What does it mean to be successful?  What do I have to do to make someone, anyone, proud?  Make myself proud?

I've been thinking a lot about all the fuckups I've made. And wondering how much of a different person I would be if I had just gone off and done "the right thing." Ever. I feel like I never make the right choices.

Maybe I should have gone ( Read more... )

I wish it were warmer.  I want to be outside right now. To think.  I cannot think in this room.  In this house.  I cannot think clearly constrained by four walls and limitless distractions. By windows and mirrors and television sets.  I need to hear crisp air.  I need to feel fresh night on my skin.  I want grass or sand beneath me, reminding me ( Read more... )

 
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A whole new me.  20 January: Veronika's Personal New Year's.

I'm officially a single redhead, with a gold hoop in her nose. ;)  I am forgiving, accepting, and trying to push away a wild phase that will be much more detrimental than helpful.

Zach basically told me I'm not good enough for him.  It took him three days to do it.  Started to tell me ( Read more... )

 I don't even want to know it happened.  I knew from the start it was a bad idea, and I still went along with it.  One day I WILL learn that I do not have good ideas.  I will never have good ideas ( Read more... )

Do I do that too? To myself? Why do I try to make everything so hard on myself. Everything has to be a feat. I can't have anything easy. No, no, no. I can never have anything go well or be easy.

I have to make everything difficult.  Make everything worth so much more than maybe it is actually worth.

 I am going to be stuck in Southern California for three weeks.  I think I would rather be in Davis completely alone in MY house than have to be there for that long.  I have like five friends down there.  My dad's house is always freezing.  I have to bring Tristan home with me; Tristan does not like dogs.  My dad has a HUGE ASS black lab... who ( Read more... )

 So I had to change my number. Again. Crazy Bitch Mother to the act. Yet again.  I'm so over it.  I do not want to have anything to do with her anymore.  I'm done.  She can die alone, and I just don't want to give a damn anymore.  Stop making my life hard, I don't appreciate it ( Read more... )

 Things are progressing slowly, but surely, with Zach.  I really like him.  I like spending time with him, I like talking to him.  I like him.  I'd like things to move a little faster, but I guess I've never really been one to crawl.

Wednesday evening, I asked Zach if he was leaving before I was, if he wanted to come by and say bye.  He said sure.   ( Read more... )

 Life is good. So good ( Read more... )