Real Talk
So I wish I would have let everything go so much sooner. Life is so much better without ten billion sucky things weighing you down.
Theta is seriously already the best thing I have done in college. I'm forming bonds with these AMAZING girls who care so much about me already. And I care about them immensely. I cannot wait to spend time with them, get to know them, learn their names [to faces.. since there is 103 other girls!], to bond, go out, stay in, do homework, have dinner, get drinks, play games, LIVE AND EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH them. I wish I had this experience last year too, but I know that if I did, I would be a very different person.
A lot of people still do not understand how or WHY *I* (of all people) would want to be in a sorority. I'm too independent, I have such a good group of outside friends already, why do I need it... Blah blah blah. Because I network. Because I like people. Because I want the experience. Because I'm already in love with these girls. That's why. I want to know people everywhere when I'm on campus. I want to have a gym buddy, a French tutor, a movie buddy, a party girl, a Mojito Night group. I want.
And now? I have.
The male specimen is still a complete mystery. For the first time in a long time, I genuinely crave the affection of someone. I mean, no one in particular, but I do want to feel something for someone.
This thing with the Military Boy (or lack of thing?) is pissing me off. He won't speak to me for days or weeks at a time. He doesn't always respond to my texts. And when I start forgetting about him or stop caring that I haven't heard from him... I hear from him. He keeps telling me that he misses me and that he wants to visit me over Winter break. Maybe I WAS excited to see him for Christmas, but maybe now I'm not. Maybe I don't want him around. Maybe I don't want to like the idea of him anymore. Maybe I want to believe in my original ideals: DO NOT DATE MILITARY and DO NOT DATE LONG DISTANCE. It's not like we're dating anyway. He's surprised I haven't slept with anyone since him, and I know damn well he's slept with other girls since me.
And I almost did. But I could not bring myself to it. I did not want him. I wanted that military boy.
But now. There is a guy at Davis I am interested in. We have hung out a few times. I am SO SURE he's a total DB. He has to be. He gives off the vibe. [And if he isn't I feel wicked bad for saying he is.] I give him the benefit of the doubt because he's my friends' new housemate, but they don't know him very well either, so he could be a total doucher. He pulled kind of a skeezy moment the other night. But doesn't remember it. Hahahaha, BLACKING OUT! I took care of him. He ended up crashing on my couch because he was so gone. I made him drink water and got him bread and stuff. Put a trashcan next to him in case he needed to throw up again. Put a blanket on him. All that stuff.
I'm a good girl.
I invited him to be my 'date' to my bid night party. He said maybe. But then he wasn't feeling well, so he didn't come. I wasn't too bummed. I mean, I was definitely excited to see him again, and a little too eager for him to be around, but I had so much fun with my new SISTERS(!) that it didn't bother me too much.
He hit me up tonight. Just a text to ask how it was. But. That's him initiating conversation, so I'll take a positive on that.
Oh, and a guy I work with is so my type. He's pretty and he's super nice. Okay, so maybe he's not my type, but I like him around. Like, in a friend way. He's golden.
I love my job. I miss Jeff, Dawn, the girls, Ron, etc. I do. I miss Elavon. I miss my tech boys (and girls!) so much. But my new job is so much fun. I get to show movies on campus. I get to pick them, discuss them, show them. The hardest part is set up. It takes a lot of time and more people than we often have. But it's always a good time, and I am glad to contribute to something FOR the students that we/they can enjoy. I'm glad that we offer FREE movie screenings. I'm glad that we offer CHEAP movie screenings.
And I'm really excited about my pet project. I'm getting really good feedback. "2-for-1 Wednesdays" is two movie tickets and a small popcorn for $5. I KNOW, RIGHT? Our first two screenings are going to be Jurassic Park and Love Actually. I am really excited to see what kind of turn out we can produce. I do not expect it to sell out, but I expect at least 100 people (50 'couples') and I do not think that is unreasonable. 250 people would be like, optimal. I do not want to just "lose a little money" or "break even." I want to make money for EC so we can do even more things. Even if it's only $65 profit.. That's $65 we didn't have before. I think it can be a really good thing.
I'm also getting along in counseling pretty well now. Seeing a specialist AND a nutritionist is helping out. I need to get a regular gym routine instead of this really long sporadic things I am doing now. I stretch myself too thin. I know.
I don't really want to discuss what I've been working through with her, but basically it's a lot of crying, a lot of acceptance, and a lot of having to remember when I was dying. Awesome, right?
