Go figure...
It's weird I dont agree with my sister about alot of things but she said something really intresting today during a huge family meeting (aka huge argument) with everyone there.... We were each given our family and home enviorment outside that home enviorment we get to choose our world, our friedns, who we are....with in family we dont have that choice becasue we were born into it, it was before we ever were.... hypothetically if we were all grown in test tubes till we were adults we wouldn't necessarily ever know the people we currently have in our families because really a family is a mix of a group of people who very different presonalities...really would we be in eachothers lives...?....probablly not in some cases...
It figurs that this family dicussion happened about something dumb and endded in almost everyone crying, and just confirming the fact that I cant come back here to this house ...it's not that I dont love home, infact I love my home and family, I love sharing my home and family with everyone but I cant live in this world anymore I dont belong here anymore and I'm scared shitless that after graduation I might be forced to live here again....I mean I'm lucky soo lucky but I just can't....just thinking about it makes me sick...
I dont know right now I'm just kind of spinning...and Im not sure where I'm going to stop...Blah...I miss home or at least what has been home for the past 4 years... At least Im just confused and worried...it's not bad at all...I'm good otherwise I'm just really confused and just not settled about this...but heck life isnt going to stop and wait so we'll see what happens...I wish I was going to be back in LA for New Years I feel like Im going to be bringing this New Years in alone....again...it just sucks cuz I want to celebrate but I know it wont happen....so yah...my nose is all stuffy im going to go get a tissue I'm not sure if it's the cold or the tears...oh well...that's all for now...I'm off to AZ tommrow to sit in a hotel room....hey at least there will be room service *wink* :-)