After taking some time to step back, reflect, mourn I am for some reason back to share my life with the world. Or anyone bored enough to come across my livejournal and stop for two seconds to read it
( Read more... )
Hi, I know you are in a very different, happier space in your life now, but I found your old posting re: your previous engagement... I was engaged and found out very recently that the man I'd loved had been lying and deceiving me for years, and that he'd been cheating on me throughout our relationship. We had a long distance relationship for a considerable amount of time.
I know that you said you let go and let God. I am trying. I guess I am still in that very raw place where I am trying to pick up the pieces, trying to understand how I could have been so very wrong for so long. Why didn't I know this sooner? Did I know it sooner and simply delude myself? Why would someone propose marriage when they know they have no intention of being committed to it? We have one child together, and I am dreading have to have any contact with him at all. I feel betrayed and trying to heal from this so I can be what I need to be for the sake of my child. I cannot talk to him now or hear his voice at all. I just keeping thinking of how close I came to marrying a master manipulator and liar. He was living double (multiple) lives and had placed my child and I in another 'compartment' in his life, thinking that the two worlds would never meet and no one would be harmed... I am trying to replace the questions with positive actions to just move forward with my life, but I can't help replaying our whole relationship and connecting the dots where things are making a sad kind of sense now. He was not man enough to tell me about this until I had told him I knew--and then presented him with evidence. He still tried to lie about it in a sad effort to save face. I feel like I dodged a big one, but I am still very broken. I know there are things we will need to discuss, but I can't talk to him now. I am thinking of getting an additional phone so that he can just talk to our child directly and maintain his contact with her since we live so far away. I am working through the stages of grieving, and hope to come out of this stronger so I can deal.
I know that you said you let go and let God. I am trying. I guess I am still in that very raw place where I am trying to pick up the pieces, trying to understand how I could have been so very wrong for so long. Why didn't I know this sooner? Did I know it sooner and simply delude myself? Why would someone propose marriage when they know they have no intention of being committed to it? We have one child together, and I am dreading have to have any contact with him at all. I feel betrayed and trying to heal from this so I can be what I need to be for the sake of my child. I cannot talk to him now or hear his voice at all. I just keeping thinking of how close I came to marrying a master manipulator and liar. He was living double (multiple) lives and had placed my child and I in another 'compartment' in his life, thinking that the two worlds would never meet and no one would be harmed...
I am trying to replace the questions with positive actions to just move forward with my life, but I can't help replaying our whole relationship and connecting the dots where things are making a sad kind of sense now. He was not man enough to tell me about this until I had told him I knew--and then presented him with evidence. He still tried to lie about it in a sad effort to save face. I feel like I dodged a big one, but I am still very broken. I know there are things we will need to discuss, but I can't talk to him now. I am thinking of getting an additional phone so that he can just talk to our child directly and maintain his contact with her since we live so far away. I am working through the stages of grieving, and hope to come out of this stronger so I can deal.
Reply
Leave a comment