Theta is seriously already the best thing I have done in college. I'm forming bonds with these AMAZING girls who care so much about me already. And I care about them immensely. I cannot wait to spend time with them, get to know them, learn their names [to faces.. since there is 103 other girls!], to bond, go out, stay in, do homework, have dinner, get drinks, play games, LIVE AND EXPERIENCE LIFE WITH them. I wish I had this experience last year too, but I know that if I did, I would be a very different person.
A lot of people still do not understand how or WHY *I* (of all people) would want to be in a sorority. I'm too independent, I have such a good group of outside friends already, why do I need it... Blah blah blah. Because I network. Because I like people. Because I want the experience. Because I'm already in love with these girls. That's why. I want to know people everywhere when I'm on campus. I want to have a gym buddy, a French tutor, a movie buddy, a party girl, a Mojito Night group. I want.
And now? I have.
The male specimen is still a complete mystery. For the first time in a long time, I genuinely crave the affection of someone. I mean, no one in particular, but I do want to feel something for someone.
This thing with the Military Boy (or lack of thing?) is pissing me off. He won't speak to me for days or weeks at a time. He doesn't always respond to my texts. And when I start forgetting about him or stop caring that I haven't heard from him... I hear from him. He keeps telling me that he misses me and that he wants to visit me over Winter break. Maybe I WAS excited to see him for Christmas, but maybe now I'm not. Maybe I don't want him around. Maybe I don't want to like the idea of him anymore. Maybe I want to believe in my original ideals: DO NOT DATE MILITARY and DO NOT DATE LONG DISTANCE. It's not like we're dating anyway. He's surprised I haven't slept with anyone since him, and I know damn well he's slept with other girls since me.
And I almost did. But I could not bring myself to it. I did not want him. I wanted that military boy.
But now. There is a guy at Davis I am interested in. We have hung out a few times. I am SO SURE he's a total DB. He has to be. He gives off the vibe. [And if he isn't I feel wicked bad for saying he is.] I give him the benefit of the doubt because he's my friends' new housemate, but they don't know him very well either, so he could be a total doucher. He pulled kind of a skeezy moment the other night. But doesn't remember it. Hahahaha, BLACKING OUT! I took care of him. He ended up crashing on my couch because he was so gone. I made him drink water and got him bread and stuff. Put a trashcan next to him in case he needed to throw up again. Put a blanket on him. All that stuff.
I'm a good girl.
I invited him to be my 'date' to my bid night party. He said maybe. But then he wasn't feeling well, so he didn't come. I wasn't too bummed. I mean, I was definitely excited to see him again, and a little too eager for him to be around, but I had so much fun with my new SISTERS(!) that it didn't bother me too much.
He hit me up tonight. Just a text to ask how it was. But. That's him initiating conversation, so I'll take a positive on that.
Oh, and a guy I work with is so my type. He's pretty and he's super nice. Okay, so maybe he's not my type, but I like him around. Like, in a friend way. He's golden.
I love my job. I miss Jeff, Dawn, the girls, Ron, etc. I do. I miss Elavon. I miss my tech boys (and girls!) so much. But my new job is so much fun. I get to show movies on campus. I get to pick them, discuss them, show them. The hardest part is set up. It takes a lot of time and more people than we often have. But it's always a good time, and I am glad to contribute to something FOR the students that we/they can enjoy. I'm glad that we offer FREE movie screenings. I'm glad that we offer CHEAP movie screenings.
And I'm really excited about my pet project. I'm getting really good feedback. "2-for-1 Wednesdays" is two movie tickets and a small popcorn for $5. I KNOW, RIGHT? Our first two screenings are going to be Jurassic Park and Love Actually. I am really excited to see what kind of turn out we can produce. I do not expect it to sell out, but I expect at least 100 people (50 'couples') and I do not think that is unreasonable. 250 people would be like, optimal. I do not want to just "lose a little money" or "break even." I want to make money for EC so we can do even more things. Even if it's only $65 profit.. That's $65 we didn't have before. I think it can be a really good thing.
I'm also getting along in counseling pretty well now. Seeing a specialist AND a nutritionist is helping out. I need to get a regular gym routine instead of this really long sporadic things I am doing now. I stretch myself too thin. I know.
I don't really want to discuss what I've been working through with her, but basically it's a lot of crying, a lot of acceptance, and a lot of having to remember when I was dying. Awesome, right?