Confused
I like to think I’m a good guy. What's sorta odd is that if you take off that "I’m a good guy" part, it's not a true statement. I mean sure, there are a couple of thoughts that I really like having, but for the most part, the more deep searching and contemplation my mind does, the crappier a lot of life seems. I'm not saying that I would prefer to be a blissful idiot, as the jury is still out in my mind on that topic, but it seems like intelligence kinda sucks at times. A good argument that's come up in my brain [don't know self debate's a blessing or a curse] is that if I were dumb, I wouldn't be nearly as cool or interesting. The more I think about it, the more it just seems like a "grass is greener" situation. I have for most of my entire life been in intellectual. I've played sports, lived a social life, been popular (some might argue that one), and done many things not associated with nerds and egg-heads, but my brain has lent itself to constant activity for the better part of my consciousness. I don't know if it's just part of the human condition or if I might be a irregular case, but I find it very, very difficult to control my mind's endeavors. A bad case of "thinking too much" has led me to feelings of envy for the ignorant and jealousy for the absent-minded. I often wonder if dumb people contemplate being smart as much as smart people contemplate being dumb. One of my favorite phrases that has stuck with me over many years is the concept of "blowing you mind out" with a concept. Every now and then, my mind will in some fashion come across a major idea or concept that I will consider fundamental to existence, something so important to remember that my mind actually pauses to focus on it, encapsulating my attention entirely. I have only been lucky enough to have a handful of these experiences so far in life, and I look forward to having more. I think that might be a good enough reason to appreciate my intelligence, but the real reason I do continue to develop and strengthen my mind is simple: women.