I'm soo tired...so very tired...
I feel so drained right now...from everything...school, parents, friends, dz... everything just seems to be weighing me down to no end... I'm having such anxiety and stress over school, I have so much to do and no time at all to cram all the information into my head. My parents are constantly on me about my future plans and graduation is almost here im freaking out I just dont know what to do I feel so frozen and I can't seem to figure out what to do... It's just sooo stressful...I love my friends but sometimes people get so caught up in their situations and worries that they dont bother to worry about others or realize that they are projecting how they feel into how they act... I dont like being the perosn who becomes a trash can of sorts where people dump their garbage and bad moods...I dont know Im just tired of being a 2nd thought and having to get to the point of dragging my feet before others notice something is off...Blah...
And Delta Zeta...the love of my life...I am so broken hearted...Broken hearted for my sisters in the Depauw chapter, broken hearted that other chapters feel betrayed by nationals that there is no real way to tell what happened...I feel bad for my chapter becasue now all everyone sees is that DZ has this stigma...Its just such a let down..I want to cry everytime I see the report on CNN or in the news...and tell them that it's no like that everywhere...
Today was Sean's birthday.... no one really remembers and I dont like making a big deal but its hard...it hurts...i still think of him lying in bed...I hear people talking about HIV and AIDS and I just want to yell at them and say: "youhave no clue how much something like that hurts, no clue...how much pain you feel watching one of the most important people in your life slowly die infront of you..." I miss him and his smile and his hugs and curling up in his arms...
I dont know...