do know me and know that the music I listen to, the weed I am (or am not) smoking is not representative of me anyways. I really am just a sensitive boy who likes to laugh and really wants to be a writer and that, yes, music is so goddamn important to me but no so much the labels that accompany them. (c o n t r a r y to popular belief). I really want the best for everyone. For example, even though Wyatt's vagueness (in a lot of respects) irritates me, I want him to be loved by somebody because he really does deserve the best. Everything he feels, is probably what I feel in regards to the insecurity bull shit. And Amy. Even though that girl knows how to push my buttons and make me infuriated, I am grateful for her. She has been a big part of my life for so long and I can't imagine it without her. She means alot to me. And Marc, who I have no idea what the heck is going on with him. He seems to be really depressed and it makes me sad because he deserves an exciting LIFE. One bigger than the Westlake confinements. And I believe people like Vanessa, Wyatt and Brad and Rashonda, I definetely need to get to know them beyond the whole getting stoned thing and indie music. I could go on but the truth is, I'm tired. The bottom line is: no matter how fustrated i am at friends (their progess, their personality whatever) I do have good intentions. And that beyond all the superficial layers of rock star sunglasses and bright eyes, there lies a distinct genuine vulnerability in each one of my friends that makes them human and likable and real. I LOVE THEM.
This made no sense. i will regret writing this in the morning.